11.6.07

MisTER Manners…

What is it with my generation?

There was a period of time where I thought it was only my friends—or that it was only happening to me—but I was clearly wrong. We live in a generation of people that are so arrogant that any sense of manners and good taste has gone the way of George Michael’s heterosexuality…

What am I referring to?

Repeat after me: “ARE. ESS. VEE. PEE.”

Tell me if any of these scenarios sound similar:

-Person makes plans to drive to your area to hang out for an evening and then doesn’t show, and doesn’t call.

-Person is sent an evite for an event, and waits until the last day to add their name to the list.

-Person accepts an invitation to a wedding and doesn’t show.

-Person doesn’t receive an invitation to a wedding, but shows anyway.

-Person receives an invite to an event you have a ticket for—says they’ll let you know the next day—and two weeks later finally tells you they won’t be attending.

-Person invites you to their house and when you arrive, they aren’t there.
(Or on a larger scale—throws a party, cancels it, and doesn’t tell you!)

Any of these sounding remotely familiar? They should—because readers of my blog have done all of them in the past month!

Before I start making some rules—let me give one simple rule:
If you don’t care about someone to give them an accurate RSVP about an event (or a reason why you can’t RSVP for said event) within 24 hours of the invitation, that person is not important to you and you should tell them that.

So let’s dig in…

What is an “event”?

Simple—anything that requires planning greater than an hour in advance. I don’t care if it is viewing your colonoscopy—if you’re invited, you need to tell someone if you’re going to be there—it is just good manners…to them, and they’re rectum.

What is an “RSVP”?

A firm, and accurate indication as to whether you will attend said event.

Some specific examples:

Weddings (and wedding-related events.)
If you receive an invitation in the mail to a wedding, you are invited to that wedding. (Similarly—and listen closely—if you DO NOT receive an invitation and aren’t personally asked by the bride and/or groom, YOU ARE NOT INVITED TO THE WEDDING—and certainly shouldn’t be the most-underdressed person in attendance.) And because of that, you need to evaluate within 48 hours of receiving the invitation whether or not you’ll be attending and respond VIA MAIL accordingly.
(Too tight of a window? No way. Honestly—when was the last time you received an invitation to a wedding that you weren’t expecting? Or didn’t know the approximate date of? It just doesn’t happen.)
Weddings have become elaborate, expensive events—and if that isn’t enough—the fact that someone is inviting you probably means that they care about you and deserve your attention—even if it is just enough attention for you to say “No.”

Evites
The blunderbuss method of invitation has become chic for birthdays, holiday parties and the occasional orgy.
They nice thing about the Evite is that the organizer of the party only needs a loose estimation as to who/how many people will be there—which is a subtle hint to the aholes who refuse to RSVP to use the “MAYBE” function.

I’ve probably sent out 20 of these things (7 of which were for “A Party in McFly’s Pants!”) and it still blows my mind that people don’t know that I know that they’re looking at the invitation and aren’t responding. A maybe would be fantastic—but these pricks genuinely login every day to see who is coming—and wait until the last minute to say, “Okay—I’ll grace you with my presence.” And the worst part is that it is always the same people.

Here’s a fun game if anyone has the time/inclination/balls to do it:
Setup an Evite for a party at a bar. Make sure that the usual inconsiderate bastard is doing his “wait and see thing” for a couple of days—and then uninvite him to the event. As soon as he’s cut from the list, change the time and location and watch that same person actually get mad about it.

REALLY??? You’re mad about that? That’s like stealing my watch and then complaining that it doesn’t work.

Night on the Town
Sometimes a night of binge-drinking is just a night of binge-drinking…but sometimes it is so much more…

Simple rule here:
If you speak earlier in the week, and give ANY indication—even if it is the lame, “Yeah—I’ll talk to you later in the week and see what is going on” maneuver—YOU NEED TO TALK TO THAT PERSON LATER IN THE WEEK AND FIND OUT WHAT IS GOING ON!!!!!!!!

Not calling, not showing, etc. is so ridiculous that you should immediately be expunged from whatever group of friends you’re disregarding in that particular case.

AND WHILE I’M ON THAT ANNOYING NOTE…

I’ve written about this before, and it is completely off-subject, but could someone please lay-off the “Getting the band back together” parties!!
When I was living in Seattle, I’d get an Evite once a week saying, “______ is coming to town—WE are all getting together.”

First off, I don’t even like _______. I barely know his/her name and from what I do know of him/her, he/she SUCKS.

Second—who is “WE”?

WE haven’t hung out together since college—and if I remember right, back when WE were WE, it didn’t include your coworkers or your ugly girlfriends’ ugly friends! I’m pretty sure “WE” is a group that YOU like—and _________ probably doesn’t even know who WE are!


And I’m not going to say I’ve never been a part of this—I pretty much ask for the band to come back together every time I go to the Bay Area—which is about twice a month. A couple trips ago, my friend Ryan said to me, “Dude—do I really have to spend $25 on dinner every time you come to town? I see you more than I see my roommate.”

But he’s absolutely right!

4/5 of the people that “are coming back to town” are back in town all the effing time! Hell—they’re probably like me and still have a drivers license that indicates that they never left!

So work on your manners—unless it is in the latter scenario—under which case go to the RSVP section of the Evite, click “NO”, and write, “SUCK MY SWEET WHITE ASS.” (Or brown/black ass for Jason.)


Phew…I’m tired…

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