1.16.07

The NEW OJ...

When I first heard about how OJ Mayo approached USC, and saw how he ended his high school career, I thought that I was going to hate him. In fact, I had a guy from the same family who etches the names in the Claret Jug working on carving his name on "The List".

But then I saw him play...



I expected a shoot-first, spastic, unrefined kid who was loaded with talent, but lacked the patience to be a successful player, and had an attitude that would probably sink him before he ever had a chance to succeed.

What I saw was very different.

First off--he is a man. At 6'5", 200 lbs. and STACKED, he's already got an NBA body--and he's coordinated to boot.

Second, his style is impeccable. He comes into the game with UCLA putting up 20 pts, 5 rebounds and 3 assists per--and is showing no signs of being a reckless shooter. He plays within the system and has the best knack for passing by a big guard that we haven't seen in the college ranks in my lifetime--and his ability to get to the basket resembles that of a young Allen Iverson.

Finally, he is an absolute peach of a kid. I expected a cocky, arrogant thug---but he is quite the opposite. Confident for certain--but humble, personable and get this---INTERESTING. The last three high school kids to be mega-stars early were Lebron, Greg Oden and now Mayo. Lebron was Hollywood--Oden was a goofball--but Mayo is just a happy kid. I heard an interview on ESPN Los Angeles Tuesday that will forever change my opinion positively about the kid.



Now--he is not a lock the way that Durant and Oden were---but he may be as polished and game-ready as Brandon Roy was two years ago----and we've seen how that has turned out...

American Idol Running Diary

I did it last year to decent response---so I figured I'd repeat last year's diary of the first episode of the American Idol season.

(Just a warning though---I'm still exhausted from the weekend, coupled with Bikram Tuesday evening, and I'm not 100% certain I can stay awake until 10. If not, you either saw it or couldn't care less---so I really don't see why you'd be too upset.)

Here we go...

7:59: The anticipation is killing me. There is nothing greater than the first American Idol episode---except Christmas, Thanksgiving, The Super Bowl, every meal I eat and the VD I'm getting over. Do people really throw parties and get excited for this sh*t?

8:00: I don't hate Ryan Seacrest. Just putting it out there...

8:02: Has the American Idol music officially supplanted Doogie Howser as the best word-free theme music of our lifetime?? I mean--the images suck, but the song is catchy...

8:04: People hugging Paula...how many of the huggers slipped her pain pills?

8:05: The guy who lost 200 lbs. singing Maroon Five. Has the absolutely perfect voice to get dumped in the first Hollywood cut.

8:07: Randy has some sort of Ryan Klesko thing going for him...(I'm only leaving this comment on because "ryan klesko sideburns" yields virtually nothing on a Google Image search. How is that possible???)

8:09: HAHAHA. A movie preview just began, "From the director of Hitch..." I don't even care what the movie is. It could be Music and Lyrics II...and I am going to see this movie. Just so I can say, "Yeah--I heard it was the same director as Hitch and had to go see it..."

8:12: "Yuka"--the Egyptian with awful teeth. This guy is going to bomb...but it is going to be one of the sad ones that you can't even laugh at...

8:14: Not nearly as bad as I expected. I mean--he should absolutely never sing again--but I expected significantly worse.

8:17: Melanie--tallish black girl. Sang backups to Taylor Hicks. This is a good story--somewhat humble, and cute enough. I think her voice is weird though...SHE GOT IN!?!? She could do fine actually...has training--that's a big help. I set her at 4:1 to make the top 24.

8:18: James Lewis--tour guide. This was just previewed--has to be good. HAHAHA. He is singing, "Let my People Go." It isn't on youtube yet---but this is genuinely hilarious. He sounds like Barry White with someone holding his tongue. (Still no luck--but a cool dubbed Lion King "Let my People Go" video...) (My brother is going to send me an email after watching the clip that reads, "Shouldn't it be 'Let my Lions Go?' Wouldn't that make more sense?" Funny.)

8:21: Blonde on the preview--putting it out there--hottest girl in American Idol since the tall blonde from Season II that was bumped as soon as she got to the top 24 (prompting my roommate and I to boycott the show for the rest of the season). If she can sing, I'll attach my vote to her--and maybe both my hands, my legs and some of my unmentionable parts...

8:26: Crappy voice montage. Followed by Jeneau Joyner--love the black guy singing Elton John. Rare to see a black guy sing a white artist's song---solid.

8:29: Temptress Brown--female football player. She looks like she's 50--this is going to be really sad.

8:30: Yup...her mom weighs about 500 pounds and is in a wheelchair. I can barely watch this audition...

8:31: F. Awful voice. She's going to cry when they reject her.

8:32: Here comes the waterworks...BIG tears too.

8:33: Genuine sympathy from the judges though---all gave her a hug (except Simon, who was the most genuine of the three)---that's actually a moderately believable moment. I'm thinking that this is the show's new angle--go the sympathy route like that home makeover show...

8:35: Another preview, and the hot chick can sing...at least their editing the preview to indicate as such...I'm tingling with anticipation to see her. (And before the commercial is over, I'm predicting she makes the field for the Bigger Dance this year--she's that hot--I just hope she's talented enough...)

8:38: I'm losing interest fast. I'll stay with it for a bit---I'm going to try to prove to myself that I can stay up past nine...

8:40: "Udi"--the dancer. (Angela--that guys legs are 3x as ridiculous when he dances as mine.) Pretty funny audition---he sings "My Way" in one note and over-emphasizes the last word in every stanza...I could listen to him read the phone book and be entertained. Phenomenal.

8:44: He's still talking--great time to link Season Six's Top 24 Contestant, Antonella Barba. http://www.antonellabarbapix.com/. Shame she never took advantage of these pictures and made a career for herself...

8:46: Still no sign of the hot chick. I can't stay up until ten to see her. But I can't go to sleep without seeing her. I haven't been this conflicted since Marisa Cooper was killed off on the OC--I mean, YES, she was the worst character in TV history---but she was REALLY HOT!

8:50: Alexis Cohen---psycho chick. How do you think this girl's relationship with her father is? HA! That answers it---she is 23 and lives in a studio apt with her mom...that's about right...

8:52: What's funny is that Skaw would want to date this chick...

8:53: Sang "Don't You want Somebody to Love?" She may be demented.

8:54: She's certifiable dude--I think she's putting on an act, but I don't think you can make your eyes look as crazy as hers are. If you ever meet a woman whose eyes look like her, run from her like she's on fire.

8:56: And her mother is a whack-job too. She's blaming her failure on Simon being British.

8:57: Kristie Lee is the hot chick's name--and she's a kickboxer or something. Just myspace'd her--nothing. (Though if any of you are into hot bisexuals, search "Kristi Lee" in Philadelphia. HOT.) If anyone has a means to reach this Kristi Lee they keep previewing, please let me know. I'll marry her tomorrow--I'm not kidding. I'll sell a kidney on the black market to pay for the ring.

9:06: I was going to skip the story of Angela Martin--mother of a disabled child. But she has PIPES. I'm putting her in the top 12---too good a story and voice not to make it there. Though her family mauled her when she left the audition room---she may have died.

9:08: STILL PREVIEWING KRISTI LEE! She's last on because they know they can keep the attention of perverts like me. BASTARDS! I'm closing Antonella down and Googling her. YES! FOUND HER!

9:11: Sorry. Couldn't resist.


9:15: Elise--crazy dancing skinny white chick. She has like four different voices---the biggest of which is just flat yelling. How could you spend two days in line just to do that? That's like accelerating to a red light.

9:17: Milo--the "No Sex Allowed" Guy. I can't wait to see this...he's demanding that he be heard around the world.

9:18: Not nearly as amusing as I thought it would be...I kind of want to see him beheaded. (On that note, I watched Braveheart as promised. Very good movie--I have little doubt that it will crack the Top 100---which I'm aiming for February 1 on...)

9:19: KRISTI LEE COOK!!!!!! I've got a last name!! She's from Oregon--I need to research. Okay--not nearly as hot as I thought she was. Hot--but I'm going back to Antonella's site.

9:21: Decent voice--a little country. I don't know if she has enough to make the top 24...but easily attractive enough...SMOKIN bod.

9:22: I don't have much to stay up for at this point...

9:26: Do you think FOX is happy that they picked up American Idol? I mean--I think that the show is about three shades of gay beyond bald heads, mustaches, denim shorts and work boots.

9:28: Ben Harr---wearing a cloak. I hope he exposes himself.

9:28: Dressed as Princess Leia and he's fat and hairy. He's going to go get waxed to be on television. The fact that this tool is getting exactly what he wants bothers me a bit.

9:30: Cursing montage...do the DVDs come unedited? With some of the trash that tries out for this show, you could probably pick up some new ways to curse...

9:31: This guy named Paul singing a song about stalking Paula Abdul---I need this song for my IPOD. Mentions breaking into her house and putting on her underwear. Says he wants to "Peter Falk her". "If she were a bathtub, I would caulk her." This is AWESOME! (I'm going back through and editing--yes, this is the EDITED version--but this is unquestionably the highlight of the night. That song has infinite inside-joke potential...)

9:32: I thought they were allowing instruments??? Nobody has used one. Maybe it was just in one city???

9:32: Beth Stalker--very cute. Recorded a Sunday school album when she was four. I kind of like her...

9:33: Decent classic voice...but pretty cute. We'll see how she does with pop music...

9:34: They just showed "Ben" getting Kelli Clarkson'd. (How fitting...) LOTS of hair to rip out of his chest. (Sidebar--I know a guy who was going through the police academy and had to get tazed--he got a video on his phone of him yelling "KELLI CLARKSON" as it happens. Haven't seen it--but I hear good things.)

9:39: Ben Harr is back, completely waxed. Singing "Don'tcha"...Simon cuts him off one line in---nicely done Simon. I get tired of people referring to the American Idol judges like they're friends of ours---and I admit to being guilty of it in this column, but every so often, you can really take pride in Simon. Most of the time he's a gay a**hole, but occasionally he does something moderately cool.

9:40: Black guy in seersucker who sings rock music--Chris. Sings Uncle Cracker pretty well, but says, "Deleware State--represent!" at one point. I mean--I went to a small school, but SERIOUSLY??

9:42: Despite the shout-out, he's the leader among the men so far---could be very good in a few different genres. AND HE ABSOLUTELY DRY-HUMPS HIS GIRLFRIEND WHEN HE LEAVES. (At least I hope it was his girlfriend, because there is little to no doubt that she is pregnant after that predatory attack.)

9:48: Crazy Star Wars chick. I think she's partially retarded---they did this a couple of years ago with someone who clearly wasn't right in the head...I don't like it. There are 30,000 people there---you can do better. This show is getting tired---it is the same crap every year. I don't think I'm going to even make it through the auditions...

9:53: She goes on a cursing tirade in front of her grandparents---Grandpa reprimands her and then just looks scared. Actually kind of entertaining...

9:54: Brooke White--last contestant. She'll make it--you can just tell. Moderately attractive...but PSYCHOTIC. No rated R movies, no booze, no smoking...sings a Christian song.

9:55: Nice voice--unique. Upbeat may be tough on her...we'll see what happens.

9:59: Okay--the show is over. Will I continue to watch? Yes, probably---but without commitment. I just think the show needs something to shake it up--maybe do what was rumored to happen a few years ago and replace Paula with Courtney Love. This needs to happen...



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