Happy Halloween.
Isn't it a little trite to say "Happy Halloween" as though it is a real holiday? Screw Halloween.
LA Preminition...
I haven't been in Southern California that long, but I've realized something about the LA media and the sports fans that rely on them for information.
The media is very good and the fans are very apathetic...therefore what the media says, inevitably comes to be.
Want proof?
-Kobe Bryant was booed at last night's season opener after the media whole-heartedly endorsed his being traded.
-Joe Torre will be named Dodger's manager before the end of the week because the LA Times suggested that he may be a better fit than Grady Little.
-Alex Rodriguez will be either a Dodger or an Angel because the media has created a large enough uprising from the fans that the team that DOESN'T get him will be outcast.
But here is the big one--just breaking this week...
Karl Dorrell is out...Rick Neuheisal is in.
That's right--Tricky Ricky will be back in the Pac-10 next year, only this time at his alma mater.
Here's the thing--I love the University of Washington. I wouldn't root against them if they were playing a team comprised of 22 Jesuses. But I will be at the UW-UCLA game next year (even if I'm living in Kenya) and look forward to the result?
Why?
Because Washington will still be coached by the most-overhyped, under-qualified coach in NCAA history, and they'll be playing against the coach that they made the tragic mistake of forcing out.
So despite hoping that Washington wins that game, I'm going to walk out of the stadium with my head held high after seeing Neuheisal beat Washington by 200 points because any university stupid enough not to fire Tyrone Willingham DESERVES IT.
Eureka
So I thought long and hard, read about every possible industry and profession—and I’ve finally realized that the thing that I loathe the most is going to be what I make my mark at. That thing:
Reality television.
So here is my idea:
I’m going to follow-up on the popularity of Dateline’s “To Catch a Predator” and start my own show, entitled, “So Your Brother is a Pervert”…(working title…)
The Premise:
Very similar to the original show in the beginnings. We’ll have a team of coffee-drinking, beard-having, late-80s-toirtoise-shell-square-glasses-wearing guys pretending to be teenage girls on the interweb, chatting with whomever they can.
When they find a guy who is particularly perverted, they send him to the designated house, where he’ll enter, hear the voice of an actress saying, “I’ll be right out” but here’s where it changes—instead of Chris Hansen walking out—I walk out.
The Plot:
So I’ll be there with the guys and I’ll begin to do what Chris Hansen does—make them uncomfortable, read some of the things they wrote—and then start throwing in accusations to really spook them out…
“You told the girl that you wanted her to read you Charlotte’s Web and emphasize that all of the characters were nude…”
“You mentioned that you were into role-playing and that you wanted this girl whom you thought was 15 to pretend she was a 39-year-old divorcee…”
“You said you were Guatemalan—but you’re actually Panamanian, aren’t you?”
“You wanted the girl to cover her nipples so she looked more like the Barbies you used to steal from your younger sister and stare at…”
“Your family tree is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong…”
At this point, the pervert gets freaked and bolts for the door where a group of fake police officers pretend to detain him. Because they’re not real cops, they don’t have to worry about police brutality, and they just absolutely beat the snot out of him. (Humor--CHECK. Belittling of random people--CHECK. Questionably legal violence--CHECK!)
Then the fake police drive him into the crappiest part of town and into an unmarked building…
The Climax:
When he goes into the building, expecting to get booked for solicitation of a minor, he walks into the dark room and…
“SURPRISE!!!!”
His whole family, all of his friends, his employer, and every ex-girlfriend he’s ever had are waiting there for him, throwing a party, celebrating the fact that they get to make fun of him for the rest of his life for this.
Then I walk around interviewing all of the family and friends and get awesome quotes…such as:
From his uncle:
“I always wanted a nephew who could set me up with underage chicks.”
From his mother:
“He’s been so dedicated to this for so long…I’m glad he finally got to meet a nice young girl.”
From his 15-year-old sister:
“No, I don’t feel uncomfortable having girls to spend the night at the house, even though he’s there—he’s always giving us grape juice and these little blue candy pills—all my friends really like him.”
From his ex-girlfriend:
“I only came because I thought he finally got arrested and I’d have a reason to be attracted to him again. I’m out of here…”
Oh yeah—and the fake police will be male strippers.
I got one GREAT email yesterday and would love to do a mailbag--keep em coming: mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
10.29.07
Complaints…
I received a complaint Friday that my blog had grown tiresome. The reader mentioned that quality had fallen, and my insistence on taking days off was irritating.
A couple of thoughts here:
1) Quality hasn’t been great lately. The fires in Southern California have pretty much bound me to my apartment, which obviously reduces the amount of time I with the general public—which in turn reduces the amount of fodder I have to create complaints about said public. I’m writing this on a plane from Minneapolis back to Orange County—so with hope, the air-quality has improved, and I can resume observing the world’s most moronic species.
2) This was never meant to be a daily production. The problem is that without a tracking-mechanism on blogger, I have no idea who is reading and who isn’t. Therefore—I fear that taking days off will make people forget to check the blog, and readership will plummet.
Conversely…by not taking days off, the quality of the writing falls dramatically. So it is po-tay-toe, toe-ma-toe really…
3) Until people start telling me what they want to read about, I’m going to continue to produce the same illogical, scatterbrained drivel that you’ve been reading lately. Does everyone know my email address by heart at this point? If not, you’re a moron.
Shame…
Shame that the Red Sox won last night for two reasons.
1. We have to listen to a year’s worth of the most-irritating fans in the world saying that “’We’ won the World Series!”
2. I didn’t get to make the joke that I had planned for today’s blog, which was:
“Rumor has it that the Rockies have asked John Denver to perform double-duty tonight, both singing the National Anthem and doing the pre-game fly-by.”
Judgment Day
I know that the Bible says that we’re not supposed to go around judging people—and that we should leave that up to God…but that doesn’t mean we can’t make guesses as to who will be judged, right? I mean—Vegas odds-makers don’t determine the outcome of sporting events (theoretically) but they still make educated guesses as to how those outcomes will play out. So I’m going to go ahead and give myself a pass, as I offer you a list of people that, assuming there is no point-shaving going on, are headed straight to a fire-drenched existence. Here goes:
Hotel bartenders: I’m not talking about the guys in Vegas flipping bottles and scoring phone-numbers from recent-divorcees—but rather “Joe” the guy who works at the Marriott in the business park and has the education of a doorstop. I don’t have any concrete evidence to back this up, but I’ve heard a statistic that 95% of the episodes of Law and Order SVU were written about hotel bartenders, but were changed for television to eliminate monotony. I mean—think about it. They know precisely how much everyone has had to drink, they can generally infer whether they’re traveling alone or not—and oh yeah—THEY HAVE YOUR ROOM NUMBER! (Girls and effeminate men—just remember to use the security lock next time you have a couple of appletinis in the lobby bar.)
People that still pay cash for gasoline: Let’s think about this for a second: You have the opportunity to take advantage of perhaps the greatest technological advance of the past 2,000 years (the credit-card swipe at the gas-tank) and you pass it up to pay cash. Anyone who wants to avoid credit-cards that much obviously has a reason for it---not to mention that gas prices have reached a point where if you are carrying enough cash to pay for a full tank, you are clearly a drug-dealer.
Mr. Spacely, Owner, Spacely Space Sprockets: Just for what he’s done over the years to poor George Jetson. One day he promotes George to Vice President, and the next day he takes the position away (which from an organizational standpoint is ridiculous, because I’ve never seen any evidence that Spacely Space Sprockets has employees other than Spacely, Jetson and Spacely’s robot secretary). At this point, George has been tossed more times than the football at a Trinity game.
(Note: some will argue that The Jetsons is fictional. Others will argue that it is a cartoon. Even more will argue that it hasn’t produced new episodes in about thirty years…but to these naysayers, I say: “Screw that—Spacely’s a prick.”)
(Second Note: Youtube gives "suggested links" after you bring up a search. Am I the only person who after typing in, "trinity football" received a suggested link entitled, "sex porn breasts sexy girls boobs tits breasts nude"? I normally don't print that kind of thing...but that is HILARIOUS)
People that get in a “down” elevator and press a floor that requires them to go up and then complains about it: This offense to humanity is particularly heinous. I have no doubt that the dwellings for these people will sit right between Adolf Hitler and Ty Cobb…
There is no correlation of criminal activity on this one, but if you’re old (and seemingly intelligent) enough to ride an elevator alone, I’d hope that you’ve mastered the concept of “Up and Down”. And the most-pathetic thing about these people is that they’re generally traveling with someone! The conversations are priceless:
Them (to nobody in general): Why are we going down?
You: I…uh…don’t know?
(Then you reach your floor…)
Them (to their traveling partner: Jeez…we were on well before him, why did it go to his floor?
As though you cut in line!
Here’s the proper way to answer the next time someone poses that question:
Them: Why are we going down?
You: BECAUSE GOD HATES YOU!
People who drink Dr. Pepper: REALLY? You had a choice of eleven sodas, water, milk, thirteen types of flavored water and you chose Dr. Effing Pepper? (Right now people that drink the soda designed for kids who wore their scout uniforms to elementary school are confused…let me clarify…)
Dr. Pepper and the Job Interview:
Interviewer: Can I get you anything to drink? Coffee, water, soda?
Interviewee: Dr. Pepper would be great.
Interviewer: Thanks for coming in…we’ll let you know.
Dr. Pepper and the Blind Date:
Guy: Would you like something to drink?
Girl: Sure—what are you having?
Guy: I’ll probably have a Dr. Pepper.
(Silence as girl is text-messaging the police under the table.)
Al Gore: I realize that “taking credit for the actions and ideas of others” isn’t one of the Ten Commandments, but that is only because “The Eleven Commandments” would have sounded stupid.
Airline executives: Why? This is an actual transcript from a meeting of the heads of Alaska, Northwest and American Airlines about ten years ago:
“Next on the agenda…Partnership. Okay guys—here’s the idea: we’ll tell everyone that we’re ‘partner’ airlines, so when someone is traveling outside our range they’ll feel the necessity of flying the other guys’ airline because all American travelers are slaves to their frequent-flyer plans. But here’s the kicker—if they book a flight through our airline and it is on the other guys’ plane, not only will we not treat them with the level of service that they come to expect from their home airline, we’ll treat them as though they are completely stupid and worthless to us—which of course they are! Plus—we’ll save money in paying for employee therapy bills because we’ll just have them focus all of their hate and anger on the other guys’ customers! All in favor?”
“YEA”
“All opposed?”
(Silence)
The Owners of the MALL OF AMERICA: Billy and I checked this place out for a couple of hours on Friday…unbelievable. It has EVERYTHING there that could force you to spend money and stay for a VERY long time. It’s like Vegas, only subtle. I mean—I never would have left, but I couldn’t find a store selling heroin and I needed a fix…
Non-soldiers/hunters who wear camouflage: Does anyone else see the ridiculous irony in the fact that the style centers on the idea that people will wear garments designed to blend in with the surroundings in an effort to stand out?
The guy in seat 4C who is presently eating a delicious-looking Dove Ice Cream Bar while I sit one row behind him, but in coach, starving as I listen to Lionel Richie on my IPOD: Because screw that guy…
McFly’s Top Ten
1. Boston College: They’re still undefeated and just beat Virginia Tech in what was probably the worst game and best finish of the season thus far. If they can realize that Florida State is no longer worthy of fearing, they should coast to the National Championship and deservedly-so.
2. Ohio State: I’m still holding out hope that they’re going to lose one of these last few games and fall somewhere around 20th in the country…but we’re running out of chances QUICKLY. (By the way…between the blunders of the Fed-Ex Cup, the Rockies-Diamondbacks NLCS and the potential of a Boston College-Ohio State National Championship Game, the prices of advertising on television sporting events have dropped dramatically. In fact, I just scored 5 straight minutes of air-time during the Super Bowl for a 1989 Fleer Willie McGee card.)
3. LSU: The best team…but they’ve got a loss.
4. Oregon: The OTHER best team…but they’ve got a loss.
5. Arizona State: If they run the table, it will mean that in the next month, they’ll knock-off Oregon and USC (after beating Cal handily Saturday night) and I still don’t see a scenario where they can jump LSU. Shame.
6. Oklahoma: They may as well stop playing…they can’t recover from the Nebraska loss—there just isn’t enough competition in the Big 12 to vault them forward.
7. Kansas: Again…the curse of the Big 12—except worse because they’re undefeated…
8. Missouri: (See two above…maybe I made a mistake somewhere…)
9. Hawaii: They’re not a top ten team, but everyone else has 7 losses…
10. West Virginia: So they’re now in a battle with UConn for the Big East title…they play November 24. I may not skip the Apple Cup to watch that game.
Current Projected National Championship Game: Boston College vs. Oregon
I received a complaint Friday that my blog had grown tiresome. The reader mentioned that quality had fallen, and my insistence on taking days off was irritating.
A couple of thoughts here:
1) Quality hasn’t been great lately. The fires in Southern California have pretty much bound me to my apartment, which obviously reduces the amount of time I with the general public—which in turn reduces the amount of fodder I have to create complaints about said public. I’m writing this on a plane from Minneapolis back to Orange County—so with hope, the air-quality has improved, and I can resume observing the world’s most moronic species.
2) This was never meant to be a daily production. The problem is that without a tracking-mechanism on blogger, I have no idea who is reading and who isn’t. Therefore—I fear that taking days off will make people forget to check the blog, and readership will plummet.
Conversely…by not taking days off, the quality of the writing falls dramatically. So it is po-tay-toe, toe-ma-toe really…
3) Until people start telling me what they want to read about, I’m going to continue to produce the same illogical, scatterbrained drivel that you’ve been reading lately. Does everyone know my email address by heart at this point? If not, you’re a moron.
Shame…
Shame that the Red Sox won last night for two reasons.
1. We have to listen to a year’s worth of the most-irritating fans in the world saying that “’We’ won the World Series!”
2. I didn’t get to make the joke that I had planned for today’s blog, which was:
“Rumor has it that the Rockies have asked John Denver to perform double-duty tonight, both singing the National Anthem and doing the pre-game fly-by.”
Judgment Day
I know that the Bible says that we’re not supposed to go around judging people—and that we should leave that up to God…but that doesn’t mean we can’t make guesses as to who will be judged, right? I mean—Vegas odds-makers don’t determine the outcome of sporting events (theoretically) but they still make educated guesses as to how those outcomes will play out. So I’m going to go ahead and give myself a pass, as I offer you a list of people that, assuming there is no point-shaving going on, are headed straight to a fire-drenched existence. Here goes:
Hotel bartenders: I’m not talking about the guys in Vegas flipping bottles and scoring phone-numbers from recent-divorcees—but rather “Joe” the guy who works at the Marriott in the business park and has the education of a doorstop. I don’t have any concrete evidence to back this up, but I’ve heard a statistic that 95% of the episodes of Law and Order SVU were written about hotel bartenders, but were changed for television to eliminate monotony. I mean—think about it. They know precisely how much everyone has had to drink, they can generally infer whether they’re traveling alone or not—and oh yeah—THEY HAVE YOUR ROOM NUMBER! (Girls and effeminate men—just remember to use the security lock next time you have a couple of appletinis in the lobby bar.)
People that still pay cash for gasoline: Let’s think about this for a second: You have the opportunity to take advantage of perhaps the greatest technological advance of the past 2,000 years (the credit-card swipe at the gas-tank) and you pass it up to pay cash. Anyone who wants to avoid credit-cards that much obviously has a reason for it---not to mention that gas prices have reached a point where if you are carrying enough cash to pay for a full tank, you are clearly a drug-dealer.
Mr. Spacely, Owner, Spacely Space Sprockets: Just for what he’s done over the years to poor George Jetson. One day he promotes George to Vice President, and the next day he takes the position away (which from an organizational standpoint is ridiculous, because I’ve never seen any evidence that Spacely Space Sprockets has employees other than Spacely, Jetson and Spacely’s robot secretary). At this point, George has been tossed more times than the football at a Trinity game.
(Note: some will argue that The Jetsons is fictional. Others will argue that it is a cartoon. Even more will argue that it hasn’t produced new episodes in about thirty years…but to these naysayers, I say: “Screw that—Spacely’s a prick.”)
(Second Note: Youtube gives "suggested links" after you bring up a search. Am I the only person who after typing in, "trinity football" received a suggested link entitled, "sex porn breasts sexy girls boobs tits breasts nude"? I normally don't print that kind of thing...but that is HILARIOUS)
People that get in a “down” elevator and press a floor that requires them to go up and then complains about it: This offense to humanity is particularly heinous. I have no doubt that the dwellings for these people will sit right between Adolf Hitler and Ty Cobb…
There is no correlation of criminal activity on this one, but if you’re old (and seemingly intelligent) enough to ride an elevator alone, I’d hope that you’ve mastered the concept of “Up and Down”. And the most-pathetic thing about these people is that they’re generally traveling with someone! The conversations are priceless:
Them (to nobody in general): Why are we going down?
You: I…uh…don’t know?
(Then you reach your floor…)
Them (to their traveling partner: Jeez…we were on well before him, why did it go to his floor?
As though you cut in line!
Here’s the proper way to answer the next time someone poses that question:
Them: Why are we going down?
You: BECAUSE GOD HATES YOU!
People who drink Dr. Pepper: REALLY? You had a choice of eleven sodas, water, milk, thirteen types of flavored water and you chose Dr. Effing Pepper? (Right now people that drink the soda designed for kids who wore their scout uniforms to elementary school are confused…let me clarify…)
Dr. Pepper and the Job Interview:
Interviewer: Can I get you anything to drink? Coffee, water, soda?
Interviewee: Dr. Pepper would be great.
Interviewer: Thanks for coming in…we’ll let you know.
Dr. Pepper and the Blind Date:
Guy: Would you like something to drink?
Girl: Sure—what are you having?
Guy: I’ll probably have a Dr. Pepper.
(Silence as girl is text-messaging the police under the table.)
Al Gore: I realize that “taking credit for the actions and ideas of others” isn’t one of the Ten Commandments, but that is only because “The Eleven Commandments” would have sounded stupid.
Airline executives: Why? This is an actual transcript from a meeting of the heads of Alaska, Northwest and American Airlines about ten years ago:
“Next on the agenda…Partnership. Okay guys—here’s the idea: we’ll tell everyone that we’re ‘partner’ airlines, so when someone is traveling outside our range they’ll feel the necessity of flying the other guys’ airline because all American travelers are slaves to their frequent-flyer plans. But here’s the kicker—if they book a flight through our airline and it is on the other guys’ plane, not only will we not treat them with the level of service that they come to expect from their home airline, we’ll treat them as though they are completely stupid and worthless to us—which of course they are! Plus—we’ll save money in paying for employee therapy bills because we’ll just have them focus all of their hate and anger on the other guys’ customers! All in favor?”
“YEA”
“All opposed?”
(Silence)
The Owners of the MALL OF AMERICA: Billy and I checked this place out for a couple of hours on Friday…unbelievable. It has EVERYTHING there that could force you to spend money and stay for a VERY long time. It’s like Vegas, only subtle. I mean—I never would have left, but I couldn’t find a store selling heroin and I needed a fix…
Non-soldiers/hunters who wear camouflage: Does anyone else see the ridiculous irony in the fact that the style centers on the idea that people will wear garments designed to blend in with the surroundings in an effort to stand out?
The guy in seat 4C who is presently eating a delicious-looking Dove Ice Cream Bar while I sit one row behind him, but in coach, starving as I listen to Lionel Richie on my IPOD: Because screw that guy…
McFly’s Top Ten
1. Boston College: They’re still undefeated and just beat Virginia Tech in what was probably the worst game and best finish of the season thus far. If they can realize that Florida State is no longer worthy of fearing, they should coast to the National Championship and deservedly-so.
2. Ohio State: I’m still holding out hope that they’re going to lose one of these last few games and fall somewhere around 20th in the country…but we’re running out of chances QUICKLY. (By the way…between the blunders of the Fed-Ex Cup, the Rockies-Diamondbacks NLCS and the potential of a Boston College-Ohio State National Championship Game, the prices of advertising on television sporting events have dropped dramatically. In fact, I just scored 5 straight minutes of air-time during the Super Bowl for a 1989 Fleer Willie McGee card.)
3. LSU: The best team…but they’ve got a loss.
4. Oregon: The OTHER best team…but they’ve got a loss.
5. Arizona State: If they run the table, it will mean that in the next month, they’ll knock-off Oregon and USC (after beating Cal handily Saturday night) and I still don’t see a scenario where they can jump LSU. Shame.
6. Oklahoma: They may as well stop playing…they can’t recover from the Nebraska loss—there just isn’t enough competition in the Big 12 to vault them forward.
7. Kansas: Again…the curse of the Big 12—except worse because they’re undefeated…
8. Missouri: (See two above…maybe I made a mistake somewhere…)
9. Hawaii: They’re not a top ten team, but everyone else has 7 losses…
10. West Virginia: So they’re now in a battle with UConn for the Big East title…they play November 24. I may not skip the Apple Cup to watch that game.
Current Projected National Championship Game: Boston College vs. Oregon
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
10.25.07
Fire Update
Sorry for such a morose posting yesterday---but it is pretty depressing out here.
Today is better. There is noticeably more humidity in the air and the wind is virtually non-existent--so yesterday's progress should be able to continue into today.
That said--my office is still uninhabitable. I was in there for 15 minutes this morning and I feel like I've smoked about 30 cigarettes. It is just foul...
Hand Modeling
Am I the only person who saw the gloves on the woman singing "America the Beautiful" at the World Series game last night? I realize the game had been long since decided at that point, but this was mind-blowing.
It appeared as though she asked if she could wear gloves, someone said no, and she put on a flesh-colored, plasticy glove--and went to the trouble of putting rings and a bracelet on it!
I can't find a picture--so if anyone does, email it to me and I'll link it on here...but it looked like she borrowed it from the Bubble Boy. (Which stands to question...who do you think the "Moops" are rooting for in this series??)
Just a Thought
Have I mentioned recently how fond I am of denim pants?
Not jeans.
Denim pants.
The were "fashionable" in the late 80s and early 90s, but some people just haven't quite got the memo. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, I could only find a kiddie version online...but you get the idea...)
Picks
No blog tomorrow, as I'll be flying to Minnesota for my friend Matt's traditional Mexican wedding.
Huge weekend of games...here goes nothing...
#2 Boston College at #8 Virginia Tech
This whole "pick on Wednesday night" thing is really going to inhibit my ability to perfectly predict the Thursday Night games...
I've been saying Virginia Tech is awful all year, but I have a feeling they're going to be up for this game. That said--I can't go against what I've been going with all year...
BC: 20-10
#1 Ohio State at #25 Penn State
Joe Pa's brain hasn't received its normal electronic-current since Ki-Jana Carter was considering a "sure-thing" in the NFL...fortunately for him, Ohio State's offense was designed in an Aztec Temple. In a white-out...
Penn State: 20-17
#21 California at #4 Arizona State
I can't see Cal losing three in a row, and Arizona State has been the football version of the guy who is walking around a party hitting-on other guy's girlfriends...just ASKING to be clocked. But you never pick against a streak and there are two working together on this game...
ASU: 42-34
#12 USC at #5 Oregon
1. Autzen is the toughest place in the Pac-10 to play.
2. Oregon has looked better than anyone but USC this year.
3. USC has looked awful all year.
4. USC hasn't picked a quarterback yet.
5. USC has two starting offensive linemen who won't make the trip.
6. Oregon put up approximately 11,000 yards of rushing against Washington last week.
So why am I so petrified to pick Oregon?
Oregon: 31-17.
#7 West Virginia at Rutgers
ESPN could promise that at some point in the third quarter of this game that Kirstie Alley will be shot at midfield, and I still wouldn't tune in to watch two teams miss tackles all day.
Rutgers: 38-28.
#9 Kansas at Texas A&M
This seems like an easy upset-pick, but A&M hasn't looked good since they were "College Station" on the original Bill Walsh College Football game on the Sega.
Kansas: 34-20.
#10 South Florida at #23 UConn
I think South Florida is for real. I think UConn is a misprint.
SFU: 28-6.
#11 Florida at #18 Georgia
The Heisman race becomes a little more clear...
Florida: 41-21.
Iowa State at #13 Missouri
I'll continue to be skeptical of Missouri until I can spell the name of their state without spell-check...but it is Iowa State!
Missouri: 1-0.
Mississippi State at #14 Kentucky
Kentucky is for real...while someone on my softball team is "foreal"...
Kentucky: 42-17.
#15 Virginia at NC State
Howie Long's son is being called the "best player in the country" by many experts...but I think that he'll forever remain in the shadow of his father's success on Tecmo Bowl.
Virginia: 24-6.
#16 South Carolina at Tennessee
It isn't entirely unlikely that every single team in the SEC finishes the season 7-5...
Tennessee: 20-14.
Nebraska at #19 Texas
There hasn't been a bigger collision between failures since Jim Belushi ran his car into the factory producing Michael Jordan Cologne.
Texas: 12-9.
Minnesota at #20 Michigan
Appalachian State was bad...but if you're headed to the Big House after losing to North Dakota State, you're probably not going to be favored...
Michigan: 38-10.
Mississippi at #22 Auburn
I have nothing intelligent nor witty to say about this game.
Auburn: 27-7.
New Mexico State at #17 Hawaii
Eventually Hawaii will blow someone out...
Hawaii: 134-14.
Need some McFly-love this weekend? email me: mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Sorry for such a morose posting yesterday---but it is pretty depressing out here.
Today is better. There is noticeably more humidity in the air and the wind is virtually non-existent--so yesterday's progress should be able to continue into today.
That said--my office is still uninhabitable. I was in there for 15 minutes this morning and I feel like I've smoked about 30 cigarettes. It is just foul...
Hand Modeling
Am I the only person who saw the gloves on the woman singing "America the Beautiful" at the World Series game last night? I realize the game had been long since decided at that point, but this was mind-blowing.
It appeared as though she asked if she could wear gloves, someone said no, and she put on a flesh-colored, plasticy glove--and went to the trouble of putting rings and a bracelet on it!
I can't find a picture--so if anyone does, email it to me and I'll link it on here...but it looked like she borrowed it from the Bubble Boy. (Which stands to question...who do you think the "Moops" are rooting for in this series??)
Just a Thought
Have I mentioned recently how fond I am of denim pants?
Not jeans.
Denim pants.
The were "fashionable" in the late 80s and early 90s, but some people just haven't quite got the memo. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, I could only find a kiddie version online...but you get the idea...)
Picks
No blog tomorrow, as I'll be flying to Minnesota for my friend Matt's traditional Mexican wedding.
Huge weekend of games...here goes nothing...
#2 Boston College at #8 Virginia Tech
This whole "pick on Wednesday night" thing is really going to inhibit my ability to perfectly predict the Thursday Night games...
I've been saying Virginia Tech is awful all year, but I have a feeling they're going to be up for this game. That said--I can't go against what I've been going with all year...
BC: 20-10
#1 Ohio State at #25 Penn State
Joe Pa's brain hasn't received its normal electronic-current since Ki-Jana Carter was considering a "sure-thing" in the NFL...fortunately for him, Ohio State's offense was designed in an Aztec Temple. In a white-out...
Penn State: 20-17
#21 California at #4 Arizona State
I can't see Cal losing three in a row, and Arizona State has been the football version of the guy who is walking around a party hitting-on other guy's girlfriends...just ASKING to be clocked. But you never pick against a streak and there are two working together on this game...
ASU: 42-34
#12 USC at #5 Oregon
1. Autzen is the toughest place in the Pac-10 to play.
2. Oregon has looked better than anyone but USC this year.
3. USC has looked awful all year.
4. USC hasn't picked a quarterback yet.
5. USC has two starting offensive linemen who won't make the trip.
6. Oregon put up approximately 11,000 yards of rushing against Washington last week.
So why am I so petrified to pick Oregon?
Oregon: 31-17.
#7 West Virginia at Rutgers
ESPN could promise that at some point in the third quarter of this game that Kirstie Alley will be shot at midfield, and I still wouldn't tune in to watch two teams miss tackles all day.
Rutgers: 38-28.
#9 Kansas at Texas A&M
This seems like an easy upset-pick, but A&M hasn't looked good since they were "College Station" on the original Bill Walsh College Football game on the Sega.
Kansas: 34-20.
#10 South Florida at #23 UConn
I think South Florida is for real. I think UConn is a misprint.
SFU: 28-6.
#11 Florida at #18 Georgia
The Heisman race becomes a little more clear...
Florida: 41-21.
Iowa State at #13 Missouri
I'll continue to be skeptical of Missouri until I can spell the name of their state without spell-check...but it is Iowa State!
Missouri: 1-0.
Mississippi State at #14 Kentucky
Kentucky is for real...while someone on my softball team is "foreal"...
Kentucky: 42-17.
#15 Virginia at NC State
Howie Long's son is being called the "best player in the country" by many experts...but I think that he'll forever remain in the shadow of his father's success on Tecmo Bowl.
Virginia: 24-6.
#16 South Carolina at Tennessee
It isn't entirely unlikely that every single team in the SEC finishes the season 7-5...
Tennessee: 20-14.
Nebraska at #19 Texas
There hasn't been a bigger collision between failures since Jim Belushi ran his car into the factory producing Michael Jordan Cologne.
Texas: 12-9.
Minnesota at #20 Michigan
Appalachian State was bad...but if you're headed to the Big House after losing to North Dakota State, you're probably not going to be favored...
Michigan: 38-10.
Mississippi at #22 Auburn
I have nothing intelligent nor witty to say about this game.
Auburn: 27-7.
New Mexico State at #17 Hawaii
Eventually Hawaii will blow someone out...
Hawaii: 134-14.
Need some McFly-love this weekend? email me: mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
10.24.07
I wrote a few things last night, but felt that they could wait for another time.
I woke this morning to a familiar image: driving on a dark road wear the beginnings of a snowstorm become clear by the flakes reflecting off of headlights.
But a simple check of the thermometer reveals that temperatures at an excess of 80 degrees (at 4:30 in the morning) I was reminded that it wasn't snow I was seeing, but rather the constant reminder of the disaster that has encompassed Southern California.
Honestly...it is getting bad.
The moon this morning was glowing in a red so deep that it appeared almost purple was awe-inspiring, but also served as a sign that the fires in the area hadn't improved over night.
I'm home now. My office, which sits a full 5 miles from the Irvine Fire, is full of smoke.
The faces of people in the office and in the gym this morning showed the fatigue of people that are living in a cloud of smoke that is so thick that it appears that it is raining from space.
We can't breathe. We can't sleep. And signs point to the ash falling from the sky remaining in the atmosphere well into the new year.
I don't want to sound like a pity-case here. I'm just a spoiled brat who is annoyed that he can't go to the beach after work. But there are nearly one million people who have been forced out of their homes--there are senior citizens and asthma patients that can't get medical attention.
The response has been as good as it can be, and Governor Schwarzenegger has been a beacon of hope for the citizens of the state--whether they agree with his political views or not. He represents the collectively positive attitude of the victims of this horrendous situation.
Sorry to be a downer this morning, but the coverage that the national broadcasts are providing is weak and I wanted to shed light on what is really going on here.
I'll be back to my normal moronic self tomorrow with hope...
I woke this morning to a familiar image: driving on a dark road wear the beginnings of a snowstorm become clear by the flakes reflecting off of headlights.
But a simple check of the thermometer reveals that temperatures at an excess of 80 degrees (at 4:30 in the morning) I was reminded that it wasn't snow I was seeing, but rather the constant reminder of the disaster that has encompassed Southern California.
Honestly...it is getting bad.
The moon this morning was glowing in a red so deep that it appeared almost purple was awe-inspiring, but also served as a sign that the fires in the area hadn't improved over night.
I'm home now. My office, which sits a full 5 miles from the Irvine Fire, is full of smoke.
The faces of people in the office and in the gym this morning showed the fatigue of people that are living in a cloud of smoke that is so thick that it appears that it is raining from space.
We can't breathe. We can't sleep. And signs point to the ash falling from the sky remaining in the atmosphere well into the new year.
I don't want to sound like a pity-case here. I'm just a spoiled brat who is annoyed that he can't go to the beach after work. But there are nearly one million people who have been forced out of their homes--there are senior citizens and asthma patients that can't get medical attention.
The response has been as good as it can be, and Governor Schwarzenegger has been a beacon of hope for the citizens of the state--whether they agree with his political views or not. He represents the collectively positive attitude of the victims of this horrendous situation.
Sorry to be a downer this morning, but the coverage that the national broadcasts are providing is weak and I wanted to shed light on what is really going on here.
I'll be back to my normal moronic self tomorrow with hope...
Monday, October 22, 2007
10.23.07
Quick Fire Update
The fire near my place is 10x as big as it was yesterday...you can't imagine the strength of these things. Thousands are displaced and many homes are now being destroyed.
I realize Southern California is probably the most-hated area in the country...but don't be afraid to throw us a little love in the prayer department...some people are in BAD.
Book Review Update
I finished Blow last week and am on to the story of the ATF agent that infiltrated The Mongols motorcycle gang. I have three other books on drug-trafficking to read...I'm think I may just review them all at once.
And on to the meat...
NBA Preview
Me writing an NBA Preview would be like Britney Spears writing a book on parenting...but since I write a preview for everything (I'll be writing my preview for the Delaware Congressional Session next week) I thought I'd give it a run.
The truth is, the NBA fascinates me. Of the professional sports, I probably spend more time reading and rereading articles about the NBA...and why? Because I WILL NOT watch a single regular-season game on television this year. I may watch a quarter here or quarter there--but i have no plans to break my five-year-run of not watching an entire game. And why? Because it is boring as hell.
The rules are so centered on the idea of one-on-one play that it is unspeakable. It is this same obsession with crap hoops that turn the NBA into a phenomenal business. One trade can actually have a tangible effect on a team.
And with that in mind...let's break it down team-by-team...
East
Atlantic Division
Boston: Without question, the most-interesting team in the league with the trio of Garnett, Pierce and Allen. I honestly think that this is a perfect combo--the three have both been on such terrible teams of late that they're going to be willing to play together. The issue is that defensively, they have more holes than the plot of The Comebacks.
(Sidebar--saw this beauty on Monday. Save a GOLD STAR PERFORMANCE by Brittany Buckner, one of the great up and comers in Hollywood, it lacked in a few places. Buckner really carries the show though...3 Stars, almost exclusively because of her...)
But I digest...
New Jersey: I just found out that Vince Carter was only 31...which means that my guess was only 26 years off. This team has aged faster than Robin Williams in Jack. They're a playoff contender despite their age, but the rule against respirators is going to inhibit Jason Kidd's performance.
New York: What were the Knicks thinking when they traded for Zach Randolph? The worst chemistry in the league and you add...uh...Zach Randolph. What do you think the conversation between Isiah and the ownership was like on that one? It reminds me of that conversation between Col. Jessup and Lt. Col. Markinson. "We should trade for Zach Randolph...yes...yes I'm sure that's what we should do. In fact--let's trade for the whole 2001 Blazers team. SAM! Get President Stern on the phone, we're surrendering our franchise to Las Vegas."
Except they actually did it...
Philadelphia: If there was some way to convince every team in the league to give their all every night, there is an outside chance that this team goes 0-82. (And then somehow loses the Lottery...)
Toronto: This team is two years away from being even more disappointing than they are right now. They have Ford, Bosh and Bargnani--with Kapono, who has Horry-esque potential as a role-player...and I can't see a scenario where they make the playoffs.
Division Winner: Boston
Central
Chicago: People have been wanted this team to be the best young team in basketball for three years now. They now have NINE players who could contribute on any team in the league--but I still think they're a trade away from being a contender. They're a solid playoff team...but not much more.
Cleveland: Does their run in the playoffs help or hurt their prospects for this year? I say the latter. Lebron can't possibly carry them every night, and unless Daniel Gibson can become what everyone wants him to be, they have virtually ZERO bench-play.
Detroit: Yes, they've peaked, but they still have the best starting five in the Eastern Conference and made a PERFECT draft-pick in Rodney Stuckey, who will see significant minutes. On the downside--look for a big drop-off in Billups. He's older, and now he has the big contract...still a solid point--but probably no longer in the top five.
Indiana: Damn...when I wrote my prediction about Philadelphia, I forgot that the Sixers were still in the league...
Milwaukee: A bit of a sleeper. They should get a solid 3-4 minutes a game out of Yi, which will make for the best comedy of the early season--but a solid starting five and some athletic young players make them a contender in a tough division.
Division Winner: Detroit
Southeast
Atlanta: This team is two years away from being a contender--but they're about a week away from being one of the most-exciting teams in the league. (Oh--and I thought I was being prank-called yesterday, but it turns out that their GM was offering to trade Shelden Williams for a burned copy of my Beach Boys Pet Sounds album. I told him I was going to need a little more...)
Charlotte: The injury to Adam Morrison almost guarantees that the Bobcats will a) lead the league in fast-break-points and b) never make the mistake of drafting another player from the worst basketball program in the NCAAs.
Miami: (Note--what I'm about to write is not cut/paste from an NBA Preview from 1996) Shaquille O'Neal stays healthy and re-establishes himself as the go-to center in the Eastern Conference---and the addition of Anfernee Hardaway could give them a solid kick-out guy off of the bench. (But really...I think the Heat have one more solid season with Shaq as a focal-point...and Penny has something left--just go with me on this...)
Orlando: 1. They can't possibly believe that Jameer Nelson is a long-term solution at point guard. 2. Don't people realize that Rashard Lewis is the exact type of player that KILLS teams? 3. I want to hug Dwight Howard. He's two years away from being the best big man in the league and he WILL NOT be in the playoffs this year.
Washington: Agent Zero in a contract year? I don't play NBA Fantasy, but I'd be on him like Kirstie Alley on a carton of Chunky Monkey. Oh--and you had 19.7 as the over/under on the number of points/game that Antawn Jamison averaged last year, would you have bet $1 of your worst enemy's money on the over? No? You would have lost...
Division Winner: Miami
Playoffs
Division Winners: Boston, Detroit, Miami
Other Playoff Teams: New Jersey, Chicago, Cleveland, Milwaukee, Washington
Finals: Boston vs. Miami
Conference Winner: Miami
West
Northwest:
Denver: Is it too early to say that the Iverson-Anthony experiment is a flop? Yes, they'll have a home game in the first round of the playoffs...but if it coincides with a home series for the World Champion Rockies, it will be poorly attended.
Minnesota: Oy. My only prediction for this team is that Corey Brewer plays WAY more than he should be. He'll be a solid defender for a long time--but he needs about 8 years in the weight-room before he can hold Lebron off...
Portland: Poor, poor Portland. The Oden injury broke the heart of every Portland fan and that of every sports fan with a soul. But it isn't ultimately as big a loss as it could have been somewhere else. Roy and Aldridge continue to improve for another year, they get a good draft pick and add a solid defender--then they get Oden back in a year and suddenly they're the best team in the Northwest Division.
Seattle: I still don't understand the drafting of Jeff Green AFTER Durant. Not only do they play the same position, they left a monstrous hole at point guard wide-open. Am I the only person who has realized that Luke Ridnour is not worthy of minutes in the NBA? This is an awful thing to write...but he may not only be the worst starting point-guard in the league, he may be the worst STARTER in the league! (And this is the same league that let Shawn Bradley play for like ten years!)
Utah: A solid-start last year faded late. Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer will continue to improve...but this team has a lot of moving parts. They're like the Erector Set of the Western Conference...
Division Winner: Denver
Golden State: Remind me again how they got to the second round of the playoffs last year?
Clippers: GOOD LORD I WANT THEM TO BE BETTER! But the loss of Brand (not a chance he's back by the estimated February) and Livingston still recovering, they are going to lose A LOT. (Despite that--they're the best team in Los Angeles whose mascot is an eight-letter-word.)
Lakers: They can't move Kobe--he just isn't worth what they'll demand. And because of that, they're hopeless. It is so bad in LA that I'm almost feeling bad for Kobe that he has to play for a team that saw Javaris Crittendon and Derek Fischer as the solution to their problems. Almost...
Phoenix: Let me get this straight--Barbosa and Diaw are coming off of the bench? Should the rest of this division even show up for games?? They're going to be unstoppable...averaging 120/game isn't out of the question. And I LOVE the Grant Hill pickup.
(There are rumors that Kobe could still go to the Suns for Marion. I don't think it would happen, but it would be the most-stacked-deck imaginable. It would be like ESPN somehow convincing Rick Reilly to come write for them.)
Sacramento: The preseason injury to Spencer Hawes is going to delay what will be a phenomenal Robert Swift vs. Spencer Hawes matchup in the Northwest Division that could remind basketball enthusiasts of the inner-squad wars that used to happen at Duke between Erik Meek and Cherokee Parks.
Division Winner: HAHAHAHAHAHA...uh...Not the Sonics.
Dallas: I don't love Dallas this year. I think the Warriors series opened up a formula that every top Western team but Phoenix can use---and Phoenix can just outscore them. I look for a little fall-off this year.
Houston: If Yao remains healthy, Steve Francis locates his brain, and Luis Scola is as good as advertised, this team could win this division. That is a lot to ask, but I love the balance of the Rockets.
Memphis: I will give $10,000 to anyone who can watch this team play an entire game without vomiting. That includes season-ticket holders, players and coaches. Considering Pau Gasol a go-to-guy is like considering Carmen Elektra a virgin.
New Orleans/Oklahoma/Las Vegas/Tehran: New Orleans did something unheard-of in the NBA. They had a solid starting five, loaded with athletic players but were short an offensive big man in the front court that could come off of the bench and give them minutes--so what did they do? They drafted Julian Wright, when most teams would have drafted a European embryo. Kudos.
Unfortunately for their wise management, they still play in the Western Conference.
San Antonio: Tough not to love them when they bring EVERYONE back and add Ime Udoka and Marcus Williams--who could be great in short spells. Remember two years ago when Dwayne Wade carried the Heat to the championship and then everyone just assumed he was the new go-to on his team? With any other coach, that would happen with Tony Parker--but Greg Popovich is smart enough to know that Parker is still only 25 and can lay big shot for the next ten years...in the meantime they'll just go along winning with the best big man in the league...
Division Winner: San Antonio
Playoffs:
Division Winners: Denver, Phoenix, San Antonio
Other playoff teams: Utah, Houston, New Orleans, Dallas, LA Lakers
Conference Finals: Phoenix vs. San Antonio
Conference Winner: San Antonio
Final Breakdown:
Rookie of the Year: Kevin Durant
Comeback Player of the Year: Grant Hill
MVP: Steve Nash
All-NBA Team
Steve Nash
Tony Parker
Kobe Bryant
Kevin Garnett
Tim Duncan
Finals:
San Antonio over Miami, 4-1.
(I don't like the way that that picks look. To easy, and too much reliance on old players. I'm sticking with it, but if Miami starts the season 0-7 (like their football team, whom I picked to make the playoffs) I won't be even a little bit surprised.)
Your Thoughts? Email the Michelin inbox at mcflyblogs@gmail.com
The fire near my place is 10x as big as it was yesterday...you can't imagine the strength of these things. Thousands are displaced and many homes are now being destroyed.
I realize Southern California is probably the most-hated area in the country...but don't be afraid to throw us a little love in the prayer department...some people are in BAD.
Book Review Update
I finished Blow last week and am on to the story of the ATF agent that infiltrated The Mongols motorcycle gang. I have three other books on drug-trafficking to read...I'm think I may just review them all at once.
And on to the meat...
NBA Preview
Me writing an NBA Preview would be like Britney Spears writing a book on parenting...but since I write a preview for everything (I'll be writing my preview for the Delaware Congressional Session next week) I thought I'd give it a run.
The truth is, the NBA fascinates me. Of the professional sports, I probably spend more time reading and rereading articles about the NBA...and why? Because I WILL NOT watch a single regular-season game on television this year. I may watch a quarter here or quarter there--but i have no plans to break my five-year-run of not watching an entire game. And why? Because it is boring as hell.
The rules are so centered on the idea of one-on-one play that it is unspeakable. It is this same obsession with crap hoops that turn the NBA into a phenomenal business. One trade can actually have a tangible effect on a team.
And with that in mind...let's break it down team-by-team...
East
Atlantic Division
Boston: Without question, the most-interesting team in the league with the trio of Garnett, Pierce and Allen. I honestly think that this is a perfect combo--the three have both been on such terrible teams of late that they're going to be willing to play together. The issue is that defensively, they have more holes than the plot of The Comebacks.
(Sidebar--saw this beauty on Monday. Save a GOLD STAR PERFORMANCE by Brittany Buckner, one of the great up and comers in Hollywood, it lacked in a few places. Buckner really carries the show though...3 Stars, almost exclusively because of her...)
But I digest...
New Jersey: I just found out that Vince Carter was only 31...which means that my guess was only 26 years off. This team has aged faster than Robin Williams in Jack. They're a playoff contender despite their age, but the rule against respirators is going to inhibit Jason Kidd's performance.
New York: What were the Knicks thinking when they traded for Zach Randolph? The worst chemistry in the league and you add...uh...Zach Randolph. What do you think the conversation between Isiah and the ownership was like on that one? It reminds me of that conversation between Col. Jessup and Lt. Col. Markinson. "We should trade for Zach Randolph...yes...yes I'm sure that's what we should do. In fact--let's trade for the whole 2001 Blazers team. SAM! Get President Stern on the phone, we're surrendering our franchise to Las Vegas."
Except they actually did it...
Philadelphia: If there was some way to convince every team in the league to give their all every night, there is an outside chance that this team goes 0-82. (And then somehow loses the Lottery...)
Toronto: This team is two years away from being even more disappointing than they are right now. They have Ford, Bosh and Bargnani--with Kapono, who has Horry-esque potential as a role-player...and I can't see a scenario where they make the playoffs.
Division Winner: Boston
Central
Chicago: People have been wanted this team to be the best young team in basketball for three years now. They now have NINE players who could contribute on any team in the league--but I still think they're a trade away from being a contender. They're a solid playoff team...but not much more.
Cleveland: Does their run in the playoffs help or hurt their prospects for this year? I say the latter. Lebron can't possibly carry them every night, and unless Daniel Gibson can become what everyone wants him to be, they have virtually ZERO bench-play.
Detroit: Yes, they've peaked, but they still have the best starting five in the Eastern Conference and made a PERFECT draft-pick in Rodney Stuckey, who will see significant minutes. On the downside--look for a big drop-off in Billups. He's older, and now he has the big contract...still a solid point--but probably no longer in the top five.
Indiana: Damn...when I wrote my prediction about Philadelphia, I forgot that the Sixers were still in the league...
Milwaukee: A bit of a sleeper. They should get a solid 3-4 minutes a game out of Yi, which will make for the best comedy of the early season--but a solid starting five and some athletic young players make them a contender in a tough division.
Division Winner: Detroit
Southeast
Atlanta: This team is two years away from being a contender--but they're about a week away from being one of the most-exciting teams in the league. (Oh--and I thought I was being prank-called yesterday, but it turns out that their GM was offering to trade Shelden Williams for a burned copy of my Beach Boys Pet Sounds album. I told him I was going to need a little more...)
Charlotte: The injury to Adam Morrison almost guarantees that the Bobcats will a) lead the league in fast-break-points and b) never make the mistake of drafting another player from the worst basketball program in the NCAAs.
Miami: (Note--what I'm about to write is not cut/paste from an NBA Preview from 1996) Shaquille O'Neal stays healthy and re-establishes himself as the go-to center in the Eastern Conference---and the addition of Anfernee Hardaway could give them a solid kick-out guy off of the bench. (But really...I think the Heat have one more solid season with Shaq as a focal-point...and Penny has something left--just go with me on this...)
Orlando: 1. They can't possibly believe that Jameer Nelson is a long-term solution at point guard. 2. Don't people realize that Rashard Lewis is the exact type of player that KILLS teams? 3. I want to hug Dwight Howard. He's two years away from being the best big man in the league and he WILL NOT be in the playoffs this year.
Washington: Agent Zero in a contract year? I don't play NBA Fantasy, but I'd be on him like Kirstie Alley on a carton of Chunky Monkey. Oh--and you had 19.7 as the over/under on the number of points/game that Antawn Jamison averaged last year, would you have bet $1 of your worst enemy's money on the over? No? You would have lost...
Division Winner: Miami
Playoffs
Division Winners: Boston, Detroit, Miami
Other Playoff Teams: New Jersey, Chicago, Cleveland, Milwaukee, Washington
Finals: Boston vs. Miami
Conference Winner: Miami
West
Northwest:
Denver: Is it too early to say that the Iverson-Anthony experiment is a flop? Yes, they'll have a home game in the first round of the playoffs...but if it coincides with a home series for the World Champion Rockies, it will be poorly attended.
Minnesota: Oy. My only prediction for this team is that Corey Brewer plays WAY more than he should be. He'll be a solid defender for a long time--but he needs about 8 years in the weight-room before he can hold Lebron off...
Portland: Poor, poor Portland. The Oden injury broke the heart of every Portland fan and that of every sports fan with a soul. But it isn't ultimately as big a loss as it could have been somewhere else. Roy and Aldridge continue to improve for another year, they get a good draft pick and add a solid defender--then they get Oden back in a year and suddenly they're the best team in the Northwest Division.
Seattle: I still don't understand the drafting of Jeff Green AFTER Durant. Not only do they play the same position, they left a monstrous hole at point guard wide-open. Am I the only person who has realized that Luke Ridnour is not worthy of minutes in the NBA? This is an awful thing to write...but he may not only be the worst starting point-guard in the league, he may be the worst STARTER in the league! (And this is the same league that let Shawn Bradley play for like ten years!)
Utah: A solid-start last year faded late. Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer will continue to improve...but this team has a lot of moving parts. They're like the Erector Set of the Western Conference...
Division Winner: Denver
Golden State: Remind me again how they got to the second round of the playoffs last year?
Clippers: GOOD LORD I WANT THEM TO BE BETTER! But the loss of Brand (not a chance he's back by the estimated February) and Livingston still recovering, they are going to lose A LOT. (Despite that--they're the best team in Los Angeles whose mascot is an eight-letter-word.)
Lakers: They can't move Kobe--he just isn't worth what they'll demand. And because of that, they're hopeless. It is so bad in LA that I'm almost feeling bad for Kobe that he has to play for a team that saw Javaris Crittendon and Derek Fischer as the solution to their problems. Almost...
Phoenix: Let me get this straight--Barbosa and Diaw are coming off of the bench? Should the rest of this division even show up for games?? They're going to be unstoppable...averaging 120/game isn't out of the question. And I LOVE the Grant Hill pickup.
(There are rumors that Kobe could still go to the Suns for Marion. I don't think it would happen, but it would be the most-stacked-deck imaginable. It would be like ESPN somehow convincing Rick Reilly to come write for them.)
Sacramento: The preseason injury to Spencer Hawes is going to delay what will be a phenomenal Robert Swift vs. Spencer Hawes matchup in the Northwest Division that could remind basketball enthusiasts of the inner-squad wars that used to happen at Duke between Erik Meek and Cherokee Parks.
Division Winner: HAHAHAHAHAHA...uh...Not the Sonics.
Dallas: I don't love Dallas this year. I think the Warriors series opened up a formula that every top Western team but Phoenix can use---and Phoenix can just outscore them. I look for a little fall-off this year.
Houston: If Yao remains healthy, Steve Francis locates his brain, and Luis Scola is as good as advertised, this team could win this division. That is a lot to ask, but I love the balance of the Rockets.
Memphis: I will give $10,000 to anyone who can watch this team play an entire game without vomiting. That includes season-ticket holders, players and coaches. Considering Pau Gasol a go-to-guy is like considering Carmen Elektra a virgin.
New Orleans/Oklahoma/Las Vegas/Tehran: New Orleans did something unheard-of in the NBA. They had a solid starting five, loaded with athletic players but were short an offensive big man in the front court that could come off of the bench and give them minutes--so what did they do? They drafted Julian Wright, when most teams would have drafted a European embryo. Kudos.
Unfortunately for their wise management, they still play in the Western Conference.
San Antonio: Tough not to love them when they bring EVERYONE back and add Ime Udoka and Marcus Williams--who could be great in short spells. Remember two years ago when Dwayne Wade carried the Heat to the championship and then everyone just assumed he was the new go-to on his team? With any other coach, that would happen with Tony Parker--but Greg Popovich is smart enough to know that Parker is still only 25 and can lay big shot for the next ten years...in the meantime they'll just go along winning with the best big man in the league...
Division Winner: San Antonio
Playoffs:
Division Winners: Denver, Phoenix, San Antonio
Other playoff teams: Utah, Houston, New Orleans, Dallas, LA Lakers
Conference Finals: Phoenix vs. San Antonio
Conference Winner: San Antonio
Final Breakdown:
Rookie of the Year: Kevin Durant
Comeback Player of the Year: Grant Hill
MVP: Steve Nash
All-NBA Team
Steve Nash
Tony Parker
Kobe Bryant
Kevin Garnett
Tim Duncan
Finals:
San Antonio over Miami, 4-1.
(I don't like the way that that picks look. To easy, and too much reliance on old players. I'm sticking with it, but if Miami starts the season 0-7 (like their football team, whom I picked to make the playoffs) I won't be even a little bit surprised.)
Your Thoughts? Email the Michelin inbox at mcflyblogs@gmail.com
10.22.07
In Peril...
As many of you have surely seen on television, Southern California is on fire.
Here are some simple facts about what is going on:
-13 fires presently burning (not including the fire in my soul that burns for thee...)
-Temperatures will be above 90 degrees until Thursday, with humidity under 15%
-Winds are sustained between 25-35 mph, with gusts up to 90.
-The "Irvine" Fire is obvi the one closest to me...about ten miles away. Assuming 30 mph winds...I'll be burned to pieces in slightly less than 20 minutes.
-Many people have said that it smells like a campfire is burning next to us---I disagree---I think it smells more like 3800 acres of uninhabited land are burning less than ten miles away.
-There is a sweeping wall of smoke that runs from the fire, directly over my office, directly over my home, out to Newport Pier...it's like Independence Day except in the REAL Southern California disaster, Will Smith's wife only LOOKS like a hooker.
-24 Hour Fitness has remained opened, and has stuck by their member-loyal policy of "No Air Conditioning at any time", so I'm hocking up more phlegm than that chick who ran the San Francisco Women's Marathon while smoking 18 cigars.
-Neither youtube, google video or SNL Transcripts is allowing me access to the classic footage after the California fires of about 20 years ago, where Phil Hartman, playing Frankenstein, gave a report on Weekend Update where he just said, "Fire...BURN!" over and over again.
-The wind has strewn things everywhere...there is smoke in the air, fire in the distance in two directions, all of the street-lights are out...it looks like a game of Sim City where someone forgot to turn off "Disaster Mode". (I'm waiting for Godzilla to walk through my building.)
-I just saw that the Irvine Fire was 0% contained. That's reassuring.
-The Seattle Seahawks have given their support to the local firefighters, offering to let them burn Shaun Alexander alive if it will save anyone down here.
So please pray for the fires to go out---there are tens of thousands of Newpsies who won't be able to sunbathe until they're contained.
This week's Poll
Tough loss for Cal...great comeback for LSU...Florida looks AWESOME...South Florida is back to Earth...Ty Willingham is still the worst division I head football coach...
McFly's Top 25
(BCS Ranking in parenthesis)
1 (1). Ohio State: They look good. They won't run the table, but they deserve to be number one right now.
2 (2). Boston College: Same as previous--but they COULD run the table...
3 (3). LSU: Easily the best team in the country--but the loss will keep them at #3 until OSU or BC loses...
4 (5). Oregon: BARELY behind LSU at this point. Many of you don't realize the extent to which I hate Oregon...and I LOVE this team. They have the best offense in the country. (I'm going to go vomit now.)
5 (6). Oklahoma: If LSU, Oregon and Oklahoma all finish with one loss (and there are no unbeatens) they're probably going to get left-out...which is a shame. VERY talented team.
6 (4). Arizona State: Did you see they signed Jack Elway this weekend? Maybe Denny is going after rich-kids now so he can pay the poor kids even more...
7 (11). Florida: More raw talent than any team in the country. SO fast...
8 (12). USC: Win against Oregon this week and they're in the top 5, EASY.
9 (10). South Florida: I'd love to see them win out. They deserve a BCS bid--they're easily the best team in the Big East.
10 (9). Kansas: They're for real. A win in Boulder--while not what it once was--is still a big win. They could be undefeated playing Oklahoma in the Big 12 title game and still have NO chance of getting into the BCS...playoff much??
11 (7). West Virginia: Am I the only person who noticed that they got SMACKED in their only tough game this year?
12 (14). Kentucky: The SEC is just too tough for a talented, but un-physical (that isn't English) team to survive every week. If this were basketball, this is the kind of talented team that could make a run to a National Title.
13 (13). Missouri: I refuse to watch them play. No reason...just refuse to.
14 (20). Michigan: Yes, Michigan. They're going to win the Big 10. Mark my words.
15 (17). Hawaii: Looking good heading into the Thanksgiving Week matchup against Boise State which will determine this year's "Crappy Team with a Great Record and an Inferiority Complex" World Championship.
16 (21). California: Unfortunately, with injuries and a brutal schedule, these last two weeks won't be the last two losses for Cal...the spiral is going to be tough to stop. (The good news--they still get to play Washington!)
17 (8). Virginia Tech: Terrible football team. They're going to lose at some point...
18 (24). Alabama: Saban wins. As does Dennis Erickson. Ty Willingham? He loses.
19 (16). South Carolina: Is this team just going to be mired in seasons of 9-10 wins, without ever threatening for an SEC title?
20 (Unranked). UCLA: Big win this weekend...undefeated in the Pac-10. Bad News? They already played Washington.
21 (25). Penn State: I can't decide what to think of this team. I think they beat OSU though...
22 (22). Auburn: Looked great Saturday in the loss...they'll pull of a couple of good ones before the season is up...
23 (18). Georgia: on my mind.
24 (15). Virginia: They're number 15 in the BCS? Really? (Of course, Carrot Top is ranked 18th...so maybe that isn't a stretch.)
25 (Unranked). Rutgers: Big win this week...there football team however is comprised of a bunch of nappy hoes.
HIT ME UP! mcflyblogs@gmail.com
As many of you have surely seen on television, Southern California is on fire.
Here are some simple facts about what is going on:
-13 fires presently burning (not including the fire in my soul that burns for thee...)
-Temperatures will be above 90 degrees until Thursday, with humidity under 15%
-Winds are sustained between 25-35 mph, with gusts up to 90.
-The "Irvine" Fire is obvi the one closest to me...about ten miles away. Assuming 30 mph winds...I'll be burned to pieces in slightly less than 20 minutes.
-Many people have said that it smells like a campfire is burning next to us---I disagree---I think it smells more like 3800 acres of uninhabited land are burning less than ten miles away.
-There is a sweeping wall of smoke that runs from the fire, directly over my office, directly over my home, out to Newport Pier...it's like Independence Day except in the REAL Southern California disaster, Will Smith's wife only LOOKS like a hooker.
-24 Hour Fitness has remained opened, and has stuck by their member-loyal policy of "No Air Conditioning at any time", so I'm hocking up more phlegm than that chick who ran the San Francisco Women's Marathon while smoking 18 cigars.
-Neither youtube, google video or SNL Transcripts is allowing me access to the classic footage after the California fires of about 20 years ago, where Phil Hartman, playing Frankenstein, gave a report on Weekend Update where he just said, "Fire...BURN!" over and over again.
-The wind has strewn things everywhere...there is smoke in the air, fire in the distance in two directions, all of the street-lights are out...it looks like a game of Sim City where someone forgot to turn off "Disaster Mode". (I'm waiting for Godzilla to walk through my building.)
-I just saw that the Irvine Fire was 0% contained. That's reassuring.
-The Seattle Seahawks have given their support to the local firefighters, offering to let them burn Shaun Alexander alive if it will save anyone down here.
So please pray for the fires to go out---there are tens of thousands of Newpsies who won't be able to sunbathe until they're contained.
This week's Poll
Tough loss for Cal...great comeback for LSU...Florida looks AWESOME...South Florida is back to Earth...Ty Willingham is still the worst division I head football coach...
McFly's Top 25
(BCS Ranking in parenthesis)
1 (1). Ohio State: They look good. They won't run the table, but they deserve to be number one right now.
2 (2). Boston College: Same as previous--but they COULD run the table...
3 (3). LSU: Easily the best team in the country--but the loss will keep them at #3 until OSU or BC loses...
4 (5). Oregon: BARELY behind LSU at this point. Many of you don't realize the extent to which I hate Oregon...and I LOVE this team. They have the best offense in the country. (I'm going to go vomit now.)
5 (6). Oklahoma: If LSU, Oregon and Oklahoma all finish with one loss (and there are no unbeatens) they're probably going to get left-out...which is a shame. VERY talented team.
6 (4). Arizona State: Did you see they signed Jack Elway this weekend? Maybe Denny is going after rich-kids now so he can pay the poor kids even more...
7 (11). Florida: More raw talent than any team in the country. SO fast...
8 (12). USC: Win against Oregon this week and they're in the top 5, EASY.
9 (10). South Florida: I'd love to see them win out. They deserve a BCS bid--they're easily the best team in the Big East.
10 (9). Kansas: They're for real. A win in Boulder--while not what it once was--is still a big win. They could be undefeated playing Oklahoma in the Big 12 title game and still have NO chance of getting into the BCS...playoff much??
11 (7). West Virginia: Am I the only person who noticed that they got SMACKED in their only tough game this year?
12 (14). Kentucky: The SEC is just too tough for a talented, but un-physical (that isn't English) team to survive every week. If this were basketball, this is the kind of talented team that could make a run to a National Title.
13 (13). Missouri: I refuse to watch them play. No reason...just refuse to.
14 (20). Michigan: Yes, Michigan. They're going to win the Big 10. Mark my words.
15 (17). Hawaii: Looking good heading into the Thanksgiving Week matchup against Boise State which will determine this year's "Crappy Team with a Great Record and an Inferiority Complex" World Championship.
16 (21). California: Unfortunately, with injuries and a brutal schedule, these last two weeks won't be the last two losses for Cal...the spiral is going to be tough to stop. (The good news--they still get to play Washington!)
17 (8). Virginia Tech: Terrible football team. They're going to lose at some point...
18 (24). Alabama: Saban wins. As does Dennis Erickson. Ty Willingham? He loses.
19 (16). South Carolina: Is this team just going to be mired in seasons of 9-10 wins, without ever threatening for an SEC title?
20 (Unranked). UCLA: Big win this weekend...undefeated in the Pac-10. Bad News? They already played Washington.
21 (25). Penn State: I can't decide what to think of this team. I think they beat OSU though...
22 (22). Auburn: Looked great Saturday in the loss...they'll pull of a couple of good ones before the season is up...
23 (18). Georgia: on my mind.
24 (15). Virginia: They're number 15 in the BCS? Really? (Of course, Carrot Top is ranked 18th...so maybe that isn't a stretch.)
25 (Unranked). Rutgers: Big win this week...there football team however is comprised of a bunch of nappy hoes.
HIT ME UP! mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Friday, October 19, 2007
10.19.07
Short and SO Sweet.
Everyone needs to read this. Apparently the members of the Phi Delta Theta fraternity at the University of Puget Sound are no longer bullies and accused-rapists, but actually model citizens.
Now I'll give credit where credit is due--the chapter has made some phenomenal strides, but as "Nick from Berkeley" wrote after reading this article:
"Where's the credit for having six kegs in the chapter room and making Matt P. pee in a cup for our enjoyment?"
And...
No picks this week. Not only did I not have time to write Thursday night--I'm batting roughly .500 over the past two weeks, which is probably a sign I should take a week off.
Have a great weekend and send me some blog ideas. mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Everyone needs to read this. Apparently the members of the Phi Delta Theta fraternity at the University of Puget Sound are no longer bullies and accused-rapists, but actually model citizens.
Now I'll give credit where credit is due--the chapter has made some phenomenal strides, but as "Nick from Berkeley" wrote after reading this article:
"Where's the credit for having six kegs in the chapter room and making Matt P. pee in a cup for our enjoyment?"
And...
No picks this week. Not only did I not have time to write Thursday night--I'm batting roughly .500 over the past two weeks, which is probably a sign I should take a week off.
Have a great weekend and send me some blog ideas. mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
10.18.07
Maybe I need help...
Am I the only person who hears the constant noise of one of their appliances and thinks the appliance is talking to them?
Right now, my dishwasher is saying, "Pad and roll....pad and roll...Pad. And. Roll."
I don't understand what he's trying to tell me.
Over-rated/Under-rated
It's been a while...but here goes:
Over-rated: Jack Johnson
Under-rated: Joe Johnson
One is a melodramatic musician who is responsible for more suicides than the Coronado Bridge. The other is the leading scorer on an up and coming Eastern Conference team. Which would YOU rather be?
Over-rated: Chicks with guy's names.
Under-rated: Chicks with ACTUAL guys names.
"Oh--your name is Roberta but you go by Bobbi--that is so cute!" I've got news for you--"Bobbi" isn't even a name. Call yourself "Fred" or "Harvey" and we'll talk...
Over-rated: Cheese
Under-rated: Cheez WHIZ
This blog-feature was brought back because the former-roommate suggested that strawberry milk and grilled-cheese sandwiches were both under-rated. Here's the thing: I'm lactose-intolerant. The solution? Canned cheese. Contains much less lactose than the real product and requires no knife, plate or fancy cracker. Just a Bugle that you can turn into a mini ice-cream-cone.
Over-rated: Working out with a partner.
Under-rated: Actually working out.
My guess is that 35% of all work-out "partners" use each other not to get better results--but just for someone to help them facilitate their pansy exercise routine. There are these two guys at my gym who do calisthenics in the mirror together. One day they're shadow-boxing, the next they're practicing the form on their jump-shots, the next they're wrestling naked in a bath house...
Over-rated: ESPN the Magazine
Under-rated: ESPN the cereal
No, it doesn't exist--but tell me that the marshmallow Stuart Scott wouldn't make you yell, "BOO-YEAH" as you're starting your day.
Over: ies
Under: pants
Over-rated: Listening to music at parties.
Under-rated: Listening to my friend McCaw at parties.
There are only about five readers that will understand this but those five readers also heard what McCaw said in the kitchen to his girlfriend at Erik's Christmas party last year.
(And a note to college students: your party didn't get broken up because too many people were there...it got broken up because you were blasted Pearl Jam Alive at 1000 decibels and your scabies-laden friends started singing their own gay chorus to it.) (Note: that made this section even more esoteric.) (Further note: esoteric.)
Over-rated: Bicycling
Under-rated: Not bicycling.
I can respect the fact that it is hard, but just because you own a bike does it really mean I have to look at your back fat shaping itself to a Discovery Channel logo?
Over-rated: Judaism
Under-rated: Christianity
Didn't you guys hear? Jesus was born. You don't have to wait until Yom Kippur to release yourself of sin.
Come along and join the good guys...
Over-rated: Taking shots at 1 AM
Under-rated: Sleeping at 1 AM
I'm 27 years old. I've been drinking for seven hours. Is it really a personal affront that I don't want the Jager shot you bought me?
Over-rated: Halloween
Under-rated: Chicks dressing like hookers.
Halloween sucks. If I wanted to dress like a drag-queen, I'd go hang out with Curtis.
Over-rated: The Food Network
Under-rated: Food
I see a very odd correlation between people who watch that channel and people who don't cook. Why? Because anyone who knows how to boil water realizes that you can't make perfect brisket during a 30-minute program.
Over-rated: Miami
Under-rated: New Orleans
Why would you pay $8 for a beer when you can pay $8 for a hurricane and get a free hit of crack on the side? Sure, New Orleans isn't the quaint town that it once was--but now you get the added bonus of the streets reeking of human refuse! (Go Saints!)
Over-rated: Going to grad school
Under-rated: Accepting the fact that you're stupid.
The world needs ditch-diggers too...
Over-rated: Doing curls with a bunch of weight
Under-rated: Actually getting stronger
I watched a guy yesterday who probably bench-presses 95 lbs. doing bicep curls with 35 lb. dumbbells where he moved his arm roughly 2 inches. Good job buddy.
Over-rated: The Baseball Playoffs
Under-rated: The PGA Tour Grand Slam
I mean--you've got Angel Cabrera, Zach Johnson, Padraig Harrington and Jim Furyk battling it out on a Tuesday and Wednesday evening on TNT...you look me in the eye and tell me that isn't thrilling.
Over-rated: Working
Under-rated: Watching a guy on a Genie Lift pressure-watch my window
So I added one late...this is damn entertaining.
HIT ME UP! mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Am I the only person who hears the constant noise of one of their appliances and thinks the appliance is talking to them?
Right now, my dishwasher is saying, "Pad and roll....pad and roll...Pad. And. Roll."
I don't understand what he's trying to tell me.
Over-rated/Under-rated
It's been a while...but here goes:
Over-rated: Jack Johnson
Under-rated: Joe Johnson
One is a melodramatic musician who is responsible for more suicides than the Coronado Bridge. The other is the leading scorer on an up and coming Eastern Conference team. Which would YOU rather be?
Over-rated: Chicks with guy's names.
Under-rated: Chicks with ACTUAL guys names.
"Oh--your name is Roberta but you go by Bobbi--that is so cute!" I've got news for you--"Bobbi" isn't even a name. Call yourself "Fred" or "Harvey" and we'll talk...
Over-rated: Cheese
Under-rated: Cheez WHIZ
This blog-feature was brought back because the former-roommate suggested that strawberry milk and grilled-cheese sandwiches were both under-rated. Here's the thing: I'm lactose-intolerant. The solution? Canned cheese. Contains much less lactose than the real product and requires no knife, plate or fancy cracker. Just a Bugle that you can turn into a mini ice-cream-cone.
Over-rated: Working out with a partner.
Under-rated: Actually working out.
My guess is that 35% of all work-out "partners" use each other not to get better results--but just for someone to help them facilitate their pansy exercise routine. There are these two guys at my gym who do calisthenics in the mirror together. One day they're shadow-boxing, the next they're practicing the form on their jump-shots, the next they're wrestling naked in a bath house...
Over-rated: ESPN the Magazine
Under-rated: ESPN the cereal
No, it doesn't exist--but tell me that the marshmallow Stuart Scott wouldn't make you yell, "BOO-YEAH" as you're starting your day.
Over: ies
Under: pants
Over-rated: Listening to music at parties.
Under-rated: Listening to my friend McCaw at parties.
There are only about five readers that will understand this but those five readers also heard what McCaw said in the kitchen to his girlfriend at Erik's Christmas party last year.
(And a note to college students: your party didn't get broken up because too many people were there...it got broken up because you were blasted Pearl Jam Alive at 1000 decibels and your scabies-laden friends started singing their own gay chorus to it.) (Note: that made this section even more esoteric.) (Further note: esoteric.)
Over-rated: Bicycling
Under-rated: Not bicycling.
I can respect the fact that it is hard, but just because you own a bike does it really mean I have to look at your back fat shaping itself to a Discovery Channel logo?
Over-rated: Judaism
Under-rated: Christianity
Didn't you guys hear? Jesus was born. You don't have to wait until Yom Kippur to release yourself of sin.
Come along and join the good guys...
Over-rated: Taking shots at 1 AM
Under-rated: Sleeping at 1 AM
I'm 27 years old. I've been drinking for seven hours. Is it really a personal affront that I don't want the Jager shot you bought me?
Over-rated: Halloween
Under-rated: Chicks dressing like hookers.
Halloween sucks. If I wanted to dress like a drag-queen, I'd go hang out with Curtis.
Over-rated: The Food Network
Under-rated: Food
I see a very odd correlation between people who watch that channel and people who don't cook. Why? Because anyone who knows how to boil water realizes that you can't make perfect brisket during a 30-minute program.
Over-rated: Miami
Under-rated: New Orleans
Why would you pay $8 for a beer when you can pay $8 for a hurricane and get a free hit of crack on the side? Sure, New Orleans isn't the quaint town that it once was--but now you get the added bonus of the streets reeking of human refuse! (Go Saints!)
Over-rated: Going to grad school
Under-rated: Accepting the fact that you're stupid.
The world needs ditch-diggers too...
Over-rated: Doing curls with a bunch of weight
Under-rated: Actually getting stronger
I watched a guy yesterday who probably bench-presses 95 lbs. doing bicep curls with 35 lb. dumbbells where he moved his arm roughly 2 inches. Good job buddy.
Over-rated: The Baseball Playoffs
Under-rated: The PGA Tour Grand Slam
I mean--you've got Angel Cabrera, Zach Johnson, Padraig Harrington and Jim Furyk battling it out on a Tuesday and Wednesday evening on TNT...you look me in the eye and tell me that isn't thrilling.
Over-rated: Working
Under-rated: Watching a guy on a Genie Lift pressure-watch my window
So I added one late...this is damn entertaining.
HIT ME UP! mcflyblogs@gmail.com
10.17.07
New Sports Hero
There is no question who my current favorite athlete (or "sports figure") is: Warren Wallace.
Why? Because Warren Wallace is made of lightning.
Book Review
I received a pretty good response on my review of The Coming China Wars (including an email from the book's author who told me that I was a, "Funny dude.")
So I've decided to start writing about what I'm reading. I figure it will be an interesting exercise, because despite reading fewer books than many, I tend to read in a pretty broad range. Smut fiction, revolutionary history, sports, religious interpretation...and my current obsession: drug-based organized crime.
In fact...I hope that you're all primed for some reviews about criminals with drug-related criminal records. I went to Barnes and Noble the other day and found my new mecca: The True Crime section. My friend Pete gets aroused in this section because there are more detailed accounts of murders than any other place on the planet.
I'm not a huge serial-killer advocate--but I did find three phenomenal-looking books on the drug-trade.
The first you will have heard of...sort of...
Blow, by Bruce Porter, is the book that was turned into the phenomenal movie starring Penelope Cruz and the guy who played Edward Scissorhands.
A lot of people question whether you can really follow a book after you've seen the movie. I'll put it this way: I started it Monday after work and am on page 150...
But I digest...
The book reviews will hopefully be fair. I've found that people recommend books the way that they recommend getting married: "Oh--it's great--I love it. You should totally try it out...PLEASE TRY IT OUT!!!!!!!!!" They are so miserable because of the experience that they want someone to join them in their misery.
I'll try to avoid that.
Song-selection...
I have been trying to avoid using my IPOD in the gym because I saw on the news that it is a very anti-social behavior.
But I've remembered why I started wearing it: the music at 24 Hour Fitness.
This morning I heard a dance-mix of "I'll Be Ready" (the Baywatch Song).
Let me repeat that...
I heard a dance mix of I'll Be Ready.
People didn't know whether to run on the treadmill in slow-motion or start swallowing a handful of Ecstasy.
But I'm going to try to stick with it.
From the Arnolds
Sorry today's blog is so short...I put in a couple hours on the Kent blog and had to actually eat and sleep yesterday night...but here is an email I received the other day. I've removed all of the names, but I'm 98% confident it is still going to get me in trouble...oh well...here goes:
The following is "Jim" in a nutshell -
During the summer between 02-03 school year, Jim decided he needed to step it up on the football field.
So he decided to take steroids.
If you’re scratching your head right now then you get it. In Jim’s mind, it wasn’t the fact that he weighed in at nearly 300 lbs and was all of 5’11” that was slowing him down. It wasn’t the fact that he was grossly out of shape. No. It was the fact that he wasn’t big enough that was holding him back.
Steroids, not exercise, was his answer.
Furthermore, he took steroids all summer long and hit the gym 2-3 times a week tops. All the while making comments about how he had put on muscle mass and was “getting ripped”.
We could hear him getting fatter…
Anyway, training camp comes and good ol’ Coach wants to see who has kept in shape so we started running 100 yard sprints. Guess who collapsed in a sweaty f***ing heap no more than halfway through? It wasn’t "Ed" I can tell you that much.
Anyone dumb enough to take steroids and NOT work out all the while claiming that he has turned into some sort of super sexy slim freak is a f***ing idiot and deserves a coathanger to the back of the skull.
In short, I am not a fan either.
I can't follow that...so please submit some questions, comments and suggestions to mcflyblogs@gmail.com
There is no question who my current favorite athlete (or "sports figure") is: Warren Wallace.
Why? Because Warren Wallace is made of lightning.
Book Review
I received a pretty good response on my review of The Coming China Wars (including an email from the book's author who told me that I was a, "Funny dude.")
So I've decided to start writing about what I'm reading. I figure it will be an interesting exercise, because despite reading fewer books than many, I tend to read in a pretty broad range. Smut fiction, revolutionary history, sports, religious interpretation...and my current obsession: drug-based organized crime.
In fact...I hope that you're all primed for some reviews about criminals with drug-related criminal records. I went to Barnes and Noble the other day and found my new mecca: The True Crime section. My friend Pete gets aroused in this section because there are more detailed accounts of murders than any other place on the planet.
I'm not a huge serial-killer advocate--but I did find three phenomenal-looking books on the drug-trade.
The first you will have heard of...sort of...
Blow, by Bruce Porter, is the book that was turned into the phenomenal movie starring Penelope Cruz and the guy who played Edward Scissorhands.
A lot of people question whether you can really follow a book after you've seen the movie. I'll put it this way: I started it Monday after work and am on page 150...
But I digest...
The book reviews will hopefully be fair. I've found that people recommend books the way that they recommend getting married: "Oh--it's great--I love it. You should totally try it out...PLEASE TRY IT OUT!!!!!!!!!" They are so miserable because of the experience that they want someone to join them in their misery.
I'll try to avoid that.
Song-selection...
I have been trying to avoid using my IPOD in the gym because I saw on the news that it is a very anti-social behavior.
But I've remembered why I started wearing it: the music at 24 Hour Fitness.
This morning I heard a dance-mix of "I'll Be Ready" (the Baywatch Song).
Let me repeat that...
I heard a dance mix of I'll Be Ready.
People didn't know whether to run on the treadmill in slow-motion or start swallowing a handful of Ecstasy.
But I'm going to try to stick with it.
From the Arnolds
Sorry today's blog is so short...I put in a couple hours on the Kent blog and had to actually eat and sleep yesterday night...but here is an email I received the other day. I've removed all of the names, but I'm 98% confident it is still going to get me in trouble...oh well...here goes:
The following is "Jim" in a nutshell -
During the summer between 02-03 school year, Jim decided he needed to step it up on the football field.
So he decided to take steroids.
If you’re scratching your head right now then you get it. In Jim’s mind, it wasn’t the fact that he weighed in at nearly 300 lbs and was all of 5’11” that was slowing him down. It wasn’t the fact that he was grossly out of shape. No. It was the fact that he wasn’t big enough that was holding him back.
Steroids, not exercise, was his answer.
Furthermore, he took steroids all summer long and hit the gym 2-3 times a week tops. All the while making comments about how he had put on muscle mass and was “getting ripped”.
We could hear him getting fatter…
Anyway, training camp comes and good ol’ Coach wants to see who has kept in shape so we started running 100 yard sprints. Guess who collapsed in a sweaty f***ing heap no more than halfway through? It wasn’t "Ed" I can tell you that much.
Anyone dumb enough to take steroids and NOT work out all the while claiming that he has turned into some sort of super sexy slim freak is a f***ing idiot and deserves a coathanger to the back of the skull.
In short, I am not a fan either.
I can't follow that...so please submit some questions, comments and suggestions to mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Monday, October 15, 2007
10.16.07
City of Dreams
I reference my hometown frequently--but it probably hasn't had adequate introduction.
I grew up in Kent, Washington, which was the second incorporated city in King County (after Seattle). Originally, it was the valley that existed between Seattle and Tacoma that provided much of the agriculture that aided the rapid growth of the industrial (Tacoma) and metropolitan (Seattle) cities that surrounded it. (I found out my junior year in college that according to tests on the nutrients in the soil and water-retention, the Kent Valley has the most-fertile soil in the contiguous United States.)
Since, the city has grown to develop its own industries. The industry of Kent...is...uh...just that--industry. The third-largest industrial area in the United States--the city now sprawls well into the surrounding hills and is the eighth largest city in Washington.
Housing naturally followed growth, but with growth moving faster than builders could respond, poor-built, simple tract-housing turned what was once a fertile hillside into glorified slums. (Even today, in the out-lying parts of the city, you can see new-construction homes going up with pretty paint, but shoddy workmanship and tiny lots.) At some point, these slums became the focal point of a city with otherwise great potential into a joke at the hands of Seattle-ites and inhabitants of Lake Washington's east-side.
Many cities are marked by a single event that thrust it into the nation's eye: Chicago's fire. San Francisco's earthquakes.
Kent was thrust into a national scope by a local comedy troupe that did an evening sketch-comedy show called "ALMOST LIVE!" that preceded Saturday Night Live on the local NBC-affiliate. (ALMOST LIVE!'s 16-year-run was made most-famous by serving as the launching-pad for Bill Nye "The Science Guy" to national prominence.)
How does this make it a "national" story? When comedy central first developed on satellite TV (I'm talking NASA-satellite---where you used to turn to channel G-7 and pickup a public access show from Minnetonka, MN) in 1992, somehow, someone decided that a local comedy show from Seattle, whose jokes were entirely local, and whose appeal was entirely local would somehow catch the attention of a national-audience.
It didn't--but the show's staple fallback of "We don't have any good material--just make fun of Kent!" was sent to satellites all over the country.
The city never recovered.
Teenagers whose great-grandparents dreamed of Jefferson's agrarian paradise in the West were finding themselves smoking pot on the hood of a Trans Am the night before the State Championship Football game only to secure their spots on the long list of "Guys who never left Kent."
Education meaningless. Dreams wasted. Hopes dashed.
The "successful" of Kent end up attending Green River Community College (or "Harvard on the Hill" as it is referred to) and affording rims for the '78 Mustang whose sound-system has a lot of "base". (Sidebar--GRCC is a PHENOMENAL community college--but it is great because of its ability to be a spring-board. I assume that I can speak for their entire staff when I say that they don't intend for their students to roll in and then quit their education as soon as they achieve their AA.)
Farmers have been replaced by murderers. (The Green River Killer).
Dreams of heavy industry have been replaced by a Barbecue place. (The Caveman).
But that's not to say that there haven't been attempts to restore Kent to its proud beginnings...
In 1999, Ryan Kalalau, a graduate of Kent's Kent-Meridian High School managed to convince better than 90% of the private-school-educated University of Puget Sound campus that Kent was not in fact Seattle's armpit--but rather its heart and soul. And that the graffitied sequoias that were leaning on a trailer were actually palm trees lining mansions. (It was only upon visiting the town that sat only 20 minutes north that these students realized that Ryan was simply a confused Hawaiian with a tribal haircut.)
And so Kent remains--its history buried at the bottom of an 18-pack of Keystone, and its future burning in the basement of a meth-lab.
Of the few that actually made it out of this dreadful place--here is a list of the 15 most-prominent Kentonians of the past 50 years...
15. Jay Garthwaite: A baseball player who while attending the University of Washington broke the Pac-10 Home Run record for a freshman, previously held by Mark McGwire and Reggie Jackson. Although disliked by many of his boyhood classmates, Jay has become the stuff of urban legend. Known in college for his temper-laden tirades, and in high school for a "Step across the plate during a pitch-out" that was rumored to have flown 500 ft--Jay's baseball exploits, like him or not, remain a staple to Kent lore.
14. McFly: A well-known Internet blogger whose readership spread as far as South Africa, with heavy-focus in the areas of Seattle, WA, San Francisco, CA and Newport Beach, CA. His career was cut short after being brutally murdered when numbers 10 and 5 read this list.
13. Stephen Campbell: While a wide-receiver at Brown, Campbell broke the all-time NCAA marks for receptions in a season and a career (both then held by Jerry Rice.) He was nice to puppies and apparently the younger brothers of his friends--but I'll tell you what--I don't care if the guy now runs a fleet of tanning salons--if you break ANY record held by Jerry Rice, you're doing something right.
12. Ana Cosme (No link available): While a student at Kentwood High School was an original member of KING-TV's Watch This, a variety show aimed at teenagers which was the first in the country to launch a response to Kurt Cobain's suicide. (Oh--and her brother had a black car that he drove REALLY fast.)
11. Courtney Thompson: The younger-sister of a Rhodes' Scholar, Courtney had big shoes to fill--but figuratively (as opposed to "literally") turned the volleyball world upside down by winning National Player of the Year honors as a) a setter and b) an undersized setter. Leading the team to a National Title, Thompson now plays with the US National Team.
10. JJ Hanson (REALLY angry there is no link available): JJ Hanson was a Kent icon, having won two high school state titles in wrestling and earning playing-time on the University of Washington's 1992 National Championship Football Team. With the honors behind him, he returned to Kentwood as an advisor, working as a coach and taking a limited role in student-programs. Somewhere in the area of 2001, he was arrested and convicted at another high school for providing students CRACK-COCAINE while on a SCHOOL TRIP and then receiving ORAL SEX from both MALE STUDENTS.
I bring this up because I knew JJ moderately well. Not NEARLY as well as my friend (to protect the identity of a sexual-assault-near-victim, we'll call him) "Cliff Notavec". Cliff served not only as a quarterback and safety under JJ's watchful-eye, but also as the Secretary/Treasurer of some sort of Rainbow Coalition group that JJ put together seemingly to spend time with Cliff. (I was asked to join the group and even had a couple of breakfasts with JJ and my then-sidekick Cliff. Upon his arrest, we found that he lured in the two students by scheduling regular breakfasts with them to talk about "life".) (Uggh....I need to go bathe in bleach.)
9. Jess Daley: A state-champion golfer in high school, turned First Team All-American in college at Northwestern, turned PGA Tour player--Jess Daley is easily my favorite person on this list (save 14.) There were many tales about Jess, all of which I can confirm to be true. My two favorites are:
1. Jess screaming in anger upon reaching the 15th hole at our home course--at the time the most-difficult hole on the course--as it was closed for repair. Why was he screaming? He'd birdied 9 of the first 14 holes and he, "can't birdie it if it was closed."
2. Playing in frozen-rain, Jess and I, the only two players on the golf course, reached the 9th hole at our home course. Normally a 530-yard par five that is virtually-impossible to reach in two, under the conditions was probably playing closer to 600 yards. Jess, of course, routinely nestled his ball next to the green in two shots, and then looked at me and said, "If I don't birdie this hole, I'm going to snap this wedge over my knee." When he chipped-in (for eagle!) he turned to me, paused, shrugged his shoulders...and snapped the wedge over his knee. A man of his word and an all-around great guy. (Excuse me while I remove myself from his crotch...)
8. Ernie Conwell: I can say with a fair amount of confidence that he is the only Kent-resident to ever:
-Win a Super Bowl and a National Championship
-Break ribs while bench-pressing 550 lbs...WITHOUT A SPOTTER
-Be known as "the strongest man in the NFL."
7. Mike Karney: Soon-to-be All-pro fullback for the Saints. Karney is best-known in Kent-lore for:
-Doing leg-workouts in high school by pushing his family car
-Making 5-straight 3-pointers as an eighth-grader for Cedar Heights Junior High in a 9th-grade game (4 of which were directly over my exhausted face).
-Scoring three touchdowns in a Sunday Night Football game in '06--making him the biggest (male) sex-symbol in the history of Kent
6. Wade Cook: Labeled the "Mormon Money Machine", Wade Cook was a national-icon in the late-90s, earning fame as a self-proclaimed financial guru. His opinion and thoughts were so well-thought-of, that Cook actually won a lawsuit against world-renowned business coach, Tony Robbins, for Robbins copying Cook's ideas.
As with most successful Kent-residents, his success (once worth over $200 million) was short-lived, and after a variety of legal troubles, Cook fell on hard times...losing a tax-evasion suit to the US Government which he is still paying-off today.
5. Chauncey Stansberry: The only (known) sex-offender from my era at Kentwood High School. You really can't make this stuff up--despite never playing a minute of high school basketball, his senior quote was, "Some people say I play like Mike--some people say I play like Rodman. But you got to do yo own thing--be yo-self." (I swear, God as my witness, I will never forget that quote.)
4. Sarah Larson: Socialite and current girlfriend of George Clooney. Received national attention when the two of them crashed on Clooney's vintage Harley Davidson motorcycle.
This one genuinely bothers me--I took her younger sister to a dance once but didn't have a trained-enough eye at 16 to realize that the older-sister who was there when I picked her up would grow up to be THIS. (Good for her though...I don't know her--but both her sisters were cool girls...I assume she is too. And hell--given the opportunity--I'd date George Clooney...)
3. Rodney Stuckey: After being forced to attend Eastern Washington University instead of a larger school, because of academic concerns--Rodney made the most of it, becoming one of the leading scorers in the country and earning a first-round selection by the Detroit Pistons. (Why does a rookie who has yet to play a game get more credit than all of the accomplished athletes on this list? BECAUSE FULLBACKS DON'T SELL SNEAKERS, MIKEY!)
2. Jeff Jaeger: The University of Washington's all-time leading-scorer, Jaeger played eleven years in the NFL with the Browns, Raiders and Bears, establishing himself as one of the most-reliable kickers in the NFL.
When he visited my second-grade class, we were all given miniature Browns footballs for him to sign. I asked him to sign a green football made of construction paper that read "Packers" on it because, "My dad likes the Packers".
1. Ann and Nancy Wilson: The sisters were (and still are) the original and only constant members of the iconic rock-band, Heart. Among their classic hits, Alone and What About Love? remain absolute IPOD-essentials. The band has survived four decades and close to 50 band-members, but the two sisters remain the centerpiece. (Their wiki-profile says they're from Bellevue, but they lived on Kent's Scenic Hill.)
DID I FORGET SOMEONE?
Hit me up: mcflyblogs@gmail.com
I reference my hometown frequently--but it probably hasn't had adequate introduction.
I grew up in Kent, Washington, which was the second incorporated city in King County (after Seattle). Originally, it was the valley that existed between Seattle and Tacoma that provided much of the agriculture that aided the rapid growth of the industrial (Tacoma) and metropolitan (Seattle) cities that surrounded it. (I found out my junior year in college that according to tests on the nutrients in the soil and water-retention, the Kent Valley has the most-fertile soil in the contiguous United States.)
Since, the city has grown to develop its own industries. The industry of Kent...is...uh...just that--industry. The third-largest industrial area in the United States--the city now sprawls well into the surrounding hills and is the eighth largest city in Washington.
Housing naturally followed growth, but with growth moving faster than builders could respond, poor-built, simple tract-housing turned what was once a fertile hillside into glorified slums. (Even today, in the out-lying parts of the city, you can see new-construction homes going up with pretty paint, but shoddy workmanship and tiny lots.) At some point, these slums became the focal point of a city with otherwise great potential into a joke at the hands of Seattle-ites and inhabitants of Lake Washington's east-side.
Many cities are marked by a single event that thrust it into the nation's eye: Chicago's fire. San Francisco's earthquakes.
Kent was thrust into a national scope by a local comedy troupe that did an evening sketch-comedy show called "ALMOST LIVE!" that preceded Saturday Night Live on the local NBC-affiliate. (ALMOST LIVE!'s 16-year-run was made most-famous by serving as the launching-pad for Bill Nye "The Science Guy" to national prominence.)
How does this make it a "national" story? When comedy central first developed on satellite TV (I'm talking NASA-satellite---where you used to turn to channel G-7 and pickup a public access show from Minnetonka, MN) in 1992, somehow, someone decided that a local comedy show from Seattle, whose jokes were entirely local, and whose appeal was entirely local would somehow catch the attention of a national-audience.
It didn't--but the show's staple fallback of "We don't have any good material--just make fun of Kent!" was sent to satellites all over the country.
The city never recovered.
Teenagers whose great-grandparents dreamed of Jefferson's agrarian paradise in the West were finding themselves smoking pot on the hood of a Trans Am the night before the State Championship Football game only to secure their spots on the long list of "Guys who never left Kent."
Education meaningless. Dreams wasted. Hopes dashed.
The "successful" of Kent end up attending Green River Community College (or "Harvard on the Hill" as it is referred to) and affording rims for the '78 Mustang whose sound-system has a lot of "base". (Sidebar--GRCC is a PHENOMENAL community college--but it is great because of its ability to be a spring-board. I assume that I can speak for their entire staff when I say that they don't intend for their students to roll in and then quit their education as soon as they achieve their AA.)
Farmers have been replaced by murderers. (The Green River Killer).
Dreams of heavy industry have been replaced by a Barbecue place. (The Caveman).
But that's not to say that there haven't been attempts to restore Kent to its proud beginnings...
In 1999, Ryan Kalalau, a graduate of Kent's Kent-Meridian High School managed to convince better than 90% of the private-school-educated University of Puget Sound campus that Kent was not in fact Seattle's armpit--but rather its heart and soul. And that the graffitied sequoias that were leaning on a trailer were actually palm trees lining mansions. (It was only upon visiting the town that sat only 20 minutes north that these students realized that Ryan was simply a confused Hawaiian with a tribal haircut.)
And so Kent remains--its history buried at the bottom of an 18-pack of Keystone, and its future burning in the basement of a meth-lab.
Of the few that actually made it out of this dreadful place--here is a list of the 15 most-prominent Kentonians of the past 50 years...
15. Jay Garthwaite: A baseball player who while attending the University of Washington broke the Pac-10 Home Run record for a freshman, previously held by Mark McGwire and Reggie Jackson. Although disliked by many of his boyhood classmates, Jay has become the stuff of urban legend. Known in college for his temper-laden tirades, and in high school for a "Step across the plate during a pitch-out" that was rumored to have flown 500 ft--Jay's baseball exploits, like him or not, remain a staple to Kent lore.
14. McFly: A well-known Internet blogger whose readership spread as far as South Africa, with heavy-focus in the areas of Seattle, WA, San Francisco, CA and Newport Beach, CA. His career was cut short after being brutally murdered when numbers 10 and 5 read this list.
13. Stephen Campbell: While a wide-receiver at Brown, Campbell broke the all-time NCAA marks for receptions in a season and a career (both then held by Jerry Rice.) He was nice to puppies and apparently the younger brothers of his friends--but I'll tell you what--I don't care if the guy now runs a fleet of tanning salons--if you break ANY record held by Jerry Rice, you're doing something right.
12. Ana Cosme (No link available): While a student at Kentwood High School was an original member of KING-TV's Watch This, a variety show aimed at teenagers which was the first in the country to launch a response to Kurt Cobain's suicide. (Oh--and her brother had a black car that he drove REALLY fast.)
11. Courtney Thompson: The younger-sister of a Rhodes' Scholar, Courtney had big shoes to fill--but figuratively (as opposed to "literally") turned the volleyball world upside down by winning National Player of the Year honors as a) a setter and b) an undersized setter. Leading the team to a National Title, Thompson now plays with the US National Team.
10. JJ Hanson (REALLY angry there is no link available): JJ Hanson was a Kent icon, having won two high school state titles in wrestling and earning playing-time on the University of Washington's 1992 National Championship Football Team. With the honors behind him, he returned to Kentwood as an advisor, working as a coach and taking a limited role in student-programs. Somewhere in the area of 2001, he was arrested and convicted at another high school for providing students CRACK-COCAINE while on a SCHOOL TRIP and then receiving ORAL SEX from both MALE STUDENTS.
I bring this up because I knew JJ moderately well. Not NEARLY as well as my friend (to protect the identity of a sexual-assault-near-victim, we'll call him) "Cliff Notavec". Cliff served not only as a quarterback and safety under JJ's watchful-eye, but also as the Secretary/Treasurer of some sort of Rainbow Coalition group that JJ put together seemingly to spend time with Cliff. (I was asked to join the group and even had a couple of breakfasts with JJ and my then-sidekick Cliff. Upon his arrest, we found that he lured in the two students by scheduling regular breakfasts with them to talk about "life".) (Uggh....I need to go bathe in bleach.)
9. Jess Daley: A state-champion golfer in high school, turned First Team All-American in college at Northwestern, turned PGA Tour player--Jess Daley is easily my favorite person on this list (save 14.) There were many tales about Jess, all of which I can confirm to be true. My two favorites are:
1. Jess screaming in anger upon reaching the 15th hole at our home course--at the time the most-difficult hole on the course--as it was closed for repair. Why was he screaming? He'd birdied 9 of the first 14 holes and he, "can't birdie it if it was closed."
2. Playing in frozen-rain, Jess and I, the only two players on the golf course, reached the 9th hole at our home course. Normally a 530-yard par five that is virtually-impossible to reach in two, under the conditions was probably playing closer to 600 yards. Jess, of course, routinely nestled his ball next to the green in two shots, and then looked at me and said, "If I don't birdie this hole, I'm going to snap this wedge over my knee." When he chipped-in (for eagle!) he turned to me, paused, shrugged his shoulders...and snapped the wedge over his knee. A man of his word and an all-around great guy. (Excuse me while I remove myself from his crotch...)
8. Ernie Conwell: I can say with a fair amount of confidence that he is the only Kent-resident to ever:
-Win a Super Bowl and a National Championship
-Break ribs while bench-pressing 550 lbs...WITHOUT A SPOTTER
-Be known as "the strongest man in the NFL."
7. Mike Karney: Soon-to-be All-pro fullback for the Saints. Karney is best-known in Kent-lore for:
-Doing leg-workouts in high school by pushing his family car
-Making 5-straight 3-pointers as an eighth-grader for Cedar Heights Junior High in a 9th-grade game (4 of which were directly over my exhausted face).
-Scoring three touchdowns in a Sunday Night Football game in '06--making him the biggest (male) sex-symbol in the history of Kent
6. Wade Cook: Labeled the "Mormon Money Machine", Wade Cook was a national-icon in the late-90s, earning fame as a self-proclaimed financial guru. His opinion and thoughts were so well-thought-of, that Cook actually won a lawsuit against world-renowned business coach, Tony Robbins, for Robbins copying Cook's ideas.
As with most successful Kent-residents, his success (once worth over $200 million) was short-lived, and after a variety of legal troubles, Cook fell on hard times...losing a tax-evasion suit to the US Government which he is still paying-off today.
5. Chauncey Stansberry: The only (known) sex-offender from my era at Kentwood High School. You really can't make this stuff up--despite never playing a minute of high school basketball, his senior quote was, "Some people say I play like Mike--some people say I play like Rodman. But you got to do yo own thing--be yo-self." (I swear, God as my witness, I will never forget that quote.)
4. Sarah Larson: Socialite and current girlfriend of George Clooney. Received national attention when the two of them crashed on Clooney's vintage Harley Davidson motorcycle.
This one genuinely bothers me--I took her younger sister to a dance once but didn't have a trained-enough eye at 16 to realize that the older-sister who was there when I picked her up would grow up to be THIS. (Good for her though...I don't know her--but both her sisters were cool girls...I assume she is too. And hell--given the opportunity--I'd date George Clooney...)
3. Rodney Stuckey: After being forced to attend Eastern Washington University instead of a larger school, because of academic concerns--Rodney made the most of it, becoming one of the leading scorers in the country and earning a first-round selection by the Detroit Pistons. (Why does a rookie who has yet to play a game get more credit than all of the accomplished athletes on this list? BECAUSE FULLBACKS DON'T SELL SNEAKERS, MIKEY!)
2. Jeff Jaeger: The University of Washington's all-time leading-scorer, Jaeger played eleven years in the NFL with the Browns, Raiders and Bears, establishing himself as one of the most-reliable kickers in the NFL.
When he visited my second-grade class, we were all given miniature Browns footballs for him to sign. I asked him to sign a green football made of construction paper that read "Packers" on it because, "My dad likes the Packers".
1. Ann and Nancy Wilson: The sisters were (and still are) the original and only constant members of the iconic rock-band, Heart. Among their classic hits, Alone and What About Love? remain absolute IPOD-essentials. The band has survived four decades and close to 50 band-members, but the two sisters remain the centerpiece. (Their wiki-profile says they're from Bellevue, but they lived on Kent's Scenic Hill.)
DID I FORGET SOMEONE?
Hit me up: mcflyblogs@gmail.com
10.15.07
I forgot...
Most of you wouldn't have noticed...but Ben and Eric have a new video up, which I think is one of their best.
No explanation needed...just "Sext Messages".
Check out all of UPS' finest filmmakers at www.benanderic.com.
Briefly
I saw a myspace posting this week that Skaw got engaged this weekend. Here is the part of the post that is ALMOST clean enough to repost:
"Yep. Its true. Got hammered and put a ring on Janelle's finger - a real one, not the crackerjack ring I was planning on. She doesn't go for cheap trinkets like the other whores I used to poke."
And they say romance is dead...
(Believe me--the two sentences that followed this were far more vile that I put on this page.
Just a thought though:
How is it possible that someone who:
-Thought it would be funny to get drunk and get playboy bunnies tattooed around his crotch
-Had the Virginia Tech shooter's picture as his profile picture on myspace
-Intentionally flunked out of UPS
-Once had a girlfriend who he referred to as "Milky T**s" to her face
-Didn't like Faces of Death because the acts weren't realistic (and knows that they weren't because he's performed them all)
has his life together better than I do?
What is the over/under on days after this marriage that there is a domestic abuse call to the police? Four?
Anyway...congrats.
This Week’s Poll
So as it turns out, I, like everyone else on the planet, make college football picks that are about as useless as a mushy apple.
I got one suggestion for a blog that I’m considering, but could use a few more, as I’m short on rants right now.
As for today…just this week’s poll (with their BCS ranking in parenthesis.)
(And as for those of you who don’t care about sports—SUBMIT A TOPIC OR A POSTING OF YOUR OWN!!!!!!!!!)
McFly’s Top 25
1. South Florida (2): Yes, South Florida. Close your eyes and listen to the results of every team’s games—not even a question that USF is #1.
2. Ohio State (1): I still haven’t been impressed by a single one of their games, but it looks like both them and (get this!) Michigan will be undefeated in the Big 10 when they close their seasons in the Big House on November 17.
3. Oklahoma (5): Yes, they have a loss, but they have more impressive wins than anyone but USF.
4. Boston College (3): At Virginia Tech this week. If they can win that one, they can pretty much coast to an undefeated season.
5. Oregon (10): See Oklahoma.
6. LSU (4): I applaud Les Miles’ faith to run on 4th and 3 with the game on the line. I assume there aren’t a lot of LSU fans that feel the same way…
7. Arizona State (8): Washington is really awful…but Arizona State absolutely out-everything’d them on Saturday. But they have Cal at home this week with Longshore still hurt. Then a BRUTAL ONE at Oregon, and a couple weeks later USC at home. If the escape with one loss, how are they not a BCS team??
8. Kentucky (7): I hate sports cliches. Kentucky stood toe-to-toe in the middle of the ring with LSU and scored a knockout. I hate irony.
9. USC (14): Yes, they’ve played three awful games against three awful teams, but does ANYONE believe that there are 13 teams better than them?
10. South Carolina (6): Why waste votes putting them in the top ten? They’re NOT going to end up there…
11. West Virginia (9): They’ve got some opportunities, but they need an impressive win before they’re vaulted back into BCS Contention.
12. Cal (12): Funny joke for any Cal senior reading this: replace your backup quarterback’s playbook with a transfer form.
13. Kansas (13): No, they’re NOT the worst undefeated team in history…that would be my friend Mo’s fantasy team.
14. Florida (15): Similar to USC, there is just no way they should be this low when Boston College is 3rd in the BCS.
15. Hawaii (18): As predicted, they’ll lose Thanksgiving week to Boise State and their joke of a conference will screw itself over.
16. Auburn (17): Hold Darren McFadden to 42 yards and I’ll put you in my top 25 as well.
17. Texas Tech (24): They have a FRESHMAN with 18 RECEIVING touchdowns. (Read that several times.)
18. Virginia (19): Hey—you knock off undefeated UConn and you get some SERIOUS props.
19. Virginia Tech (11): So I don’t forget to put them in here…BC THUMPS them this week.
20. Missouri (16): Hung with Oklahoma for a while, but never really looked like they belonged.
21. Tennessee (21): They were almost ranked higher when it was announced that Smokey would be their starting tailback this week.
22. Cincinnati (23): This sounds stupid but holding Louisville to 28 points is pretty impressive.
23. Michigan (25): I’m standing by my pick of them winning the Big 10.
24. Georgia (20): Eh.
25. Illinois (Unranked): What the hell happened Saturday? Erik—please explain how Iowa was successful against a team with that much momentum…I know you’re into that crap.
(Intentionally not listed: Texas, Wisconsin)
Most of you wouldn't have noticed...but Ben and Eric have a new video up, which I think is one of their best.
No explanation needed...just "Sext Messages".
Check out all of UPS' finest filmmakers at www.benanderic.com.
Briefly
I saw a myspace posting this week that Skaw got engaged this weekend. Here is the part of the post that is ALMOST clean enough to repost:
"Yep. Its true. Got hammered and put a ring on Janelle's finger - a real one, not the crackerjack ring I was planning on. She doesn't go for cheap trinkets like the other whores I used to poke."
And they say romance is dead...
(Believe me--the two sentences that followed this were far more vile that I put on this page.
Just a thought though:
How is it possible that someone who:
-Thought it would be funny to get drunk and get playboy bunnies tattooed around his crotch
-Had the Virginia Tech shooter's picture as his profile picture on myspace
-Intentionally flunked out of UPS
-Once had a girlfriend who he referred to as "Milky T**s" to her face
-Didn't like Faces of Death because the acts weren't realistic (and knows that they weren't because he's performed them all)
has his life together better than I do?
What is the over/under on days after this marriage that there is a domestic abuse call to the police? Four?
Anyway...congrats.
This Week’s Poll
So as it turns out, I, like everyone else on the planet, make college football picks that are about as useless as a mushy apple.
I got one suggestion for a blog that I’m considering, but could use a few more, as I’m short on rants right now.
As for today…just this week’s poll (with their BCS ranking in parenthesis.)
(And as for those of you who don’t care about sports—SUBMIT A TOPIC OR A POSTING OF YOUR OWN!!!!!!!!!)
McFly’s Top 25
1. South Florida (2): Yes, South Florida. Close your eyes and listen to the results of every team’s games—not even a question that USF is #1.
2. Ohio State (1): I still haven’t been impressed by a single one of their games, but it looks like both them and (get this!) Michigan will be undefeated in the Big 10 when they close their seasons in the Big House on November 17.
3. Oklahoma (5): Yes, they have a loss, but they have more impressive wins than anyone but USF.
4. Boston College (3): At Virginia Tech this week. If they can win that one, they can pretty much coast to an undefeated season.
5. Oregon (10): See Oklahoma.
6. LSU (4): I applaud Les Miles’ faith to run on 4th and 3 with the game on the line. I assume there aren’t a lot of LSU fans that feel the same way…
7. Arizona State (8): Washington is really awful…but Arizona State absolutely out-everything’d them on Saturday. But they have Cal at home this week with Longshore still hurt. Then a BRUTAL ONE at Oregon, and a couple weeks later USC at home. If the escape with one loss, how are they not a BCS team??
8. Kentucky (7): I hate sports cliches. Kentucky stood toe-to-toe in the middle of the ring with LSU and scored a knockout. I hate irony.
9. USC (14): Yes, they’ve played three awful games against three awful teams, but does ANYONE believe that there are 13 teams better than them?
10. South Carolina (6): Why waste votes putting them in the top ten? They’re NOT going to end up there…
11. West Virginia (9): They’ve got some opportunities, but they need an impressive win before they’re vaulted back into BCS Contention.
12. Cal (12): Funny joke for any Cal senior reading this: replace your backup quarterback’s playbook with a transfer form.
13. Kansas (13): No, they’re NOT the worst undefeated team in history…that would be my friend Mo’s fantasy team.
14. Florida (15): Similar to USC, there is just no way they should be this low when Boston College is 3rd in the BCS.
15. Hawaii (18): As predicted, they’ll lose Thanksgiving week to Boise State and their joke of a conference will screw itself over.
16. Auburn (17): Hold Darren McFadden to 42 yards and I’ll put you in my top 25 as well.
17. Texas Tech (24): They have a FRESHMAN with 18 RECEIVING touchdowns. (Read that several times.)
18. Virginia (19): Hey—you knock off undefeated UConn and you get some SERIOUS props.
19. Virginia Tech (11): So I don’t forget to put them in here…BC THUMPS them this week.
20. Missouri (16): Hung with Oklahoma for a while, but never really looked like they belonged.
21. Tennessee (21): They were almost ranked higher when it was announced that Smokey would be their starting tailback this week.
22. Cincinnati (23): This sounds stupid but holding Louisville to 28 points is pretty impressive.
23. Michigan (25): I’m standing by my pick of them winning the Big 10.
24. Georgia (20): Eh.
25. Illinois (Unranked): What the hell happened Saturday? Erik—please explain how Iowa was successful against a team with that much momentum…I know you’re into that crap.
(Intentionally not listed: Texas, Wisconsin)
Friday, October 12, 2007
10.12.07
Prize...yes he is.
I saw this morning that Al Gore won the Nobel Prize.
Funny...I tend to stay pretty up-to-date on things but I didn't know they gave a Nobel Prize for shameless self-promotion.
In Response to Yesterday
A lot of people sent emails saying that I should have suggested that Fox News be playing in my mythical RRU gym instead of CNN or CNBC…
Occasionally I get lost in what I’m doing and forget my main point…which usually leads to me getting firey mad about something in the gym…
This was basically my response to a-holes turning the channel from ESPN at the gym…nothing more nothing less.
But thanks for the response…
Spikes Up!
The over-exposed Sportscenter play from last night’s first game of the NLCS was of course the slide into second which was ruled interference and an automatic double-play.
I don't know why I'm telling this story, but my senior year in college, during “study period” (the few days before finals) a few of us got together on a rainy day for some batting practice on a softball field. Well—a few turned to a few more and suddenly we were in an 8 on 8 pitch-to-your-team pickup game which, per the norm, featured about 12 guys on the UPS baseball team, 4 guys who used to be on said team, one Jew and me.
Knowing that I was already at a distinct disadvantage to every gentile on the field, I decided that despite having not run for anything but a seat at the bar in the past three years, I was going to have to hustle to compete.
So I blooped a single in the first inning, and as my roommate Jesse grounded to second, I decided that, in seeing Tom covering second base, I was going to slide spikes up and take that bastard out.
Last night’s interference was blatant.
Mine probably could have been described as criminal.
(Olin a few months previous while watching us play an IM softball game described my sliding style as “exactly like RBI Baseball for the Nintendo—three times slower than just running to the base would have been.”)
Well this one was at full speed, and was at least within 6 feet of the bag. My legs clipped Tom’s and sent his giant-man’s frame flopping right on top of me.
I popped up and saw about a half a second of silence where everyone on the field was collectively asking themselves “Did Ian really just take Tom out?”
Then I heard the aforementioned Olin laughing harder than I’ve ever heard him laugh.
When I got back to the dugout he said something to the extent of, “We just finished an entire college baseball season and nobody made a single play that exerted that much effort. You are a ridiculous human being.”
Thanks?
College Picks
(Oh—before I get to the college picks, because the Cowboys and Patriots game is such a big game, I will not be writing on the topic. Instead I will give all of my comments verbally, immediately following the game.
Sincerely,
McFly.)
Willamette at UPS
Unfortunately Homecoming is not pretty for the Logs…the cold-streak continues. (Despite that, I wish I was there to be a part of it…)
Willamette: 41-7.
#21 Florida State at Wake Forest
I think that Wake is going to rely on big plays to keep it close, get lucky on a very strange penalty on a punt, and then hold-off the heavily favored Seminoles in the end by recovering an attempting onside-kick.
Wake: 24-21.
#16 Hawaii at San Jose St.
Is everyone still saying that Dick Thome is going to turn around San Jose? The only turning around in that stadium will be to look at the scoreboard to see if it is too early to call “mercy”.
Hawaii: 63-16.
GAME OF THE WEEK:
#1 LSU at #17 Kentucky.
Despite phenomenal performances by Tony Delk, Mark Pope, Jeff Shepard and Walter McCarty, LSU scores A LOT of points and Kentucky falls to the ranks of the "Bowl-bound but unranked" where they belong.
LSU: 44-17.
Oregon State at #2 California
Here's one for you: Bottle Caps taste significantly better than Sweet Tarts, and yet Sweet Tarts probably have fifty times the distribution of Bottle Caps. That's puzzling.
Cal: 48-24.
Kent State at #3 Ohio State
Biggest massacre at an Ohio college campus since…uh…
OSU: 38-0
#4 Boston College at Notre Dame
I hope to God that last week was Notre Dame’s annual gay “HEY—we suddenly figured out how to play” game of the year…
BC: 21-13.
Central Florida at South Florida
I didn’t put the rankings on here because I’m guessing that most of you don’t know the difference between the two.
South Florida: 31-21.
#11 Missouri at #6 Oklahoma
If Oklahoma can locate a shoe-horn to pull their collective heads out of their tailpipes, this game will not be close. Welcome to Earth, Mizzou.
OU: 35-13.
#7 South Carolina at North Carolina
I don’t believe that there will be two unbeatens this year, so that would mean that if South Carolina won out they’d win the National Championship. Well—they’re not going to win the National Championship, so I’m just going to go ahead and keep picking against them until they lose. COME ON BUTCH DAVIS!
UNC: 5-3.
Washington State at #9 Oregon
Remember what Oregon did to Michigan in the Big House? Um…they’re in Autzen…and they’re playing the worst secondary in the “Bowl Subdivision”.
Oregon: 54-6.
Arizona at #10 USC
I would not have liked to be a USC player this week.
USC: 34-6.
#12 Virginia Tech at Duke
I think this season has one more game where a top 25 team dumps one to a terrible team (see: Michigan, USC) and I think that Virginia Tech is more susceptible than any other team in the group. Unfortunately Duke is really REALLY bad.
Virginia Tech: 27-14.
Washington at #14 Arizona State
Washington could win this game. They won’t, but they could.
(Oh—and take the OVER.)
ASU: 48-40.
Louisville at #15 Cincinnati
At the beginning of the season, the question wouldn’t have been whether Louisville would win, but by how many. Now Cincy is a heavy favorite. I think this is where two confusing seasons straighten themselves out.
Louisville: 33-24.
#18 Illinois at Iowa
Consider me ABOARD the Ron Zook bandwagon.
Illini: 24-10.
#19 Wisconsin at Penn State
Did you guys read about Paterno this week? What a beauty. He spends the whole week complaining about his players lack of discipline and then he gets into a road-rage incident with some woman. When her husband realizes what is going on and says, “That’s my wife you’re talking to”, Paterno responds, “That’s your problem.”
Anyway…I like Penn State because Wisconsin is AWFUL.
Penn State: 28-13.
Baylor at #20 Kansas
This is the kind of game you have to watch on ABC if you live in the Rocky Mountain Region…despite wishing I could be back on the Rockies bandwagon, games like this are reason to never go back.
Kansas: 35-17.
#22 Auburn at Arkansas
I try not to look at lines when I’m picking games because it could interfere with my making terrible predictions. My guess however is that Arkansas is favored, and with good reason. Everyone has been talking about how there is no clear-cut leader in the Heisman race…Darren McFadden finally changes that.
Arkansas: 28-10.
#23 Texas at Iowa State
Is Texas bad enough to lose in Ames? Probably not…pretending is fun though.
Iowa State: 10-9.
#24 Georgia at Vanderbilt
Shame that this game isn’t at Georgia so I can talk about how it is being played “between the hedges”.
Georgia: 42-20.
#25 Tennessee at Mississippi State
I like the Vols…but I wouldn’t watch this game if my only other option was the “Toenails being ripped-off Channel”.
Vols: 28-7.
Plea
I'm still looking for guest-writers and suggestions (like the one below) for blog topics. HIT ME UP!
But this is a posting from one of the Arnolds that requires no response:
Dear McFly,
I saw this morning that Al Gore won the Nobel Prize.
Funny...I tend to stay pretty up-to-date on things but I didn't know they gave a Nobel Prize for shameless self-promotion.
In Response to Yesterday
A lot of people sent emails saying that I should have suggested that Fox News be playing in my mythical RRU gym instead of CNN or CNBC…
Occasionally I get lost in what I’m doing and forget my main point…which usually leads to me getting firey mad about something in the gym…
This was basically my response to a-holes turning the channel from ESPN at the gym…nothing more nothing less.
But thanks for the response…
Spikes Up!
The over-exposed Sportscenter play from last night’s first game of the NLCS was of course the slide into second which was ruled interference and an automatic double-play.
I don't know why I'm telling this story, but my senior year in college, during “study period” (the few days before finals) a few of us got together on a rainy day for some batting practice on a softball field. Well—a few turned to a few more and suddenly we were in an 8 on 8 pitch-to-your-team pickup game which, per the norm, featured about 12 guys on the UPS baseball team, 4 guys who used to be on said team, one Jew and me.
Knowing that I was already at a distinct disadvantage to every gentile on the field, I decided that despite having not run for anything but a seat at the bar in the past three years, I was going to have to hustle to compete.
So I blooped a single in the first inning, and as my roommate Jesse grounded to second, I decided that, in seeing Tom covering second base, I was going to slide spikes up and take that bastard out.
Last night’s interference was blatant.
Mine probably could have been described as criminal.
(Olin a few months previous while watching us play an IM softball game described my sliding style as “exactly like RBI Baseball for the Nintendo—three times slower than just running to the base would have been.”)
Well this one was at full speed, and was at least within 6 feet of the bag. My legs clipped Tom’s and sent his giant-man’s frame flopping right on top of me.
I popped up and saw about a half a second of silence where everyone on the field was collectively asking themselves “Did Ian really just take Tom out?”
Then I heard the aforementioned Olin laughing harder than I’ve ever heard him laugh.
When I got back to the dugout he said something to the extent of, “We just finished an entire college baseball season and nobody made a single play that exerted that much effort. You are a ridiculous human being.”
Thanks?
College Picks
(Oh—before I get to the college picks, because the Cowboys and Patriots game is such a big game, I will not be writing on the topic. Instead I will give all of my comments verbally, immediately following the game.
Sincerely,
McFly.)
Willamette at UPS
Unfortunately Homecoming is not pretty for the Logs…the cold-streak continues. (Despite that, I wish I was there to be a part of it…)
Willamette: 41-7.
#21 Florida State at Wake Forest
I think that Wake is going to rely on big plays to keep it close, get lucky on a very strange penalty on a punt, and then hold-off the heavily favored Seminoles in the end by recovering an attempting onside-kick.
Wake: 24-21.
#16 Hawaii at San Jose St.
Is everyone still saying that Dick Thome is going to turn around San Jose? The only turning around in that stadium will be to look at the scoreboard to see if it is too early to call “mercy”.
Hawaii: 63-16.
GAME OF THE WEEK:
#1 LSU at #17 Kentucky.
Despite phenomenal performances by Tony Delk, Mark Pope, Jeff Shepard and Walter McCarty, LSU scores A LOT of points and Kentucky falls to the ranks of the "Bowl-bound but unranked" where they belong.
LSU: 44-17.
Oregon State at #2 California
Here's one for you: Bottle Caps taste significantly better than Sweet Tarts, and yet Sweet Tarts probably have fifty times the distribution of Bottle Caps. That's puzzling.
Cal: 48-24.
Kent State at #3 Ohio State
Biggest massacre at an Ohio college campus since…uh…
OSU: 38-0
#4 Boston College at Notre Dame
I hope to God that last week was Notre Dame’s annual gay “HEY—we suddenly figured out how to play” game of the year…
BC: 21-13.
Central Florida at South Florida
I didn’t put the rankings on here because I’m guessing that most of you don’t know the difference between the two.
South Florida: 31-21.
#11 Missouri at #6 Oklahoma
If Oklahoma can locate a shoe-horn to pull their collective heads out of their tailpipes, this game will not be close. Welcome to Earth, Mizzou.
OU: 35-13.
#7 South Carolina at North Carolina
I don’t believe that there will be two unbeatens this year, so that would mean that if South Carolina won out they’d win the National Championship. Well—they’re not going to win the National Championship, so I’m just going to go ahead and keep picking against them until they lose. COME ON BUTCH DAVIS!
UNC: 5-3.
Washington State at #9 Oregon
Remember what Oregon did to Michigan in the Big House? Um…they’re in Autzen…and they’re playing the worst secondary in the “Bowl Subdivision”.
Oregon: 54-6.
Arizona at #10 USC
I would not have liked to be a USC player this week.
USC: 34-6.
#12 Virginia Tech at Duke
I think this season has one more game where a top 25 team dumps one to a terrible team (see: Michigan, USC) and I think that Virginia Tech is more susceptible than any other team in the group. Unfortunately Duke is really REALLY bad.
Virginia Tech: 27-14.
Washington at #14 Arizona State
Washington could win this game. They won’t, but they could.
(Oh—and take the OVER.)
ASU: 48-40.
Louisville at #15 Cincinnati
At the beginning of the season, the question wouldn’t have been whether Louisville would win, but by how many. Now Cincy is a heavy favorite. I think this is where two confusing seasons straighten themselves out.
Louisville: 33-24.
#18 Illinois at Iowa
Consider me ABOARD the Ron Zook bandwagon.
Illini: 24-10.
#19 Wisconsin at Penn State
Did you guys read about Paterno this week? What a beauty. He spends the whole week complaining about his players lack of discipline and then he gets into a road-rage incident with some woman. When her husband realizes what is going on and says, “That’s my wife you’re talking to”, Paterno responds, “That’s your problem.”
Anyway…I like Penn State because Wisconsin is AWFUL.
Penn State: 28-13.
Baylor at #20 Kansas
This is the kind of game you have to watch on ABC if you live in the Rocky Mountain Region…despite wishing I could be back on the Rockies bandwagon, games like this are reason to never go back.
Kansas: 35-17.
#22 Auburn at Arkansas
I try not to look at lines when I’m picking games because it could interfere with my making terrible predictions. My guess however is that Arkansas is favored, and with good reason. Everyone has been talking about how there is no clear-cut leader in the Heisman race…Darren McFadden finally changes that.
Arkansas: 28-10.
#23 Texas at Iowa State
Is Texas bad enough to lose in Ames? Probably not…pretending is fun though.
Iowa State: 10-9.
#24 Georgia at Vanderbilt
Shame that this game isn’t at Georgia so I can talk about how it is being played “between the hedges”.
Georgia: 42-20.
#25 Tennessee at Mississippi State
I like the Vols…but I wouldn’t watch this game if my only other option was the “Toenails being ripped-off Channel”.
Vols: 28-7.
Plea
I'm still looking for guest-writers and suggestions (like the one below) for blog topics. HIT ME UP!
But this is a posting from one of the Arnolds that requires no response:
Dear McFly,
I've got a blog topic for you:
Halloween. i HATE it. always have, always will.
A. masks are scary
B. girls use it as an excuse to dress like whores (slutty nurse, slutty pirate, naughty cop. All equal whore.)
C. bad s*** ALWAYS happens...in kindergarten my friend got his foot ran over by a car, in fourth grade I got pneumonia, in high school i got kicked out of a dance and suspended (possibly my own fault), and junior year in college "a girl" threw me out of the back of a moving pick up truck into a large puddle. I know these are personal issues with the holiday but i swear i am not the only one who feels this way. and i am so over people acting like it is the best holiday ever, it is second worst to new year's eve which always rots.
Sincerely,
Elvira
Yeah...uh...have a good weekend?
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