11.1.07

From the Arnolds...

McFly,

It has been reported that one of the fires in your nape of the woods was started by a young boy who was playing with matches. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21553786/

What are your thoughts on any actions that should be taken against the kid or his family if any?
Sincerely,

North Bend’s Most-Wanted

First off—no Playstation for a week.

Secondly—can you really punish a kid for playing with matches? I played with matches all of the time when I was a kid. I built things with matches, I probably swallowed a few—and CERTAINLY lit a few things on fire.

So the only question is how long the parents have known about the fire.


If the kid came clean and the next morning, the parents went straight to the police and explained, and the story broke—that is one thing.

If the parents saw the kid start the fire and stayed quiet as thousands of people lost their homes, obviously they need to go to the principal’s office.

I’m not going to take the easy way out on this and tell you that the parents should be set on fire—everyone is going to say that. My idea?

They have to sit in a room and have every single victim of the fire come in and explain how much they’ve lost.

And when they’re done with that they have to eat a live chicken.


Dear McFly,

Lookin' good...

http://gozags.cstv.com/sports/m-baskbl/spec-rel/102707aaa.html

Tiffany
San Francisco, CA


I cannot believe that I left Gonzaga Fans off of the list of people that are going directly to hell just for pissing off God.

Now—that may sound a bit ironic because they’re a Jesuit school, but remember—Catholics talk to God through another source-----and in this case that source is a bunch of bedwetting, Dr. Pepper-drinking, soon-to-be-underachievers. And praying through a source like that ain't going to get you any favors with the Big Guy.


Quick on Kobe...

How was it that the Lakers were the ones that backed out of yesterday's deal? They were getting Artest AND Wallace--doesn't that immediately make them the best interior defensive team in the league?

And I know Kobe is great--but isn't Ben Gordon, Ben Wallace and PJ Brown too much to give up for him? The Bulls are suddenly BLANK in the middle. Tyrus Thomas and Joakim Noah both have great potential, but can they guard Shaq?? Not likely.

BULLS--you've spent the past decade trying to rebuild your team and have done a great job. Kobe Bryant would be a great addition, but you can't throw away all of your work for a player that has shown no signs of being a proven leader.

And on we go...

Writer's Block

I'm once again without anything to write about...so I figured I'd do what most people do when they have nothing to do and no ideas how to do it:

Analyze the lyrics to Good Vibrations by Markie Mark.

Here goes...

Good Vibrations

Yeah
Can you feel it baby
I can too
It is rare that nine words into a song, you already know that the lyrics are going to have absolutely no legitimate content--congratulations Markie!

Come on swing it [4 times]
What the hell does that mean?

1-2-3 - Now we come to the pay off
Nothing like a dubbed-in line to change the pace of a song...

It's such a good vibration
It's such a sweet sensation [2 times]
Okay--this has an admittedly good sound to it...I'm still not sold on this Markie fellow though...

Yo! It's about that time (I love that the first word of this song is "Yo".)
To bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme
I'm a get mine so get yours
I wanna see sweat comin' out your pores (Searching for a rhyme are we??)
On the house tip is how I'm swingin' this
Strictly Hip-Hop boy, I ain't singin' this
Bringing this to the entire nation (This may be the line of the song that bothers me more than any other. It is absolute proof that he was a contrived star. People's first song does not include references to a national rollout of their album. This was clearly a case where someone said, "Hey--Donnie's little brother has 48 abdominal muscles--let's make him a hip-hop star." You'll notice that Markie's follow-up album didn't quite have the same luster...)
Black, white, red, brown
Feel the vibration

Come on come on
Feel it feel it
Feel the vibration
Okay--read that several times and ask yourself this question, "Could someone say that to you--be them your mother, the President of the United States or Darth Vader--and have you still respect them at the end of the statement?" And that is the chorus--they're going to keep repeating that phrase...
(Chorus)

Vibrations good like Sunkist (Good like Sunkist? Seriously?)
Many wanna know who done this
Marky Mark and I'm here to move you
Rhymes will groove you
And I'm here to prove to you
That we can party on the positiive side (That's nice...shocking that the SLIGHTLY edgier West Coast black rap took off faster than the east coast white-boy goodie-goodie style...)
And pump positive vibes
So come along for the ride
Making you feel the rhythm is my occupation
So feel the vibration

Come on come on
Feel it feel it
Feel the vibration

(Chorus)

Donnie D break it down This implies that the electronic drum riff that follows was performed by then disgraced New Kid on the Block, Donnie Wahlberg. Ummm...he can barely read--no chance he can mix a drum beat.

Donnie D's on the back up
Drug free, so put the crack up (One of the top 20 lines of all-time--he's basically implying that his brother was on crack---why doesn't this get more play??)
No need for speed
I'm the anti D-R-U-G-G-I-E my
Body is healthy
My rhymes make me wealthy
And the Funky Bunch helps me (Worse entourage: The Funky Bunch or the New Power Generation?)
To bring you a show with no intoxication
Come on feel the vibration

Yeah
Can you feel it baby
I can too
Glad we got to hear this again...
(Chorus)

Now the time has come for you to get up
The rest had you fed up but Yo, I won't let up
On the rhythm and rhyme that's designed to
Make your behind move to what I'm inclined to
Pure Hip Hop, no sell out
If you ain't in it to win it
Then get the hell out (What are we winning? Is there a competition I missed out on? Please help me here, Markie...)
I command you to dance
I wanna see motivation
Come on now feel the vibration

{Piano solo} (Yeah--nothing fits this better than some classical piano---it fits about as well as that ridiculous out-of-tune violin thing at the end of Glycerine by Bush.)

It's such a good vibration
Come on come on come on
It's such a sweet sensation
Feel it feel it

(Chorus)

{Piano - out}

It's such a good vibration
Come on come on come on
It's such a sweet sensation
Feel it feel it
Feel it, feel it. No seriously--FEEL IT.

(Chorus)

{Piano - out}

I think if you analyzed the lyrics to any song closely enough you could realize the extent to which the song sucks---but this has to be one of the toppers. It is ranked #1 (out of a possible 1 thus far) on the "Stupid Songs whose Lyrics I've Analyzed" list. Please feel free to submit some other suggestions to mcflyblogs@gmail.com