11.16.07

Really takes the fun out of it...




But apparently even Father Christmas has to be PC.


Anything Going On?

So which gargantuan sports story do you want me to comment on first? I'll go rapid-fire, because everything has pretty much already been said about all three:

1. Barry. I was frankly shocked to find out that Barry Bonds had been indicted for perjury. I figured he'd beat the wrap, but lo and behold--they'd been on track to charging him the entire time.
Here's the frightening part if you're Barry Lamar Bonds: 9/10 indictments turn into plea-bargains. Of the ten percent that aren't plea-bargained and go to trial, the state wins better than 95% of the cases. So--in other words--99.5% of people who are indicted are either found guilty or plea as such.
I frankly think that Barry is a scapegoat here for America's ridiculous cause. EVERYONE was doing it--and I'm not saying that that is right, I'm just saying that there seems to be increased attention to Barry just because a) he owns a bunch of records and b) he is a complete prick. But it is to the point that I almost feel sorry for the guy.

It is almost identical to the scenario that Bill Clinton faced in the sense that personal and professional reasons made it impossible for them to tell the truth. Neither are evil people--just people with a tremendous amount of power who made some bad decisions---yet Bonds will be the one to pay for it because for some idiotic reason, America has decided that steroid use is the root of all evil.
Worst of all of this is that it is probably unlikely that Barry Bonds will ever reach the Hall of Fame. So let me get this straight---Barry Bonds took medicine and therefore can't go to the Hall. Ty Cobb killed at least one person and he is revered in the Hall.

That makes sense.

2. A-Rod. Relative to the market, 10/$275M is probably fair for Alex Rodriguez...that is what is so alarming about this contract.
My question is this--it became clear this summer that Alex, his wife, and his mistress have a Dirty, Sexy Money-esque agreement. If Alex's wife got to go to the contract negotiation with the Steinbrenners, does that mean that the mistress gets to go to the press conference? Can you imagine the questions:

"Yes, Alex, now that you're back in New York, does this mean that your mistress will keep her job stripping at Deano's?"

"A question for Mz. Hansen--now that Alex has the largest contract in the history of sports, will it finally be time to consummate your relationship?"

"Alex--do you finish off your mistress as poorly as you do the baseball season?"

"A-Rod---does this mean that you're going to be spending more time at third base? Pun intended."

3. Oregon. Try as they might, trying to convince the world that the Dennis Dixon injury in the first quarter of last night's massacre in Tucson wasn't the reason for the loss is like trying to convince the world that Tom Cruise is a heterosexual---it is just a waste of time.


OF COURSE losing the would-be-Heisman winner is going to kill your team's momentum---YOUR WHOLE OFFENSE GOES THROUGH HIM! (Not to mention the fact that your backup as the name "LEAF" on the back of his jersey...)

I can't believe that I feel bad for the athletic program that represents everything that is wrong in college sports, but I do---in fact I feel bad for all of the top teams that have buckled this year. And more so I feel bad for the fans who are going to have to watch Missouri and Arizona State play in the National Championship game!!

Sidebar--this won't happen because people are stupid, but could there be a better testimonial to Dennis Dixon's deservedness for the Heisman Trophy than his team completely buckling without him? He won't win--in fact he's probably nearing the "No Longer Invited" list--but he is absolutely the player in college football who determines more games than any other.


Mercury...

If there was any doubt as to whether Mercury Morris' mind had actually been affected more by excessive cocaine use than Mickey Rivers', I'm pretty sure that Wednesday's comments on the Patriots cleared that up.

Just phenomenal.





Sorry so short...send me some Thanksgiving questions for next week: mcflyblogs@gmail.com