A Long Time Coming...
I've decided that this will be my final blog...or at least in the current fashion.
I'll still write something here and there, but it seems like a good time hang it up. I'll still write something occasionally, so if you want a head's up when I do decide to tell the world that I hate something, you can subscribe via myspace (www.myspace.com/imcfly) or just email me today and I'll add you to a distribution list (mcflyblogs@gmail.com).
But I figured I'd go out with some things that are overdue...
(And I'm a little bit wordy in this final installment, so I'll give you a quick table of contents in case you want to go piece by piece: I. A couple of links, II. McFly's Wedding Handbook, III. My attempt to be NotreDameus and IV. Thank Yous and dedications...)
You Get Paid for This??
I had the good fortune of running into my friend and former-classmate, Ben Shelton, on Friday night...and of course got to hear the tale of he and Erik Ankrim's latest flashes with greatness.
(Oh--and the last time I mentioned them, I said that they were R-list celebrities. That really wasn't fair---to the other R-listers I mean...)
Essentially---the Miami Heat (that's a basketball team, Anne) hired them to run around New Orleans over All-Star Weekend and act like complete asses so the few fans remaining at Heat games are entertained at timeouts. (Linked are clips one and two.)
(Oh--my personal favorite part was where they harassed Ernie Johnson. Just completely obnoxious and uncalled for.)
And Another Link...
My favorite commercial of 2006.
McFly's Guide to Wedding Planning
So it would seem...according my other writing...that "guys that really like weddings" would probably be right near the top of my list of "Guys to throw through a pane-glass-window" list.
But by way of being the 20th-closest friend of apparently every person I've ever come into contact with, I've spent more time at weddings over the past five years than Lindsay Lohan has over mirrors. I'm certain that I've forgotten one or two (no offense) but I estimate that number at about 32 since I graduated college. I've got a light load this year---only four that I know of...which is two less than I've had in five years.
With this frequent attendance at my buddy's funerals...er--weddings, I've written quite a bit about the subject as well. (Did you see what I did there by the way---I implied that my friends were dead after marriage---you know--because marriage is awful? Haha--PRICELESS!) So today I've compiled several of those writings in an attempt to offend the marrying parties of all four weddings I'm attending this summer. (Dates are noted for reprints...but here goes nothing...)
The Invite List
The most common complaint that I hear from couples that are about to be married is deciding who to put on that all-important list for their wedding.
-Family: Unfortunately for many, people's families generally expect to be invited. But here's the breakdown:
----Immediate family: Unless they're in prison (you'd be surprised!) you've got to invite them. Sorry.
----Non-immediate: There's really no rule here. Aunts are generally the only people that get offended, but if you have family that you just don't care for, and they don't care for you, is there really a reason to invite them? Unless of course you have an uncle who starts sweating profusely the moment he gets on the dance floor, but refuses to take his jacket off (see below)---you are required to invite him. If only for my entertainment.
-Friends: This is really the hard one. Let's say you're inviting 150 people. Between family, parents friends and neighbors, plus the "plus ones" of your wedding party---you're probably sitting in the 130-range. Which means ten friends per. And you know that the bride gets 18 of those...so:
----Guys: Your two friends who aren't going to offend anyone's parents.
----Girls: You have 18 invites, and beyond your wedding party, you have 10 friends you have to invite. 8 of them are married...which means that you have two pathetic, loathsome friends that you want to invite...and you do so saying, "Steve has a couple single friends that are coming" implying that those guys might be interested in them. They won't be. Nobody would be. Even though single girls at a wedding are like shooting baby seals in a barrel, no guy wants to be around a girl who can't even find a date for an event with an open-bar.
A Few Quick Suggestions
Some items have simple answers:
Booze: Beer and wine...liquor is going to cause problems. If you want problems, so be it...but the guy that complains that there is no liquor was probably on your "I guess I have to invite ___" list.
Dates: IF YOUR INVITATION (OH--YOU NEED AN INVITATION OR YOU'RE NOT INVITED) DOESN'T READ "Plus One" "and Guest" (or in Curtis' case "And torso") YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BRING A DATE.
Flowers: Okay---my gay-tendencies have limits. I'm not writing on flowers.
Dress: Rent it.
Vows: GIRL GOES FIRST! If I have to sit through one more wedding where the guy reads a personal letter before the girl and she is a weeping, sobbing, snot-ridden mess and takes 45 minutes to say "you complete me" I'm walking out. THAT IS A PROMISE!
Tuxes: Wear them. Anyone who gets married in an open white shirt better hang on to it, because they will be able to wear it for their second wedding as well. (Oh---I'm going to my first black-tie wedding this year. Can't say that I'm excited to buy a tux...but on the other hand, I'm very excited to OWN a tux.)
Music: Bands are charming---so long as you spend the money for a good one. Nothing worse than one of those terrible bands where every song from "Unchained Melody" to "Rock Your Body" comes out sounding like an AC/DC cover. (More on this to follow.)
Food: Buffets are fine...but if you're using a pre-set menu, please realize that just because you have a chance to be a food-snob and serve everyone fennel salad and faux gras, doesn't mean that you should.
Some Rules to Live By...
Life as an Attendant
Being invited to be in a wedding is a special thing. It's a VERY expensive thing, but it is a special thing. You get a chance to be an integral part of what---at the time---is the most significant day of a friend's life.
Don't screw it up.
Top Ten Things About Being in a Wedding Party (September 18, 2006)
10. Bootineer: I'm sure that is spelled incorrectly...but regardless, they're a great conversation piece. Girls keep coming up and touching your chest...now if you could reverse that situation, it would obviously be preferable--but I'll take it.
9. Fancy transportation: Limo or something...this one (I'm referring to my brother's wedding throughout this list) we had a trolley that drove us through the vineyards to the winery. And when I say that he drove through the vineyards, I mean he LITERALLY drove through the vineyards--knocking out a 4" PVC pipe and half a vine. Well done.
8. Scope the audience during the ceremony: You're facing everyone--a decided advantage when getting into a "I bet this is the first dude to puke" bet. But significantly harder when attempting to repeat the next-to-impossible feats of John Beckwith and Jeremy Gray.
7. First to be served: You've already eaten your dinner while most people are getting their salad. And why? Because you're more important.
6. Manicures/Pedicures: What? That isn't normal?
5. Rehearsal Dinner: Only thing that rivals a wedding on the fun-scale is a rehearsal dinner. I turned this week's into a roast--of EVERYONE--namely me in the end.
4. A "Get out of being 'That Guy' card": You can pretty much do anything short of public vomiting and get away with it. "WHO IS THAT GUY?" "That's McFly--he's the best man." "Oh...he's a real fun-loving guy, isn't he? Look how the vomit is coming out of his nose!"
3. "Bottle Service": "I'd like a bottle of sparkling wine please." "We can only give you a glass." "I'm in the wedding party." "Here you go."
2. Unsuspecting girls think you're classy: Odd...girls translate groomsmen as a safe, classy group that were selected based upon their loyalty and friendship to a groom they adore. In truth, you were selected because you and the groom have too much sh*t on each other for you to be too far away from him.
1. Other people using your camera: Wait...no. Everyone makes this mistake--"Could you snap some pictures while we're up there?" And they end up taking a bunch of shots of stupid stuff--like the parents and the first kiss and the ring-bearer..."Could we get a few shots of ME one time?!?!?!?"
HERE HERE!
Often tied to being in the wedding party is giving a toast. For some reason, they've been overshadowed over the course of time---but a bad one is remembered forever (see: #1.)
Top Ten Things not to do in a Wedding Toast (September 11, 2006)
10. Curse: Apparently George Costanza did in a toast, which almost makes it okay, but as a general rule--try to avoid the f-bomb as best you can.
9. Make Fun of the Wedding: I don't care if it is the napkin-rings, or the minister's bad toupee---DO NOT make fun of something that the bride/groom/parents worked HARD on, and are (hopefully) very proud of.
8. Mention Divorce: I don't care if you've been divorced 3 times...leave it out of the toast. "May your hopes and dreams come true, and may you avoid the imminent failure that better than 50% of marriages in the United States experience. To the Bride and Groom."
7. Insult Bride: Try to avoid mentioning that you don't see your best friend anymore...and maybe avoid the fact that you think that she is a fire-breathing whore...it may serve you well in EVER wanting to know your friend again.
6. Read the Bible: I'm not talking about quoting scripture, or citing a verse or two---that is actually a good thing after a religious ceremony. But standing there reading the Bible for a 24 minutes might not be my move.
5. Forget the Bride: This passive-insult is worse than just flat out insulting her. You're blessing a MARRIAGE, not celebrating a friend's life. Even if you say, "I'm proud of you, Joe...you've found a great match." that suffices if you barely know the bride. But there needs to be SOME mention.
4. Admit Groom's infidelity: Probably not the best time to mention that hooker in Scottsdale.
3. Announce your wedding/child: VERY tacky. The focus should be on the bride and groom in the PRESENT...you'll have your day in the future, so ZIP IT for the next 5 hours.
2. Be a Weeping, Sobbing Mess: Have you ever been to a wedding where the maid of honor can't even get her speech out because she's in complete tantrum-mode? The laughing, smiling, sniffling cry is healthy and expected...but utter-sobbing makes the audience feel like you're not happy for the bride, you're pissed that she got married first.
1. Mention ex-boyfriends/girlfriends: I went to a wedding where the groom's father (thrice divorced) was his best man. His speech GENUINELY started out, "Being here in such a great setting, with romance in the air brings back fond memories of (groom)'s first love...his girlfriend Becky..." NO, I'M NOT KIDDING. AND YES, I'VE FELT MORE UNCOMFORTABLE, BUT ONLY DURING A PHYSICAL.
FINALLY...
Music
I've mentioned the band thing...but band v. DJ isn't nearly as vital as the music you select for either to play.
These ten are non-negotiable. If any of the four marrying-parties plan to have these, let me know and I'll be happy to suggest some alternatives. (That will save me from getting in a screaming match with the DJ the way that I did at Bill's wedding.) (Yes, true story.) (I told him that he was worse at his job than any other person on Earth was at their job.)
Top Ten Songs that Should NEVER be Played at a Wedding (July 11, 2006)
It's wedding season, and, as I'm only here to serve the public, I thought I'd take an opportunity to help people out with their track-lists for their weddings, as there are certain songs that are so irritatingly unacceptable that they should be permanently removed from weddings, internationally.
10. Come to my Window: Unless it is a lesbian wedding.
9. Chicken Dance: This thing is so effing stupid. ARE YOU SERIOUS? What's next, oh Mighty Spin Doctor? The Electric Slide?
8. YMCA: I was wrong, the Electric Slide was bypassed for this homo-erotic piece of s***. The only positive of this song is watching the (aforementioned) sweaty uncle who refuses to take off his jacket or loosen his tie attempting to do the dance, but not quite figuring it out. Looks more like "T, infinity, end-parenthesis, O"...but he's having fun...screw it.
7. Any Dave Matthews Band Song: Hey--it's good music, no doubt. But it is A) UTTERLY undanceable. (The DMB Shoulder-rock is fine in concert, NOT on a dance-floor.) B) The songs are WAY too long. It's a neck and neck race between Ants Marching and the opera scene from Godfather III.
6. Summer Love: I realize that every girl's fantasy is singing this as a duet with their new husband, but I've got news for you. Yes, he knows most of the words (by circumstance) but if he sings it with you, he's going to leave you. FOR A DUDE.
5. Daytime Friends, Nighttime Lovers: A CLASSIC Kenny Rogers song...but generally, avoiding songs celebrating functional and accepted adultery are a "no-no" for weddings.
4. This One's For the Girls: You had a bachelorette party so your fat friends could feel like they're accepted...but there is nothing more unappealing that a group of women singing and dancing poorly. Oh wait...yes there is...a group of women singing and dancing poorly to this song.
3. Mony Mony: Unless you want to hear Grandma scream between choruses, "Hey everybody, get laid, get f***ed!"
2. La Bamba: Pardon me...this must have found its way over from the "Songs that should be played on repeat at weddings" blog.
1. Butterfly Kisses: Yes girls, it is a song about a father giving his daughter away...but it is so effing sappy, and SO OVERDONE! Just because that's what the song is about doesn't mean that you should dance to it...I don't go around killing eastcoast rappers every time I listen to Tupac "Hit 'em Up"!
But beyond those simple requests, congratulations and best wishes...you know-nothing bastards.
Last Will and Testament
Just a few points that I need to make as I leave my soapbox:
1. The University of Washington football program will never return to its status as a perrenial top-25 program until they rid themselves of the coaching-cancer that is Tyrone Willingham. He is a classy, intelligent man who served a purpose in cleaning up an out-of-control program. But his time has passed---and probably never should have began. Race was an issue when he was hired and has remained one after keeping his job at a time when any other coach in the country would have been fired. The superior is a tough position to take, as I don't know what the solution for UW is---I just know that it isn't Ty.
2. John Mayer is not a good musician, Dane Cook is not a good comedian, and Dazed and Confused is not a good movie. Let's move on...
3. Regardless as to who wins the Presidential Election, the country is doomed for another eight years of garbage, unless that person can find a way to 54 or so % of the popular vote. And that's not going to happen.
4. ESPN's next viewer-voted, tournament style competition will be the "Greatest Baseball Players of All-Time" which will be won by the 2006 Boise State Football Team.
5. There is nothing more pathetic than the new "friends" a woman makes after a divorce or break-up from a long-term relationship. Just a hint: it is better to be lonely than to hang out with chicks that say things like, "You go girl!"
6. I have a Q3-08 "BUY" Rating on Tattoo-Removal Clinics. This ridiculous fad is about the hump the shark and when it does, I'll be ready.
7. When deciding to eat healthy for a week, having Chinese for lunch is not a good start.
Oh No...I did it my (objectionable) way...
(Before I even get to my thank-you's...I have to write something. I love Bob Knight---but was I the only person annoyed after he retired when he kept saying, "My Way" was his favorite song and then citing that line that (in his mind) went: "Regrets---oh yeah, I've had some". Really Bob? It is your favorite song and you can't remember the four-word line, "I've had a few."??? SERIOUSLY?)
There are some people that I need to thank for their continued support during the course of my two-year blogging career.
First, my original subscribers (on myspace):
Anne, Marisa, Curtis (more on him to come), Kendra, My unnamed former-roommate, Sydney (one of my most-loyal despite not knowing her), Chamby (my blogging Yoda), Tiffany, Blings, McCaw, O-Town, Stefan, Neek, Mo, Bill III, Lindsay B, Brooke, Dave (my most-critical reader), Jayme, Lizzie, Dupounties, Ketchum, Alexis and Gay, South African Jacob.
Second: Everyone (and everything) else:
Michael Vick, idiots at bachelor parties, Tyrone Willingham's futility, Sato, Alaska Airlines, The University of Puget Sound, Dave Concepcion, Arvid from "Head of the Class", Pigs in Space, Santa Claus, Sir Mix-a-lot, Benedict Arnold, People at church who do the Celestial Benchpress during worship, Drederick Tatum, Dr. Richard Kimble, Erin Andrews, the entire cast of LOST, Pornography, Jodie Sweetin, Curtis' many faults, Fraternity Life, Endoplasmic Reticulum (or reticuli?), Brittany Buckner/Ben Shelton/Eric Ankrim/Ryan Homchick/Eli Swanson and any other UPS grad trying to "make it" in Hollywood, lesbians, crappy cover bands, Cocaine, Emmitt Smith and Jerry Rice' closet-homosexuality, Frogger, The Golden Corral, Pucky, Satan, Jon Brockman, Canadians, Christmas, People who make crappy Evites, Mercury Morris, CORBALEY!, The City of Kent, Rick Neuheisal, People who drink Jager by choice, Redtube, Gangsta Rap, Joe Carter, Joe Carter, McCaw's first Christmas Party trip, Kanye, Shaquille O'Neal's manhood, Frosty The Snowman, Hien Dung, Country music, Keri Russell, Bob Loblaw's Law Blog, The Honkey Tonk Man, Guys with Jesus tattoos, All of the people at my gym--particularly "Crazy Neck-lift Guy" and "I Make my Wife do Power-Cleans Guy", The Caveman Show, People who confuse Obama with Odwalla, Tom Cruise's secret stash of Benadryl, The utter misery that is Sex and the City, Un-funny people who still talk about mullets, The courageous few who will actually cut their hair into one, Just For Men, Phil Mickelson, People who say that they were "cheated" by baseball players using the juice, juice, People who press the button to cross the street eleventy bajillion times, The adhesive notepad industry, World B. Free and Mary Christ, Love Potion #9, Dr. Pepper Drinkers, People who endorse Democratic economic policy, People who say that WSU is a "really good school", male cat lovers, and Arsenio Hall.
-----------------------------------------------
Please email me or add my blog via myspace---I appreciate all of the time, energy and support.
Oh--and F the Lutes.
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
2.29.08
Happy Birthday!
To Michael Pollack, the kid who grew up down the street from me. He turns 7 today.
Awww...a little Social Retard...
I'm not much for sentimental, but a cute kid talking about Star Wars gets to me.
I'm Torn...
I thought that Talledega Nights was going to be awful and it was fantastic...so there is hope for this one, despite a horrendous trailer.
I heard Will Ferrell on "The Dan Patrick Show" the other day talking about how he thinks that the Lakers should do "Stray Cat and Dog Night" as a promotion. At halftime, they let out 1000 strays at halftime.
No cleanup.
Coaches, players and fans just have to adjust accordingly.
Brilliant.
Okay...now I'm LOST. (Get it? It's punny.)
If you are the uncommitted, DVRing type, stop reading and skip to the next section---AND STICK TO SOMETHING FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE!
Alright. What the fart was that?
They follow the worst episode ever with the most-confusing episode ever. Suddenly, LOST has gone Quantum Leap on us, and we're left to try to figure out what the s is going on, despite being non-Science Fiction types.
HOWEVER...
Because it was based on Desmond I liked it.
Because it had MULTIPLE scenes with Penelope, so I LOVED it. Answer me this: after looking at her and hearing her voice, how could ANY male not be in love with Penelope? The show has had 78 episodes...she's been in FIVE of them. And if the show ever were to go into a slump, the chance of her coming on screen would be enough to pull me through. I haven't had a television crush like this since Stephanie Tanner and Winnie Cooper.
But back to Earth.
I hope that they get rid of this Science Fiction garbage and let us just enjoy the show. It is getting close to becoming too far-fetched.
Hmm...
Yesterday I asked for topics to write about...to no surprise, I received one subject suggestion.
From Skaw.
And to no surprise, it far too controversial to write about. Thus you're reading crap again.
Probably About Time
I haven't written much about college basketball this year...basically because Washington is awful. AW. FUL.
But this is about the time of year when people start paying attention. Why?
Because today is the last day of February. If they watch that big Lehigh game tonight, you can say, "I hate people that only watch in March."
So as a service for those of you who are just checking in, I thought I'd give you a run-down of the top teams in the country, so you do waste your time bandwagoning with the wrong ones.
I'll use ESPN's Bubble Watch as my barometer...anyone who is listed by Andy Glockner as "Should be in" will get a comment.
I'm going to go simple---I'll just give you each team's top-end finish in the NCAA tournament. This isn't necessarily where I think that they'll finish (that has too much to do with draw) but where I think that they can go...as there are good teams, and then there are teams that can win six games in a row against top-flight competition.
So here we go...by conference.
ACC
Locks:
Duke: Final Four
North Carolina: Final Game
Should be in:
Clemson: Regional Final
Big East
Locks:
UConn: Regional Final
Georgetown: National Championship
Notre Dame: Final Four
Louisville: Final Game
Marquette: Sweet Sixteen
Should be in:
Pitt: Sweet Sixteen
Big Ten
Locks:
Indiana: Regional Final
Michigan State: Sweet Sixteen
Wisconsin: Final Four
Purdue: Sweet Sixteen
Big Twelve:
Locks:
Texas: National Championship
Kansas: Final Four
(There were no "Should be ins"...but a couple of other teams I wanted to comment on)
Kansas State: Final Four
Texas A&M: Regional Final
Pac-10
Locks:
UCLA: National Championship
Stanford: National Championship
Should be in:
WSU: Second Round (Seriously...they have been VERY inconsistent against good teams.)
Arizona: Regional Final
Also:
USC: Final Four
Arizona State: Second Round
Oregon: Second Round
California: One and done.
SEC:
Locks:
Tennessee: National Championship
Vanderbilt: Vanderbilt
Should be in:
Mississippi State: Sweet Sixteen
Atlantic Ten
Xavier: Second Round (And they're a #2 seed in this week's Bracketology!)
Others:
Locks:
Memphis: National Championship
Butler: Sweet Sixteen
Dayton: Second Round
Should be in:
BYU: Second Round (Their second round game will be on a Sunday, so they'll forfeit.)
Kent State: (I'll skip the massacre joke) One and done.
Saint Mary's: Second Round (Most overrated team in the country.)
Gonzaga: Second Round (Forgive me...St. Mary's is the SECOND most overrated team in the country.)
So based on those ratings...the teams that I said could go all the way are:
Georgetown
Texas
UCLA
Stanford
Tennessee
Vanderbilt
Memphis
Pretty short list. My quick thoughts on each:
Georgetown: Not as good a team as last year---but when you have size (and their's doesn't stop at Hibbert) you have a chance in the NCAA Tournament. Figure out how to make some shots outside and you have a GREAT chance.
Texas: Hottest team in the country. And there have been MANY National Championship teams who are led by one small, slashing guard. (Mateen Cleeves, Khalid el-Ahmin, Tony Delk to name a few in the last dozen or so years.) (Of course based on those names, DJ Augustine may want to bow out in the Sweet Sixteen to ensure a successful NBA Career...)
UCLA: My pick at the beginning of the season and my pick now. Darren Collisen is getting back into shape, Russel Westbrook may quietly be the most NBA-ready guard in the country, and Kevin Love is absolutely unstoppable. If they can avoid a shooting slump, they're the best team, with the bast game-coach, and should go all the way.
Stanford: Nobody matches their size with the Lopez twins, but Mitch Johnson and Anthony Goods are the two that make the team go. They'd need somewhat of a perfect-storm...maybe an easy road to the Regional Final to build momentum. But if confident, they're SCARY.
Tennessee: I've never liked teams that rely heavily on one guy to make threes---and Chris Lofton is creeping up on being the all-time leader in that department. They proved that they could win on a huge stage on the road against Memphis...and promptly dumped one against Vandy. That said though---they rebound VERY well and (as of this morning) had six different guys averaging better than a steal a game (and another at .9). As with any team, it depends on draw, but if they can run and gun for 4 of their 6 games, they've got a shot.
Vanderbilt: No seriously. They were in the Sweet Sixteen a year ago. They have two studs in Foster and Ogilvy and they're in the SEC. Look at the NCAA Tournament over the past ten years---the team that wins the SEC Tournament has NOT fared poorly.
Memphis: They're a bit deflated after the Tennessee lost, but when you have that many good backcourt players and a solid rebounder (Joey Dorsey) you've got a fighting chance. I don't love them...but they're too talented not to mention.
If I had to rank them in likelihood, I'd say:
1. UCLA
2. Texas
3. Memphis
4. Georgetown
5. Tennessee
6. Vanderbilt
7. Stanford
-------------------------------------------------------
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
To Michael Pollack, the kid who grew up down the street from me. He turns 7 today.
Awww...a little Social Retard...
I'm not much for sentimental, but a cute kid talking about Star Wars gets to me.
I'm Torn...
I thought that Talledega Nights was going to be awful and it was fantastic...so there is hope for this one, despite a horrendous trailer.
I heard Will Ferrell on "The Dan Patrick Show" the other day talking about how he thinks that the Lakers should do "Stray Cat and Dog Night" as a promotion. At halftime, they let out 1000 strays at halftime.
No cleanup.
Coaches, players and fans just have to adjust accordingly.
Brilliant.
Okay...now I'm LOST. (Get it? It's punny.)
If you are the uncommitted, DVRing type, stop reading and skip to the next section---AND STICK TO SOMETHING FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE!
Alright. What the fart was that?
They follow the worst episode ever with the most-confusing episode ever. Suddenly, LOST has gone Quantum Leap on us, and we're left to try to figure out what the s is going on, despite being non-Science Fiction types.
HOWEVER...
Because it was based on Desmond I liked it.
Because it had MULTIPLE scenes with Penelope, so I LOVED it. Answer me this: after looking at her and hearing her voice, how could ANY male not be in love with Penelope? The show has had 78 episodes...she's been in FIVE of them. And if the show ever were to go into a slump, the chance of her coming on screen would be enough to pull me through. I haven't had a television crush like this since Stephanie Tanner and Winnie Cooper.
But back to Earth.
I hope that they get rid of this Science Fiction garbage and let us just enjoy the show. It is getting close to becoming too far-fetched.
Hmm...
Yesterday I asked for topics to write about...to no surprise, I received one subject suggestion.
From Skaw.
And to no surprise, it far too controversial to write about. Thus you're reading crap again.
Probably About Time
I haven't written much about college basketball this year...basically because Washington is awful. AW. FUL.
But this is about the time of year when people start paying attention. Why?
Because today is the last day of February. If they watch that big Lehigh game tonight, you can say, "I hate people that only watch in March."
So as a service for those of you who are just checking in, I thought I'd give you a run-down of the top teams in the country, so you do waste your time bandwagoning with the wrong ones.
I'll use ESPN's Bubble Watch as my barometer...anyone who is listed by Andy Glockner as "Should be in" will get a comment.
I'm going to go simple---I'll just give you each team's top-end finish in the NCAA tournament. This isn't necessarily where I think that they'll finish (that has too much to do with draw) but where I think that they can go...as there are good teams, and then there are teams that can win six games in a row against top-flight competition.
So here we go...by conference.
ACC
Locks:
Duke: Final Four
North Carolina: Final Game
Should be in:
Clemson: Regional Final
Big East
Locks:
UConn: Regional Final
Georgetown: National Championship
Notre Dame: Final Four
Louisville: Final Game
Marquette: Sweet Sixteen
Should be in:
Pitt: Sweet Sixteen
Big Ten
Locks:
Indiana: Regional Final
Michigan State: Sweet Sixteen
Wisconsin: Final Four
Purdue: Sweet Sixteen
Big Twelve:
Locks:
Texas: National Championship
Kansas: Final Four
(There were no "Should be ins"...but a couple of other teams I wanted to comment on)
Kansas State: Final Four
Texas A&M: Regional Final
Pac-10
Locks:
UCLA: National Championship
Stanford: National Championship
Should be in:
WSU: Second Round (Seriously...they have been VERY inconsistent against good teams.)
Arizona: Regional Final
Also:
USC: Final Four
Arizona State: Second Round
Oregon: Second Round
California: One and done.
SEC:
Locks:
Tennessee: National Championship
Vanderbilt: Vanderbilt
Should be in:
Mississippi State: Sweet Sixteen
Atlantic Ten
Xavier: Second Round (And they're a #2 seed in this week's Bracketology!)
Others:
Locks:
Memphis: National Championship
Butler: Sweet Sixteen
Dayton: Second Round
Should be in:
BYU: Second Round (Their second round game will be on a Sunday, so they'll forfeit.)
Kent State: (I'll skip the massacre joke) One and done.
Saint Mary's: Second Round (Most overrated team in the country.)
Gonzaga: Second Round (Forgive me...St. Mary's is the SECOND most overrated team in the country.)
So based on those ratings...the teams that I said could go all the way are:
Georgetown
Texas
UCLA
Stanford
Tennessee
Vanderbilt
Memphis
Pretty short list. My quick thoughts on each:
Georgetown: Not as good a team as last year---but when you have size (and their's doesn't stop at Hibbert) you have a chance in the NCAA Tournament. Figure out how to make some shots outside and you have a GREAT chance.
Texas: Hottest team in the country. And there have been MANY National Championship teams who are led by one small, slashing guard. (Mateen Cleeves, Khalid el-Ahmin, Tony Delk to name a few in the last dozen or so years.) (Of course based on those names, DJ Augustine may want to bow out in the Sweet Sixteen to ensure a successful NBA Career...)
UCLA: My pick at the beginning of the season and my pick now. Darren Collisen is getting back into shape, Russel Westbrook may quietly be the most NBA-ready guard in the country, and Kevin Love is absolutely unstoppable. If they can avoid a shooting slump, they're the best team, with the bast game-coach, and should go all the way.
Stanford: Nobody matches their size with the Lopez twins, but Mitch Johnson and Anthony Goods are the two that make the team go. They'd need somewhat of a perfect-storm...maybe an easy road to the Regional Final to build momentum. But if confident, they're SCARY.
Tennessee: I've never liked teams that rely heavily on one guy to make threes---and Chris Lofton is creeping up on being the all-time leader in that department. They proved that they could win on a huge stage on the road against Memphis...and promptly dumped one against Vandy. That said though---they rebound VERY well and (as of this morning) had six different guys averaging better than a steal a game (and another at .9). As with any team, it depends on draw, but if they can run and gun for 4 of their 6 games, they've got a shot.
Vanderbilt: No seriously. They were in the Sweet Sixteen a year ago. They have two studs in Foster and Ogilvy and they're in the SEC. Look at the NCAA Tournament over the past ten years---the team that wins the SEC Tournament has NOT fared poorly.
Memphis: They're a bit deflated after the Tennessee lost, but when you have that many good backcourt players and a solid rebounder (Joey Dorsey) you've got a fighting chance. I don't love them...but they're too talented not to mention.
If I had to rank them in likelihood, I'd say:
1. UCLA
2. Texas
3. Memphis
4. Georgetown
5. Tennessee
6. Vanderbilt
7. Stanford
-------------------------------------------------------
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
2.28.08
A Little Help?
I am just struggling for things to write about. UW is awful, but it is till a couple weeks early to write about the NCAA Tournament. The vice-presidential candidates won't be announced for months. And Paris Hilton hasn't ruined anyone's life recently...
And since nobody is sending me questions to answer, I offer some old Conan links...
Link 1:
An old clip of Conan and some "celebrities".
Link 2:
More Conan...he and Arnold previewing Friends.
Link 3:
And one with Donald Trump.
UPS Marketing
I was thinking Wednesday about how the mighty University of Puget Sound fails to receive the credit it deserves nationally...so I thought, "Hey McFly! Why don't you come up with some slogans that UPS can use in a national print-media campaign?!?"
Great idea...here we go.
The University of Puget Sound:
Got a spare $120k?
The University of Puget Sound:
You don't know friendship until you've shared 17 of the same girls.
The University of Puget Sound:
Had he completed a full regimen of liberal arts classes instead of dropping out, Ted Bundy would have had the wherewithal to kill hundreds of women!
The University of Puget Sound:
After Science in Context, grad school is f***ing joke!
The University of Puget Sound:
Where we've never had a police assault on hippie protesters---but we're working on it.
The University of Puget Sound:
There are no cats in Tacoma, and the streets are filled with cheese.
The University of Puget Sound:
Ever heard a bonch scream?
The University of Puget Sound:
The Honors House is the Northwest's version of Hef's grotto.
The University of Puget Sound:
Home of Curtis Patching (1994-2006).
The University of Puget Sound:
It's made Hien Dung a millionaire.
The University of Puget Sound:
Ever seen someone throw red paint on the milk man?
The University of Puget Sound:
Soothing red brick, luscious green ivy, shockingly white students.
The University of Puget Sound:
What fun is college without a campus masturbator?
The University of Puget Sound:
You didn't want to go to Stanford anyway.
The University of Puget Sound:
Resnick-Pierce free since 2003.
And my favorite...
The University of Puget Sound:
Think that "Loggers" is a funny nickname? At least we're not the F***ING LUTES!
----------------------------------------------------------------
Let's get some questions in for tomorrow, kids!
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
I am just struggling for things to write about. UW is awful, but it is till a couple weeks early to write about the NCAA Tournament. The vice-presidential candidates won't be announced for months. And Paris Hilton hasn't ruined anyone's life recently...
And since nobody is sending me questions to answer, I offer some old Conan links...
Link 1:
An old clip of Conan and some "celebrities".
Link 2:
More Conan...he and Arnold previewing Friends.
Link 3:
And one with Donald Trump.
UPS Marketing
I was thinking Wednesday about how the mighty University of Puget Sound fails to receive the credit it deserves nationally...so I thought, "Hey McFly! Why don't you come up with some slogans that UPS can use in a national print-media campaign?!?"
Great idea...here we go.
The University of Puget Sound:
Got a spare $120k?
The University of Puget Sound:
You don't know friendship until you've shared 17 of the same girls.
The University of Puget Sound:
Had he completed a full regimen of liberal arts classes instead of dropping out, Ted Bundy would have had the wherewithal to kill hundreds of women!
The University of Puget Sound:
After Science in Context, grad school is f***ing joke!
The University of Puget Sound:
Where we've never had a police assault on hippie protesters---but we're working on it.
The University of Puget Sound:
There are no cats in Tacoma, and the streets are filled with cheese.
The University of Puget Sound:
Ever heard a bonch scream?
The University of Puget Sound:
The Honors House is the Northwest's version of Hef's grotto.
The University of Puget Sound:
Home of Curtis Patching (1994-2006).
The University of Puget Sound:
It's made Hien Dung a millionaire.
The University of Puget Sound:
Ever seen someone throw red paint on the milk man?
The University of Puget Sound:
Soothing red brick, luscious green ivy, shockingly white students.
The University of Puget Sound:
What fun is college without a campus masturbator?
The University of Puget Sound:
You didn't want to go to Stanford anyway.
The University of Puget Sound:
Resnick-Pierce free since 2003.
And my favorite...
The University of Puget Sound:
Think that "Loggers" is a funny nickname? At least we're not the F***ING LUTES!
----------------------------------------------------------------
Let's get some questions in for tomorrow, kids!
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
2.27.08
Musical Highs and Lows...
High:
I have (as usual) lost interest in American Idol now that people are actually trying to...you know...succeed.
But I stumbled into it last night, and for the first hour and fourteen minutes I was tremendously underwhelmed. There has been so much hype about how this is "the most-talented" group in the show's history, but it was (as Simon Cowell would say) bad karaoke. (Particularly "David Cook" whom my friend Ian is calling--in classy form--"Corky".)
Then it all changed.
Seventeen year-old David Archuleta---who was already the clear-cut favorite---proved that he was the most-talented person on the show since Kelli Clarkson.
He may have peaked too early--and he may not win. But it doesn't matter.
The next ten years for this kid are going to be unimaginable.
He'll go octuple platinum in his first week, and in the game-department, he's going to be rivaling Tom Brady and even me! I mean---there were about 5,000 high school aged girls last night that were impregnated just by listening to that song last night!
And I know that man-crushes are the thing these days----is it creepy to have a man-crush on a seventeen-year-old, partially-effeminate boy? If that means I'm a pederast, than FINE! If I get 1 % of his lifetime earnings, pederast I am!
Low:
24 Hour Fitness isn't exactly known for phenomenal music selection...but today was a new low.
As I walked out of the locker room, I heard lyrics that I knew, but couldn't place.
Turns out that I (and all of the other gym-goers) were listening to a techno-cover of "She's Like the Wind" from Dirty Dancing.
I mean---at first it was odd, but when you have an Ecstasy-induced buzz going, that "She leads me through moonlight, only to burn me with the sun" line really gets your blood going.
And if that wasn't bad enough, they added doo-wop back-up singers to it in place of the solos.
Seriously?
Can you imagine the conversation at an...I don't know...music convention?
"Hi, how are you?"
"Good, how are you?"
"Good--so--are you an artist?"
"Yeah--I play drums for Coldplay."
"Wow--how did you get the gig?"
"Well---I knew the guy who did it previously. When he left, I got a tryout and it stuck."
"Wow, cool."
"Yeah--are you a performer?"
"I am, yeah."
"Really---who are you with?"
"Oh--I do doo-wop backup vocals for the guy who does techno covers to Patrick Swayze songs."
(Silence.)
--------------------------------------------------
Sorry I've been half-assing it of late. Short on time...
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
High:
I have (as usual) lost interest in American Idol now that people are actually trying to...you know...succeed.
But I stumbled into it last night, and for the first hour and fourteen minutes I was tremendously underwhelmed. There has been so much hype about how this is "the most-talented" group in the show's history, but it was (as Simon Cowell would say) bad karaoke. (Particularly "David Cook" whom my friend Ian is calling--in classy form--"Corky".)
Then it all changed.
Seventeen year-old David Archuleta---who was already the clear-cut favorite---proved that he was the most-talented person on the show since Kelli Clarkson.
He may have peaked too early--and he may not win. But it doesn't matter.
The next ten years for this kid are going to be unimaginable.
He'll go octuple platinum in his first week, and in the game-department, he's going to be rivaling Tom Brady and even me! I mean---there were about 5,000 high school aged girls last night that were impregnated just by listening to that song last night!
And I know that man-crushes are the thing these days----is it creepy to have a man-crush on a seventeen-year-old, partially-effeminate boy? If that means I'm a pederast, than FINE! If I get 1 % of his lifetime earnings, pederast I am!
Low:
24 Hour Fitness isn't exactly known for phenomenal music selection...but today was a new low.
As I walked out of the locker room, I heard lyrics that I knew, but couldn't place.
Turns out that I (and all of the other gym-goers) were listening to a techno-cover of "She's Like the Wind" from Dirty Dancing.
I mean---at first it was odd, but when you have an Ecstasy-induced buzz going, that "She leads me through moonlight, only to burn me with the sun" line really gets your blood going.
And if that wasn't bad enough, they added doo-wop back-up singers to it in place of the solos.
Seriously?
Can you imagine the conversation at an...I don't know...music convention?
"Hi, how are you?"
"Good, how are you?"
"Good--so--are you an artist?"
"Yeah--I play drums for Coldplay."
"Wow--how did you get the gig?"
"Well---I knew the guy who did it previously. When he left, I got a tryout and it stuck."
"Wow, cool."
"Yeah--are you a performer?"
"I am, yeah."
"Really---who are you with?"
"Oh--I do doo-wop backup vocals for the guy who does techno covers to Patrick Swayze songs."
(Silence.)
--------------------------------------------------
Sorry I've been half-assing it of late. Short on time...
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Monday, February 25, 2008
2.26.08
NOW I remember...
You know these people that I'm always referring to that say things just because they think they're supposed to? You know---things like "I loved Dazed and Confused" or "Dude--that DAVE show was sooooo good. Did you see the way that they just jammed on 'Crush'--that was amazing." You know--that particular flavor of douche bag.
Anyway---I finally recalled where I knew them from. I knew that they were buried somewhere deep in my memory and I finally placed it...
They were the bed-pans that in junior high used to start conversations, "Man--I hate cops!"
Really?
You "hate" cops?
"Yeah man---we didn't do nothin and they keep ridin' me."
Okay--I'm sure you're right.
I'm sure a pack of 13 year-olds smoking cigarettes and loitering isn't a sign that a criminal act is about to take place---you're totally right.
To their credit though---I hated cops at that age too.
Although that probably had more to do with the fact that when I was 11, I was raped by McGruff the Crime Dog.
OKAY! I got it!
You guys can stop sending me Jimmy Kimmel's response to the "I'm _______ Matt Damon" video. I got it.
I Want my TV Back...
The networks have duped us.
They announced all of this garbage about the strike getting resolved and subliminally, we all said to ourselves, "Hey---I can start watching television again."
BUT NO.
We have still have six weeks of refried, par-boiled garbage to deal with.
So--I'm not exactly sure which shows are coming back on for a shortened spring season...but I'm going to predict they all are, so I can pick a bunch of them to write ridiculous predictions about.
So we'll go network-by-network. Here goes...
ABC
According to Jim: ABC puts millions behind a marketing campaign to advertise the pilot of this show...for the third time, not telling anyone that it has actually been on for several seasons despite nobody watching. Did you ever think you'd utter the phrase, "Man--I wish Step by Step was still on the air."
Cavemen: After a six month hiatus, the worst idea in television history returns with a bang. In the premeire--get this--the cavemen find themselves in a modern situation with the mentality of a caveman. I can't wait (and it won't be as funny as it was when it happened 20 years ago.)
Eli Stone: A show about a lawyer who spontaneously visualizes George Michael in odd situations and can see the future has a premeire episode where he flashes forward 60 minutes to see that his show is cancelled.
Oprah's Big Give: In a shocking turn of events, Oprah puts on a charitable event that inevitably turns into profit for her. (Much like that school in Africa that she built for $15 Million...and then promptly sold 700 million copies of her new book, "Why I built a school in Africa".)
Wife Swap: Wife Swap apparently will finally come through in the short spring season and finally find two husbands that swap wives for the right reasons.
NBC
American Gladiators: After news of a scandal revealing that Leila Ali has actually grown a penis, the show turns from an overdone-remake of a phenomenal game show into what it should be: a steroid-induced orgy.
ER: The show returns and then dramatically ends when people finally figure out that ER was meant to mean "endoplasmic reticulum" the entire time and the plots up until now have made absolutely no sense.
Las Vegas: In a new commitment to viewer-honesty, NBC starts showing a split screen to Mark-Paul Gosseler whispering the gangs' elaborate plans into their ear----because we all know that there is only one NBC actor in history capable of capers like this...
Saturday Night Live: Breaks a record for ratings when they release an episode that consists of nothing but cast-members sitting around a room doing their impersonation of Bryant Gumbel asking Pacman Jones, "Did...ya make it rain?"
CBS
The Big Bang Theory: The makers of "Laugh-track" finally go out of business when this show changes back to its original title, "The Gang Bang Theory."
CSI Miami: They announced last week that they'd be the first show back, as their writers are working extra hard to get out scripts. The first one---which I got an insider look at---isn't quite what you're probably used to. It is simply the gang solving a crime in five minutes, and then all of them getting drunk and talking about chicks they wanted to sleep with in college.
The New Adventures of Old Christine: It continues CBS's commitment to quality by remaining a sad, pathetic show.
The Unit: (Too easy.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
You know these people that I'm always referring to that say things just because they think they're supposed to? You know---things like "I loved Dazed and Confused" or "Dude--that DAVE show was sooooo good. Did you see the way that they just jammed on 'Crush'--that was amazing." You know--that particular flavor of douche bag.
Anyway---I finally recalled where I knew them from. I knew that they were buried somewhere deep in my memory and I finally placed it...
They were the bed-pans that in junior high used to start conversations, "Man--I hate cops!"
Really?
You "hate" cops?
"Yeah man---we didn't do nothin and they keep ridin' me."
Okay--I'm sure you're right.
I'm sure a pack of 13 year-olds smoking cigarettes and loitering isn't a sign that a criminal act is about to take place---you're totally right.
To their credit though---I hated cops at that age too.
Although that probably had more to do with the fact that when I was 11, I was raped by McGruff the Crime Dog.
OKAY! I got it!
You guys can stop sending me Jimmy Kimmel's response to the "I'm _______ Matt Damon" video. I got it.
I Want my TV Back...
The networks have duped us.
They announced all of this garbage about the strike getting resolved and subliminally, we all said to ourselves, "Hey---I can start watching television again."
BUT NO.
We have still have six weeks of refried, par-boiled garbage to deal with.
So--I'm not exactly sure which shows are coming back on for a shortened spring season...but I'm going to predict they all are, so I can pick a bunch of them to write ridiculous predictions about.
So we'll go network-by-network. Here goes...
ABC
According to Jim: ABC puts millions behind a marketing campaign to advertise the pilot of this show...for the third time, not telling anyone that it has actually been on for several seasons despite nobody watching. Did you ever think you'd utter the phrase, "Man--I wish Step by Step was still on the air."
Cavemen: After a six month hiatus, the worst idea in television history returns with a bang. In the premeire--get this--the cavemen find themselves in a modern situation with the mentality of a caveman. I can't wait (and it won't be as funny as it was when it happened 20 years ago.)
Eli Stone: A show about a lawyer who spontaneously visualizes George Michael in odd situations and can see the future has a premeire episode where he flashes forward 60 minutes to see that his show is cancelled.
Oprah's Big Give: In a shocking turn of events, Oprah puts on a charitable event that inevitably turns into profit for her. (Much like that school in Africa that she built for $15 Million...and then promptly sold 700 million copies of her new book, "Why I built a school in Africa".)
Wife Swap: Wife Swap apparently will finally come through in the short spring season and finally find two husbands that swap wives for the right reasons.
NBC
American Gladiators: After news of a scandal revealing that Leila Ali has actually grown a penis, the show turns from an overdone-remake of a phenomenal game show into what it should be: a steroid-induced orgy.
ER: The show returns and then dramatically ends when people finally figure out that ER was meant to mean "endoplasmic reticulum" the entire time and the plots up until now have made absolutely no sense.
Las Vegas: In a new commitment to viewer-honesty, NBC starts showing a split screen to Mark-Paul Gosseler whispering the gangs' elaborate plans into their ear----because we all know that there is only one NBC actor in history capable of capers like this...
Saturday Night Live: Breaks a record for ratings when they release an episode that consists of nothing but cast-members sitting around a room doing their impersonation of Bryant Gumbel asking Pacman Jones, "Did...ya make it rain?"
CBS
The Big Bang Theory: The makers of "Laugh-track" finally go out of business when this show changes back to its original title, "The Gang Bang Theory."
CSI Miami: They announced last week that they'd be the first show back, as their writers are working extra hard to get out scripts. The first one---which I got an insider look at---isn't quite what you're probably used to. It is simply the gang solving a crime in five minutes, and then all of them getting drunk and talking about chicks they wanted to sleep with in college.
The New Adventures of Old Christine: It continues CBS's commitment to quality by remaining a sad, pathetic show.
The Unit: (Too easy.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
2.25.07
A Few Quick Notes and a Link...
I found a youtube link that is so phenomenal that anything I write will fail to do it justice.
But a few quick notes since we spoke last:
-Forgot to mention LOST on Friday. Probably the worst episode in the show's four-year history, and absolutely the first episode that was completely predictable. And think about the falloff...in a week we went from the awesomeness of Sayid capping people in Europe to Kate in an unflattering orange jumpsuit. I mean--that's no fun...
-Tiger Woods is better at golf than I am at napping.
-The Sportscenter "Greatest Highlight" series is incredibly ironic. They're spending two minutes of every half hour determining which highlight is the best of the "ESPN-era". The irony is that their presentation, and the ridiculousness of the fan-bias has made this series the WORST two-minute segment in sports during the ESPN-era.
-Daniel Day Lewis won Best Actor last night, which made me happy. He deserved it...even though I didn't see a single other movie this year.
-Someone told me that Chalula was in bankruptcy before they announced the wooden-top. God bless the guy (or girl) who came up with that. (But let's be honest...it was a dude.)
and Finally...
-I got staff from the gym for the second time in three years. Anyone want to rub skin together?
Oh--and the link.
No introduction needed. Just watch it and forward it to everyone you know.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
I found a youtube link that is so phenomenal that anything I write will fail to do it justice.
But a few quick notes since we spoke last:
-Forgot to mention LOST on Friday. Probably the worst episode in the show's four-year history, and absolutely the first episode that was completely predictable. And think about the falloff...in a week we went from the awesomeness of Sayid capping people in Europe to Kate in an unflattering orange jumpsuit. I mean--that's no fun...
-Tiger Woods is better at golf than I am at napping.
-The Sportscenter "Greatest Highlight" series is incredibly ironic. They're spending two minutes of every half hour determining which highlight is the best of the "ESPN-era". The irony is that their presentation, and the ridiculousness of the fan-bias has made this series the WORST two-minute segment in sports during the ESPN-era.
-Daniel Day Lewis won Best Actor last night, which made me happy. He deserved it...even though I didn't see a single other movie this year.
-Someone told me that Chalula was in bankruptcy before they announced the wooden-top. God bless the guy (or girl) who came up with that. (But let's be honest...it was a dude.)
and Finally...
-I got staff from the gym for the second time in three years. Anyone want to rub skin together?
Oh--and the link.
No introduction needed. Just watch it and forward it to everyone you know.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Thursday, February 21, 2008
2.22.08
Limericks...
I realized that I've never used my negligible Irish background to write limericks about current events.
So why not?
Ode to Calvin...
Sampson was Indy Coach,
The rules of the college he'd broach.
He called high school kids,
Watched live not on vids.
Has the character of a cockroach.
Ode to Castro...
Fidel was Cuba's dictator,
JFK stopped him as a trader.
Castro's beard it went gray,
Fewer opinions he'd sway.
And the Commie said "Peace, see ya later."
Ode to the Market...
Oh the NASDAQ and Dow's bumpy ride!
When the dot-coms went bust how we cried.
The commodities soar,
And real estate hits the floor,
My 401k just rolled over and died.
Ode to Terrible Sports Broadcasters...
You tell us who wins the game's prize,
When we can't see the score with our eyes.
For insights, your skills are picked,
But you always make me so ticked,
When you say things like, "YOU CAN'T TEACH SIZE!"
Ode to the Diesel...
Shaq is the king of the slam,
He's old, but he still gives a damn.
Shaq could get his fifth ring,
Make a short Canuck sing.
But still be the star of Kazaam.
Ode to the Academy...
The Oscars are two days away,
And interest invokes shades of gray.
The films weren't big money,
Though I hear Juno's funny.
But I'm rooting for ole' Daniel Day.
Ode to Willingham...
It's disdain for you that makes me write,
Your record it inspires fright.
You shouldn't have been hired,
I can't believe you weren't fired.
Being nice don't make you right.
Ode to the Pastime...
Baseball is here for the year,
Where there's sunshine, the players are near.
The Mets' staff is loaded,
The Tigers' bats bloated.
But "STEROIDS" is all we can hear.
Ode to Britney
Papparazzi: they swarm like pirhanna,
Yet she still does whatever she wanna.
Though her kids went away,
I'm still here to say,
She's one comeback from being Madonna.
Ode to the Enemy...
Another tourney trip for Gonzaga,
Though I tried to infect them with plague-a.
In the first round their hopes will die,
But "David" their fans will cry,
Though Few is Goliath of all fag-a.
Ode to a Confusing Trade...
Lebron needed players to lead,
So the Sonics' cap-room they freed.
The Bulls finally got rid of Ben,
He, Wally help Bron Bron win?
Three years ago I would have agreed.
Ode to my Blackberry Curve...
Oh! Your face how it glowed,
As pics and mail I load.
People reach me all day,
As I type and I sway,
And I drive my car off the road.
------------------------------------------------------------------
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
I realized that I've never used my negligible Irish background to write limericks about current events.
So why not?
Ode to Calvin...
Sampson was Indy Coach,
The rules of the college he'd broach.
He called high school kids,
Watched live not on vids.
Has the character of a cockroach.
Ode to Castro...
Fidel was Cuba's dictator,
JFK stopped him as a trader.
Castro's beard it went gray,
Fewer opinions he'd sway.
And the Commie said "Peace, see ya later."
Ode to the Market...
Oh the NASDAQ and Dow's bumpy ride!
When the dot-coms went bust how we cried.
The commodities soar,
And real estate hits the floor,
My 401k just rolled over and died.
Ode to Terrible Sports Broadcasters...
You tell us who wins the game's prize,
When we can't see the score with our eyes.
For insights, your skills are picked,
But you always make me so ticked,
When you say things like, "YOU CAN'T TEACH SIZE!"
Ode to the Diesel...
Shaq is the king of the slam,
He's old, but he still gives a damn.
Shaq could get his fifth ring,
Make a short Canuck sing.
But still be the star of Kazaam.
Ode to the Academy...
The Oscars are two days away,
And interest invokes shades of gray.
The films weren't big money,
Though I hear Juno's funny.
But I'm rooting for ole' Daniel Day.
Ode to Willingham...
It's disdain for you that makes me write,
Your record it inspires fright.
You shouldn't have been hired,
I can't believe you weren't fired.
Being nice don't make you right.
Ode to the Pastime...
Baseball is here for the year,
Where there's sunshine, the players are near.
The Mets' staff is loaded,
The Tigers' bats bloated.
But "STEROIDS" is all we can hear.
Ode to Britney
Papparazzi: they swarm like pirhanna,
Yet she still does whatever she wanna.
Though her kids went away,
I'm still here to say,
She's one comeback from being Madonna.
Ode to the Enemy...
Another tourney trip for Gonzaga,
Though I tried to infect them with plague-a.
In the first round their hopes will die,
But "David" their fans will cry,
Though Few is Goliath of all fag-a.
Ode to a Confusing Trade...
Lebron needed players to lead,
So the Sonics' cap-room they freed.
The Bulls finally got rid of Ben,
He, Wally help Bron Bron win?
Three years ago I would have agreed.
Ode to my Blackberry Curve...
Oh! Your face how it glowed,
As pics and mail I load.
People reach me all day,
As I type and I sway,
And I drive my car off the road.
------------------------------------------------------------------
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
2.21.08
For Those that Missed It...
The World Match-Play Championships began yesterday (that's golf by the way) with two major story lines that I'll touch on briefly.
1. Tiger Woods was down to JB Holmes (very good player btw...) by three holes with 5 to play...which means that all of the nails are in the coffin, the pallbearers have put it in place, and the lowering-device is about to be turned-on.
What does he do? He makes about 80 feet of putts over the next four holes including a no-sweat eagle on the 606 yard 17th, and wins 1 up. UNREAL.
2. Ernie Els lost 6 and 5 to Jonathon Byrd. That means that they played 13 holes of golf and Byrd had won 6 more holes than Els, therefore clinching the match. That is an absolute ass-kicking and a complete upset.
If you don't know golf, that would be like the University of Washington Basketball Team beating UCLA by 40.
Or for the non-sports types, it would be like Curtis beating Kevan in the 400 by a minute...it's just never going to happen.
Hot off the Presses...
David got this in just before publishing--the pictures of the new non-Devil Rays Stadium.
Supposed to look like a sailboat...I think it looks like a dental dam.
Throwback...
I was going to put on a brown and yellow Padres hat ("cuz theyz wuz my teeeeeeeam back in the day...") but I thought, with a lack of sleep and nothing going on in the world (Castro's resignation, the Presidential election, Shaq's debut, oil prices hitting $100/barrel) that I'd just post one of my old blogs.
The reason for this particular one is that it is nearing what I call "Unathletic Sports Season", where office stiffs sip Smirnoff Ice and pretend that they're harkening back on a childhood that was probably dominated by Nintendo and the underwear section of the Sears catalog. But here goes...(with one comment and a new addition.)
False Memories
Am I the only person who has noticed that people's memories of childhood are completely inaccurate? I mean—no—I wasn't there with most of them to see how they actually grew up, but some of it just doesn't seem possible to me. Maybe I'm warped by my own jaded upbringing—but I just don't think that some people's "favorite things" from childhood are accurate. (On that note—I read on Tucker Max's page the other day the best description of bad parenting from one of his friends: "My dad was a mean man. He used to give us $10 on Christmas Eve, wait until we were asleep, take it back from us, and then beat on us Christmas Day for losing it." That's funny.)
Here are some examples:
Memory: Dodgeball/Kickball
Actual Occurance: Wallball
You can join eleven teams, you can sing the praises, you can post all the pictures you want on your myspace page, but I will NEVER believe that you played A LOT of dodgeball or kickball when you were a child. And shockingly—the people that pretend to have experienced this are almost as stupid as the people that worry that cities will flood when the ice caps melt. (If you don't understand the analogy, poor yourself a glass of ice-water, filling it up to a certain line. Don't drink it—just watch it melt…you'll notice that the glass doesn't spontaneously create more fluid and overflow the glass—in fact the water level drops.) And the worst part is that they risk their professional reputation by convincing coworkers to fall into the same dillusion---and even have the nerve to ask their boss for sponsorship money? WHO ARE THESE MONSTERS???
What I—and I suspect YOU—probably experienced was Wallball. Wallball is a beautiful game where you bounce a 12-18" rubber ball against a wall, then next person returns by bouncing the ball on the ground and then off of the wall. You play until someone can't do that properly…simple. Sure—it is spiced up by Pops, Cracks, Babies, Waterfalls, Sliders, Cross-Countries, and the occasional fist-fight—but it is a simple game and simple pleasure. It carried me through the 3rd grade until I realized that I couldn't turn professional, and should probably focus on basketball because I was 7'3" in 3rd grade.
So SPARE ME the dodgeball and kickball…
Memory: Legos
Actual Occurrence: Mega Blocks
Okay…everybody had Legos—or at least MOST people did.
But everyone also had a confused aunt and/or parent's-friend-without-kids that bought you some Mega Blocks.
They are NOT the same thing.
I guess this isn't so much a false memory as much as something that sucked.
Memory: Izod
Actual Occurrence: Le Tigre
This one was pointed out to me by Bill my freshman year in college and it was one of the greatest epiphanies of my life: I never owned an Izod polo shirt, but absolutely believed that I did. But no—I had Le Tigre—the K-Mart knockoff.
Oh…you've heard of this one?
Of course you have—because Urban Outfitters got wind of it and bastardized it like they have everything else. I mean—brilliant idea—but screw them for ruining another GREAT throwback trend.
So Rest In Peace, Le Tigre—you've gone the way of the 80s Pepsi logo, Giant-head Basketball Tees, Animal House "COLLEGE" shirts, and the 80s Orange Crush Logo as phenomenal finds that everyone has now...
But do you know what they haven't brought back via t-shirt? Q-Bert. Does anyone remember Q-Bert? That would make a GREAT t-shirt…
Memory: Transformers
Actual Occurrence: Gobots
"I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVED Transformers as a kid." You did? Are you sure?
Are you absolutely positive that you didn't love Gobots??
I had transformers. A whole TWO of them. I had Optimus Prime and the stegosaurus. But I had a GRIP of Gobots. And why? Because they cost about $1.
Don't remember them? I'm shocked that your parents didn't pawn them off on you as "just as cool as Transformers" as well…
Gobots were a Japanese toy that turned from some sort of vehicle to a robotic human. So were Transformers. The difference was that Transformers had multiple moving parts and Gobots pretty much just bent at the waist. They didn't transform so much as they…uh…opened.
But…like the Transformers, they had a cartoon. I don't remember much of it, other than the song was really catchy and several of the characters were gay.
Memory: Getting into a lot of fights
Actual Occurance: NOT getting into a lot of fights
I got in one—with James Garel…which was a fight over who was taller. Russell and I got in a few scuffles for similar reasons…but they all pretty much went:
I do something…usually on a basketball court.
He puts me in a headlock.
I pick him up over my head.
He punches me in the mouth.
I drop him on his side.
This probably happened fifteen or twenty times (despite us being friends). But one time sticks out: I have fake front teeth and he chipped one of them once…that was really scary for me. I don't think we ever actually fought though…probably a good thing too. We were the same height, same weight—which is to say about 6', 120. But he was way more aggressive than me…not to mention faster than anyone. No way that turns out well for me…
I feel like I'm in AA suddenly—so why don't the rest of you come clean and admit that you weren't tough as a kid. All kids wrestle, but only a few get in actual fights. My guess is that you weren't one of the few. Why do I guess that? Because you still make a fist with your thumb inside your fingers…
Memory: Magic Johnson
Actual Occurance: ESPN Classic
I'll be the first to admit—I don't remember Magic. I know that I watched the NBA throughout the 80s, namely Lakers games, and I remember where I was when I found out that he had the HIV, (In front of Meridian Elementary—told by my future 8th-grade basketball coach, Kathy Curtis, after school) but I have ZERO recollection of watching Magic play at his peak.
Honestly—the only vivid memories I have of him playing are in the 1992 Summer Olympics and the 1993 All-Star Game. (Oh—and when Big Pun put on a Magic jersey and came in to play power forward like three years later, failing, turning into a coach, failing, starting a tv show, failing…then curing himself of an incurable disease.)
I can honestly say that I remember watching every other member of the original Dream Team (which are, from memory: Jordan, Pippen, Ewing, Mullin, Malone, Stockton, Robinson, Drexler, Barkley, Bird and Laettner—BANG!) play at their peaks—but I have no memory of Magic and I doubt that you do either. Remember—if you're my age, you were ELEVEN when he retired.
Why don't we remember? Because basketball and football are too complex for kids under 12ish to really grasp. You can watch the games, you can know who won, but you don't really understand talent beyond the people that score a bunch. (See: Jordan, Bird, Bo Jackson, Steve Largent, etc—whom you probably all remember.) Baseball is the only sport that kids understand, because the rules/scenarios don't really change from t-ball through the majors. I can list COUNTLESS players and moments from the 1986-91 range—but very few from the other sports.
Here's the kicker though:
I remember watching Kareem play.
Go figure.
Bill's Comment
You are missing a few other things that you usally hit upon:
- Iconic Child Actors
- Inside Jokes
- Womens clothing and personality trends
- Homosexuality
- Music
- Worship of Olin Wick
P.S. Q-Bert was fun but I could never get past probably the 3rd level. Same with Kid Icarus, I recently tried to play it again and it is still way too hard. I think I was better at it 20 years ago. You know a game they should bring back is Burgertime. Not just because I am obese and like burgers but I think I could put some sort of logical thought into the game and beat a few levels.
My Response
He's right...
One 80s-ish actor that people talk about as though he's family...
Memory: David Hasselhoff as an icon
Actual Memory: Who is David Hasselhoff?
"DUUUUUUUDE! Knight Rider man. I LOVED that show...he was such a badass! Don't hassle the Hoff, man."
OH F*** YOU!
Really? You expect me to believe for one second that you watched that show for any reason beyond what I did? Which is that there was a cool, talking Corvette with a futuristic robot voice?
Right.
No no.
You're right.
I'm wrong.
You totally remember accurately.
You watched it all of the time.
And could totally read well enough to know that David Hasselhoff played Michael Knight on that show.
Yeah.
You totally knew that.
No---I believe you.
I'm not being sarcastic.
What are you talking about?
There is nothing condescending about my tone?
If I wanted to be condescending, I'd tell you that you're a band-wagoning, unoriginal piece of crap...but I'm not doing that, am I?
Okay.
--------------------------------------------------
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
The World Match-Play Championships began yesterday (that's golf by the way) with two major story lines that I'll touch on briefly.
1. Tiger Woods was down to JB Holmes (very good player btw...) by three holes with 5 to play...which means that all of the nails are in the coffin, the pallbearers have put it in place, and the lowering-device is about to be turned-on.
What does he do? He makes about 80 feet of putts over the next four holes including a no-sweat eagle on the 606 yard 17th, and wins 1 up. UNREAL.
2. Ernie Els lost 6 and 5 to Jonathon Byrd. That means that they played 13 holes of golf and Byrd had won 6 more holes than Els, therefore clinching the match. That is an absolute ass-kicking and a complete upset.
If you don't know golf, that would be like the University of Washington Basketball Team beating UCLA by 40.
Or for the non-sports types, it would be like Curtis beating Kevan in the 400 by a minute...it's just never going to happen.
Hot off the Presses...
David got this in just before publishing--the pictures of the new non-Devil Rays Stadium.
Supposed to look like a sailboat...I think it looks like a dental dam.
Throwback...
I was going to put on a brown and yellow Padres hat ("cuz theyz wuz my teeeeeeeam back in the day...") but I thought, with a lack of sleep and nothing going on in the world (Castro's resignation, the Presidential election, Shaq's debut, oil prices hitting $100/barrel) that I'd just post one of my old blogs.
The reason for this particular one is that it is nearing what I call "Unathletic Sports Season", where office stiffs sip Smirnoff Ice and pretend that they're harkening back on a childhood that was probably dominated by Nintendo and the underwear section of the Sears catalog. But here goes...(with one comment and a new addition.)
False Memories
Am I the only person who has noticed that people's memories of childhood are completely inaccurate? I mean—no—I wasn't there with most of them to see how they actually grew up, but some of it just doesn't seem possible to me. Maybe I'm warped by my own jaded upbringing—but I just don't think that some people's "favorite things" from childhood are accurate. (On that note—I read on Tucker Max's page the other day the best description of bad parenting from one of his friends: "My dad was a mean man. He used to give us $10 on Christmas Eve, wait until we were asleep, take it back from us, and then beat on us Christmas Day for losing it." That's funny.)
Here are some examples:
Memory: Dodgeball/Kickball
Actual Occurance: Wallball
You can join eleven teams, you can sing the praises, you can post all the pictures you want on your myspace page, but I will NEVER believe that you played A LOT of dodgeball or kickball when you were a child. And shockingly—the people that pretend to have experienced this are almost as stupid as the people that worry that cities will flood when the ice caps melt. (If you don't understand the analogy, poor yourself a glass of ice-water, filling it up to a certain line. Don't drink it—just watch it melt…you'll notice that the glass doesn't spontaneously create more fluid and overflow the glass—in fact the water level drops.) And the worst part is that they risk their professional reputation by convincing coworkers to fall into the same dillusion---and even have the nerve to ask their boss for sponsorship money? WHO ARE THESE MONSTERS???
What I—and I suspect YOU—probably experienced was Wallball. Wallball is a beautiful game where you bounce a 12-18" rubber ball against a wall, then next person returns by bouncing the ball on the ground and then off of the wall. You play until someone can't do that properly…simple. Sure—it is spiced up by Pops, Cracks, Babies, Waterfalls, Sliders, Cross-Countries, and the occasional fist-fight—but it is a simple game and simple pleasure. It carried me through the 3rd grade until I realized that I couldn't turn professional, and should probably focus on basketball because I was 7'3" in 3rd grade.
So SPARE ME the dodgeball and kickball…
Memory: Legos
Actual Occurrence: Mega Blocks
Okay…everybody had Legos—or at least MOST people did.
But everyone also had a confused aunt and/or parent's-friend-without-kids that bought you some Mega Blocks.
They are NOT the same thing.
I guess this isn't so much a false memory as much as something that sucked.
Memory: Izod
Actual Occurrence: Le Tigre
This one was pointed out to me by Bill my freshman year in college and it was one of the greatest epiphanies of my life: I never owned an Izod polo shirt, but absolutely believed that I did. But no—I had Le Tigre—the K-Mart knockoff.
Oh…you've heard of this one?
Of course you have—because Urban Outfitters got wind of it and bastardized it like they have everything else. I mean—brilliant idea—but screw them for ruining another GREAT throwback trend.
So Rest In Peace, Le Tigre—you've gone the way of the 80s Pepsi logo, Giant-head Basketball Tees, Animal House "COLLEGE" shirts, and the 80s Orange Crush Logo as phenomenal finds that everyone has now...
But do you know what they haven't brought back via t-shirt? Q-Bert. Does anyone remember Q-Bert? That would make a GREAT t-shirt…
Memory: Transformers
Actual Occurrence: Gobots
"I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVED Transformers as a kid." You did? Are you sure?
Are you absolutely positive that you didn't love Gobots??
I had transformers. A whole TWO of them. I had Optimus Prime and the stegosaurus. But I had a GRIP of Gobots. And why? Because they cost about $1.
Don't remember them? I'm shocked that your parents didn't pawn them off on you as "just as cool as Transformers" as well…
Gobots were a Japanese toy that turned from some sort of vehicle to a robotic human. So were Transformers. The difference was that Transformers had multiple moving parts and Gobots pretty much just bent at the waist. They didn't transform so much as they…uh…opened.
But…like the Transformers, they had a cartoon. I don't remember much of it, other than the song was really catchy and several of the characters were gay.
Memory: Getting into a lot of fights
Actual Occurance: NOT getting into a lot of fights
I got in one—with James Garel…which was a fight over who was taller. Russell and I got in a few scuffles for similar reasons…but they all pretty much went:
I do something…usually on a basketball court.
He puts me in a headlock.
I pick him up over my head.
He punches me in the mouth.
I drop him on his side.
This probably happened fifteen or twenty times (despite us being friends). But one time sticks out: I have fake front teeth and he chipped one of them once…that was really scary for me. I don't think we ever actually fought though…probably a good thing too. We were the same height, same weight—which is to say about 6', 120. But he was way more aggressive than me…not to mention faster than anyone. No way that turns out well for me…
I feel like I'm in AA suddenly—so why don't the rest of you come clean and admit that you weren't tough as a kid. All kids wrestle, but only a few get in actual fights. My guess is that you weren't one of the few. Why do I guess that? Because you still make a fist with your thumb inside your fingers…
Memory: Magic Johnson
Actual Occurance: ESPN Classic
I'll be the first to admit—I don't remember Magic. I know that I watched the NBA throughout the 80s, namely Lakers games, and I remember where I was when I found out that he had the HIV, (In front of Meridian Elementary—told by my future 8th-grade basketball coach, Kathy Curtis, after school) but I have ZERO recollection of watching Magic play at his peak.
Honestly—the only vivid memories I have of him playing are in the 1992 Summer Olympics and the 1993 All-Star Game. (Oh—and when Big Pun put on a Magic jersey and came in to play power forward like three years later, failing, turning into a coach, failing, starting a tv show, failing…then curing himself of an incurable disease.)
I can honestly say that I remember watching every other member of the original Dream Team (which are, from memory: Jordan, Pippen, Ewing, Mullin, Malone, Stockton, Robinson, Drexler, Barkley, Bird and Laettner—BANG!) play at their peaks—but I have no memory of Magic and I doubt that you do either. Remember—if you're my age, you were ELEVEN when he retired.
Why don't we remember? Because basketball and football are too complex for kids under 12ish to really grasp. You can watch the games, you can know who won, but you don't really understand talent beyond the people that score a bunch. (See: Jordan, Bird, Bo Jackson, Steve Largent, etc—whom you probably all remember.) Baseball is the only sport that kids understand, because the rules/scenarios don't really change from t-ball through the majors. I can list COUNTLESS players and moments from the 1986-91 range—but very few from the other sports.
Here's the kicker though:
I remember watching Kareem play.
Go figure.
Bill's Comment
You are missing a few other things that you usally hit upon:
- Iconic Child Actors
- Inside Jokes
- Womens clothing and personality trends
- Homosexuality
- Music
- Worship of Olin Wick
P.S. Q-Bert was fun but I could never get past probably the 3rd level. Same with Kid Icarus, I recently tried to play it again and it is still way too hard. I think I was better at it 20 years ago. You know a game they should bring back is Burgertime. Not just because I am obese and like burgers but I think I could put some sort of logical thought into the game and beat a few levels.
My Response
He's right...
One 80s-ish actor that people talk about as though he's family...
Memory: David Hasselhoff as an icon
Actual Memory: Who is David Hasselhoff?
"DUUUUUUUDE! Knight Rider man. I LOVED that show...he was such a badass! Don't hassle the Hoff, man."
OH F*** YOU!
Really? You expect me to believe for one second that you watched that show for any reason beyond what I did? Which is that there was a cool, talking Corvette with a futuristic robot voice?
Right.
No no.
You're right.
I'm wrong.
You totally remember accurately.
You watched it all of the time.
And could totally read well enough to know that David Hasselhoff played Michael Knight on that show.
Yeah.
You totally knew that.
No---I believe you.
I'm not being sarcastic.
What are you talking about?
There is nothing condescending about my tone?
If I wanted to be condescending, I'd tell you that you're a band-wagoning, unoriginal piece of crap...but I'm not doing that, am I?
Okay.
--------------------------------------------------
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
2.20.08
More insights on Hip-hop...
Two more realizations from my new life as a rap connoisseur:
-Now that we've Found Love by Heavy D. and the Boys is the best bubble-gum rap song of the 90s and doesn't get nearly enough attention. Someone is going to do an emo-remake of this song and BLOW. UP.
-I can't decide what the most-romantic song of the past five years has been. I keep going back and forth between Remix to Ignition and The Seed. Both of them pretty well tell the story of a man's deep-rooted love of a woman.
About Time...
I heard this morning that Dave Niehaus is finally being inducted into the Hall of Fame. He's the best play-by-play guy I've ever heard...and while he's slipped a bit in his latter years, Seattle is still the only place in the country I'd rather listen to a game than watch it on television.
Congrats, Dave.
With Help from Satan...
I only (to my knowledge) have one reader who worships the devil.
Now---you'd think that that would be a contradiction, what with me being a Bible-thumping, God-fearing type...but the truth of the matter is that once in a while, this hell-spawn actually has a good idea. (Not that that stems from his Satan-worshipping--but it is the reason that I continue to listen to his ridiculousness...)
Poise in caint:
People spend days, weeks, and as much as nine months (or nine months and six nameless days in my case) obsessing over what they call their children.
It is an important decision, but history has given options that, while uncreative, still allow your kid to be normal. No child has ever been jaded by being named Jack, Jill, John or Jane (except for my friend whose last name is "Mehoffbehinda7-11"). They're all legitimate and acceptable standbys.
Sure--you may want to name your kid with a last name like every girl seems to want right now...or maybe you want to name it "Apple" or "Suri" or "Sh*tface"...but you had easy options and it was your choice to ignore them.
HOWEVER...
The first words that this child says will forever determine the child's future. And it isn't as if you can control it---generations of father have mouthed the word, "DA-DEE" to infants, only for them to blurt out, "Boobie" as their first word. Kids are sponges, and therefore every single thing you say between their birth and their 21st birthday can turn into the word or phrase that goes down in the Baby Book as Timmy's 1st. Or even worse--you could blurt some ridiculous phrase out and have your 2-year-old decide that it will be his phrase du jour for the next 11 years.
Screw it. I don't know what category these fall under...just don't let your kids say them...
So--what with all of my idiot friends deciding that raising children is a good idea--I thought it would make sense to put together of things that you may want to avoid entirely. Here we go...
-Any words that rhyme with "hunt".
-"Vote for Hillary"
(Since writing this the other day, this has almost become moot. Am I the only person who loves the fact that Bill Clinton has intentionally screwed up his wife's campaign? What a beauty...)
-"Go Zags!"
-"Peanuts"
(Don't understand the last one? Imagine the kid pointing at his grandfather's crotch and yelling it.)
-"Soccer"
-"I'm going to R. Kelly's house."
-"Pass the mayonnaise."
-"Turn on the Groz!"
-"Coach Sampson knows best."
-"More Dr. Pepper, please?"
-"Can I bum a smoke?"
-"I'm on the Curtis Diet."
-"Alex is keen."
(Confused? That's what Alex P. Keaton taught his baby brother Andy. It's actually a great thing to learn...but I just wanted to include it.)
-"Irregardless"
-"When can I join the union?"
And finally...of course...
-"Willingham"
-------------------------------------------------------------
Peace out players.
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Two more realizations from my new life as a rap connoisseur:
-Now that we've Found Love by Heavy D. and the Boys is the best bubble-gum rap song of the 90s and doesn't get nearly enough attention. Someone is going to do an emo-remake of this song and BLOW. UP.
-I can't decide what the most-romantic song of the past five years has been. I keep going back and forth between Remix to Ignition and The Seed. Both of them pretty well tell the story of a man's deep-rooted love of a woman.
About Time...
I heard this morning that Dave Niehaus is finally being inducted into the Hall of Fame. He's the best play-by-play guy I've ever heard...and while he's slipped a bit in his latter years, Seattle is still the only place in the country I'd rather listen to a game than watch it on television.
Congrats, Dave.
With Help from Satan...
I only (to my knowledge) have one reader who worships the devil.
Now---you'd think that that would be a contradiction, what with me being a Bible-thumping, God-fearing type...but the truth of the matter is that once in a while, this hell-spawn actually has a good idea. (Not that that stems from his Satan-worshipping--but it is the reason that I continue to listen to his ridiculousness...)
Poise in caint:
People spend days, weeks, and as much as nine months (or nine months and six nameless days in my case) obsessing over what they call their children.
It is an important decision, but history has given options that, while uncreative, still allow your kid to be normal. No child has ever been jaded by being named Jack, Jill, John or Jane (except for my friend whose last name is "Mehoffbehinda7-11"). They're all legitimate and acceptable standbys.
Sure--you may want to name your kid with a last name like every girl seems to want right now...or maybe you want to name it "Apple" or "Suri" or "Sh*tface"...but you had easy options and it was your choice to ignore them.
HOWEVER...
The first words that this child says will forever determine the child's future. And it isn't as if you can control it---generations of father have mouthed the word, "DA-DEE" to infants, only for them to blurt out, "Boobie" as their first word. Kids are sponges, and therefore every single thing you say between their birth and their 21st birthday can turn into the word or phrase that goes down in the Baby Book as Timmy's 1st. Or even worse--you could blurt some ridiculous phrase out and have your 2-year-old decide that it will be his phrase du jour for the next 11 years.
Screw it. I don't know what category these fall under...just don't let your kids say them...
So--what with all of my idiot friends deciding that raising children is a good idea--I thought it would make sense to put together of things that you may want to avoid entirely. Here we go...
-Any words that rhyme with "hunt".
-"Vote for Hillary"
(Since writing this the other day, this has almost become moot. Am I the only person who loves the fact that Bill Clinton has intentionally screwed up his wife's campaign? What a beauty...)
-"Go Zags!"
-"Peanuts"
(Don't understand the last one? Imagine the kid pointing at his grandfather's crotch and yelling it.)
-"Soccer"
-"I'm going to R. Kelly's house."
-"Pass the mayonnaise."
-"Turn on the Groz!"
-"Coach Sampson knows best."
-"More Dr. Pepper, please?"
-"Can I bum a smoke?"
-"I'm on the Curtis Diet."
-"Alex is keen."
(Confused? That's what Alex P. Keaton taught his baby brother Andy. It's actually a great thing to learn...but I just wanted to include it.)
-"Irregardless"
-"When can I join the union?"
And finally...of course...
-"Willingham"
-------------------------------------------------------------
Peace out players.
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
2.19.08
Revelation
I was lucky enough last night to be a guest of former-UPS, now-Pepperdine Head Coach, Eric Bridgeland, at their home game against nationally-ranked St. Mary's last night. Sitting with two of his ex-players and his very-pregnant wife, I got some inside-info and have five major points that follow:
1. Despite Bridgeland being an a-hole, I've always liked the guy. He's very much my kind of a-hole.
2. St. Mary's absolutely annihilated Pepperdine last night, but DO NOT pick them as your non-sleeper in the NCAA Tournament. They are the epitome of an over-dog in a TERRIBLE WCC. They have some decent players and a nice system, but this team would be run out of the gym by anyone in the top-15, including Butler and Xavier.
3. Pepperdine's gym is no bigger than the UPS Field House. So I don't want to hear (nor will I say) that attendance-requirements are what is keeping a fantastic UPS team from stepping up to Division I. (Pepperdine has a more-functional space---but with hope, the upcoming Field House remodel will improve that.)
4. Not only that, UPS is a better team than Pepperdine. No doubt that Pepperdine has better athletes, but UPS is a better team. (To his credit--Bridgeland has done a good job of recruiting "upside" kids that USC, UCLA and Arizona pass-by.) For those of you who don't understand how the more-athletic team isn't as good as the other---here is a quick explanation. Pepperdine's kids have higher vertical leaps, are probably a step faster running the court, and almost certainly have higher bench-press numbers. However, UPS' kids are better shooters, make cleaner passes and play better team defense---and I think that they'd beat Pepperdine 4 out of every 5 times they play.
So why isn't UPS looking into making the jump to D-I? I don't know...
5. I was dissapointed to hear this morning that Bridgeland will not be retained as head coach at Pepperdine. All of the key-players are his recruits and when they buy into his system, I have no doubt that they could be successful in 2-3 years. That said---Pepperdine's basketball program has always been a circus, and Bridgeland may be better-served looking at one of the other potentially-open positions in the WCC---most notably USF.
I Was Too Busy Packin' Gats 'n' Stuff...
After reading Bill Simmons' piece on "Mt. Rapmore", I was reminded that I hadn't had a weekend where I listened to nothing but gangsta' rap for a while.
Two thoughts (and bear in mind that I don't listen to new rap because, frankly, I don't know where to start.)
-Isn't Funkey Cold Medina just a dirtier version of Love Potion Number 9? (And I'm not referring to the girl that Jesse and I fell in love with in January of 2003 after drinking 18-16 oz. Busch cans apiece...but rather the song by the Clovers.) Or is it just the song that inspired the UPS chapter of Beta Theta Pi to roofie every chick on campus?
-While his lifestyle and inevitable death tell a different story, when he wrote "Big Poppa", was Notorious B.I.G. a bit of a pansy? Note the following verse:
Straight up honey really I'm askin
Most of these niggaz think they be mackin but they be actin
Who they attractin with that line, "What's your name, what's your sign"?
Soon as he buy that wine I just creep up from behind
And ask what your interests are, "who you be with"?
Things to make you smile, what numbers to dial
You gon' be here for a while, I'm gon' go call my crew
You go call your crew
We can rendezvou at the bar around two
So let me get this straight---when every other rapper is talking about women fawning over him, Biggy (or is it "Big E"? I don't know...) is implying that he respects and cares for the well-being of women. Maybe that's what led to the first line of "Hit 'em Up"...
Better than Peeing in a Detergent Bucket...
Phenomenal prank by the Phillies...
Golf?
I forgot for a while that I played the sport. (Yes Matthew...SPORT. Muscle-memory, coordination and multiple skills.)
Then my friend John called me Thursday to see if I wanted to play Spyglass Hill on Sunday.
Um...YEAH?!?
Nearly perfect golf course. Horrendously difficult, amazing scenery, and a better flow than any course I've ever played. Just an absolute 5 Star course.
And I played okay...
Rough 43 on the front, but a 1-under 35 on the back. These days, 78 on a tough course is pretty good for me...
So--with that, I adjust my lists of "Best Golf Courses I've Played" and "Favorite Course to Play Every Day". (The difference?? Some courses are just amazing...but would be too difficult, too one-dimensional, too-distracting, SOMETHING that make you not want to play it every day. Conversely, there are great golf courses that don't blow your mind the first time you play it, but are perfect for daily-play.) Here goes...
Best Courses I've Played:
10. Pumpkin Ridge (Ghost Creek) (Portland-ish, OR)
9. Gold Mountain (Olympic) (Ghorst, WA)
8. Mission Hills (Old Course) (Palm Springs, CA)
7. La Cantera (San Antonio, TX)
6. Fircrest (Tacoma, WA)
5. Seattle Golf Club (Seattle, WA)
4. Aspen Lakes (Sisters, OR)
3. Spyglass Hill (Pebble Beach, CA)
2. Bandon Dunes (Bandon, OR)
1. Pacific Dunes (Bandon, OR)
Favorite Courses to Play Every Day
5. Mission Hills (Palm Springs, CA)
4. Bermuda Dunes (Bermuda Dunes, CA)
3. Seattle GC (Seattle, WA)
2. Fircrest (Tacoma, WA)
1. Spyglass Hill (Pebble Beach, CA)
Least Favorite Golf Courses
2. Sahalee (East-Hell, WA)
1. Salishan (Salishan, OR)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Skaw--I'm using your idea tomorrow...not to worry...
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
I was lucky enough last night to be a guest of former-UPS, now-Pepperdine Head Coach, Eric Bridgeland, at their home game against nationally-ranked St. Mary's last night. Sitting with two of his ex-players and his very-pregnant wife, I got some inside-info and have five major points that follow:
1. Despite Bridgeland being an a-hole, I've always liked the guy. He's very much my kind of a-hole.
2. St. Mary's absolutely annihilated Pepperdine last night, but DO NOT pick them as your non-sleeper in the NCAA Tournament. They are the epitome of an over-dog in a TERRIBLE WCC. They have some decent players and a nice system, but this team would be run out of the gym by anyone in the top-15, including Butler and Xavier.
3. Pepperdine's gym is no bigger than the UPS Field House. So I don't want to hear (nor will I say) that attendance-requirements are what is keeping a fantastic UPS team from stepping up to Division I. (Pepperdine has a more-functional space---but with hope, the upcoming Field House remodel will improve that.)
4. Not only that, UPS is a better team than Pepperdine. No doubt that Pepperdine has better athletes, but UPS is a better team. (To his credit--Bridgeland has done a good job of recruiting "upside" kids that USC, UCLA and Arizona pass-by.) For those of you who don't understand how the more-athletic team isn't as good as the other---here is a quick explanation. Pepperdine's kids have higher vertical leaps, are probably a step faster running the court, and almost certainly have higher bench-press numbers. However, UPS' kids are better shooters, make cleaner passes and play better team defense---and I think that they'd beat Pepperdine 4 out of every 5 times they play.
So why isn't UPS looking into making the jump to D-I? I don't know...
5. I was dissapointed to hear this morning that Bridgeland will not be retained as head coach at Pepperdine. All of the key-players are his recruits and when they buy into his system, I have no doubt that they could be successful in 2-3 years. That said---Pepperdine's basketball program has always been a circus, and Bridgeland may be better-served looking at one of the other potentially-open positions in the WCC---most notably USF.
I Was Too Busy Packin' Gats 'n' Stuff...
After reading Bill Simmons' piece on "Mt. Rapmore", I was reminded that I hadn't had a weekend where I listened to nothing but gangsta' rap for a while.
Two thoughts (and bear in mind that I don't listen to new rap because, frankly, I don't know where to start.)
-Isn't Funkey Cold Medina just a dirtier version of Love Potion Number 9? (And I'm not referring to the girl that Jesse and I fell in love with in January of 2003 after drinking 18-16 oz. Busch cans apiece...but rather the song by the Clovers.) Or is it just the song that inspired the UPS chapter of Beta Theta Pi to roofie every chick on campus?
-While his lifestyle and inevitable death tell a different story, when he wrote "Big Poppa", was Notorious B.I.G. a bit of a pansy? Note the following verse:
Straight up honey really I'm askin
Most of these niggaz think they be mackin but they be actin
Who they attractin with that line, "What's your name, what's your sign"?
Soon as he buy that wine I just creep up from behind
And ask what your interests are, "who you be with"?
Things to make you smile, what numbers to dial
You gon' be here for a while, I'm gon' go call my crew
You go call your crew
We can rendezvou at the bar around two
So let me get this straight---when every other rapper is talking about women fawning over him, Biggy (or is it "Big E"? I don't know...) is implying that he respects and cares for the well-being of women. Maybe that's what led to the first line of "Hit 'em Up"...
Better than Peeing in a Detergent Bucket...
Phenomenal prank by the Phillies...
Golf?
I forgot for a while that I played the sport. (Yes Matthew...SPORT. Muscle-memory, coordination and multiple skills.)
Then my friend John called me Thursday to see if I wanted to play Spyglass Hill on Sunday.
Um...YEAH?!?
Nearly perfect golf course. Horrendously difficult, amazing scenery, and a better flow than any course I've ever played. Just an absolute 5 Star course.
And I played okay...
Rough 43 on the front, but a 1-under 35 on the back. These days, 78 on a tough course is pretty good for me...
So--with that, I adjust my lists of "Best Golf Courses I've Played" and "Favorite Course to Play Every Day". (The difference?? Some courses are just amazing...but would be too difficult, too one-dimensional, too-distracting, SOMETHING that make you not want to play it every day. Conversely, there are great golf courses that don't blow your mind the first time you play it, but are perfect for daily-play.) Here goes...
Best Courses I've Played:
10. Pumpkin Ridge (Ghost Creek) (Portland-ish, OR)
9. Gold Mountain (Olympic) (Ghorst, WA)
8. Mission Hills (Old Course) (Palm Springs, CA)
7. La Cantera (San Antonio, TX)
6. Fircrest (Tacoma, WA)
5. Seattle Golf Club (Seattle, WA)
4. Aspen Lakes (Sisters, OR)
3. Spyglass Hill (Pebble Beach, CA)
2. Bandon Dunes (Bandon, OR)
1. Pacific Dunes (Bandon, OR)
Favorite Courses to Play Every Day
5. Mission Hills (Palm Springs, CA)
4. Bermuda Dunes (Bermuda Dunes, CA)
3. Seattle GC (Seattle, WA)
2. Fircrest (Tacoma, WA)
1. Spyglass Hill (Pebble Beach, CA)
Least Favorite Golf Courses
2. Sahalee (East-Hell, WA)
1. Salishan (Salishan, OR)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Skaw--I'm using your idea tomorrow...not to worry...
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Thursday, February 14, 2008
2.15.08
Day Off
So--I have a butt-early flight Friday morning to San Francisco where I'm taking a four day weekend.
This is pretty much what it will look like.
Have a safe and happy long weekend.
PEACE!
---------------------------------
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
So--I have a butt-early flight Friday morning to San Francisco where I'm taking a four day weekend.
This is pretty much what it will look like.
Have a safe and happy long weekend.
PEACE!
---------------------------------
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
2.14.07
Really quickly...
I thought the Roger Clemens hearing in Congress yesterday was one of the most compellingly idiotic things I've ever seen. It took four hours before one of the junior Congressmen finally spoke up and said, "Didn't the Mitchell Report specifically request that we not rehash existing claims and just move forward?" I mean---Clemens looked like an idiot (as did McNamee) but we're talking about a party that took place eight or nine years ago---isn't the Statue of Liberties of up on that?
Again though---I'm over it. If I were a Hall of Fame voter, I'd put in Clemens, Bonds, McGwire and Sosa. The only person I'd leave out with be Rafael Palmero because he ACTUALLY TESTED POSITIVE! If you're dumb enough to keep juicing AFTER the new rules were put in place, you don't deserve to make the Hall.
There was one highlight to yesterday's hearings though...
When the Indiana Congressman was grilling McNamee on all of his lies, didn't you half expect him to just blurt out, "PRIVATE DOWNEY! Did you ever actually hear the Lietenant order the Code Red?!?"
This One Goes out to The One I Love...
I haven't done a top ten list in a while...but what better topic to do it on than the year's biggest American Greetings Holiday.
(Ten pop culture points if you got that one.)
So here goes...
The Top Ten Ways to Guarantee a Happy Ending to Your Valentine's Day
(I think I wrote this last year. And the year before that. Screw it...you guys don't remember that far back...)
10. Comment on how hot her sister's body is: Not only that--point out the different places where your date could improve on her's---women love the support.
9. Call her by her last name exclusively: Maybe this is just a pet peeve of mine, but I think that there is a place in hell reserved for guys who call chicks by their last name. (Probably in the spot right next to people who root for Phil Mickelson.)
8. (If it is early in the relationship) Ask her every five minutes how the date is going: Women love a man who constantly looks for her for assurance.
7. Deliver a box of Russell Stover's Chocolates where every piece of candy is replaced with a human toe: The ingrowns have a cream-filling!
6. Email girls from myspace, tell them you met them through (a guy you find on their page) a friend of theirs while they were drunk and that they promised you a date: And then text them at least 15 times on Valentine's Day with comments like, "When are you picking me up tonight? Haha--LOL."
5. Ask her about her Asian heritage: (Note: Only if she is Hispanic.)
4. Mention your Valentine's Day tradition of calling all of your ex-girlfriends and talking about how in love you were with them: And maybe even mention to your current date which ones you could see yourself getting back together with.
3. Make her a mix CD: Make sure you include a lot of Cannibal Corpse.
2. Order White Zinfandel at dinner: (No explanation needed.)
1. Attempt a "You've Lost that Lovin' Feeling"-esque display at dinner: Except do it with a really obscure song, like "Orinocco Flow" by Enya...and then get really angry at the other people in the Vietnamese Restaurant screw up the backup vocals.
---------------------------------------
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
I thought the Roger Clemens hearing in Congress yesterday was one of the most compellingly idiotic things I've ever seen. It took four hours before one of the junior Congressmen finally spoke up and said, "Didn't the Mitchell Report specifically request that we not rehash existing claims and just move forward?" I mean---Clemens looked like an idiot (as did McNamee) but we're talking about a party that took place eight or nine years ago---isn't the Statue of Liberties of up on that?
Again though---I'm over it. If I were a Hall of Fame voter, I'd put in Clemens, Bonds, McGwire and Sosa. The only person I'd leave out with be Rafael Palmero because he ACTUALLY TESTED POSITIVE! If you're dumb enough to keep juicing AFTER the new rules were put in place, you don't deserve to make the Hall.
There was one highlight to yesterday's hearings though...
When the Indiana Congressman was grilling McNamee on all of his lies, didn't you half expect him to just blurt out, "PRIVATE DOWNEY! Did you ever actually hear the Lietenant order the Code Red?!?"
This One Goes out to The One I Love...
I haven't done a top ten list in a while...but what better topic to do it on than the year's biggest American Greetings Holiday.
(Ten pop culture points if you got that one.)
So here goes...
The Top Ten Ways to Guarantee a Happy Ending to Your Valentine's Day
(I think I wrote this last year. And the year before that. Screw it...you guys don't remember that far back...)
10. Comment on how hot her sister's body is: Not only that--point out the different places where your date could improve on her's---women love the support.
9. Call her by her last name exclusively: Maybe this is just a pet peeve of mine, but I think that there is a place in hell reserved for guys who call chicks by their last name. (Probably in the spot right next to people who root for Phil Mickelson.)
8. (If it is early in the relationship) Ask her every five minutes how the date is going: Women love a man who constantly looks for her for assurance.
7. Deliver a box of Russell Stover's Chocolates where every piece of candy is replaced with a human toe: The ingrowns have a cream-filling!
6. Email girls from myspace, tell them you met them through (a guy you find on their page) a friend of theirs while they were drunk and that they promised you a date: And then text them at least 15 times on Valentine's Day with comments like, "When are you picking me up tonight? Haha--LOL."
5. Ask her about her Asian heritage: (Note: Only if she is Hispanic.)
4. Mention your Valentine's Day tradition of calling all of your ex-girlfriends and talking about how in love you were with them: And maybe even mention to your current date which ones you could see yourself getting back together with.
3. Make her a mix CD: Make sure you include a lot of Cannibal Corpse.
2. Order White Zinfandel at dinner: (No explanation needed.)
1. Attempt a "You've Lost that Lovin' Feeling"-esque display at dinner: Except do it with a really obscure song, like "Orinocco Flow" by Enya...and then get really angry at the other people in the Vietnamese Restaurant screw up the backup vocals.
---------------------------------------
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
2.13.07
I Just Don't Care
About the Roger Clemes hearing in DC today. I genuinely don't.
I'm just over it.
Until there is proof that Craig Counsell took steroids, I am just over it.
Is there a new controversy we can start? Can there be a massive groundswell of hockey players doing something ridiculous like snatching purses?
All that said however, I think that Roger is in some serious crap. Perjury has never been thought of very kindly by the US Government (that is--unless of course you're the President of the United States and are reeping the benefits of Reagan's economic plans of the 80s.) I mean--think about the situation he's in. He'll do anything to avoid jail time, but is afraid of house-arrest because his HGH-popping wife is liable to tear him limb from limb if he forgets to take out the trash!
American Idol
I haven't commented on it recently...
Here's an update:
1. They're now in Hollywood.
2. Most of the people aren't as good as we thought they were.
3. Paula Abdul is a stupid, kiss-ass.
4. Randy Jackson is barely literate.
5. Simon Cowell is a hilarious prick but grows tiresome.
There.
Do you feel like you've been watching all along?
This show is ridiculous.
See if you can follow this analogy I came up with:
It's like...a train wreck.
Get it?
Because---you want to look away...
But you can't.
You know...like a train wreck.
Because---you see the wreckage and deep down want to know if there are injuries or what---just like American Idol. You know you shouldn't watch, but you do.
Get it?
I really think that this is a great analogy---I wish that people would use it more often.
Movies I'll Love
I hope that when I go to my netflix site today that it recommends Why Did I Get Married? (You may know it under its original title, "Just because we have a script, that doesn't mean we should turn it into a movie".)
It never has before.
And I really want it to.
I just don't feel right about putting it in my queueueueueueueueueueueue without a formal Netflix suggestion.
I mean---it looks like such a phenomenal movie.
And there is no way that Netflix overbought a piece of turd movie and are just trying to dump it on me.
No way.
Netflix wouldn't do that.
Not to me.
They're an institution of the people.
Okay...maybe I've overdone this sarcasm thing this morning...
So I'll move on to a real question: Why doesn't Netflix offer pornography?
Not only would it be uber-popular, the comedic possibilities are endless:
NETFLIX RECOMMENDS: Backdoor Butt Sluts 8
This movie was recommended to you because you enjoyed:
-Backdoor Butt Sluts 7
-Grande Mocha Latino
and
-College Girls on Ecstacy
This could seriously be an entire blog...maybe it will be...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pray for Roger. He's good of heart. (Steroid-fueled, testosterone-ravaged heart.)
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
About the Roger Clemes hearing in DC today. I genuinely don't.
I'm just over it.
Until there is proof that Craig Counsell took steroids, I am just over it.
Is there a new controversy we can start? Can there be a massive groundswell of hockey players doing something ridiculous like snatching purses?
All that said however, I think that Roger is in some serious crap. Perjury has never been thought of very kindly by the US Government (that is--unless of course you're the President of the United States and are reeping the benefits of Reagan's economic plans of the 80s.) I mean--think about the situation he's in. He'll do anything to avoid jail time, but is afraid of house-arrest because his HGH-popping wife is liable to tear him limb from limb if he forgets to take out the trash!
American Idol
I haven't commented on it recently...
Here's an update:
1. They're now in Hollywood.
2. Most of the people aren't as good as we thought they were.
3. Paula Abdul is a stupid, kiss-ass.
4. Randy Jackson is barely literate.
5. Simon Cowell is a hilarious prick but grows tiresome.
There.
Do you feel like you've been watching all along?
This show is ridiculous.
See if you can follow this analogy I came up with:
It's like...a train wreck.
Get it?
Because---you want to look away...
But you can't.
You know...like a train wreck.
Because---you see the wreckage and deep down want to know if there are injuries or what---just like American Idol. You know you shouldn't watch, but you do.
Get it?
I really think that this is a great analogy---I wish that people would use it more often.
Movies I'll Love
I hope that when I go to my netflix site today that it recommends Why Did I Get Married? (You may know it under its original title, "Just because we have a script, that doesn't mean we should turn it into a movie".)
It never has before.
And I really want it to.
I just don't feel right about putting it in my queueueueueueueueueueueue without a formal Netflix suggestion.
I mean---it looks like such a phenomenal movie.
And there is no way that Netflix overbought a piece of turd movie and are just trying to dump it on me.
No way.
Netflix wouldn't do that.
Not to me.
They're an institution of the people.
Okay...maybe I've overdone this sarcasm thing this morning...
So I'll move on to a real question: Why doesn't Netflix offer pornography?
Not only would it be uber-popular, the comedic possibilities are endless:
NETFLIX RECOMMENDS: Backdoor Butt Sluts 8
This movie was recommended to you because you enjoyed:
-Backdoor Butt Sluts 7
-Grande Mocha Latino
and
-College Girls on Ecstacy
This could seriously be an entire blog...maybe it will be...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pray for Roger. He's good of heart. (Steroid-fueled, testosterone-ravaged heart.)
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
2.12.07
Quick Links...
No time to write today, but a couple of links that should kill the time you'd normally spend wondering why I thought my previous night's dream was worthy of publishing...
1. For anyone who missed the UW v. UCLA game on Sunday, it was a "chippy", physical mess...but extraordinarily entertaining. Most notably when Tim Morris threw a ball at Alfred Aboya's face as hard as he could.
2. Bill alerted me of the ridiculousness of Kanye West's acceptance speech at the Grammy's. (And Vince Gill's phenomenal follow-up.) Let me just say that if you're getting punked by Vince Gill, it is probably time to reassess your approach to things...
3. It came out yesterday that John Rocker claims that Bud Selig knew that Rocker was taking steroids in the 2000 season. Well thanks, John. Did you really think that there was doubt there? There are people who don't know what steroids are who knew that you were taking them. This news is about as surprising as when George Michael came out of the closet. (Woah woah---THIS George Michael, not THAT George Michael...)
4. Thought water-boarding was bad? There are reports from a probe into the CIA that Afghani prisoners being held at Guantanamo Bay were forced to watch this for three hours on end, and began strangling themselves with their handcuffs. I'd rather watch this for eternity than have to see that video again. Not only is it more entertaining, it is more athletic.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
No time to write today, but a couple of links that should kill the time you'd normally spend wondering why I thought my previous night's dream was worthy of publishing...
1. For anyone who missed the UW v. UCLA game on Sunday, it was a "chippy", physical mess...but extraordinarily entertaining. Most notably when Tim Morris threw a ball at Alfred Aboya's face as hard as he could.
2. Bill alerted me of the ridiculousness of Kanye West's acceptance speech at the Grammy's. (And Vince Gill's phenomenal follow-up.) Let me just say that if you're getting punked by Vince Gill, it is probably time to reassess your approach to things...
3. It came out yesterday that John Rocker claims that Bud Selig knew that Rocker was taking steroids in the 2000 season. Well thanks, John. Did you really think that there was doubt there? There are people who don't know what steroids are who knew that you were taking them. This news is about as surprising as when George Michael came out of the closet. (Woah woah---THIS George Michael, not THAT George Michael...)
4. Thought water-boarding was bad? There are reports from a probe into the CIA that Afghani prisoners being held at Guantanamo Bay were forced to watch this for three hours on end, and began strangling themselves with their handcuffs. I'd rather watch this for eternity than have to see that video again. Not only is it more entertaining, it is more athletic.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Sunday, February 10, 2008
2.11.08
Late Addition...
Since writing this, I've heard that the writer's strike has finally ended...which is great, because I'm ready for new episodes of Reba.
(Interruption---I switched to the Grammy Awards reluctantly between The Simpsons and The Family Guy. Jason Bateman and Cindy Lauper came to fame at roughly the same time. Could there be two people who have gone in two more different directions in terms of aging? Bateman looks like he is 17. Cindy Lauper looks like a foot.)
I can't tell you how happy I am to hear about the end of the strike. We're sitting six weeks from the point where we run out of new LOST episodes, which means that if ABC puts the money behind it, we could probably have5 or 6 episodes filmed and ready within a month or so of these episodes ending.
(Interruption--I've had SIX Flintstone pushup pops today. That's roughly 96 grams of sugar. The texture of my tongue and gums right now feels like shark-skin. And I'm about to go get another one...)
Not only that--with writers back on the Tonight Show, we're that much closer to ridding our lives of Jay Leno.
Do you know who I feel bad for in all of this though? All of the "stars" of the half-assed reality shows that were created in reaction to the lack of real television. In a month, they'll be less popular than a Starbucks in Provo...
(Interruption--this is my introduction to "Akon" or is it "Akan" or "A Con"...I think it is the last one. He's singing a rap song dedicated to his mom. I actually found the album cover online--it has a dedication to his mother that reads, "I really miss you mom---I hope you like crap!") (Thank you Norm.) (I found out Monday morning, while watching the news, that the rapper in mention who referred to himself as "Kan" (or "Con") was actually Kanye West. I should have known that---he was on Entourage, wasn't he?)
(Interruption--Wow--I thought Cindy Lauper's face was the most-repulsive thing I'd come across this month---then I heard Fergie trying to sing. I've heard better sounds from the tapes of Saddam's torture chambers.)
(Interruption--Fergie just gave an award to Ringo Starr. Have you ever been around a little girl when they meet their creepy grandfather that lives out of state? It was exactly like that, except that in this case, the girl is on meth.)
(Interruption--Okay--I'm not really interrupting so much as I'm spitting out random facts. Roy Scheider died. Many of you remember him from his work on Jaws and Tiger Town, but his most-significant contribution was of course as Captain Bridger on Seaquest: DSV. I know that some of you dismiss this show as "Star Trek under water", but I challenge you to leave it off of your list of the "Best TV Shows about Futuristic Submarines with Talking Dolphins".)
But yeah--happy to hear that the strike is over...though I hear Monday morning that in true Liberal-inefficiency, they'll be collecting votes from the union members over the next three weeks.
Awesome.
Clinton in '08.
Overdue...
I've been trying to write intelligently lately...which has led to me having absolutely nothing to write about.
So I thought I'd get back to my roots. So I thought "Why not just answer a reader email and bitch about people you hate??"
Okay...sounds good.
First, the E-mail:
Dear McFly,
This may be a little out of left field, but its something I've been thinking about for over two weeks now. It was cold in Washington (DC) recently. When I stepped off the Metro, while carrying a big folder of papers that I needed for work, I realized it was cold enough to necessitate a hat - a gray cashmere number, in this case. I had never considered the problem before, but putting on a stocking cap with one hand is really hard - impossible, I would come to find out, when the material is what could best be described as "slippery." So after looking completely retarded for all of half a city block, I gave up, put the garbage I was carrying down, and donned my cap with two hands. But since then, I've been trying to logically figure out how one would but on a winter hat with one hand. It's sort of along the lines of why baseball is so hard - try hitting a round ball with a round object....well, try putting a round hat, on a round head - with one hand. So, if you have any thoughts on how to attack this little conundrum, I, for one, would be grateful.
Sincerely,
Andy
Washington, The District of Columbia
I read this email 3 or 4 times and decided that I wasn't going to be able to pick one response...so I'll let you guys pick your favorite.
1. Use one of those hunting hats with the ear-flaps instead of a stocking cap. (They're also quite useful if you plan on never having sex again.)
2. Quit complaining---try doing the same thing with a 7 3/4" hat-size!
2b. Just start from the back, hook the hat on your freakishly large crown and pull forward. What? You don't have a freakishly large crown? Oh...
3. Quit being so environmentally-conscious and get in your f***ing car, Mr. Nader.
4. Maybe put the hat on BEFORE you leave the house. Where did you learn problem-solving, Kent?
5. Haha---it was 78 at my house this weekend, F****R!
People I Need Less of:
-People who greet you with "There he is!" when they clearly weren't looking for you.
-Any guy who has ever referred to a girl/woman as "Shorty".
-People that cough and give no warning when shaking your hand.
-Athiests who say things like "My God!" and "God help us!".
-Waiters who are angry at you when they screw up your order.
-Men who wear scarves.
-Cover bands that aren't so much cover bands as they are bad impressionists. (I have to articulate this one---there are certain singers/bands that really can't be covered without impersonating them. Here are a few quick examples: Johnny Cash, Pearl Jam, Roy Orbison, Madonna, The Beatles...there are a lot more...)
-People with tattoos.
-People that have conversations about their tattoos and other people's tattoos.
-Idiot Casting Directors who haven't allowed Keri Russell to become the Meg Ryan of our generation.
-Anyone who made plans to watch the Grammys Sunday night.
-Democrats who believe that their party's fiscal policy makes sense.
-Republicans who believe that their party's social policy makes sense.
-The Programming Directors for TNT and FOX Family. They're channels 18 and 19 in Orange County. I'm presently flipping (or is it clicking?) back and forth between We Were Soldiers and You've Got Mail. That's pretty much the movie equivalent of trying to balance two relationships at the same time...one with a beautiful woman, and one with a male hair-dresser...
-George Lopez.
-People who think that they're foresighted business genuises for suggesting that their company should be "more proactive" in their approach. Thanks, Copernicus.
-White Buddhists.
-Bryan "Smash" Williams
-Basketball announcers who say things like, "They're going to need to make shots to win."
-Anyone who didn't enjoy the fact that Phil Mickelson took an 11 on Saturday and missed the cut at Pebble Beach.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pull through Bryan.
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Since writing this, I've heard that the writer's strike has finally ended...which is great, because I'm ready for new episodes of Reba.
(Interruption---I switched to the Grammy Awards reluctantly between The Simpsons and The Family Guy. Jason Bateman and Cindy Lauper came to fame at roughly the same time. Could there be two people who have gone in two more different directions in terms of aging? Bateman looks like he is 17. Cindy Lauper looks like a foot.)
I can't tell you how happy I am to hear about the end of the strike. We're sitting six weeks from the point where we run out of new LOST episodes, which means that if ABC puts the money behind it, we could probably have5 or 6 episodes filmed and ready within a month or so of these episodes ending.
(Interruption--I've had SIX Flintstone pushup pops today. That's roughly 96 grams of sugar. The texture of my tongue and gums right now feels like shark-skin. And I'm about to go get another one...)
Not only that--with writers back on the Tonight Show, we're that much closer to ridding our lives of Jay Leno.
Do you know who I feel bad for in all of this though? All of the "stars" of the half-assed reality shows that were created in reaction to the lack of real television. In a month, they'll be less popular than a Starbucks in Provo...
(Interruption--this is my introduction to "Akon" or is it "Akan" or "A Con"...I think it is the last one. He's singing a rap song dedicated to his mom. I actually found the album cover online--it has a dedication to his mother that reads, "I really miss you mom---I hope you like crap!") (Thank you Norm.) (I found out Monday morning, while watching the news, that the rapper in mention who referred to himself as "Kan" (or "Con") was actually Kanye West. I should have known that---he was on Entourage, wasn't he?)
(Interruption--Wow--I thought Cindy Lauper's face was the most-repulsive thing I'd come across this month---then I heard Fergie trying to sing. I've heard better sounds from the tapes of Saddam's torture chambers.)
(Interruption--Fergie just gave an award to Ringo Starr. Have you ever been around a little girl when they meet their creepy grandfather that lives out of state? It was exactly like that, except that in this case, the girl is on meth.)
(Interruption--Okay--I'm not really interrupting so much as I'm spitting out random facts. Roy Scheider died. Many of you remember him from his work on Jaws and Tiger Town, but his most-significant contribution was of course as Captain Bridger on Seaquest: DSV. I know that some of you dismiss this show as "Star Trek under water", but I challenge you to leave it off of your list of the "Best TV Shows about Futuristic Submarines with Talking Dolphins".)
But yeah--happy to hear that the strike is over...though I hear Monday morning that in true Liberal-inefficiency, they'll be collecting votes from the union members over the next three weeks.
Awesome.
Clinton in '08.
Overdue...
I've been trying to write intelligently lately...which has led to me having absolutely nothing to write about.
So I thought I'd get back to my roots. So I thought "Why not just answer a reader email and bitch about people you hate??"
Okay...sounds good.
First, the E-mail:
Dear McFly,
This may be a little out of left field, but its something I've been thinking about for over two weeks now. It was cold in Washington (DC) recently. When I stepped off the Metro, while carrying a big folder of papers that I needed for work, I realized it was cold enough to necessitate a hat - a gray cashmere number, in this case. I had never considered the problem before, but putting on a stocking cap with one hand is really hard - impossible, I would come to find out, when the material is what could best be described as "slippery." So after looking completely retarded for all of half a city block, I gave up, put the garbage I was carrying down, and donned my cap with two hands. But since then, I've been trying to logically figure out how one would but on a winter hat with one hand. It's sort of along the lines of why baseball is so hard - try hitting a round ball with a round object....well, try putting a round hat, on a round head - with one hand. So, if you have any thoughts on how to attack this little conundrum, I, for one, would be grateful.
Sincerely,
Andy
Washington, The District of Columbia
I read this email 3 or 4 times and decided that I wasn't going to be able to pick one response...so I'll let you guys pick your favorite.
1. Use one of those hunting hats with the ear-flaps instead of a stocking cap. (They're also quite useful if you plan on never having sex again.)
2. Quit complaining---try doing the same thing with a 7 3/4" hat-size!
2b. Just start from the back, hook the hat on your freakishly large crown and pull forward. What? You don't have a freakishly large crown? Oh...
3. Quit being so environmentally-conscious and get in your f***ing car, Mr. Nader.
4. Maybe put the hat on BEFORE you leave the house. Where did you learn problem-solving, Kent?
5. Haha---it was 78 at my house this weekend, F****R!
People I Need Less of:
-People who greet you with "There he is!" when they clearly weren't looking for you.
-Any guy who has ever referred to a girl/woman as "Shorty".
-People that cough and give no warning when shaking your hand.
-Athiests who say things like "My God!" and "God help us!".
-Waiters who are angry at you when they screw up your order.
-Men who wear scarves.
-Cover bands that aren't so much cover bands as they are bad impressionists. (I have to articulate this one---there are certain singers/bands that really can't be covered without impersonating them. Here are a few quick examples: Johnny Cash, Pearl Jam, Roy Orbison, Madonna, The Beatles...there are a lot more...)
-People with tattoos.
-People that have conversations about their tattoos and other people's tattoos.
-Idiot Casting Directors who haven't allowed Keri Russell to become the Meg Ryan of our generation.
-Anyone who made plans to watch the Grammys Sunday night.
-Democrats who believe that their party's fiscal policy makes sense.
-Republicans who believe that their party's social policy makes sense.
-The Programming Directors for TNT and FOX Family. They're channels 18 and 19 in Orange County. I'm presently flipping (or is it clicking?) back and forth between We Were Soldiers and You've Got Mail. That's pretty much the movie equivalent of trying to balance two relationships at the same time...one with a beautiful woman, and one with a male hair-dresser...
-George Lopez.
-People who think that they're foresighted business genuises for suggesting that their company should be "more proactive" in their approach. Thanks, Copernicus.
-White Buddhists.
-Bryan "Smash" Williams
-Basketball announcers who say things like, "They're going to need to make shots to win."
-Anyone who didn't enjoy the fact that Phil Mickelson took an 11 on Saturday and missed the cut at Pebble Beach.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pull through Bryan.
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Thursday, February 7, 2008
2.8.07
I completely forgot about the blog last night and this morning...
Sorry!
Have a good weekend.
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Sorry!
Have a good weekend.
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
2.7.08
Dukies are Back...
I can't believe I didn't mention this yesterday---and maybe it was because I wasn't terribly confident in my once-beloved Blue Devils, but the one thing that Dick Vitale and I do agree on is that Duke-UNC is the best rivalry in college basketball. (He says "college sports" but I don't see how you can surpass Army-Navy in football. I mean---a little jaw-boning between two Blue Chippers is one thing---jawing between two guys who are trained in weapons and tactics is another...) And as long as I have a memory of College Basketball, I have rooted for Duke in these games. Probably because my brother liked UNC---but for some reason I just can't quite get my head around, I have a deep-rooted hatred for North Carolina and everything it stands for (despite Michael Jordan and Rasheed Wallace being 2 of my 10 favorite basketball players ever.)
(How many times did I contradict myself in that paragraph??)
I digest...
I was obviously thrilled to hear (I'll get to why I missed the game) that Duke absolutely mopped the floor with those Celine Dion, periwinkle-pajama'd socialists. I frankly don't have the stake in the game that I once did, but watching on Sportscenter last night and this morning, I got chills knowing that the uncreative, anti-bandwagoners who have the audacity to say that Dean Smith is better than Mike Krzyzewski will spend the next month dreading the fact that they have to go TO Durham to play a team that has beat then 17 out of the last 23 times that they've played.
(And just for fun, the all-time starting fives for both teams---in my lifetime only...)
Duke
F/C Christian Laettner
F Elton Brand
F Grant Hill
G Jason Williams
G Bobby Hurley
UNC
(I was alive, but don't remember MJ, Worthy, Perkins, or Kenny Smith)
C Eric Montross
F/C Rasheed Wallace
F Antawn Jamison
G JR Reid
G Jerry Stackhouse
The Reason I Missed It...
Most of you can click back to E! but if you happen to be a graduate of the mighty University of Puget Sound, stay with me a second...
I went to the meeting of the Los Angeles chapter of the University of Puget Sound Alumni and Parent Relations Board in Santa Monica last night, and was absolutely blown away.
Here are the three reasons why:
1. At Erik's request, I pushed UPS President in front of the group on the subject of revamped indoor athletic facilities in The Memorial Field House, Warner Gym and the "Training Facilities". Citing the positive response of the revamp of "Lower Baker" field last year, the University has pledged a significant portion of its $50 million budget surplus to a complete revamp of the OT/PT schools, and especially the indoor athletic facilities.
In a couple of years, "The Fieldhouse" will occupy a new, indoor pool, a completely remodeled basketball court/arena, a state-of-the-art exercise and training facility, and upgrades to the tennis center and baseball/softball fields.
WHY AREN'T I 16 RIGHT NOW!?!?!?!?
2. The reason for all of this phenomenal change: a phenomenal President.
I met UPS' previous president every two weeks my entire senior year in college---and she didn't know my name.
I've met UPS' current president twice (and never as a student) and he greeted me by first name, and asked me 8 or 10 specific questions, showing what he remembered of me.
Furthermore, he made mention of all three sets of parents (of current students) in attendance and gave a bio on each of their kids. He may have had to research this info, but the fact that he took the time to do it shows a connection to the student body that I never got to experience from a University President.
Just a phenomenal guy--if you have a chance to go to one of these alumni events, do it. Remember when we were going to school and people used to drop the ridiculous, "Man--for 25 grand a year, they should wipe our asses when we go to the toilet" lines, vowing that they'll never give a dime to the institution?
I almost emptied my savings account last night. I love UPS and I take absolute pride in the fact that it is in phenomenal hands.
3. Ben Effing Shelton. (UPS '03)
I normally don't use my friends' last names in the blog, but since he is an R-list celebrity, I figure that he can use all of the publicity he can get.
If you don't know him from college, he is the co-producer of the Paul Brogan Rap Videos (most-recently featured on the Fox Super Bowl pregame) and an award-winning short-filmmaker (along with Eric Ankrim--UPS '03--who was not in attendance.)
Now--I don't like to blow my friends--that's generally something I save for complete strangers and Haitian refugees--but Ben (and Eric for that matter) are going to be completely successful and famous in film-making.
I just don't see how they aren't.
They're NEVER off.
Some people think their short-movies are funny...some don't. It really doesn't matter. Spend five minutes with Ben and you'll realize what the hell I'm talking about.
Last night, he enters the event 45 minutes after start-time, dressed in a manner that for anyone else would have been "underdressed" and just takes over the room without effort.
Then, President Thomas begins his address to the group by mentioning Ben's successes and says to Ben, "Could you explain exactly what you directed/produced for the Super Bowl?"
So Ben steps out in front of a group of 50 or so people he's never met before and says, "Well---it wasn't a real big deal---I choreographed a sequence where Eli Manning nearly gets tackled by about 31 Patriots defensive players, rolls out of the pocket and then completes a pass to David Tyree where he uses his helmet to catch the pass."
I knew where he was going with it the moment he began, but the room went silent for a second, and as he walked away from the front of the room, completely unaffected, everyone just burst out on in laughter. I can't think of another person I know who would A) have the courage to make such a ridiculous spectacle of himself and B) pull it off.
But mark my words---in ten years, "Yeah, I know Ben Shelton" will be the most-interesting thing I can bring to a dinner-party.
(Allow me to remove him from my mouth.)
(Sorry--disgusting I know, but true.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
I can't believe I didn't mention this yesterday---and maybe it was because I wasn't terribly confident in my once-beloved Blue Devils, but the one thing that Dick Vitale and I do agree on is that Duke-UNC is the best rivalry in college basketball. (He says "college sports" but I don't see how you can surpass Army-Navy in football. I mean---a little jaw-boning between two Blue Chippers is one thing---jawing between two guys who are trained in weapons and tactics is another...) And as long as I have a memory of College Basketball, I have rooted for Duke in these games. Probably because my brother liked UNC---but for some reason I just can't quite get my head around, I have a deep-rooted hatred for North Carolina and everything it stands for (despite Michael Jordan and Rasheed Wallace being 2 of my 10 favorite basketball players ever.)
(How many times did I contradict myself in that paragraph??)
I digest...
I was obviously thrilled to hear (I'll get to why I missed the game) that Duke absolutely mopped the floor with those Celine Dion, periwinkle-pajama'd socialists. I frankly don't have the stake in the game that I once did, but watching on Sportscenter last night and this morning, I got chills knowing that the uncreative, anti-bandwagoners who have the audacity to say that Dean Smith is better than Mike Krzyzewski will spend the next month dreading the fact that they have to go TO Durham to play a team that has beat then 17 out of the last 23 times that they've played.
(And just for fun, the all-time starting fives for both teams---in my lifetime only...)
Duke
F/C Christian Laettner
F Elton Brand
F Grant Hill
G Jason Williams
G Bobby Hurley
UNC
(I was alive, but don't remember MJ, Worthy, Perkins, or Kenny Smith)
C Eric Montross
F/C Rasheed Wallace
F Antawn Jamison
G JR Reid
G Jerry Stackhouse
The Reason I Missed It...
Most of you can click back to E! but if you happen to be a graduate of the mighty University of Puget Sound, stay with me a second...
I went to the meeting of the Los Angeles chapter of the University of Puget Sound Alumni and Parent Relations Board in Santa Monica last night, and was absolutely blown away.
Here are the three reasons why:
1. At Erik's request, I pushed UPS President in front of the group on the subject of revamped indoor athletic facilities in The Memorial Field House, Warner Gym and the "Training Facilities". Citing the positive response of the revamp of "Lower Baker" field last year, the University has pledged a significant portion of its $50 million budget surplus to a complete revamp of the OT/PT schools, and especially the indoor athletic facilities.
In a couple of years, "The Fieldhouse" will occupy a new, indoor pool, a completely remodeled basketball court/arena, a state-of-the-art exercise and training facility, and upgrades to the tennis center and baseball/softball fields.
WHY AREN'T I 16 RIGHT NOW!?!?!?!?
2. The reason for all of this phenomenal change: a phenomenal President.
I met UPS' previous president every two weeks my entire senior year in college---and she didn't know my name.
I've met UPS' current president twice (and never as a student) and he greeted me by first name, and asked me 8 or 10 specific questions, showing what he remembered of me.
Furthermore, he made mention of all three sets of parents (of current students) in attendance and gave a bio on each of their kids. He may have had to research this info, but the fact that he took the time to do it shows a connection to the student body that I never got to experience from a University President.
Just a phenomenal guy--if you have a chance to go to one of these alumni events, do it. Remember when we were going to school and people used to drop the ridiculous, "Man--for 25 grand a year, they should wipe our asses when we go to the toilet" lines, vowing that they'll never give a dime to the institution?
I almost emptied my savings account last night. I love UPS and I take absolute pride in the fact that it is in phenomenal hands.
3. Ben Effing Shelton. (UPS '03)
I normally don't use my friends' last names in the blog, but since he is an R-list celebrity, I figure that he can use all of the publicity he can get.
If you don't know him from college, he is the co-producer of the Paul Brogan Rap Videos (most-recently featured on the Fox Super Bowl pregame) and an award-winning short-filmmaker (along with Eric Ankrim--UPS '03--who was not in attendance.)
Now--I don't like to blow my friends--that's generally something I save for complete strangers and Haitian refugees--but Ben (and Eric for that matter) are going to be completely successful and famous in film-making.
I just don't see how they aren't.
They're NEVER off.
Some people think their short-movies are funny...some don't. It really doesn't matter. Spend five minutes with Ben and you'll realize what the hell I'm talking about.
Last night, he enters the event 45 minutes after start-time, dressed in a manner that for anyone else would have been "underdressed" and just takes over the room without effort.
Then, President Thomas begins his address to the group by mentioning Ben's successes and says to Ben, "Could you explain exactly what you directed/produced for the Super Bowl?"
So Ben steps out in front of a group of 50 or so people he's never met before and says, "Well---it wasn't a real big deal---I choreographed a sequence where Eli Manning nearly gets tackled by about 31 Patriots defensive players, rolls out of the pocket and then completes a pass to David Tyree where he uses his helmet to catch the pass."
I knew where he was going with it the moment he began, but the room went silent for a second, and as he walked away from the front of the room, completely unaffected, everyone just burst out on in laughter. I can't think of another person I know who would A) have the courage to make such a ridiculous spectacle of himself and B) pull it off.
But mark my words---in ten years, "Yeah, I know Ben Shelton" will be the most-interesting thing I can bring to a dinner-party.
(Allow me to remove him from my mouth.)
(Sorry--disgusting I know, but true.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
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