11.21.07

That's About Right...

So I walk into a truck-stop Tuesday (always wanted to start a sentence like that) to use the restroom, as I'd been on the road for 5 of the last 7 hours...

As I walk toward the restroom, I glanced to my right and saw a late-80s-style Video Game Room.

In it were two truckers, playing a car-racing game.

So let me get this straight---you drive for eight hours, realize that you need a break and then you decide to sit play a game where you're driving?

It reminds me of the time that I climbed Mt. Everest and found a guy at the summit on the stairclimber...

REAL College Hoops...

I went to my first UPS Basketball game of the season last night...they were playing at Northwest University. (This sounds like a preseason walk-through---but NWU was an NAIA Final Four team last year, which means they a) have a lot of good players, b) are all on scholarship...a SERIOUS test for the D-III, non-scholarship Logs.)

To my pleasant surprise, the Loggers quite literally ran NWU out of their own gym. I saw that they had preset subs, so I paid attention--before the 16-minute media timeout (do they have those in D-III?) the Loggers had subbed FOURTEEN TIMES, keeping fresh legs on the floor throughout. Their First Team All-American, Jason Foster, had two of the biggest dunks I've ever seen at the small-college level, but the story was clearly Bobby Krauel.

Krauel, a senior, Arizona-native, went for 24 points and at one point in the first half went layin-steal-layin-steal-layin to give the Logs the margin that NWU would never really penetrate. I love this kid--despite being only 6'4", he is a major force inside. ("Major Force"--salute!) Backing in players who have 4 and 5 inches on him, Krauel used both hands to complete a barrage of inside moves that NWU seemed to have no answer for. He plays hard. He plays smart. He is an absolute inspiration to his team.

In short, he is the D-III Jon Brockman. I hope to God this guy is a Phi Delt...

What has Phil Jackson done?

Phil Jackson really set off a storm of ridiculousness...now Captain Tact, Nick Saban has major problems on his hands. ("Major Problems"--salute!) Yesterday he compared Alabama's loss to Louisiana-Monroe to Pearl Harbor and 9-11...

The 9-11 thing got me thinking though...

Does this mean that Alabama fans are going to start putting "IMPEACH SABAN" stickers on their car? It would make sense--I mean, he had knowledge of Louisiana-Monroe prior to the event that he didn't share with the public, and while coaches can't be impeached, neither can presidents for people just not liking them...

Apple Cup Preview:

Item: Edge.

Home Field: Washington (unless douche bags sell their tickets to Cougar fans, which is like renting a room to a termite farmer...which coincidentally is the most-common profession of WSU graduates...)

UW Offense vs. WSU Defense: Washington Offense
WSU Offense vs. UW Defense: WSU Offense (I'm not saying either offense is good...but both these teams have an opportunity to have record-breakingly poor seasons at defense. It has become cliched to say that they are as porous as a siv...so I won't...I'll say they are as porous as a siv with a gigantic hole in it.)

Coaching: Even (Remember that chess match between Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky? You know--the greatest example of tactics and skill in the history of modern competition? Well...this is just like that, except not at all. Arguably the two most-underqualified coaches in NCAA Division I Football, squaring off. If UW wins, Doba loses his job. If WSU wins, Willingham keeps his job---which is so violent an act against logic that I won't waste your time articulating the point.


Thanksgiving...

So I don't write Top Ten Lists anymore...why? Because they're really just brainstorming exercises and don't test me as a writer. (Oddly enough--they were always what inspired the best response from my readers...maybe that is an indication as to what my true skill set is...)

Anyway...this year I'm thankful for the Arnolds...who put up with my crap every day--so here, for you, are:

The Top Ten Overrated Things about Thanksgiving

10. Gravy: Okay--Thanksgiving food is a little dry, but have you seen what goes into this diarrhea-looking mixture? It is basically fat and cornstarch. My suggestion? Ketchup. I've used it at every Thanksgiving of my life and it has always treated me well---I mean really---what ISN'T good with ketchup on it? I rest my case.

9. The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade: Do you watch it? Please email me if you do...I don't ever want to associate with someone who thinks that waiting two hours to see a gigantic Underdog held up by homeless people is time well spent. (You know...when you put it like that...)

8. Friday Shopping: The busiest shopping day of the year, and yet people still insist on perpetuating this "tradition". Next time someone asks you to join them, simply respond, "If I'm going to stand in line and throw down a bunch of money just to give something to someone else, I'm going to a brothel."

7. Triptophan: It supposedly makes you sleepy. You know what makes me sleepy? Hearing people talk about triptophan.*

6. Inviting Outsiders: Don't get me wrong--I think that including those who don't have anywhere to go for Thanksgiving is a generous notion---but do you really want to do that? I mean--if you could assemble 20 people for your friend or coworker to meet, how many different groups would you go through before deciding on your "extended family on a holiday"? 20? 30? I don't think there is a group of people I'd be more frightened to show off than my relatives after three glasses of wine. Speaking of which...

5. Riesling: I have a bit of wine knowledge. Trust me: Riesling is NOT a good pair with turkey? Yes, it has sweet notes that match the more basic turkey, and offers a wine option to non-wine drinkers...but there is a general rule with wine-pairing that you all should follow: DON'T DRINK RIESLING. IT TASTES LIKE SH*T.

4. Wishing people a safe holiday: Why is this so chique? I mean--is there a flood of people deciding to go base-jumping on Thanksgiving Day that I don't know about? Happy Thanksgiving will be FINE, thank you.

3. Turkey Bowl: Look--I love playing pickup football, it is probably the funnest glory-days activity I can think of. But ask ANYONE the day AFTER playing how they feel about it...they'll fake it, but they know full-well that they need 364 days to recover from the prior days' debacle.

2. The Meal: It is a big meal, big f-ing deal. "I love Thanksgiving--there is so much to eat!" It is like we're living in Ethiopia! Go to the Claim Jumper--you can gorge yourself 365 days a year for only $14.95.

1. Watching Football: Why is a holiday so irrevocably tied to football when every Saturday and Sunday in the fall has better than 10x as much football on television as Thanksgiving Day? This will haunt me until my death.


HAVE A SAFE THANKSGIVING, A**H***S!

mcflyblogs@gmail.com



*= Thank you Todd Barry.