9.6.07

An Education on a Place of Education...





The school year is starting again, and I'm left with one basic thought this year:

I'm pretty confident that I'm the only person in Orange County who didn't attend USC.

Nope--instead of spending four years dodging bullets in Watts, I spent four years dodging bullets in Tacoma.





The University of Puget Sound gave me the four best years of my life, and I feel like I owe the school something--so this is my attempt.

Nobody can mirror another person's college experience, so comparison is difficult. Even transfer students only shine light on the academic differences, because their social expierence is more similar to a foreign-exchange-student than a regular member of the student body. (Yes, I've dipped to the point that I'm making fun of transfer students...) In my view, very college/university is defined by the existence of (or lack there of) weaknesses.


No school is perfect:



Harvard's weather sucks.


Santa Clara doesn't have a football team.


Arizona State has accepted kids who wrote "Skipping Class" on the hobby-line of their application.

The real test however becomes how the student-body/alumni deals with these weaknesses--and I tend to think UPS handles them pretty well.

Let's look at a few common inferiority complexes:

"My school is tougher than yours." This is a funny one--because nobody has heard of UPS (in fact most people think it is made-up) they assume that it isn't a very tough school. The truth is quite simply that it is an extraordinarily challenging school. Every freak transfer student I knew there was overwhelmed with the workload--despite many of them transfering from so-called "Top Tier" universities. But for some reason, UPS students run from this argument like a Thai-hooker with an Adam's apple. I haven't figured out why, but we just let people assume that their school was more difficult than ours and just give each other the 'Logger Nod', knowing that we're a little better off than people make us out to be.

"Dude--nobody parties like we do!" I love this. People at traditional "Party Schools" actually try to make the argument that their school is more fun than ours. Really? It was? What did you have at your parties? Beer? Liquor? Dancing? People hooking up claiming alcohol as an excuse? You're totally right---we had none of that. I don't even know what you're talking about.
Regardless--again---UPS just lets people go on this one.





"Your sports suck" Yup, they do. But I'm a four-year letterman in an an NCAA sport, how did your athletic career turn out??? (Okay--maybe we're a LITTLE sensitive on this one...)




But in general--I tend to think that the attitudes of UPS alumni mirror that of the campus--relaxed, accepting, unassuming. We really don't feel the need to brag or boast---we understand that nobody is going to see the beauty in things like Tacoma, Baker Dogs and turning "BEACH" into a human litter-box...


HOWEVER...

We do have one tendency that takes obnoxious to dangerous levels...

We. Don't. Like. Outsiders.

Seriously---we are fine when we're in someone else's circle, but if someone dares enter ours, we're just not that nice. Whatever the defense mechanism: inside jokes, preferential treatment--or just plain rudeness---UPS people are TERRIBLE at letting people into their groups.





I wrote this top ten list about a year ago and thought it was applicable:



September 28, 2006





Top Ten Ways to Pop the UPS Bubble


It is homecoming week at the University of Puget Sound. Each year, alumni hoping to rekindle the lives they once had return to see their old haunts, and rebuild old friendships.
Well...that's all true except the friendships part. We all know what everyone else is doing at all times--STILL. We're the most esoteric, exclusionary bunch of a-holes the world has ever found--and we make it virtually impossible for people who didn't go to UPS to be our friends.

That said, here are ten ways that it is POSSIBLE to break in...

10. Hooking-up with a Logger: You're the random dude that Logger X has been hooking up with. You meet them, and UPS people at a bar and expect them to be friendly. They will not be. They'll just stare and wonder why Logger X is outside the bubble instead of continuing the incestious-pool that we've been swimming in since we were 18. I should ammend this a bit: if you're a girl hooking up with a UPS guy, guys will be nice to you. Girls will hate you, but guys will be nice to you. But if you're a dude, hooking up with a girl that went to UPS, you may as well quit trying---we could meet you randomly while you're carrying a sign that reads, "David Koresh had some good ideas." and we'd be more likely to be your friend.

9. New to Town: Loggers are big on intros, not on follow-through. Someone becomes friends with Logger X who has moved outside the bubble. (Bubbles exist in Seattle, Portland, San Francisco--and some small patches elsewhere.) When the out-of-town friend happens to move to a Logger-hot-zone, Logger X asks some other Loggers to take him/her under their wing. This will last exactly one night. And it won't be fun. If you are from out-of-town and are relying on UPS people for your new social circle, just do yourself a favor and step into traffic.

8. Random Friend: Loggers will mingle outside the bubble--but only in a one-on-one basis. Maybe they met you at a bar, or the gym, and maybe the two of you have met up for beers. But your first meeting with Logger X's friends will be your last. Sorry.

7. Work Friend: Meeting up with work friends and trying to mix that with a meeting of Loggers is like inviting oil to mix with water. It ain't going to happen. That said--there are probably more work-based friends that have sneaked into the circle than any of the other designations. I salute you, Work Friends. Your perseverence precedes you.


6. High School Friend, Level I: You're still close with Logger X, and occasionally you're around other Loggers. If you leave it at that, you'll be fine. None of them will ever call you, but you'll be at least tolerated when the worlds collide. Just don't dance with any of our women or try to stand in a circle of us unless Logger X is with you. This will be grounds for immediate banishment.

5. Other UPS Circle: Not only do Loggers take superiority against non-Loggers, they also take superiority against other groups of Loggers. It just so happens that one person in Logger Group X is friends with someone in Logger Group Y. In this rare case, Logger Y is allowed--but if he brings any of his friends with him, he'll be dismissed faster than Suge Knight at a KKK rally.

4. Dating a Logger: It is generally frowned-upon, so you have to give it six months or so. Once it is clear that we've lost someone to the outside world, in an attempt to bring that Logger back, we'll allow them to bring their significant other along. If, and ONLY IF that significant other respects his/her six month probation period POST-INTRODUCTION-TO-THE-GROUP (one year into relationship) they could quickly be moved to pseudo-Logger status, and may even end up in a few Loggers' cell phones. Patience is the key here...we don't like the idea of you, but if you pay your dues, you may be accepted.

3. Roommate of a Logger: Great opportunity for rapport here...because of natural tv-time-with-other-Loggers. Similar probationary period to dating a Logger, but since you're not technically robbing from the breeding-pool, it is a much shorter probation. After 45 days, you're allowed week-night hang-outs, and with good behavior, after 3 months, you can achieve weekend status. However--this is probably the most-tempermental entry. If you succeed, you're golden. If you fail, you'll not only lose the opportunity to hang out with a bunch of people who constantly mention their private-school-education, you'll also lose your roommate--as the Loggers will not allow him/her to stay.

2. High School Friend, Level II: A McCaw if you will? Someone who has maintained best-friend-status with a Logger and manages to just be around so much that they're eventually accepted. No probationary period. Immediate cell phone status. Just bear in mind--your link is through Logger X...if you stray to other Loggers and your relationship with Logger X is strained, the whole house of cards begins to crumble. You're still but a Padawan in the larger empire--don't push your luck too much.

1. Sibling of a Logger: This is by far the easiest entry, but is a controversial one. Siblings have a tendency to immediately try to mix their group with Loggers---and as we've discussed, that is STRICTLY taboo. If you are a sibling, and have a friend you would like to bring in, there is a chain of command. First, they must become close to your sibling, Logger X. Then, they must be chummy with Logger X's two best friends, Logger Y and Logger Z. Once achieving this status (which would be "Random Friend +") they can be entered into the larger group, with the understanding that, as a friend of a sibling of a Logger, they'll never achieve pseudo-Logger status--even if the sibling has. It is the disregard for this chain-of-command that generally costs siblings their pseudo-logger status, and potentially their lives if Kyle Maloy is the Logger they offend.

Back to the norm...

I realized that I'm three days into transforming from Anakin to Vader and I have barely written about sports...so a few notes.

Where were you...

-When Barry Bonds broke the all-time home run record last night??

-(In more relevant news) When Mark Ellis became the all-time Oakland A's home run leader for second basemen? I mean--he's passed such immortals as Tony Phillips and Mike Gallego. I will absolutely tell my children about this day.

Predictions...

Yes, I look stupid right now for picking Michigan (although they still have as good a chance to make a BCS game as they did a week ago) but...

Some of my other picks are looking pretty good.

Baseball---
-I picked they Yankees. Yeah, it lacks creativity, but nobody else did. How do they look right now? How would you like your team to be in a situation where all they need to sweep through the playoffs is to get Roger Clemens pitching well?? That's about as sure a thing as Tara Reid after three grams of yao.

-The WNBA--how is my finals prediction looking??? Pretty good, huh?
(For those that don't remember--my pick for the WNBA Finals was that people still wouldn't care about women's sports.)

And on the subject of college...

Read this article about the laws of being a college football fan.



And I'd also add these (a little closer to my heart):


22b. If you're a fan of the University of Washington you're only required to know the words to 'Tequila'.

22c. If you're a University of Puget Sound fan and are playing Simon Frasier, all opportunities to sing the fight song are replaced with chants of "USA, USA"!


58. You're not allowed to say "he's doing all of the right things" about a coach who is rebuilding the program unless you played football at a college level or higher.

b. And even then you're not allowed to do it about Tyrone Willingham.



59. You cannot yell obscenities at the game if there are children within 30 ft. of you.

b. Unless you are Swearing Man.

c. "Cheaters!" is always an appropriate heckle to replace swearing.

d. Blasphemy is never acceptable at a sporting event, unless you're playing BYU, Notre Dame or PLU, under which case, "God hates you!" is fair game.



60. If you are an alum of the school you're rooting for and clearly less of a fan than someone who is not an alum of that school, he is your superior.



61. Washington State fans are allowed to chant their fight song as much as they like because "Washington", "State", and "Cougs" are the only three words they know how to spell.



62. If you went to one school in a state, grew up a fan of another, and then conveniently migrated your loyalties to the one whose campus is in your hometown when they were winning, and that hometown happens to border Idaho, you are a bandwagoning communist.

b. And you went to five years of high school.



63. Yelling, "Loggers--WOOO!" is appropriate at any time, so long as you're not doing it to emulate the UPS Quarterback who preceded you.

64. If you have never lived in the city of Boise and say that you're a Boise State fan, nobody believes you and your friends get to punish you.
a. If you own any BSU clothing, they get to steal your most valued possession.
b. If you've ever uttered the phrase, "The game is on." in regard to a Boise State game, they get to smash that same item.
c. If you've ever said, "We" about Boise State, they get to shove that smashed valued item up your ass.

65. Everyone gets an SEC team to root for, but it can't be Florida.
a. And LSU doesn't require much creativity.

66. If College Gameday visits your favorite school's game and you don't go, you're no longer allowed to watch college football.
a. And if you hold up a sign that says, "Desmond Howard is gay." you are hereby named "Fan of the Day."

NFL Predictions

I've avoided NFL Picks because of the Fantasy Situation---I don't want to tip my hand, so I'll do speed picks so they're on record:

AFC:
West: San Diego
North: Ravens
South: Indianapolis
East: Patriots (I know...I've really got my balls on the line thus far.)

Wild Cards: Broncos, Dolphins (I've just got a hunch that they're the surprise team this year...)

Winner: Colts

NFC:

West: Seattle (Barely.)
North: Chicago
South: New Orleans
East: Dallas
Wild Cards: 49ers, Packers (I didn't go ALL favorites...)

Winner: Dallas

Super Game: Colts

MVP: Manning
Rookie of the Year: Marshawn Lynch
Most Improved Player: Jason Whitten
Comeback: Trent Green
Flop: McNabb and the Eagles (or so I hope...)

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