11.12.07

This Week...

I'm in San Antonio for a conference. I got Monday and Tuesday's blogs done on flights on Saturday--but Wednesday could be a stretch, so we'll see what happens.

Parenting...

As usual with The Onion, the headline is better than the article, but...



The Top Ten...



The BCS wasn't out when I did this portion late Sunday...but here is my top-ten---the top four is still a complete mess, but THANK GOD someone finally knocked off Ohio State...

1. Oregon

2. LSU

3. Kansas

4. Oklahoma

5. Arizona State

6. Missouri

7. West Virginia

8. Ohio State

9. USC

10. Hawaii



Georgia--still hasn't impressed me.

Florida--has too many losses

Virginia Tech and Texas--are the worst highly ranked teams in history.



A Time for Change...

I suppose it has become readily apparent to most of you that I know everything---but not only that, I know things that haven't even happened yet.

It's true--I can tell you exactly when things (of many varieties) will go out of fashion and why...we'll just go ahead and call it:

McFly's Trendy Futures Advice

I'll give you the category, the item, a buy/sell/hold rating, the over/under date as to when I'm pretty confident it will be out of style, and why.

Here goes...

Salad

Craisins
Hold





December, 2008
Craisins have had a pretty phenomenal run--but they're probably doomed. Why you ask? Simple--because they're mentioned on the menu. "A bitter greens salad, with Craisins and granny smith apples". And in the world of salad, you're doomed when you start being listed as an ingredient. Conversely--things like bacon bits have lasted decades because they just happen to sneak into recipes and salad bars. So unless Craisins can find their way underneath the sneeze-guard, they are probably doomed...

Bleu Cheese Dressing
Sell
June, 2008
Three years ago, bleu cheese was just another dressing. Ranch, French, Thousand Island, Italian, and occasionally, Bleu Cheese. The truth is--it was kind of the bastard cousin of the others---I'm pretty confident that my friend Bill is the only reason that it stayed on menus! (When we cleaned out our refrigerator after he moved out we found no less than SEVEN half-full jars of bleu cheese dressing---and here's the best part---he's VIOLENTLY lactose-intolerant.)
But somewhere between the Wedge Salads and Steak/Caramelized-Onion toppings, bleu cheese gained a presence that had only been matched previously by ranch in the mid-90s (and some may mention a feeble attempt by raspberry vinaigrette in the early-90s). So why the quick burnout? Bleu cheese doesn't have the versatility to break into the condiment world. Now--I personally think the idea of putting ranch dressing on salad is disgusting--much less french fries and eggs--but sure enough, when you go to the condiment bar, you have ketchup, mustard and ranch.
Bleu cheese is strong and it has had a great run--but with the ability to play only two positions (salad and wings) it is probably doomed to be replaced by some other trendy dressing. My guess? Catalina--it is damn delicious, and Splenda could make it borderline healthy.





Color Combinations:




Light blue and brown
Sell
July, 2008
Brown comes into fashion about once every four years--and in a different form. Grunge made it popular because it was ugly, the late-90s corduroy movement made it popular because yellow cords look stupid, and a few years ago, the "brown-shoe" took over sneakers as popular footwear...now every chick things she is brilliant for having light blue and brown as her wedding colors, as the stripes on her sweater, or as the accent wall in her room...but you know what?? It is effing BROWN! You're going to regret it...

Restaurants:

Sushi as an appetizer at non-Japanese restaurants



Buy
Q4, 2009.
It is just too damn popular to just fade away.
Two reasons why it will eventually die out though:
1) The former-mechanic, now chef at The Yard House is not qualified to handle raw fish
2) The recipe for California Rolls will eventually get out...and liposuction will come back into vogue.

Drinks:

Washington State Apple shots.
Sell
March, 2008.
It is too close to New Year's Eve to get a new crappy drink popular before the next big drinking "holiday". But by St. Patrick's Day, there is a fighting chance to get rid of this atrocity. My guess for the drink name?? Mississippi Hound Piss.

Jager Bombs
Buy
Q4, 2011
These things are going to be made illegal--there's just no way they are less-dangerous than marijuana or Ecstasy. I mean--a Red Bull alone is frightening for anyone under 200 lbs...mix that with a liquor that is responsible for more DUIs than the home-Breathalyzer and you've got a combination that NEEDS to go.
However--if legislation to require all televisions be HD isn't going through until 2011, there's no chance that we're going to see a Jager Bomb-free zone any time soon...

Commercials





UPS Drawing Guy
Sell
About six months ago.
Unfortunately the guy in the commercials is actually the guy who came up with them...so who is going to finally step in and tell him that he's making the worst commercials in the history of television, radio and every other form of communication.


Jeep Liberty Singing Animals
Buy
Never
This is probably the greatest commercial ever--and if the guy who does the voice for the wolf ever puts out an album, I'm buying it---he's a phenomenal talent, though being disguised as a wolf doesn't hurt him...





Sports

"Popping" (pulling out your jersey to show off your number)
Hold
Q1, 2009
The NBA has made this one famous--but the league that is loaded with "ME ME ME" guys will find a way to top it. My guess? Guys are just going to start exposing themselves on the court. Will be disgusting at first, and then just terrifying when Shaq decides to finally do it...

The AP Poll
Buy



2018
Eventually, people are going to look at the computer polls and say, "Hmm...they had Oregon over LSU all along..." "Hmm...they had Kansas over Ohio State all along..." MAYBE...just MAYBE a machine that can synthesize algorithms can process information better than Beano Cook...but I've been wrong before...


Cheap Laughs:

The Mullet



Sell
Summer, 2008



All of these have just kind of been hunches...not the case here, I'm going to take this one into my own hands...I'm just going to kill anyone who thinks they're funny for mentioning one.
At the rate of three murders a day, I think I can have this thing wiped-out in nine months.







More questions on futures? mcflyblogs@gmail.com