Wow.
Michael Beasley is a MAN. Going to throw this out there and wait to be persecuted for it:
He is a better pro-prospect than Kevin Durant was a year ago.
There. I said it.
And I know the NBA...
Remember, I'm the guy who picked the Heat to go to the NBA Finals...
Back to old habits...
Have I mentioned my recent temperature issues in my bedroom? Probably not, because it will probably eliminate any opportunity that someone would ever stay there with me---but that's not really happening anyway, so why not?
So here's the story:
It never gets cold in southern California, so we'd feel bad turning on the heat.
Not to mention the fact that our apartment is tiny, and with the TV, stove and lights running, the main room sits up around 72 degrees---which is too hot to trigger the heat anyway...
But for some reason, no heat transfers to our bedrooms, which are loaded with windows...so they are probably sitting in the high 50s...
Okay--no big issue, because I like a room cold to sleep in...
This may be a bit TOO cold though.
I get cold, then wrap myself as tight as I can...as I fall asleep, heat continues to build in the cacoon I've built around myself...until it gets up to about 90 degrees, while my face is at 58...therefore, MASSIVE SWEATING.
Sucks, becuase it is disgusting...but anyone who has ever had a fever while sleeping knows that while you're probably going to have to wash your sheets every day, your dreams are going to be absolutely BITCHIN.
Last night was definitely one of those dreams. Mo, my brother, and a guy I went to high school with but wasn't friends with had planned a trip to Australia...but my brother had made all of the plans.
So, having never really travelled in such a way, I packed my suitcase and hopped in the cab from my parents place to the airport...
Only then did I find out that we were backpacking, which would be difficult with my 50 lb. suitcase.
So I started to panic.
Then everything else started piling on---I didn't have cash for the cab, my debit card had expired, and for some reason we had already found out that we were going to miss our commuter flight to New Zealand.
So the panic continued...and I finally woke up. Not surprisingly, sweating profusely. (Is there any other way to sweat? Can you sweat plentifully or abundantly?)
But then I experienced something that hadn't come over me since I was a child...
Do you remember when you'd have a nightmare and were unable to get the image out of your head and stayed up just lying in the misery of the nightmare?
For some reason, that feeling overcame me. And for no reason. I don't have a trip like that planned, and my debit card doesn't expire for a year...but I bet I was up worried about it for an hour.
No wonder I was reaching for a Diet Pepsi at 7:30 AM...
Speaking of which...
The Concoction...
They say 80% of taste is smell---so when you say that something tastes like something you've only smelled before (say?? Fecal matter???) you're really not speaking a mistruth.
Anyway---through following a bite with a drink, I realized that Old Spice is nothing more than Diet Pepsi and basalmic vinegar.
LOST Preview...
It is finally time...unfortunately it won't last.
Because the Democratic Party has managed to perpetuate the ridiculous institution of labor unions, I'm being robbed of 2/3 a season of LOST.
Oh well...considering the fact that I've managed to start watching Season 1 of the OC again because TV is so bad, I'll take the 8 episodes without considerable complaint...
If you don't watch the show and intend on catching up on the finest show in network television history, you may want to stop reading. I'm going to try not to reveal much, but may hint at something unintentionally...
So here we go---first predictions on the 12 key characters, and then my guesses at a couple of the key questions:
The Characters:
Ben: The leader of "The Others" ended last season, brutalized and tied to a pole---this will be a far cry from this year, where he will spend the entire season brutalizing a tadpole.
Claire: I predict that despite Charlie being gone, she'll continue to be irritating when she says, "Baby" (pronounced "BUY-be".)
Desmond: The coolest character on the show will continue to be able to see the future---except instead of seeing Charlie dying continually, he'll see me being repeatedly awesome.
Sun: Her pregnancy becomes the first to reach term on the island---but she gives birth to Godzilla.
Sayid: The wacky Iraqi decides to torture Locke for cross-bowing Naomi---his method? Traps him in the Black Rock and just plays John Mayer on repeat...
Hurley: Realizes that 4-8-15-16-24-42 is simply the code to get 30 lives on Contra and finally relaxes...
Jack: His flashes-forward continue, and his oxycotton addiction becomes his only redeeming quality...
Sawyer: Just keeps on bangin' hot chicks...
Locke: People have been wanting to label him as the key-character since about the fifth episode when he was sitting there on the beach with the creepy look in his eyes---when are people just going to realize that he's nothing more than a chronic masturbator.
Jin: Maintains his position as the coolest Korean on television since Onyong.
Juliet: Realizes that she's wasting her time falling in love with Jack, and starts having an affair with the Black Smoke.
Kate: Naomi's boat turns out to be an FBI boat, looking for her---but not for murder and fleeing----for selling fake Elvis Commemorative Plates on television---just like my neighbor growing up.
The Big Questions:
Who is Jacob?
He does exist and he is invisible---but he is not the person responsible for bringing everyone to the island---that person is actually an Executive Producer for the show.
Will they be rescued?
Some clearly will be---we saw that Kate and Jack will---but it creates dissention among the "Losties", as they select people to take off of the island based on their potential for future box-office success...and therefore Claire, the person Charlie died to get on the helicopter, will never be taken aboard.
Will the Others and Losties unite?
No--but the show will take on a new twist when they start identifying themselves as "The Sharks" and "The Jets" and break-out in show tunes every time they meet.
Are Nicki and Paolo still alive?
Yes, but they're very dirty. Nobody will want to talk to them.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
1.30.08
Feeling Ill...
I'm sure that many of you have read the Victory and Ruins piece that the Seattle Times has been putting out over the course of the week, chronicling the 2000 Husky Football Teams' successes and failures.
Thoughts:1.29.08 (Prior to "Chapter 4" and "Emmert" being published):
I have a really hard time with these articles.
FACT: Beginning in the late 80s, and stretching into the middle part of the decade, the UW Athletic Program (particularly its football team) was mired in a culture where talent was put in front of character.
FICTION: It was Rick Neuheisal's fault and none of this has or would ever happen under Tyrone Willingham.
You all know where I stand on this issue, a Willingham critic and a Neuheisal apologist. But this seems to be the same ridiculous rhetoric that the UW has been feeding its fans since Neuheisal was released and particularly since Willingham was hired.
They've served fans a carafe of Kool-Aid and they've mindlessly drank from it to the point that I've heard dozens of Husky fans argue that Willingham never should have been fired from Notre Dame (which is so counter-intuitive that I can't even process it. REALLY? You like him coaching at UW? You do realize that if he hadn't been (justly) fired from Notre Dame, he wouldn't be here, yes?)
This is just another limb sprouting from the same tree of propaganda.
The front page of this report features pictures of the following:
"One Player" (Jerramy Stevens) That label fits, implying that he was one of the players involved in misconduct.
"The Athletic Director" (Barbara Hedges) That label fits, as she was in fact the athletic director for the entirety of this investigation.
"The Prosecutor's Office" (They show Dan Satterberg, but identify it as a group of people) This label fits, as it is an office-issue.
and finally...
"THE Coach" (Rick Neuheisal) Not "One" Coach the way that the identified Stevens, but "THE" coach. However, upon reading, you'll find more references to Jim Lambright's player-testimonials and "blind-eye" decisions than you will of Neuheisal---and yet Lambright is a Husky Hall of Famer, a former "Husky Legend", and a revered member of the community. Keith Gilbertson is also mentioned as a coach during this time...but he isn't pictured either.
The fact is that every college program in the country goes through conduct problems, and receives special treatment in certain cases. No doubt that UW's situation was worse than most in America--but there is also no doubt that their current situation isn't completely devoid of such issues.
Furthermore, I think that despite a complete and appropriate investigation into these happenings, that the Seattle Times is guilty of horrendously biased journalism, by leaving the implication open that at the point where Gilbertson left, these problems went away. Their argument would have been immeasurably more compelling had they made a single reference to a player-conduct issue under Willingham---which there are more than a few of. (**This portion was written before today's piece that mentioned some of the conduct issues under Willingham, but was done so so half-heartedly that it didn't make a dent. There is no doubt that the Seattle Times made the decision to emphasize troubles under Neuheisal and de-emphasize them under Willingham.)
But don't get me wrong---I'm not saying that Neuheisal wasn't deserving of criticism. He was. He made some terrible management decisions and probably deserved to be fired. What I'm saying is that he is a scapegoat for his own discretion as well as those of many others---and Tyrone Willingham, while he has no doubt helped the program improve its character-image, has not (nor would he ever believe it possible to) completely expunge such issues from the University and its Football program.
Finally, and in truth this is off of the central-issue of this piece, but points to my issues with the current state of UW Athletics and the supporters thereof, this is yet another example of an unfathomable, yet present acceptance at the UW that seems to say "Winning means that something bad is happening---let's clean it up, regardless as to whether we succeed or not." The series of articles functionally implies that the 2000 season (and 2001 Rose Bowl) were "Bad" and completely fails to mention that that team that won 11 of its 12 games was made up of about 80 kids--and probably 90 percent of them WERE NOT criminals, and WERE NOT enabling this atmosphere of recklessness...and it seems short-sighted to functionally strip them of their triumphs because of the inaction by the administration when faced with disciplining a couple of problem players.
Continued: 1.30.08
I've been involved in a couple of dialogues since I wrote the statement above--and I'm growing even more frustrated.
People whose opinions I respect, and whose experiences outweigh mine in this arena have allowed themselves to become the drones to the Willingham Propaganda Machine. He DOES recruit and cultivate upstanding members of the community---I've never disputed that. But he DOES NOT win. And is not showing signs that he will in the future.
He has somehow achieved "untouchable" status in this community and the college football world, where you're looked at as criminal you raise an opinion that is anything but supportive of him.
He is supposedly "coaching for his job" this season--but I wake up in cold sweats four nights a week, knowing that if he can find a way to 7-6 this season and a bowl appearance, he'll not only keep his job, but get a contract extension...with no mention of the fact that 7-6 is a crappy football season and that there is no possible way that any coach would have been hired at UW if they were told he would have the best season of his tenure in his fourth year and it would be 7-6 with a bowl loss!!!
**I can't find a place to put this, so this is as good as any. I loved the Anthony Kelley story---but it is written in a way that implies that Tyrone Willingham would support his players studying abroad---and that means one of two things: A) Ty Willingham is more incompetent that I thought he was or B) You're incredibly gullible. No sensible coach would ever encourage players to miss vitally important off-season training...regardless of the character of the coach.**
But the fact is that he is not Jesus. And Rick Neuheisal is not Satan. Like virtually all men, they both fall somewhere in between.
I'm glad that the University of Washington Football Program has moved away from the lawlessness that surrounded it a decade ago. But Mark Emmert (UW President) hit it on the head in the final segment of the Victory and Ruins series: "You can win and win properly". But it has been made very public that he shares the same opinion that I do: that Willingham is doing everything right from a character side, but is unfit to succeed on the field.
It is my hope that Mark Emmert sticks with his good judgment, ignores the blind portion of the alumni/fan-base, and follows through with his plans to remove Tyrone Willingham from his position after the 2008 season and bring in a coach who can produce students with high character and produce teams that succeed on the football field. With that coach in place (whomever it may be) the University would have an opportunity to distance itself from the controversy of the Lambright and Neuheisal eras, and the futility of the Gilbertson and Willingham eras. Then, and only then, will the program accomplish the holistic successes that its players, students, alumni and fans long for and deserve.
P.S.
I added this late because I'm sure that someone is thinking it:
My disgust with Tyrone Willingham has NOTHING to do with race. Here is a list of black coaches that I'd trade Willingham and one of my kidneys for:
Sylvester Croom
Romer Crenell
Dennis Green
Karl Dorrell
"Mushmouth" from Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids
____________________________________________________________________
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
I'm sure that many of you have read the Victory and Ruins piece that the Seattle Times has been putting out over the course of the week, chronicling the 2000 Husky Football Teams' successes and failures.
Thoughts:1.29.08 (Prior to "Chapter 4" and "Emmert" being published):
I have a really hard time with these articles.
FACT: Beginning in the late 80s, and stretching into the middle part of the decade, the UW Athletic Program (particularly its football team) was mired in a culture where talent was put in front of character.
FICTION: It was Rick Neuheisal's fault and none of this has or would ever happen under Tyrone Willingham.
You all know where I stand on this issue, a Willingham critic and a Neuheisal apologist. But this seems to be the same ridiculous rhetoric that the UW has been feeding its fans since Neuheisal was released and particularly since Willingham was hired.
They've served fans a carafe of Kool-Aid and they've mindlessly drank from it to the point that I've heard dozens of Husky fans argue that Willingham never should have been fired from Notre Dame (which is so counter-intuitive that I can't even process it. REALLY? You like him coaching at UW? You do realize that if he hadn't been (justly) fired from Notre Dame, he wouldn't be here, yes?)
This is just another limb sprouting from the same tree of propaganda.
The front page of this report features pictures of the following:
"One Player" (Jerramy Stevens) That label fits, implying that he was one of the players involved in misconduct.
"The Athletic Director" (Barbara Hedges) That label fits, as she was in fact the athletic director for the entirety of this investigation.
"The Prosecutor's Office" (They show Dan Satterberg, but identify it as a group of people) This label fits, as it is an office-issue.
and finally...
"THE Coach" (Rick Neuheisal) Not "One" Coach the way that the identified Stevens, but "THE" coach. However, upon reading, you'll find more references to Jim Lambright's player-testimonials and "blind-eye" decisions than you will of Neuheisal---and yet Lambright is a Husky Hall of Famer, a former "Husky Legend", and a revered member of the community. Keith Gilbertson is also mentioned as a coach during this time...but he isn't pictured either.
The fact is that every college program in the country goes through conduct problems, and receives special treatment in certain cases. No doubt that UW's situation was worse than most in America--but there is also no doubt that their current situation isn't completely devoid of such issues.
Furthermore, I think that despite a complete and appropriate investigation into these happenings, that the Seattle Times is guilty of horrendously biased journalism, by leaving the implication open that at the point where Gilbertson left, these problems went away. Their argument would have been immeasurably more compelling had they made a single reference to a player-conduct issue under Willingham---which there are more than a few of. (**This portion was written before today's piece that mentioned some of the conduct issues under Willingham, but was done so so half-heartedly that it didn't make a dent. There is no doubt that the Seattle Times made the decision to emphasize troubles under Neuheisal and de-emphasize them under Willingham.)
But don't get me wrong---I'm not saying that Neuheisal wasn't deserving of criticism. He was. He made some terrible management decisions and probably deserved to be fired. What I'm saying is that he is a scapegoat for his own discretion as well as those of many others---and Tyrone Willingham, while he has no doubt helped the program improve its character-image, has not (nor would he ever believe it possible to) completely expunge such issues from the University and its Football program.
Finally, and in truth this is off of the central-issue of this piece, but points to my issues with the current state of UW Athletics and the supporters thereof, this is yet another example of an unfathomable, yet present acceptance at the UW that seems to say "Winning means that something bad is happening---let's clean it up, regardless as to whether we succeed or not." The series of articles functionally implies that the 2000 season (and 2001 Rose Bowl) were "Bad" and completely fails to mention that that team that won 11 of its 12 games was made up of about 80 kids--and probably 90 percent of them WERE NOT criminals, and WERE NOT enabling this atmosphere of recklessness...and it seems short-sighted to functionally strip them of their triumphs because of the inaction by the administration when faced with disciplining a couple of problem players.
Continued: 1.30.08
I've been involved in a couple of dialogues since I wrote the statement above--and I'm growing even more frustrated.
People whose opinions I respect, and whose experiences outweigh mine in this arena have allowed themselves to become the drones to the Willingham Propaganda Machine. He DOES recruit and cultivate upstanding members of the community---I've never disputed that. But he DOES NOT win. And is not showing signs that he will in the future.
He has somehow achieved "untouchable" status in this community and the college football world, where you're looked at as criminal you raise an opinion that is anything but supportive of him.
He is supposedly "coaching for his job" this season--but I wake up in cold sweats four nights a week, knowing that if he can find a way to 7-6 this season and a bowl appearance, he'll not only keep his job, but get a contract extension...with no mention of the fact that 7-6 is a crappy football season and that there is no possible way that any coach would have been hired at UW if they were told he would have the best season of his tenure in his fourth year and it would be 7-6 with a bowl loss!!!
**I can't find a place to put this, so this is as good as any. I loved the Anthony Kelley story---but it is written in a way that implies that Tyrone Willingham would support his players studying abroad---and that means one of two things: A) Ty Willingham is more incompetent that I thought he was or B) You're incredibly gullible. No sensible coach would ever encourage players to miss vitally important off-season training...regardless of the character of the coach.**
But the fact is that he is not Jesus. And Rick Neuheisal is not Satan. Like virtually all men, they both fall somewhere in between.
I'm glad that the University of Washington Football Program has moved away from the lawlessness that surrounded it a decade ago. But Mark Emmert (UW President) hit it on the head in the final segment of the Victory and Ruins series: "You can win and win properly". But it has been made very public that he shares the same opinion that I do: that Willingham is doing everything right from a character side, but is unfit to succeed on the field.
It is my hope that Mark Emmert sticks with his good judgment, ignores the blind portion of the alumni/fan-base, and follows through with his plans to remove Tyrone Willingham from his position after the 2008 season and bring in a coach who can produce students with high character and produce teams that succeed on the football field. With that coach in place (whomever it may be) the University would have an opportunity to distance itself from the controversy of the Lambright and Neuheisal eras, and the futility of the Gilbertson and Willingham eras. Then, and only then, will the program accomplish the holistic successes that its players, students, alumni and fans long for and deserve.
P.S.
I added this late because I'm sure that someone is thinking it:
My disgust with Tyrone Willingham has NOTHING to do with race. Here is a list of black coaches that I'd trade Willingham and one of my kidneys for:
Sylvester Croom
Romer Crenell
Dennis Green
Karl Dorrell
"Mushmouth" from Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids
____________________________________________________________________
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
1.29.07 (2)
I'm an idiot...
Tiger Woods didn't win the British Open last year.
Therefore he'd need to win it this year for a "Tiger Slam".
(That as opposed to a "BUTT SLAM!")
Tiger Woods didn't win the British Open last year.
Therefore he'd need to win it this year for a "Tiger Slam".
(That as opposed to a "BUTT SLAM!")
1.29.07
Very Quick one Today...
I'm admittedly a touch burnt-out after this weekend and ended up doing my REAL job late into the evening last night...so just a quick point.
I saw Tiger Woods dominate at the Buick Open at Torrey Pines this weekend. If you haven't had the experience of standing 15' from Tiger Woods, it needs to surpass "have shoulder hair removed" on your "To Do" list.
It is genuinely staggering how much more athletic he looks than every other player out there. I still say that the people that describe him as "an NFL defensive back" are dillusional---but he's a specimen.
Beyond that, he's hitting shots that nobody else today---or any player in history. I was 30' away from his final approach into 18 on Sunday. It was a 115 yard wedge shot to a back pin that nobody had put within 20' all day. He hit a pitching wedge that never got higher than 15', took one hop and stopped about 7' below the hole.
I realize that this is lost on a lot of you---but that is the golf equivelant of standing flat-footed at center court and routinely putting the ball through the basket. Just unreal.
Furthermore---Tiger has Augusta National and Torrey Pines for the Masters and US Open respectively---two of the four courses he plays better than any other---for the first two majors of the year, and he's probably about even-money to win those two and complete his second "Tiger Slam." AND NOBODY IS GIVING IT ANY ATTENTION!!!
Holding all four golf majors at the same time (which Tiger did in 2000) is probably the greatest athletic accomplishment of my lifetime. Everyone is making a huge deal out of the fact that the Patriots may go 19-0 this season---but that isn't even in the realm of what Tiger is accomplishing.
Don't believe me?
For 19 days, the Patriots had to be better than ONE team.
For 16 days (four tournaments, four days apiece) Tiger has to be better than EVERY OTHER PLAYER IN THE WORLD--namely the 144 in the tournament he's playing in. And he has to maintain that pace for A YEAR.
AND DID I MENTION THAT HE'S ABOUT TO DO IT FOR THE SECOND TIME?!?!?!?!?!?
I hope he does.
And when he does I hope that he just plain decides that he is just going to be a pompous a-hole on the course because he's just that much better than anyone else.
Here's how I think he should do it.
He has the fist-pump on made putts...but I say he steps it up to a Shawn Merriman Haka-esque dance, right in the face of his playing partner.
He has the driver-spin after solid contact...but I say he institutes the Bret Boone bat-flip to Stevie every time he hits a bomb.
He has the low-five when he hits a par five in two...but I say he and Stevie start doing the '86 Bears/Tecmo Bowl three-step jumping high-five.
And finally...
He has the stare when he makes a putt to tie his playing partner...but I say he sprints to the next tee and starts doing Steve Wojciechowski floor-slaps.
With these things in the bag---he will no longer be the Michael Jordan of golf...but the Napoleon of golf.
Talk soon.
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
I'm admittedly a touch burnt-out after this weekend and ended up doing my REAL job late into the evening last night...so just a quick point.
I saw Tiger Woods dominate at the Buick Open at Torrey Pines this weekend. If you haven't had the experience of standing 15' from Tiger Woods, it needs to surpass "have shoulder hair removed" on your "To Do" list.
It is genuinely staggering how much more athletic he looks than every other player out there. I still say that the people that describe him as "an NFL defensive back" are dillusional---but he's a specimen.
Beyond that, he's hitting shots that nobody else today---or any player in history. I was 30' away from his final approach into 18 on Sunday. It was a 115 yard wedge shot to a back pin that nobody had put within 20' all day. He hit a pitching wedge that never got higher than 15', took one hop and stopped about 7' below the hole.
I realize that this is lost on a lot of you---but that is the golf equivelant of standing flat-footed at center court and routinely putting the ball through the basket. Just unreal.
Furthermore---Tiger has Augusta National and Torrey Pines for the Masters and US Open respectively---two of the four courses he plays better than any other---for the first two majors of the year, and he's probably about even-money to win those two and complete his second "Tiger Slam." AND NOBODY IS GIVING IT ANY ATTENTION!!!
Holding all four golf majors at the same time (which Tiger did in 2000) is probably the greatest athletic accomplishment of my lifetime. Everyone is making a huge deal out of the fact that the Patriots may go 19-0 this season---but that isn't even in the realm of what Tiger is accomplishing.
Don't believe me?
For 19 days, the Patriots had to be better than ONE team.
For 16 days (four tournaments, four days apiece) Tiger has to be better than EVERY OTHER PLAYER IN THE WORLD--namely the 144 in the tournament he's playing in. And he has to maintain that pace for A YEAR.
AND DID I MENTION THAT HE'S ABOUT TO DO IT FOR THE SECOND TIME?!?!?!?!?!?
I hope he does.
And when he does I hope that he just plain decides that he is just going to be a pompous a-hole on the course because he's just that much better than anyone else.
Here's how I think he should do it.
He has the fist-pump on made putts...but I say he steps it up to a Shawn Merriman Haka-esque dance, right in the face of his playing partner.
He has the driver-spin after solid contact...but I say he institutes the Bret Boone bat-flip to Stevie every time he hits a bomb.
He has the low-five when he hits a par five in two...but I say he and Stevie start doing the '86 Bears/Tecmo Bowl three-step jumping high-five.
And finally...
He has the stare when he makes a putt to tie his playing partner...but I say he sprints to the next tee and starts doing Steve Wojciechowski floor-slaps.
With these things in the bag---he will no longer be the Michael Jordan of golf...but the Napoleon of golf.
Talk soon.
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Friday, January 25, 2008
1.28.07
The Top 100...
So I've been "teasing" (as we say in the industry) (as though I'm in it) this for a week or two now, but it is time to finally let loose with my revised Top 100 Movies of all-time.
It took WAY more time than any such project should (thus my not going out on Saturday night) and I'm frankly a little embarrassed that I spend this much time on such garbage...but what's done is done...and we can move on...
So a little background...
History
I made this list for the first time last year, as I found many people (myself most notably) constantly throwing around the phrase "it's my favorite movie" when there is no possible way that Ace Ventura 2: When Nature Calls is your actual favorite movie. It's just not possible.
So I wrote down every movie I've ever liked (excluding Top Gun, which I felt to conflicted on at the time to write about---and Tombstone and Hoosiers which I just plum forgot) and started the ranking process.
My memory told me that I did this last year about this time, so it was probably time to do it again. Not true---I actually did it at the end of July of last year---but I'd already ranked this year's movies by the time I was done---so just humor me and continue reading...
The Process
Most movie rankings are done either by what they gross, or most-Oscar-worthiness, or social significance, or by genre---my list is a little bit different. I just look at every movie and say, "Okay--I like that one more than that one...it should be ranked higher." I include everything in that determination: entertainment, art, social significance, re-watchability, but more than anything---just the number of times I've thought or said, "that is one of my favorite movies."
Once I've compiled a list (this year's was last year's top 100 plus 31 movies that I thought needed to be included) I put all of the names on pieces of paper, mix them up in a bowl, pull one out and place it on the big board, ranking them 1-100. Eventually, changes are made, adjustments are completed and I come up with a list that I can live with.
This Year's List
Fourteen new movies came onto this year's list (including the aforementioned three omissions) which means that fourteen movies from last year's list are gone.
That's not enough for you to keep reading? (As though most of you haven't already hit the "X" in the top right corner of your screen---or dare I say the red-dot in the top left if you're truly hip...) There was a major shake-up in the top 20 as at some point you realize that you just like something more than something you thought you liked before... (If you understand that last sentence, I salute you.)
STILL NOT ENOUGH???
Somewhere in this blog, I've hidden the winning numbers to this week's MEGA MILLIONS drawing!
So...anyway...without further ado--here is the updated list (with last year's ranking in parenthesis...)
McFly's Top 100 Movies of All-Time
(Please read over the next 5-6 months...)
100. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (90)
Subconsciously, some of you may be thinking, "He rigged it so all six Star Wars movies would make the list." Not true. In fact I'd tossed this one, as I thought it was 101st--then realized my mistake.
That said--still a very good movie. Only glaring weakness is that Liam Neeson is about as believable as a Jedi as Jerry Rice is as a heterosexual. There HAD to be someone else out there to do it...
99. Tin Cup (78)
I can't be alone as someone who has, or has had, enough skill to give a beginning golf lesson and has wanted to use the poetic diatribe that Costner drops in the beginning of the movie. Of course I've never done it, because that would require a girl letting me touch her arm.
98. Big Daddy (73)
This is one that started tumbling down the list as I put it on the big board, but it held on with the strength of half-a-dozen one-liners that even girls can pick up...
97. When Harry Met Sally (50)
Just some foreshadowing: this year's list will not be favorable for Billy Crystal's (Billy ZABKA however...)
Okay--#50 was bold, but it is still one of a handful of "chick movies" that guys can stand behind without being completely outcast by their friends. (My friend Erik believes that Music and Lyrics also falls on that list. He also believes that jean shorts, hiking boots and a mustache are a good look...)
96. The Simpsons Movie (NR)
All told, I'm pretty much over the Simpsons. Much in the way that Seinfeld knocked Cheers forever out of relevance, The Family Guy has done the same to the Simpsons. That said---it is still phenomenally referenceable (is that a word? No...and it shouldn't be...) and was a very entertaining movie. Any movie where the characters have four fingers and still manage to flip off the camera gets on this list---lets just make that a rule...
95. Sleepless in Seattle (72)
Yes, it is a chick movie, but it has three major selling points:
1. Set (partially) in my home town.
2. Features the "Big Yellow S" Mariners logo.
3. Has Meg Ryan right near her peak, looking very elegantly yummy at certain points...
94. Billy Madison (55)
Can you believe that this movie is 13 years old? And looking back, do you have ANY doubt that Norm McDonald was ACTUALLY drinking all of those Daiquiris?
93. Se7en (87)
I think that Se7en gets the now annual "Spy Game Award" honoring the "Brad Pitt movie that will move way up in my rankings as soon as I take a moment and see it for the second time."
92. Six Days Seven Nights (74)
I'm looking at these tumbling-rankings for all of the chick movies...I think the last time I did the list I intentionally spread them out so people wouldn't say, "MAN this guy is a homo, I'm out of here." from the get-go...this year I was more courageous.
One of the most-widely-played TNT movies...for some reason I like it. And I REALLY want to go wherever the S it was filmed...
91. Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones (91)
Apparently comfortable at #91...
A lot of people knock this movie for being a "love story" but they seriously discount the ridiculous scene where an over-acting Hayden Christensen talks about killing all of the Sand People, saying something like, "I killed them. I killed them all. I HATE THEM. They're animals...and I SLAUGHTERED THEM LIKE ANIMALS!"
And it brought us this clip that you've seen 34 times, but probably need to watch again...
90. The Aristocrats (38)
This movie has fallen off a bit in my book, because people just don't like it very much when I play it for them. Apparently the "C-word" is offensive??? I normally dismiss the "you had to see it in the theater" mentality, but with this one, it may be true: they're all stand-up comedians, maybe having an audience around helps the movie's case???
Regardless--hasn't been my best DVD-purchase.
89. Hero (67)
This movie belongs higher on the list, but I'm not going to redo it. Immensely underrated movie and the only movie I know of that features a "Bubber Doll."
88. Liar Liar (62)
THE PEN IS BLUE!!!!!!!
87. Good Will Hunting (76)
To modify the most-bastardized movie line of the past two decades:
"DO YOU LIKE APPLES???"
"YEAH? Well we starred in this movie together, I'm one of the five biggest stars on the planet and you're collecting cans under the freeway. HOW YA LIKE DEM APPLES??"
86. Mission Impossible (69)
By the time the second and third (equally good) installments came out, Tom Cruise was so hated that they couldn't be appreciated---but they're all rock-solid movies. Speaking of couldn't be appreciated...
This movie came out in the spring of 1996, at the end of 9th grade for me. In my Geometry class with "Mr. R", I sat behind someone we'll call "Mike A." (who has an older brother named "Tim A." who is close friends with "Nick M." and "Ryan M.")...
ANYWAY...Mike A. saw the movie on its opening weekend...I for some reason couldn't and was looking forward to seeing it the following weekend. That following Monday (though I'm guessing it was a Memorial Day release and it was actually Tuesday) (you still with me?) we had the following conversation:
McFly: "So--how was Mission Impossible?"
Mike A.: "It was Mr. Phelps."
I still haven't forgiven him for that.
85. Sixteen Candles (54)
Added to the "four-finger-flip-off rule" we're going to make an automatic addition to any movie featuring a character named, "Long Duk Dong".
84. Dirty Dancing (79)
At this point I can actually hear Erik (yes, the same Erik who LOVED Music and Lyrics) saying as he starts spitting like Bill Cowher out of disgust, "OH, YOU ARE SUCH A ______ing ___ ___ __ ______ _________ ____ing and ___________ _______ of ________."
But screw him...if you don't like this movie, you aren't paying close enough attention. (And it was the first movie I ever made-out to.)
83. National Lampoon's Vacation (85)
"I french-kiss."
"So---everyone does."
"Yeah--but Daddy says I'm the best."
82. Heat (75)
Yes, it is entertaining, but could there be a more-overrated "epic" movie of our generation? (Oh--an epic is a movie with one very famous actor that last longer than 150 minutes.) "Dude--did you know it is the only time Pacino and Bob DeNiro have been together on-screen?" "Yes, I did know that. Did you know that being 1/16th Italian doesn't give you the right to speak like a complete douche?"
81. She's All That (68)
Until American Pie came out (six months later) it was the High School Movie World Champion of the World. (Thanks Rob Dibble.)
Answer me this: Why hasn't someone made a movie where Natalie Portman and Rachel Leigh Cook plays sisters (who are in love with me)?
80. Under Siege (70)
Skinny Steven Seagal, young-enough-to-be-believable Tommy Lee Jones, Gary Busey, boobs, action, Navy Seals...what else could you ask for? A plot that isn't a rip-off of Die Hard? Oh...
79. The Truman Show (71)
Do you ever wonder if this is what your life is really like? I mean--not physically, but spiritually? And how do I know the color blue to you is the color blue to me?
78. Dances With Wolves (41)
I've probably spent about 3 hours (which is 2 hours 50 minutes too long) of my life trying figure out why this movie is so forgotten. The only thing that I can come up with is that Waterworld was Costner's follow-up and was such a tremendous let-down that it removed some of the luster of this phenomenal movie about why it is good to kill buffaloes.
77. Road House (64)
Answer me this: who would you least like to fight at their peak of toughness? Mike Tyson, Chuck Liddell or Dalton? I'd have to go with Dalton.
Not relevant, but Ron White once described an idiot bouncer at a bar as, "the type of guy who would watch Road House and beat off." I don't care if that is more than what I'd normally print---that is funny...
76. Body Heat (80)
Easily the least-known (amongst my readers) of any movie on here. Basically---it is a thriller starring William Hurt and Kathleen Turner and therefore won the Academy Award for "Movie that Stars the Two People that More People From this Generation Have Heard of but Couldn't Identify".
75. The Breakfast Club (NR)
I'd honestly never seen it until a couple of weeks ago. Great movie that could be but shouldn't be redone every ten years with new actors with new problems.
It also gets points for employing the "Our Writers Didn't Have any Dialogue so we're Just Playing Music Over this Coming-of-Age Scene" that Footloose used for 3/4 of the movie.
(Oh--good time to mention that Footloose and The Goonies were the two movies that I got more complaints about than any other last year for not including. The Goonies I didn't see until I was 18, so it doesn't have the same luster--and Footloose is just exhausting...)
74. The Distinguished Gentleman (63)
SUMB*TCH!!!!!!!!!!!!
73. Porky's (77)
This movie was almost on the scrap-heap, as the Internet has made the shower scene a little G-rated...but I was reminded of the "Fly a Kite" scene and immediately put it back on the list. Seems like one of those Howard the Duck-esque overrated movies of the 80s, but it is really witty...
72. Spaceballs (The Movie) (93)
There are still a couple of scenes where I just wonder how they made it through editing, but (RULE THREE) any movie that sells its own souvenirs during the movie makes the list...
71. As Good as it Gets (60)
If a movie can feature Cuba Gooding Jr. in a moderately predominant role and Helen Hunt as a sex-symbol and still be tolerable, it has to be a pretty good movie. Best line: when Nicholson asks the Jewish guy from this season of HOUSE about his appetite.
70. Wallstreet (59)
No doubt that Wallstreet is one of the great guy-dramas of all-time...but it has been better than 20 years---can we get off Gordon Gekko's junk already? Probably the most overrated character of my lifetime and I'm appalled that that dead-looking guy who is banging the T-Mobile chick won Best Actor for it.
69. Maverick (45)
Am I wrong for thinking that Jodie Foster looks hot in this movie?
Oh--and for the record, I thought it was cool that I once thought of a card and cut directly to it. Turns out that there is a 1/52 chance that you do it---which really isn't all that remote. Just another knock on my self-esteem...
68. National Lampoon's Animal House (24)
I love this movie but I swear that if I see another "COLLEGE" sweatshirt, I'm going to start shooting...
67. Fast Times at Ridgemont High (NR)
I've been trying to work in an analogy saying that someone was more uncomfortable than Judge Reinhold in his parents' poolside bathroom since I finally saw this movie a couple of weeks ago...
66. City Slickers II (25)
As with all Billy Crystal movies this year, an absolute free-fall in the rankings. This movie is still holding off You've Got Mail as the best Godfather reference by another movie. Furthermore, it features Jon Lovitz, which is great for any movie (poise in caint: Little Nicky is ranked #2 this year.) (But not really.) HOWEVER...I'm afraid to watch it again because if my new-found hatred for its star.
65. Rocky III (88)
I can't decide what has more to do with Rocky III's dramatic rise in the rankings: the movie, or Bill Simmons' review of it...
64. Days of Thunder (53)
Here's a question: Is Days of Thunder more or less believable now that NASCAR is socially relevant? I'm not going to belabor this, but I think that if you beefed up the action, and put a slightly more masculine main character in the frame, this movie could be an absolute Goliath today.
63. The Godfather Part III (56)
How many times must I say (write) it? THIS IS NOT A BAD MOVIE. IT IS JUST NOT AS GOOD AS THE FIRST TWO!!!
62. The Karate Kid Part III (82)
Did I mention in my last post-San Francisco blog that my friend John figured out that the actor who plays Terry Silver is YOUNGER than Ralph Macchio? That could potentially be the most-ridiculous underlying Karate Kid fact I've ever heard...just priceless. (The actor's name is "Thomas Ian Griffin" by the way. Doesn't that sound a little too classy for Terry Silver? You'd think it would be something like "Chaz Diamond" or something...)
61. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (86)
While it has always been the most-appreciated of the Star Wars series by critics, for some reason, it has always been missing something for me. I think it is the inherent lack of key speaking parts for Brian Bosworth in the film...
60. Scarface (NR)
59. Saving Private Ryan (NR)
58. Gladiator (NR)
57. Braveheart (NR)
Four "epics" that I'd never seen until this year that I didn't really have many interesting things to write about.
Though I would love to see an alternative ending to Braveheart where someone dubs in Mel Gibson's anti-Semetic rant instead of the original final line. It would completely change the meaning and perception of an otherwise great movie---and I think it is ridiculous enough that even Jewish Dan would think it was funny...
56. Crocodile Dundee (66)
Easily one of Paul Hogan's top two or three movies...
55. There Will be Blood (NR)
I've probably written enough about how highly I think of Daniel Day Lewis' performance...but here is something that I didn't write: there are portions of this movie that are so overwhelming that the audience starts laughing because they don't know how else to respond. Just a unique experience...
54. Die Hard II (35)
53. Die Hard (36)
You can't really separate them because they're the same movie---with different enough settings to both be thoroughly entertaining. I need to say this though: Will people stop already in saying that the third Die Hard installment was superior to the first two? ARE YOU DRUNK? How many movies have copied Die Hard with a Vengeance? Zero by my count. How many have copied the model for #s I and II? Um...EVERY ACTION MOVIE SINCE????
52. Enemy of the State (30)
"You're either incredibly smart or incredibly stupid." If you think that this is the best movie of that guy who used to sing with Jazzy Jeff, you're incredibly smart. If you don't, you're incredibly stupid.
51. The Rock (31)
The first DVD I ever bought probably remains the most worthy DVD purchase I've made (save the Comedy Central Roast of Pamela Anderson.) The only thing that bothers me about The Rock is that the "prom queen" line gets way more credit than Nicolas Cage's "Let's talk music...yo'ure the Rocket Man" line when the latter is almost inarguably Nic Cage's best line of his career.
50. Dumb and Dumber (28)
I'm going to get a lot of crap for this, but have we hit the point of diminishing marginal returns from Dumb and Dumber?
49. Ocean's Twelve (84)
At 49, it is the lowest-rated of the three Ocean's movies, but there needs to be credit given to any movie that can be this entertaining for two hours. John--why haven't we done a day of Miller High Life (5.5% alcohol by volume) and all three Ocean's movies? Let's put it on the list...
48. It's a Wonderful Life (48)
There are certain clips that I will link whenever I have a chance. This is one of them...
47. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (48)
I'm really jacked for the fourth installment of Indiana Jones---thought what I've realized is that this is the only one of the three I like.
46. Platoon (NR)
Tom Berenger was nominated for Best Supporting Actor for his role in Platoon.
Eight years later, he made Major League II.
45. Big (57)
I can't possibly be the only person that assumed that at 25 he'd be a Sr. Vice-President and have an apartment with plenty of balls to play with.
(Well...I accomplished the latter half...)
44. Tombstone (NR)
The best western of our generation. My favorite scene was undoubtedly the end, when Kurt Russell is visiting Val Kilmer in the hospital, and then, quietly, emotionally, Russell walks away from the last few seconds of Kilmer's career...er...life.
43. The Fugitive (47)
I don't know why, but I've never been more frightened before seeing a movie. For some reason, at 13, sitting in the theater petrified that The Fugitive was going to leave me wetting myself in my seat.
I don't know what could have led me to this fear...but it is a repressed memory that I worked out in AA this weekend.
42. Miracle on 34th Street (New) (51)
Here's one. Remember how Colonel Markinson brought the reindeer into the courtroom to make a fool out of Santa? And Santa said that he could only make it fly on Christmas Eve? Why didn't Dylan McDermott's type-cast ass just push that portion of the trial to the following day so Santa COULD make it fly??? I mean---yeah, it would kind of kill the whole "IN GOD WE TRUST" thing...but it could have worked.
Just a thought...
41. Field of Dreams (44)
Did I just think this or did I actually publish it?
Solid movie quote---if someone drops you off in the dark and has to make a u-turn to go the other way, stand in front of the car and project loudly, "MOONLIGHT GRAHAM!"
If they ask what you're talking about, releave yourself on their hood.
40. The Shawshank Redemption (34)
Remember a few weeks ago when I linked the Family Guy/Shawshank clip? Bill Simmons linked it the next day.
Now it's gone.
Thanks Bill---you ruined it for everyone. You really need to get your readership down to 3-4 people like me so this kind of things don't happen anymore...
39. Ferris Bueller's Day Off (40)
Why hasn't anyone ever questioned how Ferris got on the float and how the float happened to have the background music for the two songs that he wanted to sing?
And why do I keep trashing all of these movies I'm supposed to like?
And why don't girls not respond well when I mention that I'm attracted to them because they look like my mother?
38. Rocky IV (37)
Let's be honest---we miss communism. Honestly--we do. Gone are the days when all a casting director had to do was put a sicle on someone's hat, and we know instantly that they are the "bad guy".
Rocky took that and ran--pinning the guy who was already America's greatest athletic hero against a communist, steroid-pumping, high-tech-training, Arian Assault Weapon in Ivan Drago. It made cowboys and indians look like patty-cake.
What's amazing however is that the story-line still works---we still hate the Russians for killing Apollo, for using machines to train Drago, and at some point we blame them for living in a place covered with snow. It's a nearly-perfect sports movie.
37. American Pie (23)
I said it last year and will say it again: THIS MOVIE DOES NOT GET ENOUGH CREDIT. It brought the teenaged dramatic comedy back to chique--and did so in a racier fashion than we'd ever seen.
Also--if you feel like some semi-throwback tunes, download the soundtrack--very underrated.
36. Hoosiers (NR)
How did I forget it last year? And how have I reached 27 years old and not found a way to do a motivational act like the one where Coach Dale had them measure the baskets and free-throw line at Butler Field House? For some reason, measuring the cubicles on the new wing of the building just doesn't have the same luster...
And when I took the tailor's measuring tape to my secretary's chest I got in trouble for it!
(I can't decide which is less-believable---me committing such a blatant act of sexual harassment or me having a secretary...)
35. Star Wars Episode VI: The Return of the Jedi (46)
I'm still not convinced that the original ending of this movie didn't have Obi Wan, Yoda and Anakin (Vader) watching an incestious three-way between Han, Leia and Luke...
(Yeah---tell me you haven't thought about it...)
34. Garden State (42)
The soundtrack remains unmatched, and while it seems like the exact movie that I should hate because everyone felates it so much, it is just a likeable movie...
33. The Big Lebowski (18)
Dear Big Lebowski,
I'm sorry I ranked you this low. I haven't seen you in quite some time, and live nowhere near anyone who can quote you to the point that you'd achieve a more-appropriate ranking.
Sincerely,
McFly
32. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (5)
Okay--so I DRASTICALLY overshot its original ranking. When I did the last list, I'd only seen it a) in the theater, b) on opening day c) on IMAX.
You understand why it was a touch overblown...
However--still in my mind the best story of the six movies...but an unpregnant Natalie Portman would have helped its case...
31. Love Actually (43)
The only chick movie I know of that I feel comfortable watching with other dudes. I don't see how this will ever be matched in its genre.
I didn't mean for this mark to fall exactly at 30, but at this point, we're entering the area where I've probably claimed (or will eventually claim) that the movies I'm referencing are my "favorite" movie. Obviously, when it comes down to it, I put some above others---but the rankings really aren't that important from here on out---these are simply the movies that I would reccommend to anyone...
30. Gross Point Blank (27)
I'm pretty sure that Ketchum is the only person I've ever known that appreciates the quotability of this movie---which is not only Cusack's best, but is also a phenomenal dark comedy...and is the precise reason I will not be attending my 10 year high school reunion...
29. The Usual Suspects (39)
Losing points for beginning the "let's blow Benecio Del Toro" craze, it is one of the hardest movies to see on your cable guide and pass by...
28. Ocean's Thirteen (52)
Again--I absolutely love this series. The first one was original, the second was more cerebral, and the third was just diabolical---but combined they are absolutely the movies I would most like to be a part of making...it just seems fun.
27. Crocodile Dundee II (13)
No, I'm not kidding---I mean---have you SEEN this movie? A crafty Australian who may or may not be retarded leading Columbian drug lords on an obstacle course through the outback with the help of his saucy 80s girlfriend and the Aborigines??? Find me a better basis for a plot and I'll be happy to move this one down in the rankings a notch.
26. We Were Soldiers (16)
I think the insertion of Saving Private Ryan, Platoon, and others into the list has diminished the relative significance of this phenomenal war movie. I had an Army Ranger for a golf coach in college, and he said that I should "be careful" when I went to see it because "it is so realistic that people are going to be having flashbacks all over the place..."
Just in case you don't follow the humor in this and you happen to have a list of "Places to Avoid" handy---go ahead and place "anywhere where Vietnam vets are having flashbacks" right near the top...
25. Old School (29)
"Hey Mike."
24. Home Alone II (21)
Clearly the tides have changed and it has fallen behind the original chapter of the Home Alone series...but I maintain that the tricks are better and the comedy is more adult. Just not quite as Christmasy as the original...
(Note--either one of two things has happened. Either a) my spell-checker is off and allowed "Christmasy" through---so if there are mistakes, I apologize--or b) "Christmasy" is a word---which is more than a little bit frightening...)
23. Blow (26)
While casting Johnny Depp to play George Jung was VERY generous to America's preiminent cocaine importer from a looks standpoint, after reading the book, I realize that he's about the only actor talented enough to pull off such a phenomenally dynamic character. If you are as ga-ga about this movie as I am, read the book. It was EASILY the best book I read in 2007.
22. Best in Show (19)
Clearly the champion of the Christopher Guest series and so many phenomenal Fred Willard lines that I'd be kidding myself if I tried to choose one...but okay...
"And to think that in some countries these dogs are eaten..."
21. The Departed (NR)
Okay--once and for all: This is a nearly-perfect movie---but Marky Mark had NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
Wow...he played a bitter tough guy from south Boston. How on Earth did he find the time to research that role?
20. Karate Kid II (83)
Two words why this movie moved up 63 slots from a year ago: SA-TO.
I don't know how I've underestimated the significance of his crank-induced rant during the typhoon scene for the past two decades. "YOU ARE LOWER THAN DOG!!!!!!!!!!"
19. Caddyshack (20)
It is one of two top-20 movies that I've just seen too many times and quoted too frequently to really enjoy anymore. That said however, it was absolutely the best pure comedy of its generation, and may have been better than anything in the two or three generations that preceded or followed...
18. St. Elmo's Fire (17)
The king of:
a) 80s movies (not movies that just happened to be made in the 80s...)
b) Coming of age movies
c) Troup-acting movies
Oh--and it has the phenomenal subplot of Rob Lowe and his saxaphone, which is so beautiful that it makes that stupid plastic bag from American Beauty look like the garbage that it is...
17. Home Alone (32)
I'm pretty sure that at this point I've put more time into thinking about this movie over the past twenty years than Macauley Culkin has---and he's still probably making over a million a year from it...
16. Spy Game (22)
I used IMDB to try to formulate a theory as to why this movie isn't a superhit. Then I realized the sandwich of Brad Pitt super-hits that it was sitting between: Seven Years in Tibet, Meet Joe Black, Fight Club, Snatch, (Spy Game), Ocean's Eleven. So--despite it being better than all but one of those movies, and one of the best intelligent action movies of my lifetime, people don't even know that it exists...because there is only so much Brad Pitt that we can take.
I got a lot of crap about knocking Fight Club, and even more for publishing the letters that followed it---but if any of you haven't seen either Fight Club or Spy Game and are going to choose one, just do me a favor and see the latter---you'll thank me for it down the line.
15. Goodfellas (14)
Probably the movie I watch on television more than any other during the course of a year. I don't care what scene it is---if it is on, I'm hooked. Phenomenal movie from beginning to end. "You got a phone?!?"
14. Ocean's Eleven (8)
So if I love these movies so much, why does the original tumble a bit in the rankings? Don't know...same thing happened with a couple of my other favorite series...
Maybe that is another blog---my favorite movie series. I'll give you some time on that though---I have a feeling the several of you have already began to slit your wrists with a staple-remover this morning due to the length of this blog...
13. Apocalypse Now (NR)
A shockingly-high rating for a new addition...but this movie is a life-changer. It is absolutely every bit as relevant as it was when it was made (almost 30 years ago.) Marty Sheen apparently accomplished a little more than just spawning a junior hockey coach and a brothel-frequenter.
An absolute gem---I may need to own it.
12. Wedding Crashers (10)
The highest-ranked movie made in the past ten years--and WHY? Because it, like Caddyshack, is the best pure-comedy of its generation and is so socially relevant that it has probably (either directly or indirectly) been referenced at 80% of non-Mormon weddings over the past two years.
I still don't know anyone who has used, "I crashed a funeral today" as a confession of love---but when I meet the man, I will buy him a beer.
11. A Few Good Men (11)
With the exception of Jack Nicholson, who has had too many great performances to count, is it fair to say that A Few Good Men is at least arguably the best performance by each member of a phenomenal leading cast? Tom Cruise, Kevin Pollack, Demi Moore, JT Walsh, Kevin Bacon and...uh...Cuba Gooding Jr. I guess...
10. Top Gun (NR)
Last year I left it out because I could have placed it anywhere between 1 and 20 and just didn't know where it belonged. This year I decided that it had to go in, and was a little sad to see it down at 10th. Unfortunately, it has fallen to the same fate as Caddyshack---just been over-exposed for too many years. I still love it. I still start smiling ear-to-ear at certain points in the movie to the point that I feel like I look like an absolute freak----but I'm okay with it. It's like my high school (really ELEMENTARY school) sweetheart of movies...I still look back at it fondly despite it being whored out on several different continents...
9. LA Story (9)
Up there with Body Heat for the movie on the list that the fewest people have even heard of...but it is Steve Martin it his absolute best---just a pure satirical triumph. If there were a time capsule buried in 1991, this movie should be in it so the people zipping around in their flying cars in the future know exactly how absurd that period of American History was...
8. Trading Places (12)
Want a good halloween costume this year? Dress up as Santa Claus and walk around all night, pulling a full-sized smoked salmon out of your jacket, taking lionesque bites out of it periodically.
7. The Karate Kid (15)
I've decided that it, Top Gun and #4 have shaped my life more than any three movies...it has to be in the top ten---and were it not for the asterisk after "The Karate Kid Trilogy", it would almost certainly be my favorite movie series...
6. Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (6)
The only Star Wars movie that remained in the top ten---the original and the best. I still can't figure out for the life of me (and him) why Obi Wan threw Vader a softball in their light-saber fight...but you know---destiny is destiny...
5. Groundhog Day (4)
Down a spot from a year ago, because I just wasn't being honest with myself about a few things...
But I watched it the other day, and it blows my mind as to how people don't see the absolute mastery in it.
It's like the Jennifer Connelly of movies--not a lot to it, but just done perfectly and improving over time...
4. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (7)
I still maintain that this isn't a "pure comedy" but it is the king of all Christmas movies---and as ashamed as I am to say it, I can say with a fair amount of confidence that "CHRISTMAS MOVIES" would be the runaway winner for my favorite genre of film.
I'm trying to think of one that I genuinely hate...
Has John Mayer made a Christmas movie? I'm sure I could hate that...
3. The Godfather Part II (2)
2. The Godfather (1)
Yes, you're reading correctly---the movies that have stood as my #1 and 2 since my parents finally let me find out that "Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes" when I was 9 has finally been usurped.
I think when I was completely honest with myself, I realized that it may have been the case that I just WANTED them to be my favorite two movies. And after a while I realized that I'd been dating the wrong woman and it was time to move on to the one true love of my life...
1. Quiz Show (3)
Yes. QUIZ SHOW.
At the risk of sounding like a complete knob-job, it has the best dialogue of any movie I've ever seen. Every line is masterfully worded and every exchange has remarkable significance.
But there's more...
I'm going to confess something else---I've always maintained that the final scene of The Karate Kid was my favorite scene in movie history---but Quiz Show has it beat.
And not only that---it has it beat TWICE.
Both the entire scene at the summer house and the scene in Charlie's apartment after the show ends surpass it---and the exchange between Charles and his father at the end is damn close.
I just love this movie. Will someone please watch it with me???
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So I've been "teasing" (as we say in the industry) (as though I'm in it) this for a week or two now, but it is time to finally let loose with my revised Top 100 Movies of all-time.
It took WAY more time than any such project should (thus my not going out on Saturday night) and I'm frankly a little embarrassed that I spend this much time on such garbage...but what's done is done...and we can move on...
So a little background...
History
I made this list for the first time last year, as I found many people (myself most notably) constantly throwing around the phrase "it's my favorite movie" when there is no possible way that Ace Ventura 2: When Nature Calls is your actual favorite movie. It's just not possible.
So I wrote down every movie I've ever liked (excluding Top Gun, which I felt to conflicted on at the time to write about---and Tombstone and Hoosiers which I just plum forgot) and started the ranking process.
My memory told me that I did this last year about this time, so it was probably time to do it again. Not true---I actually did it at the end of July of last year---but I'd already ranked this year's movies by the time I was done---so just humor me and continue reading...
The Process
Most movie rankings are done either by what they gross, or most-Oscar-worthiness, or social significance, or by genre---my list is a little bit different. I just look at every movie and say, "Okay--I like that one more than that one...it should be ranked higher." I include everything in that determination: entertainment, art, social significance, re-watchability, but more than anything---just the number of times I've thought or said, "that is one of my favorite movies."
Once I've compiled a list (this year's was last year's top 100 plus 31 movies that I thought needed to be included) I put all of the names on pieces of paper, mix them up in a bowl, pull one out and place it on the big board, ranking them 1-100. Eventually, changes are made, adjustments are completed and I come up with a list that I can live with.
This Year's List
Fourteen new movies came onto this year's list (including the aforementioned three omissions) which means that fourteen movies from last year's list are gone.
That's not enough for you to keep reading? (As though most of you haven't already hit the "X" in the top right corner of your screen---or dare I say the red-dot in the top left if you're truly hip...) There was a major shake-up in the top 20 as at some point you realize that you just like something more than something you thought you liked before... (If you understand that last sentence, I salute you.)
STILL NOT ENOUGH???
Somewhere in this blog, I've hidden the winning numbers to this week's MEGA MILLIONS drawing!
So...anyway...without further ado--here is the updated list (with last year's ranking in parenthesis...)
McFly's Top 100 Movies of All-Time
(Please read over the next 5-6 months...)
100. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (90)
Subconsciously, some of you may be thinking, "He rigged it so all six Star Wars movies would make the list." Not true. In fact I'd tossed this one, as I thought it was 101st--then realized my mistake.
That said--still a very good movie. Only glaring weakness is that Liam Neeson is about as believable as a Jedi as Jerry Rice is as a heterosexual. There HAD to be someone else out there to do it...
99. Tin Cup (78)
I can't be alone as someone who has, or has had, enough skill to give a beginning golf lesson and has wanted to use the poetic diatribe that Costner drops in the beginning of the movie. Of course I've never done it, because that would require a girl letting me touch her arm.
98. Big Daddy (73)
This is one that started tumbling down the list as I put it on the big board, but it held on with the strength of half-a-dozen one-liners that even girls can pick up...
97. When Harry Met Sally (50)
Just some foreshadowing: this year's list will not be favorable for Billy Crystal's (Billy ZABKA however...)
Okay--#50 was bold, but it is still one of a handful of "chick movies" that guys can stand behind without being completely outcast by their friends. (My friend Erik believes that Music and Lyrics also falls on that list. He also believes that jean shorts, hiking boots and a mustache are a good look...)
96. The Simpsons Movie (NR)
All told, I'm pretty much over the Simpsons. Much in the way that Seinfeld knocked Cheers forever out of relevance, The Family Guy has done the same to the Simpsons. That said---it is still phenomenally referenceable (is that a word? No...and it shouldn't be...) and was a very entertaining movie. Any movie where the characters have four fingers and still manage to flip off the camera gets on this list---lets just make that a rule...
95. Sleepless in Seattle (72)
Yes, it is a chick movie, but it has three major selling points:
1. Set (partially) in my home town.
2. Features the "Big Yellow S" Mariners logo.
3. Has Meg Ryan right near her peak, looking very elegantly yummy at certain points...
94. Billy Madison (55)
Can you believe that this movie is 13 years old? And looking back, do you have ANY doubt that Norm McDonald was ACTUALLY drinking all of those Daiquiris?
93. Se7en (87)
I think that Se7en gets the now annual "Spy Game Award" honoring the "Brad Pitt movie that will move way up in my rankings as soon as I take a moment and see it for the second time."
92. Six Days Seven Nights (74)
I'm looking at these tumbling-rankings for all of the chick movies...I think the last time I did the list I intentionally spread them out so people wouldn't say, "MAN this guy is a homo, I'm out of here." from the get-go...this year I was more courageous.
One of the most-widely-played TNT movies...for some reason I like it. And I REALLY want to go wherever the S it was filmed...
91. Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones (91)
Apparently comfortable at #91...
A lot of people knock this movie for being a "love story" but they seriously discount the ridiculous scene where an over-acting Hayden Christensen talks about killing all of the Sand People, saying something like, "I killed them. I killed them all. I HATE THEM. They're animals...and I SLAUGHTERED THEM LIKE ANIMALS!"
And it brought us this clip that you've seen 34 times, but probably need to watch again...
90. The Aristocrats (38)
This movie has fallen off a bit in my book, because people just don't like it very much when I play it for them. Apparently the "C-word" is offensive??? I normally dismiss the "you had to see it in the theater" mentality, but with this one, it may be true: they're all stand-up comedians, maybe having an audience around helps the movie's case???
Regardless--hasn't been my best DVD-purchase.
89. Hero (67)
This movie belongs higher on the list, but I'm not going to redo it. Immensely underrated movie and the only movie I know of that features a "Bubber Doll."
88. Liar Liar (62)
THE PEN IS BLUE!!!!!!!
87. Good Will Hunting (76)
To modify the most-bastardized movie line of the past two decades:
"DO YOU LIKE APPLES???"
"YEAH? Well we starred in this movie together, I'm one of the five biggest stars on the planet and you're collecting cans under the freeway. HOW YA LIKE DEM APPLES??"
86. Mission Impossible (69)
By the time the second and third (equally good) installments came out, Tom Cruise was so hated that they couldn't be appreciated---but they're all rock-solid movies. Speaking of couldn't be appreciated...
This movie came out in the spring of 1996, at the end of 9th grade for me. In my Geometry class with "Mr. R", I sat behind someone we'll call "Mike A." (who has an older brother named "Tim A." who is close friends with "Nick M." and "Ryan M.")...
ANYWAY...Mike A. saw the movie on its opening weekend...I for some reason couldn't and was looking forward to seeing it the following weekend. That following Monday (though I'm guessing it was a Memorial Day release and it was actually Tuesday) (you still with me?) we had the following conversation:
McFly: "So--how was Mission Impossible?"
Mike A.: "It was Mr. Phelps."
I still haven't forgiven him for that.
85. Sixteen Candles (54)
Added to the "four-finger-flip-off rule" we're going to make an automatic addition to any movie featuring a character named, "Long Duk Dong".
84. Dirty Dancing (79)
At this point I can actually hear Erik (yes, the same Erik who LOVED Music and Lyrics) saying as he starts spitting like Bill Cowher out of disgust, "OH, YOU ARE SUCH A ______ing ___ ___ __ ______ _________ ____ing and ___________ _______ of ________."
But screw him...if you don't like this movie, you aren't paying close enough attention. (And it was the first movie I ever made-out to.)
83. National Lampoon's Vacation (85)
"I french-kiss."
"So---everyone does."
"Yeah--but Daddy says I'm the best."
82. Heat (75)
Yes, it is entertaining, but could there be a more-overrated "epic" movie of our generation? (Oh--an epic is a movie with one very famous actor that last longer than 150 minutes.) "Dude--did you know it is the only time Pacino and Bob DeNiro have been together on-screen?" "Yes, I did know that. Did you know that being 1/16th Italian doesn't give you the right to speak like a complete douche?"
81. She's All That (68)
Until American Pie came out (six months later) it was the High School Movie World Champion of the World. (Thanks Rob Dibble.)
Answer me this: Why hasn't someone made a movie where Natalie Portman and Rachel Leigh Cook plays sisters (who are in love with me)?
80. Under Siege (70)
Skinny Steven Seagal, young-enough-to-be-believable Tommy Lee Jones, Gary Busey, boobs, action, Navy Seals...what else could you ask for? A plot that isn't a rip-off of Die Hard? Oh...
79. The Truman Show (71)
Do you ever wonder if this is what your life is really like? I mean--not physically, but spiritually? And how do I know the color blue to you is the color blue to me?
78. Dances With Wolves (41)
I've probably spent about 3 hours (which is 2 hours 50 minutes too long) of my life trying figure out why this movie is so forgotten. The only thing that I can come up with is that Waterworld was Costner's follow-up and was such a tremendous let-down that it removed some of the luster of this phenomenal movie about why it is good to kill buffaloes.
77. Road House (64)
Answer me this: who would you least like to fight at their peak of toughness? Mike Tyson, Chuck Liddell or Dalton? I'd have to go with Dalton.
Not relevant, but Ron White once described an idiot bouncer at a bar as, "the type of guy who would watch Road House and beat off." I don't care if that is more than what I'd normally print---that is funny...
76. Body Heat (80)
Easily the least-known (amongst my readers) of any movie on here. Basically---it is a thriller starring William Hurt and Kathleen Turner and therefore won the Academy Award for "Movie that Stars the Two People that More People From this Generation Have Heard of but Couldn't Identify".
75. The Breakfast Club (NR)
I'd honestly never seen it until a couple of weeks ago. Great movie that could be but shouldn't be redone every ten years with new actors with new problems.
It also gets points for employing the "Our Writers Didn't Have any Dialogue so we're Just Playing Music Over this Coming-of-Age Scene" that Footloose used for 3/4 of the movie.
(Oh--good time to mention that Footloose and The Goonies were the two movies that I got more complaints about than any other last year for not including. The Goonies I didn't see until I was 18, so it doesn't have the same luster--and Footloose is just exhausting...)
74. The Distinguished Gentleman (63)
SUMB*TCH!!!!!!!!!!!!
73. Porky's (77)
This movie was almost on the scrap-heap, as the Internet has made the shower scene a little G-rated...but I was reminded of the "Fly a Kite" scene and immediately put it back on the list. Seems like one of those Howard the Duck-esque overrated movies of the 80s, but it is really witty...
72. Spaceballs (The Movie) (93)
There are still a couple of scenes where I just wonder how they made it through editing, but (RULE THREE) any movie that sells its own souvenirs during the movie makes the list...
71. As Good as it Gets (60)
If a movie can feature Cuba Gooding Jr. in a moderately predominant role and Helen Hunt as a sex-symbol and still be tolerable, it has to be a pretty good movie. Best line: when Nicholson asks the Jewish guy from this season of HOUSE about his appetite.
70. Wallstreet (59)
No doubt that Wallstreet is one of the great guy-dramas of all-time...but it has been better than 20 years---can we get off Gordon Gekko's junk already? Probably the most overrated character of my lifetime and I'm appalled that that dead-looking guy who is banging the T-Mobile chick won Best Actor for it.
69. Maverick (45)
Am I wrong for thinking that Jodie Foster looks hot in this movie?
Oh--and for the record, I thought it was cool that I once thought of a card and cut directly to it. Turns out that there is a 1/52 chance that you do it---which really isn't all that remote. Just another knock on my self-esteem...
68. National Lampoon's Animal House (24)
I love this movie but I swear that if I see another "COLLEGE" sweatshirt, I'm going to start shooting...
67. Fast Times at Ridgemont High (NR)
I've been trying to work in an analogy saying that someone was more uncomfortable than Judge Reinhold in his parents' poolside bathroom since I finally saw this movie a couple of weeks ago...
66. City Slickers II (25)
As with all Billy Crystal movies this year, an absolute free-fall in the rankings. This movie is still holding off You've Got Mail as the best Godfather reference by another movie. Furthermore, it features Jon Lovitz, which is great for any movie (poise in caint: Little Nicky is ranked #2 this year.) (But not really.) HOWEVER...I'm afraid to watch it again because if my new-found hatred for its star.
65. Rocky III (88)
I can't decide what has more to do with Rocky III's dramatic rise in the rankings: the movie, or Bill Simmons' review of it...
64. Days of Thunder (53)
Here's a question: Is Days of Thunder more or less believable now that NASCAR is socially relevant? I'm not going to belabor this, but I think that if you beefed up the action, and put a slightly more masculine main character in the frame, this movie could be an absolute Goliath today.
63. The Godfather Part III (56)
How many times must I say (write) it? THIS IS NOT A BAD MOVIE. IT IS JUST NOT AS GOOD AS THE FIRST TWO!!!
62. The Karate Kid Part III (82)
Did I mention in my last post-San Francisco blog that my friend John figured out that the actor who plays Terry Silver is YOUNGER than Ralph Macchio? That could potentially be the most-ridiculous underlying Karate Kid fact I've ever heard...just priceless. (The actor's name is "Thomas Ian Griffin" by the way. Doesn't that sound a little too classy for Terry Silver? You'd think it would be something like "Chaz Diamond" or something...)
61. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (86)
While it has always been the most-appreciated of the Star Wars series by critics, for some reason, it has always been missing something for me. I think it is the inherent lack of key speaking parts for Brian Bosworth in the film...
60. Scarface (NR)
59. Saving Private Ryan (NR)
58. Gladiator (NR)
57. Braveheart (NR)
Four "epics" that I'd never seen until this year that I didn't really have many interesting things to write about.
Though I would love to see an alternative ending to Braveheart where someone dubs in Mel Gibson's anti-Semetic rant instead of the original final line. It would completely change the meaning and perception of an otherwise great movie---and I think it is ridiculous enough that even Jewish Dan would think it was funny...
56. Crocodile Dundee (66)
Easily one of Paul Hogan's top two or three movies...
55. There Will be Blood (NR)
I've probably written enough about how highly I think of Daniel Day Lewis' performance...but here is something that I didn't write: there are portions of this movie that are so overwhelming that the audience starts laughing because they don't know how else to respond. Just a unique experience...
54. Die Hard II (35)
53. Die Hard (36)
You can't really separate them because they're the same movie---with different enough settings to both be thoroughly entertaining. I need to say this though: Will people stop already in saying that the third Die Hard installment was superior to the first two? ARE YOU DRUNK? How many movies have copied Die Hard with a Vengeance? Zero by my count. How many have copied the model for #s I and II? Um...EVERY ACTION MOVIE SINCE????
52. Enemy of the State (30)
"You're either incredibly smart or incredibly stupid." If you think that this is the best movie of that guy who used to sing with Jazzy Jeff, you're incredibly smart. If you don't, you're incredibly stupid.
51. The Rock (31)
The first DVD I ever bought probably remains the most worthy DVD purchase I've made (save the Comedy Central Roast of Pamela Anderson.) The only thing that bothers me about The Rock is that the "prom queen" line gets way more credit than Nicolas Cage's "Let's talk music...yo'ure the Rocket Man" line when the latter is almost inarguably Nic Cage's best line of his career.
50. Dumb and Dumber (28)
I'm going to get a lot of crap for this, but have we hit the point of diminishing marginal returns from Dumb and Dumber?
49. Ocean's Twelve (84)
At 49, it is the lowest-rated of the three Ocean's movies, but there needs to be credit given to any movie that can be this entertaining for two hours. John--why haven't we done a day of Miller High Life (5.5% alcohol by volume) and all three Ocean's movies? Let's put it on the list...
48. It's a Wonderful Life (48)
There are certain clips that I will link whenever I have a chance. This is one of them...
47. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (48)
I'm really jacked for the fourth installment of Indiana Jones---thought what I've realized is that this is the only one of the three I like.
46. Platoon (NR)
Tom Berenger was nominated for Best Supporting Actor for his role in Platoon.
Eight years later, he made Major League II.
45. Big (57)
I can't possibly be the only person that assumed that at 25 he'd be a Sr. Vice-President and have an apartment with plenty of balls to play with.
(Well...I accomplished the latter half...)
44. Tombstone (NR)
The best western of our generation. My favorite scene was undoubtedly the end, when Kurt Russell is visiting Val Kilmer in the hospital, and then, quietly, emotionally, Russell walks away from the last few seconds of Kilmer's career...er...life.
43. The Fugitive (47)
I don't know why, but I've never been more frightened before seeing a movie. For some reason, at 13, sitting in the theater petrified that The Fugitive was going to leave me wetting myself in my seat.
I don't know what could have led me to this fear...but it is a repressed memory that I worked out in AA this weekend.
42. Miracle on 34th Street (New) (51)
Here's one. Remember how Colonel Markinson brought the reindeer into the courtroom to make a fool out of Santa? And Santa said that he could only make it fly on Christmas Eve? Why didn't Dylan McDermott's type-cast ass just push that portion of the trial to the following day so Santa COULD make it fly??? I mean---yeah, it would kind of kill the whole "IN GOD WE TRUST" thing...but it could have worked.
Just a thought...
41. Field of Dreams (44)
Did I just think this or did I actually publish it?
Solid movie quote---if someone drops you off in the dark and has to make a u-turn to go the other way, stand in front of the car and project loudly, "MOONLIGHT GRAHAM!"
If they ask what you're talking about, releave yourself on their hood.
40. The Shawshank Redemption (34)
Remember a few weeks ago when I linked the Family Guy/Shawshank clip? Bill Simmons linked it the next day.
Now it's gone.
Thanks Bill---you ruined it for everyone. You really need to get your readership down to 3-4 people like me so this kind of things don't happen anymore...
39. Ferris Bueller's Day Off (40)
Why hasn't anyone ever questioned how Ferris got on the float and how the float happened to have the background music for the two songs that he wanted to sing?
And why do I keep trashing all of these movies I'm supposed to like?
And why don't girls not respond well when I mention that I'm attracted to them because they look like my mother?
38. Rocky IV (37)
Let's be honest---we miss communism. Honestly--we do. Gone are the days when all a casting director had to do was put a sicle on someone's hat, and we know instantly that they are the "bad guy".
Rocky took that and ran--pinning the guy who was already America's greatest athletic hero against a communist, steroid-pumping, high-tech-training, Arian Assault Weapon in Ivan Drago. It made cowboys and indians look like patty-cake.
What's amazing however is that the story-line still works---we still hate the Russians for killing Apollo, for using machines to train Drago, and at some point we blame them for living in a place covered with snow. It's a nearly-perfect sports movie.
37. American Pie (23)
I said it last year and will say it again: THIS MOVIE DOES NOT GET ENOUGH CREDIT. It brought the teenaged dramatic comedy back to chique--and did so in a racier fashion than we'd ever seen.
Also--if you feel like some semi-throwback tunes, download the soundtrack--very underrated.
36. Hoosiers (NR)
How did I forget it last year? And how have I reached 27 years old and not found a way to do a motivational act like the one where Coach Dale had them measure the baskets and free-throw line at Butler Field House? For some reason, measuring the cubicles on the new wing of the building just doesn't have the same luster...
And when I took the tailor's measuring tape to my secretary's chest I got in trouble for it!
(I can't decide which is less-believable---me committing such a blatant act of sexual harassment or me having a secretary...)
35. Star Wars Episode VI: The Return of the Jedi (46)
I'm still not convinced that the original ending of this movie didn't have Obi Wan, Yoda and Anakin (Vader) watching an incestious three-way between Han, Leia and Luke...
(Yeah---tell me you haven't thought about it...)
34. Garden State (42)
The soundtrack remains unmatched, and while it seems like the exact movie that I should hate because everyone felates it so much, it is just a likeable movie...
33. The Big Lebowski (18)
Dear Big Lebowski,
I'm sorry I ranked you this low. I haven't seen you in quite some time, and live nowhere near anyone who can quote you to the point that you'd achieve a more-appropriate ranking.
Sincerely,
McFly
32. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (5)
Okay--so I DRASTICALLY overshot its original ranking. When I did the last list, I'd only seen it a) in the theater, b) on opening day c) on IMAX.
You understand why it was a touch overblown...
However--still in my mind the best story of the six movies...but an unpregnant Natalie Portman would have helped its case...
31. Love Actually (43)
The only chick movie I know of that I feel comfortable watching with other dudes. I don't see how this will ever be matched in its genre.
I didn't mean for this mark to fall exactly at 30, but at this point, we're entering the area where I've probably claimed (or will eventually claim) that the movies I'm referencing are my "favorite" movie. Obviously, when it comes down to it, I put some above others---but the rankings really aren't that important from here on out---these are simply the movies that I would reccommend to anyone...
30. Gross Point Blank (27)
I'm pretty sure that Ketchum is the only person I've ever known that appreciates the quotability of this movie---which is not only Cusack's best, but is also a phenomenal dark comedy...and is the precise reason I will not be attending my 10 year high school reunion...
29. The Usual Suspects (39)
Losing points for beginning the "let's blow Benecio Del Toro" craze, it is one of the hardest movies to see on your cable guide and pass by...
28. Ocean's Thirteen (52)
Again--I absolutely love this series. The first one was original, the second was more cerebral, and the third was just diabolical---but combined they are absolutely the movies I would most like to be a part of making...it just seems fun.
27. Crocodile Dundee II (13)
No, I'm not kidding---I mean---have you SEEN this movie? A crafty Australian who may or may not be retarded leading Columbian drug lords on an obstacle course through the outback with the help of his saucy 80s girlfriend and the Aborigines??? Find me a better basis for a plot and I'll be happy to move this one down in the rankings a notch.
26. We Were Soldiers (16)
I think the insertion of Saving Private Ryan, Platoon, and others into the list has diminished the relative significance of this phenomenal war movie. I had an Army Ranger for a golf coach in college, and he said that I should "be careful" when I went to see it because "it is so realistic that people are going to be having flashbacks all over the place..."
Just in case you don't follow the humor in this and you happen to have a list of "Places to Avoid" handy---go ahead and place "anywhere where Vietnam vets are having flashbacks" right near the top...
25. Old School (29)
"Hey Mike."
24. Home Alone II (21)
Clearly the tides have changed and it has fallen behind the original chapter of the Home Alone series...but I maintain that the tricks are better and the comedy is more adult. Just not quite as Christmasy as the original...
(Note--either one of two things has happened. Either a) my spell-checker is off and allowed "Christmasy" through---so if there are mistakes, I apologize--or b) "Christmasy" is a word---which is more than a little bit frightening...)
23. Blow (26)
While casting Johnny Depp to play George Jung was VERY generous to America's preiminent cocaine importer from a looks standpoint, after reading the book, I realize that he's about the only actor talented enough to pull off such a phenomenally dynamic character. If you are as ga-ga about this movie as I am, read the book. It was EASILY the best book I read in 2007.
22. Best in Show (19)
Clearly the champion of the Christopher Guest series and so many phenomenal Fred Willard lines that I'd be kidding myself if I tried to choose one...but okay...
"And to think that in some countries these dogs are eaten..."
21. The Departed (NR)
Okay--once and for all: This is a nearly-perfect movie---but Marky Mark had NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
Wow...he played a bitter tough guy from south Boston. How on Earth did he find the time to research that role?
20. Karate Kid II (83)
Two words why this movie moved up 63 slots from a year ago: SA-TO.
I don't know how I've underestimated the significance of his crank-induced rant during the typhoon scene for the past two decades. "YOU ARE LOWER THAN DOG!!!!!!!!!!"
19. Caddyshack (20)
It is one of two top-20 movies that I've just seen too many times and quoted too frequently to really enjoy anymore. That said however, it was absolutely the best pure comedy of its generation, and may have been better than anything in the two or three generations that preceded or followed...
18. St. Elmo's Fire (17)
The king of:
a) 80s movies (not movies that just happened to be made in the 80s...)
b) Coming of age movies
c) Troup-acting movies
Oh--and it has the phenomenal subplot of Rob Lowe and his saxaphone, which is so beautiful that it makes that stupid plastic bag from American Beauty look like the garbage that it is...
17. Home Alone (32)
I'm pretty sure that at this point I've put more time into thinking about this movie over the past twenty years than Macauley Culkin has---and he's still probably making over a million a year from it...
16. Spy Game (22)
I used IMDB to try to formulate a theory as to why this movie isn't a superhit. Then I realized the sandwich of Brad Pitt super-hits that it was sitting between: Seven Years in Tibet, Meet Joe Black, Fight Club, Snatch, (Spy Game), Ocean's Eleven. So--despite it being better than all but one of those movies, and one of the best intelligent action movies of my lifetime, people don't even know that it exists...because there is only so much Brad Pitt that we can take.
I got a lot of crap about knocking Fight Club, and even more for publishing the letters that followed it---but if any of you haven't seen either Fight Club or Spy Game and are going to choose one, just do me a favor and see the latter---you'll thank me for it down the line.
15. Goodfellas (14)
Probably the movie I watch on television more than any other during the course of a year. I don't care what scene it is---if it is on, I'm hooked. Phenomenal movie from beginning to end. "You got a phone?!?"
14. Ocean's Eleven (8)
So if I love these movies so much, why does the original tumble a bit in the rankings? Don't know...same thing happened with a couple of my other favorite series...
Maybe that is another blog---my favorite movie series. I'll give you some time on that though---I have a feeling the several of you have already began to slit your wrists with a staple-remover this morning due to the length of this blog...
13. Apocalypse Now (NR)
A shockingly-high rating for a new addition...but this movie is a life-changer. It is absolutely every bit as relevant as it was when it was made (almost 30 years ago.) Marty Sheen apparently accomplished a little more than just spawning a junior hockey coach and a brothel-frequenter.
An absolute gem---I may need to own it.
12. Wedding Crashers (10)
The highest-ranked movie made in the past ten years--and WHY? Because it, like Caddyshack, is the best pure-comedy of its generation and is so socially relevant that it has probably (either directly or indirectly) been referenced at 80% of non-Mormon weddings over the past two years.
I still don't know anyone who has used, "I crashed a funeral today" as a confession of love---but when I meet the man, I will buy him a beer.
11. A Few Good Men (11)
With the exception of Jack Nicholson, who has had too many great performances to count, is it fair to say that A Few Good Men is at least arguably the best performance by each member of a phenomenal leading cast? Tom Cruise, Kevin Pollack, Demi Moore, JT Walsh, Kevin Bacon and...uh...Cuba Gooding Jr. I guess...
10. Top Gun (NR)
Last year I left it out because I could have placed it anywhere between 1 and 20 and just didn't know where it belonged. This year I decided that it had to go in, and was a little sad to see it down at 10th. Unfortunately, it has fallen to the same fate as Caddyshack---just been over-exposed for too many years. I still love it. I still start smiling ear-to-ear at certain points in the movie to the point that I feel like I look like an absolute freak----but I'm okay with it. It's like my high school (really ELEMENTARY school) sweetheart of movies...I still look back at it fondly despite it being whored out on several different continents...
9. LA Story (9)
Up there with Body Heat for the movie on the list that the fewest people have even heard of...but it is Steve Martin it his absolute best---just a pure satirical triumph. If there were a time capsule buried in 1991, this movie should be in it so the people zipping around in their flying cars in the future know exactly how absurd that period of American History was...
8. Trading Places (12)
Want a good halloween costume this year? Dress up as Santa Claus and walk around all night, pulling a full-sized smoked salmon out of your jacket, taking lionesque bites out of it periodically.
7. The Karate Kid (15)
I've decided that it, Top Gun and #4 have shaped my life more than any three movies...it has to be in the top ten---and were it not for the asterisk after "The Karate Kid Trilogy", it would almost certainly be my favorite movie series...
6. Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (6)
The only Star Wars movie that remained in the top ten---the original and the best. I still can't figure out for the life of me (and him) why Obi Wan threw Vader a softball in their light-saber fight...but you know---destiny is destiny...
5. Groundhog Day (4)
Down a spot from a year ago, because I just wasn't being honest with myself about a few things...
But I watched it the other day, and it blows my mind as to how people don't see the absolute mastery in it.
It's like the Jennifer Connelly of movies--not a lot to it, but just done perfectly and improving over time...
4. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (7)
I still maintain that this isn't a "pure comedy" but it is the king of all Christmas movies---and as ashamed as I am to say it, I can say with a fair amount of confidence that "CHRISTMAS MOVIES" would be the runaway winner for my favorite genre of film.
I'm trying to think of one that I genuinely hate...
Has John Mayer made a Christmas movie? I'm sure I could hate that...
3. The Godfather Part II (2)
2. The Godfather (1)
Yes, you're reading correctly---the movies that have stood as my #1 and 2 since my parents finally let me find out that "Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes" when I was 9 has finally been usurped.
I think when I was completely honest with myself, I realized that it may have been the case that I just WANTED them to be my favorite two movies. And after a while I realized that I'd been dating the wrong woman and it was time to move on to the one true love of my life...
1. Quiz Show (3)
Yes. QUIZ SHOW.
At the risk of sounding like a complete knob-job, it has the best dialogue of any movie I've ever seen. Every line is masterfully worded and every exchange has remarkable significance.
But there's more...
I'm going to confess something else---I've always maintained that the final scene of The Karate Kid was my favorite scene in movie history---but Quiz Show has it beat.
And not only that---it has it beat TWICE.
Both the entire scene at the summer house and the scene in Charlie's apartment after the show ends surpass it---and the exchange between Charles and his father at the end is damn close.
I just love this movie. Will someone please watch it with me???
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two final notes:
1) I already thought of the movie that was on the tip of my tongue and left out of the first two lists somehow: Indian Summer. (I'd guess it belongs in the 25-40 range...)
2) I was going to include the list of "Movies that fell out of the list and why" but I've probably put in 10 hours this weekend and I'm exhausted...I'll try to get it done this week.
Thanks for reading---I love you all.
Feel free to pass along your comments and questions: mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Thursday, January 24, 2008
1.25.07
Your Thoughts?
I have the Golfweek from last week with the noose on the cover.
I'm going to the Buick Open this week.
Do you think Tiger would sign it for me?
You decide.
PUBLIC APOLOGY FROM McFLY:
"I would like to apologize for my insensitive comments about Tiger Woods and the Kelly Tiglman situation entirely. In no way did I mean to offend Tiger Woods or make light of the state of racism in the United States. I was simply going for a cheap laugh and was tactless in the means in which I went about it. I intended no harm and hope that there are no hard feelings between Tiger and I."
Speaking of Which...
Again---I'm going to a PGA event this weekend, but here's a thought:
Why do golf fans dress as though they're competing? I mean--yes--golf attire is probably more socially acceptable than other sports-uniforms, but REALLY? Do you need a sponsorship on your hat to stand behind a little yellow rope?
It just doesn't make sense to me...
Of course--I guess I understand--I mean I wore sliding pads and a cup to a Mariners' game last summer...
BIG Win...
Tough to accurately comment on an un-televised basketball game, but the mighty University of Washington Huskies got back to .500 in the Pac-10 with a HUGE win at Arizona State last night. I maintain that the season is going to come down to their weekend AT Stanford and Cal. A sweep there and they're in the NCAAs...get swept there and they're probably out.
I think the weak-showing in non-conference play for the Pac-10 will hurt the conference on the whole---but that doesn't mean that Washington is done. I think that if they can get 11 wins between the conference schedule and the conference tournament they're in----and that goes for the other nine teams in the conference as well.
Ten would be very borderline for any team but Arizona State who has non-conference wins to lean on...
A Couple of Links...
I watched For Your Consideration last night, the latest installment in the Christopher Guest series, and appropriately it was the last movie that I considered for my Top 100.
In short, it won't make the list.
Save a phenomenal performance by Stifler's Mom, the laughs were few and far-between...a bit of a let-down relative to the other movies in the series.
But--like the rest of them--Fred Willard's bit role was phenomenal. Frankly I don't really remember what he said, but the fact that he was playing the host of an Entertainment Tonight kind of show with a bleached-blonde faux-hawk made the movie worth watching.
And if you're not familiar with his particular brand of comedic perfection, here are a couple clips:
WUH HAPPON????
Not the best Best in Show sequence...but all I could find.
Short on Time...
So I'll leave you with one of the classic clips of all-time.
(Oh--if you're at work, make sure you turn your volume WAY UP!)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
McFly's Top 100 Movies on Monday...
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
I have the Golfweek from last week with the noose on the cover.
I'm going to the Buick Open this week.
Do you think Tiger would sign it for me?
You decide.
PUBLIC APOLOGY FROM McFLY:
"I would like to apologize for my insensitive comments about Tiger Woods and the Kelly Tiglman situation entirely. In no way did I mean to offend Tiger Woods or make light of the state of racism in the United States. I was simply going for a cheap laugh and was tactless in the means in which I went about it. I intended no harm and hope that there are no hard feelings between Tiger and I."
Speaking of Which...
Again---I'm going to a PGA event this weekend, but here's a thought:
Why do golf fans dress as though they're competing? I mean--yes--golf attire is probably more socially acceptable than other sports-uniforms, but REALLY? Do you need a sponsorship on your hat to stand behind a little yellow rope?
It just doesn't make sense to me...
Of course--I guess I understand--I mean I wore sliding pads and a cup to a Mariners' game last summer...
BIG Win...
Tough to accurately comment on an un-televised basketball game, but the mighty University of Washington Huskies got back to .500 in the Pac-10 with a HUGE win at Arizona State last night. I maintain that the season is going to come down to their weekend AT Stanford and Cal. A sweep there and they're in the NCAAs...get swept there and they're probably out.
I think the weak-showing in non-conference play for the Pac-10 will hurt the conference on the whole---but that doesn't mean that Washington is done. I think that if they can get 11 wins between the conference schedule and the conference tournament they're in----and that goes for the other nine teams in the conference as well.
Ten would be very borderline for any team but Arizona State who has non-conference wins to lean on...
A Couple of Links...
I watched For Your Consideration last night, the latest installment in the Christopher Guest series, and appropriately it was the last movie that I considered for my Top 100.
In short, it won't make the list.
Save a phenomenal performance by Stifler's Mom, the laughs were few and far-between...a bit of a let-down relative to the other movies in the series.
But--like the rest of them--Fred Willard's bit role was phenomenal. Frankly I don't really remember what he said, but the fact that he was playing the host of an Entertainment Tonight kind of show with a bleached-blonde faux-hawk made the movie worth watching.
And if you're not familiar with his particular brand of comedic perfection, here are a couple clips:
WUH HAPPON????
Not the best Best in Show sequence...but all I could find.
Short on Time...
So I'll leave you with one of the classic clips of all-time.
(Oh--if you're at work, make sure you turn your volume WAY UP!)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
McFly's Top 100 Movies on Monday...
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
1.24.07
What's That Smell?
The last thirty minutes of every Bikram Yoga class is spent with your face somewhere between 24 and zero inches from the ground--which means that every student has the unique pleasure of taking deep nasal breaths of the funk that is eminating from the cleaned-frequently, but not-cleaned-frequently-enough carpet.
It isn't B.O. I mean--it SHOULD be B.O., but the B.O. seems to morph with the carpet shampoo and that new carpet smell. But for some reason, in the three months I've been doing it, I've thought that the smell was oddly familiar.
Old Spice Body Wash reminds us that smell is the strongest sense tied to memory---and in this case they're absolutely right, because the smell of that carpet is not a mixtuer of B.O. and other pieces, but rather the briar patch in the Secret of Nimh scratch'n'sniff book that I had as a child.
Glad you read that whole thing?
Good.
Finally, a Response...
So long-time-Arnold, "David" (I don't know why I put his name in quotes--that is his name) realized upon reading my negative piece on Fight Club the other day that one of his friends probably needed to read it.
The "friend" (again--he is a friend...I'm using quotes like a freshman with a word-count-requirement) is apparently a huge fan of Chuck Palahniuk and a film student at a southern California college.
Frankly--when I read his response and decided to begin a dialogue with him--I expected more. I thought it would get personal, and I thought I could just sit back and let you guys read the ridiculousness. Instead however, it turned into a Lifetime after-school special.
Oh well...you get it anyway--any dialogue that starts with a complete stranger cursing in an email about 20 times and ends with me bestowing myself with the distinction of "The Don Imus of University of Puget Sound alumnae" probably deserves to be read by the general public.
So enjoy...the original post is from January 22--just click the link over here>>>>>>>>
(Oh--the red type is my added commentary...and to protect the identity of David's friend, we'll call him "Turdface"...)
Email 1
Dave-
You say this is your friend so if you feel inclined to send this email to him, you are 100% allowed to. IF he feels inclined. Dictionary. Instigator. David's picture.
First off, the single worst thing about the Internet most say is the relentless pornographic material that consumes like 80% of the web. Personally, I think it is the open forum where ignorant rubes get to bleed their ignorance out to the world. Most people would find their publicized ignorance as embarrassing, no but not this small group of people (McFly, which is a really cheesy Back to the Future reference if that's where he got it) who somehow thrive on the "idea" that their opinions will open people's minds. The interesting part is that there is a whole world laughing at them behind their back as they continue to write meaningless, foolish sh*t. With that said... Wow...do you have a mother joke you can work in there??
Why is this guy creating a top 100 movie list??? Its logic parallels me giving a list of the top 100 Italian opera performances. READ A BOOK, TAKE A CLASS, and stop publishing this sh*t about movies where he obviously knows nothing about the industry, other than being amused by flashing lights on a large screen. I read. I read every word of that "How to Succeed with Women" book that Bill loaned me sophomore year.
He is that typical "popcorn audience" movie goer that can't decipher a movie's meaning or message unless it is delivered to him through monologue exposition. (case and point Fight Club) Fincher does a good job of not insulting our intelligence during the film. He gives us a two hour expression of an incredibly deep and complex psychological and social issue. (McFly read Jung if you want understanding into your "plotless" movie) He does a great job of keeping it entertaining while incorporating Jungian psychology, all the while staying true to it's author Chuck Palahniuk. Instead of the really cool intro with the nerves in the brain, it should just have a black screen with the words: If you have no intellectual capacity don't watch this f---ing film! (I threw the "f---ing" in there because that would totally be Fincher's style.) This guy is the kind of driver that looks out his windshield but can't see past his hood. Okay...while I like the analogy you used at the end of that statement, when I read "that would totally be Fincher's style" I extended my pointer-finger and pinkie, licked the tips of both of them and smoothed my eyebrows, preparing to give this joker an absolute email brow-beating...I'm thinking somewhere along the lines of my favorite email-forward of all-time.
I went back and read his article again and the intro really made me laugh. The clever irony that was crafted in his blog did take me back for a second. He states how he hates people who get into "the game" and don't know the difference between a Cover 2 and there a**. He even goes as far as to call them a**h*les. In the very next paragraph he goes on to talk about movies, then expels his own ignorance about the industry. So he states how he hates people who try to act like they know more then they do about football. Then turns around and acts like he knows more than he does about movies. Priceless. OH. NO. YOU. DI-N'T.
If the title his Jan. 22 blog was Definition of Irony, I would say that is the best blog I have ever read. Otherwise "according to his definition" McFly's just an "a**h*le."
Sincerely,
Turdface
I tend not to lose my temper with people like this. Clearly he has the sense of humor of a mortician who hasn't had his Xanax...but he's gone and made it personal. He doesn't know me...he's never read my blog...and yet he has the nerve to accuse me of being the exact person I bashed in that blog.
Okay McFly. Take a deep breath...now tear him limb from limb.
Email 2
Dear Turdface,
David was nice enough to forward your email on to me regarding my blog on Fight Club.
You're right, Turdface, I know virtually nothing about the movie industry. But I don't remember ever commenting on the movie industry. I remember commenting on movies.
And really, do you need to know anything about the industry to watch and comment on movies? I drive to work every day, but know virtually nothing about the state of business in Detroit.
In fact--if you read on (and I admit that initially I left out the title of There Will be Blood) I make light of the fact that I've never seen an Academy Award winner prior to it winning the award. In fact--I am the popcorn movie buff you refer to---which is the exact reason that my readers (none more loyal than Dave) respond so well when I write about movies--because I'm writing to their interests. This begins a string of comments I make about how much you guys love me. I realize that that isn't necessarily true--but he doesn't know that...
The fact is that very few people watch movies for the art--in fact they watch them for the entertainment. That's the reason that Tom Cruise is more famous than Daniel Day Lewis--because he makes movies that more people want to watch than Lewis does. That takes nothing away from Lewis--it simply speaks to the fact that very few people see movies as art. I'm not saying that that is "good" or "right"--I'm simply saying that it is. Well said, McFly. Thank you, McFly.
I realize that film is a personal and somewhat-spiritual experience for you---but your email makes it seem as though the majority is non-existent. You're like a corner hardware store owner. Do you know more about tools and hardware than the average employee at The Home Depot? Almost certainly. But that doesn't mean that most people are going to choose your store over the superstore? Of course not.
My comments on Fight Club were as much a satire on other "popcorn movie buffs" that praise it as a life-changing film as it was on the movie itself. The truth is that someone somewhere (maybe you?) with an informed opinion spoke highly of Fight Club, and 100,000 mindless lemmings followed that person right off of a cliff, despite having no means to grasp the relative significance of it. I'd hope that someone who marks himself as enlightened as you seem to mark yourself would have the sense to realize that everything I write is intended to be tongue-in-cheek and is aptly exaggerated and playful.
Finally--I take exception to you comparing me to the football fan that I paint a picture of in the January 22 blog. I spend roughly 6-8 hours a week watching movies---if these same "fans" spend that much time watching football, then I withdraw my statement--but we both know that that simply isn't true. I probably spend more time in a month on movies than the average Superbowl viewer does on football in a year.
I (and I'm sure David) look forward to your response, as I'm befuddled as to how you could misconstrue my intentions so dramatically.
Cheers.
McFly
(P.S. McFly was a name given to me by several of my college roommates. It is derived from my last name, and from my loaning my pickup to one of them, and him pulling up to the house, yelling, "McFLY! YOU LOANED ME A TRUCK WITH NO BRAKES!" From there, the name stuck, and my acceptance of it is admittedly ironic, as I haven't seen Back to the Future since I was a child and have virtually no memory of it.)
This is really where I went wrong. I decided to go calm and arrogant instead of belligerent and arrogant. Oh well--judging by his first email, I can expect a fun response...
Email 3
Dear McFly,
I want to preface this email that in no way were my intentions of that first email hateful. It was a quick response to a comment made about an area that I have put much interest. Do you hear that? It's the sound of two feet rapidly back-peddling...
You allude to my pretension of film, I actually study film criticism and the only reason I bring this up is because one semester I had to dedicate most of my time on a 40 page paper on the intrinsic as well as extrinsic values of Fight Club. I was not a reader of your blog, the reason I read it that day was because it was emailed to me because of your comments on the movie. Why (and I'm guilty of it as well) do people lean on the length of some of their college essays to give them validity? I wrote an 83-page paper on Jefferson for my Senior Thesis...but I wrote two-page papers that were better than it. Sorry...just a thought...
You say that your remarks were as much satire on other movie buffs that praised the film even though they didn’t understand it as it was on the movie itself. Well, you criticized it without understanding it. So my question is, is there a difference between you and the people that you denigrate for their praise of the film? If neither of you understand it, why do you get the right to criticize them or the movie? Ignorant praise and ignorant criticism carry equal weight. Okay, decent point---however it would have been better for my blog if you worked in a few F-bombs.
You claim that you are a popcorn movie buff, yet the three movies you write on were Fight Club, Citizen Kane, and There Will Be Blood, three films that I doubt you would find on a “popcorn audience’s” top 100 list. Even more interesting than that you say you know nothing about the movie industry then go into industry wisdom about movies as art vs. entertainment. To take a line from Quiz Show (last year's #3 movie) "You can insult me all you like--but you can't envy me at the same time."
Okay--so that isn't a perfect quote for the situation--but it is a great quote. SO BACK OFF!
Here is my take…
Film makers and studios are aware of the separation between film as art, and films as entertainment. So production creates both types. That is why if you go to the theater you can find Transformers and There Will Be Blood playing on adjacent screens. When writing criticism on films you have to determine which category it fits into and judge accordingly. I wouldn’t view or criticize National Treasure 2 and No Country for Old Men in the same mindset. (Which I liked both but for very different reasons)
What made me so mad was your inability to see Fight Club as an “art” film that requires deeper intellectual capacity to understand than it takes to understand an entertainment film. I’m not telling you what films you have to like because that is all preference. But for someone who writes on movies you should be able to respect or understand brilliant filmmaking regardless of liking the picture and regardless of which audience you are writing for. He's making good points and it is pissing me off.
As for comparing movie watching time to football watching time, football is on Sunday and Monday Nights, while movies you can watch anytime. So comparing hours spent watching is irrelevant. I don't know...add in Sportscenter and we're pretty much even...but okay, we'll wipe it from the record...
With that said…
I think that these kinds of conversations are so difficult over email. I want you to know that I am not attacking you, nor am I a punk-a** film student who likes to argue over something that I just picked up in the classroom, but simply a person who likes to talk about film. So this has been a fun interlude to my week.
I also wanted to point out that I screamed yes! After reading the Daniel Day Lewis vs. Tom Cruise part.
-Turdface
P.S. I think Dave is responsible for this!
Son-of-b*tch, sh*t!!! How could he take the high-road after what I wrote to and about him? I'm really losing my touch. And maybe this is why I'm always losing arguments---I try to subtly offend people and then feel bad when they take the high-road---which leads me to become apologetic.
Okay...time to act like myself instead of an attorney...
Email 4
Dear Turdface,
Thank you for your response. In a way, it proved both of our points.
At one level, I give validity to your argument, and see the stance from which you take it. DUDE! Why don't you massage his feet while you're at it!
At another, the tone of your email was dramatically different from that of your original response---much in the way that my email to you read dramatically different from my blog. And why? Because we were writing to different audiences for different purposes.
I can certainly appreciate your confusion as to how I would bash a movie (particularly one you enjoy) with such recklessness---but the simple fact is that that is the reason I write. Or--I should say--that is the reason that people read.
I bash everything.
I've written 4,000 word essays about topics ranging from Gonzaga basketball fans to people who drink Dr. Pepper to people who tolerate John Mayer to everyday Joes who say that they loved Fight Club...and basically indicate that their sins are worthy of death by noodle-lashing. And I write about these things because frankly--they're funny to write about! To this point, nobody seems to think the Dr. Pepper thing is as funny as I do. Clearly you guys don't understand how ridiculous you look with that can in your hand.
Does that make me a sellout? Maybe. But people don't look for me to be a sound-minded authority on art and culture---they look for me to be the Don Imus of University of Puget Sound alumnae. INSTANT POLL: Is this more or less ridiculous a self-proclamation than Kellen Winslow Jr. calling himself a "Warrior"??
Similarly--David forwarded you what I wrote because he was looking for a quick and violent reaction---and that is precisely what he got.
But I digest... 10:1 he didn't realize that was a joke...
What I'm trying to say is that I wouldn't waste my time arguing with you about the intrinsic and extrinsic values of Fight Club---it would be fruitless for me to even attempt to keep up with your level of understanding on the topic. However--I don't apologize for cannibalizing the schmucks who tell me that they "LOVED" Fight Club, and when I ask why, they respond, "Dude--it was so badass..." THEY DESERVE TO BE PUNISHED!
So...am I qualified to compile my top 100 movies and publish them? That depends.
If I was writing it in a literary publication for film enthusiasts? Maybe not.
But for a blog-audience that also looks at me for my Top Ten Ways to Make Your Wedding Not Suck despite my being a) unmarried and b) heterosexual? I think so.
The list (last year) included movies ranging from Quiz Show and Goodfellas to The Aristocrats and Amazon Women on the Moon to Road House and all three Karate Kids. (There was no fourth installment. Don't fight me on that.)
So I'd encourage you to check it out on Monday (assuming I get it done) as I'd look forward to hearing your commentary. I think--if you read into my writing a little more--that it is not meant to be offensive--but rather to inspire eye-rolls from whomever I can get them from.
Cheers.
McFly
P.S. This email may make no sense.
Message from God: Okay McFly--you need to stop publicizing this Top 100 list. At the point that you've pumped it up, if it is anything short of the Virginia Statute for Religious Freedom it is going to seem like a failure.
And beyond that, I know I tell you to turn the other cheek, but do you misplace your balls in your thong-drawer?
Email 5
Dear McFly,
I just want to say that you have gained another reader.
People who say that they LOVE a film but their only response on why is "dude it was badass" do deserve to be punished!
I have appreciated the dialogue between us
-Turdface
P.S. (to keep the trend) I feel used, for Dave's entertainment! It saddens me to think that I might be that predictable.
At this point, we embraced, kissed and I changed the "Orientation" tab on my myspace page.
If
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
The last thirty minutes of every Bikram Yoga class is spent with your face somewhere between 24 and zero inches from the ground--which means that every student has the unique pleasure of taking deep nasal breaths of the funk that is eminating from the cleaned-frequently, but not-cleaned-frequently-enough carpet.
It isn't B.O. I mean--it SHOULD be B.O., but the B.O. seems to morph with the carpet shampoo and that new carpet smell. But for some reason, in the three months I've been doing it, I've thought that the smell was oddly familiar.
Old Spice Body Wash reminds us that smell is the strongest sense tied to memory---and in this case they're absolutely right, because the smell of that carpet is not a mixtuer of B.O. and other pieces, but rather the briar patch in the Secret of Nimh scratch'n'sniff book that I had as a child.
Glad you read that whole thing?
Good.
Finally, a Response...
So long-time-Arnold, "David" (I don't know why I put his name in quotes--that is his name) realized upon reading my negative piece on Fight Club the other day that one of his friends probably needed to read it.
The "friend" (again--he is a friend...I'm using quotes like a freshman with a word-count-requirement) is apparently a huge fan of Chuck Palahniuk and a film student at a southern California college.
Frankly--when I read his response and decided to begin a dialogue with him--I expected more. I thought it would get personal, and I thought I could just sit back and let you guys read the ridiculousness. Instead however, it turned into a Lifetime after-school special.
Oh well...you get it anyway--any dialogue that starts with a complete stranger cursing in an email about 20 times and ends with me bestowing myself with the distinction of "The Don Imus of University of Puget Sound alumnae" probably deserves to be read by the general public.
So enjoy...the original post is from January 22--just click the link over here>>>>>>>>
(Oh--the red type is my added commentary...and to protect the identity of David's friend, we'll call him "Turdface"...)
Email 1
Dave-
You say this is your friend so if you feel inclined to send this email to him, you are 100% allowed to. IF he feels inclined. Dictionary. Instigator. David's picture.
First off, the single worst thing about the Internet most say is the relentless pornographic material that consumes like 80% of the web. Personally, I think it is the open forum where ignorant rubes get to bleed their ignorance out to the world. Most people would find their publicized ignorance as embarrassing, no but not this small group of people (McFly, which is a really cheesy Back to the Future reference if that's where he got it) who somehow thrive on the "idea" that their opinions will open people's minds. The interesting part is that there is a whole world laughing at them behind their back as they continue to write meaningless, foolish sh*t. With that said... Wow...do you have a mother joke you can work in there??
Why is this guy creating a top 100 movie list??? Its logic parallels me giving a list of the top 100 Italian opera performances. READ A BOOK, TAKE A CLASS, and stop publishing this sh*t about movies where he obviously knows nothing about the industry, other than being amused by flashing lights on a large screen. I read. I read every word of that "How to Succeed with Women" book that Bill loaned me sophomore year.
He is that typical "popcorn audience" movie goer that can't decipher a movie's meaning or message unless it is delivered to him through monologue exposition. (case and point Fight Club) Fincher does a good job of not insulting our intelligence during the film. He gives us a two hour expression of an incredibly deep and complex psychological and social issue. (McFly read Jung if you want understanding into your "plotless" movie) He does a great job of keeping it entertaining while incorporating Jungian psychology, all the while staying true to it's author Chuck Palahniuk. Instead of the really cool intro with the nerves in the brain, it should just have a black screen with the words: If you have no intellectual capacity don't watch this f---ing film! (I threw the "f---ing" in there because that would totally be Fincher's style.) This guy is the kind of driver that looks out his windshield but can't see past his hood. Okay...while I like the analogy you used at the end of that statement, when I read "that would totally be Fincher's style" I extended my pointer-finger and pinkie, licked the tips of both of them and smoothed my eyebrows, preparing to give this joker an absolute email brow-beating...I'm thinking somewhere along the lines of my favorite email-forward of all-time.
I went back and read his article again and the intro really made me laugh. The clever irony that was crafted in his blog did take me back for a second. He states how he hates people who get into "the game" and don't know the difference between a Cover 2 and there a**. He even goes as far as to call them a**h*les. In the very next paragraph he goes on to talk about movies, then expels his own ignorance about the industry. So he states how he hates people who try to act like they know more then they do about football. Then turns around and acts like he knows more than he does about movies. Priceless. OH. NO. YOU. DI-N'T.
If the title his Jan. 22 blog was Definition of Irony, I would say that is the best blog I have ever read. Otherwise "according to his definition" McFly's just an "a**h*le."
Sincerely,
Turdface
I tend not to lose my temper with people like this. Clearly he has the sense of humor of a mortician who hasn't had his Xanax...but he's gone and made it personal. He doesn't know me...he's never read my blog...and yet he has the nerve to accuse me of being the exact person I bashed in that blog.
Okay McFly. Take a deep breath...now tear him limb from limb.
Email 2
Dear Turdface,
David was nice enough to forward your email on to me regarding my blog on Fight Club.
You're right, Turdface, I know virtually nothing about the movie industry. But I don't remember ever commenting on the movie industry. I remember commenting on movies.
And really, do you need to know anything about the industry to watch and comment on movies? I drive to work every day, but know virtually nothing about the state of business in Detroit.
In fact--if you read on (and I admit that initially I left out the title of There Will be Blood) I make light of the fact that I've never seen an Academy Award winner prior to it winning the award. In fact--I am the popcorn movie buff you refer to---which is the exact reason that my readers (none more loyal than Dave) respond so well when I write about movies--because I'm writing to their interests. This begins a string of comments I make about how much you guys love me. I realize that that isn't necessarily true--but he doesn't know that...
The fact is that very few people watch movies for the art--in fact they watch them for the entertainment. That's the reason that Tom Cruise is more famous than Daniel Day Lewis--because he makes movies that more people want to watch than Lewis does. That takes nothing away from Lewis--it simply speaks to the fact that very few people see movies as art. I'm not saying that that is "good" or "right"--I'm simply saying that it is. Well said, McFly. Thank you, McFly.
I realize that film is a personal and somewhat-spiritual experience for you---but your email makes it seem as though the majority is non-existent. You're like a corner hardware store owner. Do you know more about tools and hardware than the average employee at The Home Depot? Almost certainly. But that doesn't mean that most people are going to choose your store over the superstore? Of course not.
My comments on Fight Club were as much a satire on other "popcorn movie buffs" that praise it as a life-changing film as it was on the movie itself. The truth is that someone somewhere (maybe you?) with an informed opinion spoke highly of Fight Club, and 100,000 mindless lemmings followed that person right off of a cliff, despite having no means to grasp the relative significance of it. I'd hope that someone who marks himself as enlightened as you seem to mark yourself would have the sense to realize that everything I write is intended to be tongue-in-cheek and is aptly exaggerated and playful.
Finally--I take exception to you comparing me to the football fan that I paint a picture of in the January 22 blog. I spend roughly 6-8 hours a week watching movies---if these same "fans" spend that much time watching football, then I withdraw my statement--but we both know that that simply isn't true. I probably spend more time in a month on movies than the average Superbowl viewer does on football in a year.
I (and I'm sure David) look forward to your response, as I'm befuddled as to how you could misconstrue my intentions so dramatically.
Cheers.
McFly
(P.S. McFly was a name given to me by several of my college roommates. It is derived from my last name, and from my loaning my pickup to one of them, and him pulling up to the house, yelling, "McFLY! YOU LOANED ME A TRUCK WITH NO BRAKES!" From there, the name stuck, and my acceptance of it is admittedly ironic, as I haven't seen Back to the Future since I was a child and have virtually no memory of it.)
This is really where I went wrong. I decided to go calm and arrogant instead of belligerent and arrogant. Oh well--judging by his first email, I can expect a fun response...
Email 3
Dear McFly,
I want to preface this email that in no way were my intentions of that first email hateful. It was a quick response to a comment made about an area that I have put much interest. Do you hear that? It's the sound of two feet rapidly back-peddling...
You allude to my pretension of film, I actually study film criticism and the only reason I bring this up is because one semester I had to dedicate most of my time on a 40 page paper on the intrinsic as well as extrinsic values of Fight Club. I was not a reader of your blog, the reason I read it that day was because it was emailed to me because of your comments on the movie. Why (and I'm guilty of it as well) do people lean on the length of some of their college essays to give them validity? I wrote an 83-page paper on Jefferson for my Senior Thesis...but I wrote two-page papers that were better than it. Sorry...just a thought...
You say that your remarks were as much satire on other movie buffs that praised the film even though they didn’t understand it as it was on the movie itself. Well, you criticized it without understanding it. So my question is, is there a difference between you and the people that you denigrate for their praise of the film? If neither of you understand it, why do you get the right to criticize them or the movie? Ignorant praise and ignorant criticism carry equal weight. Okay, decent point---however it would have been better for my blog if you worked in a few F-bombs.
You claim that you are a popcorn movie buff, yet the three movies you write on were Fight Club, Citizen Kane, and There Will Be Blood, three films that I doubt you would find on a “popcorn audience’s” top 100 list. Even more interesting than that you say you know nothing about the movie industry then go into industry wisdom about movies as art vs. entertainment. To take a line from Quiz Show (last year's #3 movie) "You can insult me all you like--but you can't envy me at the same time."
Okay--so that isn't a perfect quote for the situation--but it is a great quote. SO BACK OFF!
Here is my take…
Film makers and studios are aware of the separation between film as art, and films as entertainment. So production creates both types. That is why if you go to the theater you can find Transformers and There Will Be Blood playing on adjacent screens. When writing criticism on films you have to determine which category it fits into and judge accordingly. I wouldn’t view or criticize National Treasure 2 and No Country for Old Men in the same mindset. (Which I liked both but for very different reasons)
What made me so mad was your inability to see Fight Club as an “art” film that requires deeper intellectual capacity to understand than it takes to understand an entertainment film. I’m not telling you what films you have to like because that is all preference. But for someone who writes on movies you should be able to respect or understand brilliant filmmaking regardless of liking the picture and regardless of which audience you are writing for. He's making good points and it is pissing me off.
As for comparing movie watching time to football watching time, football is on Sunday and Monday Nights, while movies you can watch anytime. So comparing hours spent watching is irrelevant. I don't know...add in Sportscenter and we're pretty much even...but okay, we'll wipe it from the record...
With that said…
I think that these kinds of conversations are so difficult over email. I want you to know that I am not attacking you, nor am I a punk-a** film student who likes to argue over something that I just picked up in the classroom, but simply a person who likes to talk about film. So this has been a fun interlude to my week.
I also wanted to point out that I screamed yes! After reading the Daniel Day Lewis vs. Tom Cruise part.
-Turdface
P.S. I think Dave is responsible for this!
Son-of-b*tch, sh*t!!! How could he take the high-road after what I wrote to and about him? I'm really losing my touch. And maybe this is why I'm always losing arguments---I try to subtly offend people and then feel bad when they take the high-road---which leads me to become apologetic.
Okay...time to act like myself instead of an attorney...
Email 4
Dear Turdface,
Thank you for your response. In a way, it proved both of our points.
At one level, I give validity to your argument, and see the stance from which you take it. DUDE! Why don't you massage his feet while you're at it!
At another, the tone of your email was dramatically different from that of your original response---much in the way that my email to you read dramatically different from my blog. And why? Because we were writing to different audiences for different purposes.
I can certainly appreciate your confusion as to how I would bash a movie (particularly one you enjoy) with such recklessness---but the simple fact is that that is the reason I write. Or--I should say--that is the reason that people read.
I bash everything.
I've written 4,000 word essays about topics ranging from Gonzaga basketball fans to people who drink Dr. Pepper to people who tolerate John Mayer to everyday Joes who say that they loved Fight Club...and basically indicate that their sins are worthy of death by noodle-lashing. And I write about these things because frankly--they're funny to write about! To this point, nobody seems to think the Dr. Pepper thing is as funny as I do. Clearly you guys don't understand how ridiculous you look with that can in your hand.
Does that make me a sellout? Maybe. But people don't look for me to be a sound-minded authority on art and culture---they look for me to be the Don Imus of University of Puget Sound alumnae. INSTANT POLL: Is this more or less ridiculous a self-proclamation than Kellen Winslow Jr. calling himself a "Warrior"??
Similarly--David forwarded you what I wrote because he was looking for a quick and violent reaction---and that is precisely what he got.
But I digest... 10:1 he didn't realize that was a joke...
What I'm trying to say is that I wouldn't waste my time arguing with you about the intrinsic and extrinsic values of Fight Club---it would be fruitless for me to even attempt to keep up with your level of understanding on the topic. However--I don't apologize for cannibalizing the schmucks who tell me that they "LOVED" Fight Club, and when I ask why, they respond, "Dude--it was so badass..." THEY DESERVE TO BE PUNISHED!
So...am I qualified to compile my top 100 movies and publish them? That depends.
If I was writing it in a literary publication for film enthusiasts? Maybe not.
But for a blog-audience that also looks at me for my Top Ten Ways to Make Your Wedding Not Suck despite my being a) unmarried and b) heterosexual? I think so.
The list (last year) included movies ranging from Quiz Show and Goodfellas to The Aristocrats and Amazon Women on the Moon to Road House and all three Karate Kids. (There was no fourth installment. Don't fight me on that.)
So I'd encourage you to check it out on Monday (assuming I get it done) as I'd look forward to hearing your commentary. I think--if you read into my writing a little more--that it is not meant to be offensive--but rather to inspire eye-rolls from whomever I can get them from.
Cheers.
McFly
P.S. This email may make no sense.
Message from God: Okay McFly--you need to stop publicizing this Top 100 list. At the point that you've pumped it up, if it is anything short of the Virginia Statute for Religious Freedom it is going to seem like a failure.
And beyond that, I know I tell you to turn the other cheek, but do you misplace your balls in your thong-drawer?
Email 5
Dear McFly,
People who say that they LOVE a film but their only response on why is "dude it was badass" do deserve to be punished!
I have appreciated the dialogue between us
-Turdface
P.S. (to keep the trend) I feel used, for Dave's entertainment! It saddens me to think that I might be that predictable.
At this point, we embraced, kissed and I changed the "Orientation" tab on my myspace page.
If
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mcflyblogs@gmail.com
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
1.23.07
Oops...
It was brought to my attention that I went on about a 500-word rant about how much I liked a movie yesterday and didn't mention which movie it was...
There Will Be Blood.
Check it out...I'm guessing 80% of you will hate it.
Good Line.
Colin Cowherd was discussing how ridiculous he thought it was to him that millions of people take part in Fantasy Baseball leagues every year. He said:
"I'm a man---I have fantasies all of the time. NONE OF THEM include Bartolo Colon."
Hero or Moron?
People are praising Philip Rivers for playing in Sunday's AFC Championship game...but isn't it sort of cheering for relative-toughness?
I mean--if Brett Favre would have done the same thing, he would have been praised, but not like this. Is it fair that despite a loss, Philip Rivers is dominating headlines just because prior to the game he showed the courage and fortitude of the interpreter from Saving Private Ryan??
Come on sports-talk people...you're better than that.
Bring on the Complaint Letters
I realized when only one person noticed my not mentioning the title of There Will be Blood that there is an outside chance that nobody is reading this blog.
So...to see if you're paying attention...
I thought I'd write a few Heath Ledger jokes...
...
Not really.
It is tragic when someone so young perishes...even if it is by his own choice.
I've got to say though--as someone who has been around too much death over the past year--if you've got to go, falling asleep naked in the condo of one of the Olsen Twins has to be among the coolest ways for it to happen...
Speaking of Which...
I was flipping through the channels Tuesday and came across the E! True Hollywood Story of Full House.
I can say with a fair amount of honesty that normally I'd just skip over this...but who was on the screen? JODIE SWEETIN.
I'm not going to get into the meth-addiction (or even do a sidebar from it where I reveal that I found out that one of my favorite new gym friends USED TO BE A METH-HEAD!) I'm just going to ask a simple question:
Jodie Sweetin was seven when I fell in love with her. I was eight. Is it okay that I still look longingly at pictures of her at that age? Or does that make me a pervert?
I'm going to do it either way--just want to know where I stand...
THE POINT...
As the "Stephanie Tanner" portion ended, they teased the launch of the Olsen Twins to stardom before the commercial that eventually led to my turning the television off...
But in the teaser, they were singing a song whose lyrics were:
Brother for sale.
Brother for sale.
On-ly Fif-ty cents!
Brother for sale.
Brother for sale.
It's not a big ex-pense!
I heard it once for about two seconds and it has been stuck in my head since. The only thing I can think of that could be worse to have stuck in your head (or to play at a wedding, JOHN) is the "Cha Cha Slide" song. (There me be a whole subsection on that song in my "How to Make a Wedding Not Suck by someone who can't even hold a girlfriend" blog this spring.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
mcflyblogs@gmail.com
It was brought to my attention that I went on about a 500-word rant about how much I liked a movie yesterday and didn't mention which movie it was...
There Will Be Blood.
Check it out...I'm guessing 80% of you will hate it.
Good Line.
Colin Cowherd was discussing how ridiculous he thought it was to him that millions of people take part in Fantasy Baseball leagues every year. He said:
"I'm a man---I have fantasies all of the time. NONE OF THEM include Bartolo Colon."
Hero or Moron?
People are praising Philip Rivers for playing in Sunday's AFC Championship game...but isn't it sort of cheering for relative-toughness?
I mean--if Brett Favre would have done the same thing, he would have been praised, but not like this. Is it fair that despite a loss, Philip Rivers is dominating headlines just because prior to the game he showed the courage and fortitude of the interpreter from Saving Private Ryan??
Come on sports-talk people...you're better than that.
Bring on the Complaint Letters
I realized when only one person noticed my not mentioning the title of There Will be Blood that there is an outside chance that nobody is reading this blog.
So...to see if you're paying attention...
I thought I'd write a few Heath Ledger jokes...
...
Not really.
It is tragic when someone so young perishes...even if it is by his own choice.
I've got to say though--as someone who has been around too much death over the past year--if you've got to go, falling asleep naked in the condo of one of the Olsen Twins has to be among the coolest ways for it to happen...
Speaking of Which...
I was flipping through the channels Tuesday and came across the E! True Hollywood Story of Full House.
I can say with a fair amount of honesty that normally I'd just skip over this...but who was on the screen? JODIE SWEETIN.
I'm not going to get into the meth-addiction (or even do a sidebar from it where I reveal that I found out that one of my favorite new gym friends USED TO BE A METH-HEAD!) I'm just going to ask a simple question:
Jodie Sweetin was seven when I fell in love with her. I was eight. Is it okay that I still look longingly at pictures of her at that age? Or does that make me a pervert?
I'm going to do it either way--just want to know where I stand...
THE POINT...
As the "Stephanie Tanner" portion ended, they teased the launch of the Olsen Twins to stardom before the commercial that eventually led to my turning the television off...
But in the teaser, they were singing a song whose lyrics were:
Brother for sale.
Brother for sale.
On-ly Fif-ty cents!
Brother for sale.
Brother for sale.
It's not a big ex-pense!
I heard it once for about two seconds and it has been stuck in my head since. The only thing I can think of that could be worse to have stuck in your head (or to play at a wedding, JOHN) is the "Cha Cha Slide" song. (There me be a whole subsection on that song in my "How to Make a Wedding Not Suck by someone who can't even hold a girlfriend" blog this spring.)
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mcflyblogs@gmail.com
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